Why do romantic relationships bring out the worst in me?

my motto is typically "i don't do relationships". I avoid them at all costs, at least deep down that's what I want. my behavior in romantic relationships or even in close friendships is I have a tendency to become codependent and albeit possessive. I do things to build them up, all the while I'm left out of control. when the relationship ends, I take it very hard, I often leave because I can't take the treatment from the other person, because by this time, they are tired of me because they feel they don't know what the hell I want and I feel exhausted for giving them everything they want or what I think that they want. I have been advised to seek therapy, and it's come in the point in my life where I'm starting to accept that I need therapy. I do not wish to be with people because they feel sorry for me or because I am their doormat. I am already a moody person, but when I'm dating or like someone, I become unconfident, hypersensitive and completely non trusting, almost as if I'm just waiting for the person to betray my trust. I think arguments (not flirty ones) are normal, and basically the person backs off because they think I'm unstable. what the hell? what are some tips to be more confident in myself, to be more relaxed and HONEST with myself and the other person when I have relationships with people? I don't want to keep making the same mistakes again.


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  • while I am not as extreme as you are, I worry a lot in relationships too. when it comes to attracting a guy I am confident, but the more our dates progress, the more I worry. I do not trust so easily because I have been hurt in the past, but I mostly keep it inside and talk about it with friends. if you have supportive friends that helps a lot. I have said a few things that make him think I don't trust him, and honestly I don't fully trust the guy I am dating right now. but a lot of it is also just me and my tendencies to worry and think the worst.

    i feel just like you, I had a few boyfriends as a teenager, my last one when I was 18 and in college, now I'm in my early 20s and it's very different, since the last boyfriend I've had some dates and flirtations but I've been dating this guy for a month and haven't made it this far with anyone in a while.

    unless you are lucky to have a guy who is absolutely in love with you early on and always keeps you feeling fully reassured and you just feel that you can trust him, you have to let go a bit. try to stop worrying. I know it is hard. you also can't show him you don't trust him because it will make him back off you and think you are nuts. it's hard! practice makes perfect.

    look at relationships as learning experiences. if you try to keep the attitude "it's okay if it ends", it will be easier. I know that may dampen the excitement a bit, but that's what I do. I enjoy what I have with him and tell myself "it could end at any time" so this way if it goes well I just feel happier.

    if you expect less, yo umay be better off.

    • I agree. My last one ended because of lack of trust and (I think) respect. I could not relax at all. Kept fighting etc. I actually ended it with him because I was angry ad stressed unless we were physically together, and he's since cut me completely out of his life. He really tried to keep me happy and I feel like e really did love me. But for now, me calling and stuff isn't going to being him back, so I'll take your advice. Thank you :)