How do you trust in a romantic relationship?

[Juxtapose]

You could be together with somebody who is absolutely stellar for 30 years and overnight they could change their mind out of boredom and blindside you by suddenly leaving you. You never see it coming, so there is a lack of predictability and therefore a lack of security in the relationship. You can never truly relax or let your guard down.

"Oh Jux that doesn't happen.. people don't just suddenly leave on a whim with absolutely no warning! You are being paranoid."

Yeah, I will let the older people here tell you otherwise.

As per usual no anonymous opinions and absolutely no summaries beyond what is given. I don't even have a link or whatnot here so there is nothing to summarize but I love saying that.. it really brings a certain warmth to my heart 🔥❤️

How I smile with "no summaries".

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I think it takes knowing who the person is in a context that is larger than just the two of you. In my case, I would be observing who he is as a son, a brother, a friend, an employee or businessman, how he treats people who are in service industries, how he reacts when he is frustrated or when a deal falls through, how he handles being disrespected, interrupted by children, illness or pain. How he handles his free time, how generous he is, what his boundaries look like, etc. If a person has consistent patterns of honor, responsibility, and kindness, if they are able to see past difficulty and hard work to build something greater than themselves, if they can hold their peace when they want to speak and speak when they would prefer to stay silent... That's someone worth trusting.

There is speculation, and there is investment. Prudent investing is doing your research and learning the growth indicators of a given market. Speculation is guessing and hoping that everything works out for your benefit. When choosing someone to spend your life with, research thoroughly and then invest. Sure, you'll have peaks and valleys, but the trajectory will remain steady.

And there are always red flags, honestly. People would rather claim being a victim than admit they rushed in where angels fear to tread. Once you get the whole story, you can piece it together. I don't think you are being paranoid at all, but I have heard about enough scenarios to know that it is rare for one party to be totally innocent and clueless. Just my two cents...

[Juxtapose]

Well I am autistic so it's a bit hard for me to pick up subtle social cues.

You painted a pretty good picture of how to suss people out and I do like to analyze people. They still can blind side me though, likely due to my autism.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

That must be really difficult to navigate certain things sometimes. Do you tend to see things more black and white, then?

[Juxtapose]

Learning how to socialize as much as I have done already felt like learning math rather than something intuitive. It hasn't been easy getting this far but I am lucky my case is fairly mild.

I do indeed, although I recognize that humans are incredibly complex creatures and can feel something one moment and then feel something another moment. Sometimes they can feel multiple things at once. So it's best to gather information and try to carefully assess something rather than painting something as black or white like an overly simple man.

But some things really are black and white to me. If somebody cheats for example? They made that choice, I don't really care for excuses unless violence or some sort of coercion was involved.

[Ms_Facesitter]

MONSTER HUNTER WORL-ahem. I mean, I got together with him after talking to him for months. I'm talking almost daily interactions. In person, in a call, online chat. You get to see how he is on his good and bad days, how he thinks, some of his likes and dislikes, habits. We didn't rush anything. We got so close together that we sort of mutually agreed to becoming official.

The bond we already established before the relationship only strengthened. We did bump heads a few times, but nothing too "surprising" because you already know where he is coming from, why he does the things he does.

[Juxtapose]

So you met him on MHW? My roommate met his last girlfriend on Diablo 2, not too unusual for people our age and younger.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I met him on the bus :) but the screenshot you added got me excited.

[Juxtapose]

Ohhh hahaha damn finally someone who recognizes a game photo!

That's pretty cool though, I hope you have lasting happiness.

[mistershy94]

Expect the unexpected. Be ready for anything, always. Your love of your life might suddenly die, and how would you cope with that? It's the same as leaving, but permanent. Without ever having a second chance with them. People often live with a certain conviction that nothing bad could and would ever happen to them specifically, but it's just simply not true. The more conscious you are about the fragility of life, the more you can enjoy it and be prepared for anything coming your way. Everybody leaves, in one way or another. Everybody lies, and everybody dies.

[Juxtapose]

This is fucked up to say but I would be more comfortable with them dying because at least they didn't reject me. Of course I would rather them break up with me because I'm not an asshole but there's some part of me that would deal with the death better.

[jshm2]

As the old adage goes: "keep both eyes open before marriage, and one after"

Too many loose women and philanderers around these days to simply trust anyone. So you ensure you are both on the level to resolve anything. Too many people use the "there were no red flags!" excuse when things fall to shit.

But nothing happenes without cause. You either ignored it or didn't see its value.

[Juxtapose]

I am autistic, I am not going to spot certain subtle signs by the very nature of my birth.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Trust in a romantic relationship is a bit like having a dance under the stars—it's beautiful, it's intimate, and yes, sometimes you step on each other's toes. The fear that someone might change their mind after 30 years is like worrying it might rain on that outdoor dance; it's possible, but you can't let the fear of rain stop you from dancing.

Here's the trick to keeping the music playing: consistent communication, love, respect, and understanding. Relationships aren't about guarantees; they're about growth, learning, and vulnerability. It's about knowing that change is part of life, and the strength of your connection comes from navigating these changes together, not from predicting or controlling them.

Remember, the unpredictability adds spice to the relationship. It keeps you both on your toes, making every day a new adventure. So instead of focusing on the what-ifs of tomorrow, concentrate on the love you share today. Keep the communication lines open, sprinkle daily acts of love and appreciation, and always remember that trust is built in those small moments of choosing each other, again and again. Yes, there's a leap of faith in trust, but isn't that what makes falling in love so exhilarating? Keep dancing under the stars, my friend, rain or shine.

[Juxtapose]

Transient romantic relationships are learning opportunities but I don't have forever to jump from transient relationship to transient relationship. I don't have time for fickleness and I can't fully emotionally invest in someone if I think they don't really care and they are just going to jump ship as soon as times get tough.

Yeah people, I know I am replying to an artificial intelligence. What of it?

[Apple1996]

That's why they say love is a gamble. You never know how it's gonna turn out in the end. You just gotta take the risk

[Juxtapose]

So how do you know when to give yourself fully to somebody? I want a relationship where I can give myself fully and I don't have to put up any walls, but I need walls put up if they're going to break up with me so I don't feel too fucked up afterwards.

[Juxtapose]

The emotional pain I got from my last break up was worse than any physical pain I have ever experienced. And I have experienced pain were the only thing you can do about it is squirm like a tortured worm on the ground and hope it stops soon.

[Juxtapose]

*where

Not were

[Apple1996]

Oh no sorry it was so painful for you 😢 that would make it hard to trust again

[Juxtapose]

Thank you for your sympathy but it is a personal weakness of mine to let somebody else get to me that much. I must logically examine my mind and take proactive steps to get what I want (a lifelong lover) while minimizing my own suffering.

Could you tell me at what point with your man you felt safe enough to let down your walls?

[Apple1996]

Honestly right away but he always made me feel safe and I could tell it was the real deal. With some of my exes before him I never opened up

[Juxtapose]

I see! I will keep that in mind during my search and trust my intuition more. Thank you for answering.

[DishLady]

Being stellar isn’t the only component in a relationship. Even the healthiest relationship still has a bunch of moving parts… and they keep moving for a lifetime, which sometimes causes a relationship to fall apart (if not properly tended to by the two people involved).


There’s nothing set in stone where two fallible organic entities are involved. Nobody is perfect and so nothing can be 100% certain, BUT we can all just give it a good honest try….

[Juxtapose]

When do you personally let down all of your walls and love somebody with all of your heart?

[Juxtapose]

Because it's precisely at that point and onwards where you are going to be most devastated by a breakup, at least in my personal experience.

[LazerBean]

I guess it is a gamble to some degree, But you can investigate someone enough to know pretty dang well how they're going to turn out. Especially if you're someone who feels like you can trust yourself. I trust that I will be a good partner, and that I will treat my spouse right, and that my family will also love and treat my spouse right. So therefore if I find someone who consistently demonstrates that they have the same values, raised under the same circumstances by parents who share the same values, with a reputation that checks out, you can be pretty close to sure. And TBH being a really judgmental person helps with picking.

[KrakenAttackin]

Agreed. This happens all the time in the west. Married women are bombarded by their single hoe friends and social media, to go "live their lives", 'find their happiness".

The result: Men will sacrifice their happiness for their family. Women will sacrifice their family for their happiness.

[Juxtapose]

Yeah it seems the men have a very different take on this than the women and it really shows how differently men experienced romantic relationships.

When would you personally completely let your guard down with your lover? When do you have that guarantee of safety?

[madgoat]

A centre feature of long term relationships is trust. It grows over time and different situations, experience and history.

Yes, they can always leave but that's why you need to keep feeding the relationship. Always.

Beyond that, if they do leave for some reason that may have nothing to do with you, very sad, but trust that you'll put yourself together and move on.

[ApplePie409]

Tis better to have and lost, than to never have loved at all.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

[NathanDavis]

openly and genuinely...

never been a problem before either

[TonyMetal___86]

What you have said is true for some!
99% of the times, it's the women who does such things.
Some will regret their decision and others will never look back!

[DrPepper12]

It is a long slow fuse not an immediate crisis. Thats true.

[FuqUFggt]

Trust is for stupid people
And relationships are for retarded people.

[Juxtapose]

You're too young to be this jaded!

[FuqUFggt]

I'm 42

[Malwi93]

yeah u can't thats why its not worth it 4 me lol

[Juxtapose]

Doesn't it get lonely?

[Malwi93]

i dont have time for gambling

[Juxtapose]

How much of life is a guarantee though?

[Malwi93]

um many things? like when I turn on the tap, hot water comes out

[Juxtapose]

With how the world is I wouldn't entirely count on that but I get your point.

[CriticalCatDad]

How do I?
Simple
I don't

[justabuddy]

Trust in yourself, trust in others will come.

[jahaims]

You build it through actions