Why does romance hurt so much?

Question

I never been in a romantic relationship, or on a date, and I never had my first kiss. I've like guys but they never like me in return. Those experiences hurt my heart in the past. Now, my heart and stomach would hurt when I think about or fantasizes about being romantic with a guy. Therefore, I avoided trying to experience romance so as to not feel that pain.

But that didn't stop my friend, who knows about my pain, from confessing his feeling for me. I told him I don't want to be in a romantic relationship and we can be just friends. But he said "I understand and care about you because we were friends for a long time. And I have grown to really like you" My heart started to ache. I said "you know how much pain I get after thinking about stuff like that". He said "I want to stop that pain in your heart". I said "you can't. I'm sorry. I can be just your friend but I can't be in a romantic relationship"

Bruhmann · Accepted Answer

That fear and pain you have from your past will only hold you back. And it will never go away until you address it. You can try to ignore it, but it will always be there until you decide you've had enough.

Just because those people rejected you in the past, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. They just didn't feel like you were what they were looking for at that time. They may have even regretted it later.

It's easy to blame yourself and put yourself down after being rejected. It's easy to feel like you're not enough. But those feelings are largely untrue and whatever shortcomings you may have, you also have strengths that you probably overlook. Focus on those instead of focusing on the past and what didn't work.

Telling yourself you don't want a relationship isn't helping you. You can deny it and try to ignore it, but it will continue to eat at you. And if you deny yourself a shot at being happy just because you couldn't let go of the past, you will probably regret it later.

If this guy seems like someone you would have pursued something with before your past rejections, I would advise you to give his proposal some serious thought. Anyone that is willing to overlook your wounds and help you heal them sounds like a very rare find.

At the very least, you need to deal with those issues from your past. That pain you feel could be anxiety or intense emotional stress. Which indicates it is a wound that never fully healed. You need to identify why, and rectify the problem.

If it's because you started to believe you weren't good enough just because someone turned you down, you need to realize that that's not true. Because you have someone right now who thinks you're more than enough.

All the people who are in happy relationships now, had to go through multiple rejections before they found their match. Rejection hurts, but it is a part of life and can help you grow if you let it. It all depends on your perception.

mobiusforniner · Accepted Answer

Love isn't all roses and rainbows. By its very nature, love demands sacrifice. Its putting the needs of others before your own. Love is circular, that is- to truly experience love, you must feel both its pleasures and its vices.

I've been through several relationships that ended in heartbreak. But yet, if given the chance to start over, knowing what will happen, I'd do it again.

Its what makes us human

Yuki0312 · Accepted Answer

The depth of love is the depth of responsibility, the deeper the love, the higher the requirements for the lover, and the greater the chance of disappointment. Love itself is a double-edged sword, the deeper the love, the deeper the hurt.

whirled_up_girl · Accepted Answer

These types of situations can be really difficult, I'm afraid there is no good answer, the heart wants what it wants, even if it isn't realistic. Good luck with everything!

coachTanthony · Answer

Is it hurt or fear you feel? There is a difference.

talka20 · Answer

Ummm... i think you should take this chance... cuz yk the pain is from not having anyone until now whom u liked but now there is someone who likes u a lot and want to work things out knowing your situation... that means he is also thinking bout your situation too and still willing

Justneedtokno · Answer

It because we put too much expectation on it. Especially the future. As women we tend to plan ahead. Instead of focusing on the moment. Personal I’m working on not being an overthinker.

Anonymous · Answer

Well I hate to break it up to you but pain is part of life, stop being afraid. Also think that you let some failures to affect your future. admirable is when you can love 1000 times with same pure heart not when you give up, life is full of obstacles

boggboss · Answer

It dont you have been hurt before and now decide to not try to date incase u get hurt again even tho u clearly want these things

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Honey, the pain is only temporary! Just face your fears and walk through to the other side. You will be amazed by what you discover there! <3

OddBeMe · Answer

Pretty sure emotions hurt so much. Be it romance, friendship, or the job.

Anonymous · Answer

Because we are putting our feelings on the line.

jshm2 · Answer

Maybe you're lesbian?

Anonymous · Answer

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Why does romance hurt so much?

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