OK so I know my argument has a negative connotation here, but I am not implying things were "better". But what we are running into here is essentially some combination of decision paralysis and buyers' remorse.
Basically, the more options you have, the less happy you are with whatever decision you make.
For most of our time on earth, we interacted mostly with about 30 people and our largest social circle was about 200 tops. People who were mostly the same as us. No TV or internet to see anyone from anywhere else. As far as you knew, these 200 people were the only 200 people on the planet. If you had a crush, it was pretty obvious to everyone so there weren't a lot of hidden feelings, either. No distant longing. If you like them, they either like you back or they don't. Things settle out pretty quickly and you're probably pretty happy with your choice.
Now, your largest social circles are in the tens of thousands of mostly-strangers who probably aren't that much like you. Any show of feelings is seemingly "out of the blue". And billions of men are aware of Gal Gadot or Cara Delevigne or Zendaya. Billions of women are aware of Tom Hiddleston, Idris Elba, or Henry Cavill. So what would have been the "most beautiful person we had ever seen" is now "a percent or so above average." as far as the full scale is concerned.
So there are a TON of people to sort through to see if we are a good match, and there is pretty much ALWAYS a better match out there. So unless you're mindful, it's easy to feel like you're missing out, and you're stuck questioning your decisions.
The wandering eye is because we aren't naturally monogamous. Monogamy is an active choice, and one I like 95% agree with. But just because you're a vegetarian, it doesn't mean bacon stops smelling good. Both of you are going to find other people attractive. I think it's more important to be respectful of one another. And if you can incorporate these other attractions into your relationship, it can help a bit. Mostly I mean in the case of sharing celebrity crushes and stuff. I have some guy crushes and it's cool to like, have the same crush. Or to be open about each others crushes outside the relationship. It takes the right mindset, though, for it to feel more clearing the air and less like threats to the relationship. Switching from "She wants them too. Oh no." to "She could have had them and she chose me."
But but I mean, if you want to go the route of bringing others in, that could be cool too. Personally, I would be way more into group sex than an open relationship, that way her other affairs aren't jeopardizing my sex life. An open relationship is biased HEAVILY in women's favor so the guy's sex life is screwed.
Because people are partnering up for the wrong reasons. Lots of women (not all) attracted to wealth, and most men (not all) are going on looks. If people started looking for character, personality, integrity, spirituality, humbleness, sincerity, passion, compassion, empathy, creativity, hobbies and health, their relationships would reach new levels of understand, always learning and growing without egos.
Individuals forget that we need to improve our character in order to find partners of similar qualities.
Start the change, look inward rather outward, and go find your person. Peace✌
Honestly it's because the values have changed compared to the past.
First of all, ack in the day, it was acceptable do beat your wife for disobeying or talking when not spoken to, and they were basically forced to believe that as long as they stay home and care for the kids, had a roof over their head, a husband to provide for them and did everything asked, they were "happy". Now women are actually allowed to express what they feel and what they want, so of course naturally there will be more conflict between 2 parties than when one have was complacent, silenced, and forced to obey. But that's not a bad thing. Conflict is sometimes necessary for discussion, understanding one another, and resolving issues. Conflict doesn't have to lead to a fight.
Second of all, people nowadays are kind of more spoiled. I don't mean it in a bad way. I just mean we have evolved as a society to the point where more of our basic needs were met and so, we can move on to meeting less basic needs and wants. Back in the day, we were a lot more worried about just survival, not about relationship issues unless they were really severe. These relationship issues and toxicity always existed - humans just didn't have the luxury of focusing on them, and were often looked down on for trying. It's kind of like mental health. Some people are claiming things in our society are really bad because everyone now has such problems while this was not the case in the "past". Which is false for the same reasons - the problems were always there.
Not all relationships are toxic, but it’s definitely something you have to maneuver through when it comes to dating. Keep boundaries and higher standards, that’s how you’ll find better quality people, weed out the poor quality ones.
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Because many are/have gotten into relationship for all the wrong reasons.
The internet is useful for example it’s smaller than an entire encyclopedia collection. It’s smaller than copious amounts of books on many book shelves.
Online dating has become “rent a spouse”, you buy them a meal and laugh together, then no consideration to any consequences and continue on about their week. One guy admitted he enjoys being able to pick a different woman based on how he’s feeling and that he can walk away aka lose interest and not care about hurting anyones feelings, all while simulating a genuine relationship.
Some people actually are genuinely trying and getting shot down all of the time.
Two genuine people meet and they have walls and suppressed hurt from past relationship fails.
***this is just my observation
I'm not exactly sure, but I suspect it's probably due to our overly liberal dating culture.
A lot of couples seem to think they're "meant for each other" after a couple of dates, and all they have in common is that they "like" each other, and that the sex is "great." Not much time is dedicated to actually get to know or respect each other. The goal is usually just to *have a boyfriend/girlfriend* as some kind of status.
Date someone who's been your friend for years. Marry your high school sweetheart, or that one person you've known since you were kids. A relationship takes a hell of a long time to transform into something meaningful.
It’s Social media. It’s toxic if you spend too much time in it.
Back in my day, you saw who you saw when you went out. That’s it. Their were no internet selfies doing squats in spandex, unlimited porn, hookup sites, dating sites.
Women today that are 5s would take what they could get. Now that anyone in the whole world can get online, of course their are going to be men constantly writing those women and they then develop a huge ego and all of a sudden think they’re a 10.
It’s so much better to be single these days. Being alone brings you so much freedom and happiness. Do your own thing and don’t fuck with anyone. Far less drama in being alone as opposed to being with someone who claims to love you when they really don’t
Thanks to dating apps and social media, people see so many other options, they never appreciate what is around them or what they have, they're always looking for other options.
I realise I'm at best, average. In this dating world, if I was able to get into a relationship at all I would treasure that person as much as air, so if you're after romantics or someone who would stick by their partners, we are out there, but we're not the ones who think we're the best or act like it.
95% of Women want a finished package and a lifestyle. Maybe 20% of guys have the money to do that. So it's all a g-damn brothel now. I have zero interest. Call me names and go get in rotation with Chad McWonderbucks. I have better things to do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdR1AMfyhTM Like you say, people get with people they should never have in the first place ("settling"). Add to that the very selfish nature of a lot of people today and the huge lack of communication that often exists and there you go, that's the result. It's so common these days that it could be viewed as "normal" but no it's not. Make the right decision to begin with, put effort into the relationship, and this is much less likely to happen.
Its clear this girl has yet to understand the frail implications of being a flawed being. Aka human. Let's ask the poster of this topic if she's all perfect? Perfect tits, face ass and perfect personality? Hmm laugh no far from it girl. Look your self in the mirror before you post something as stupid as this.
Peeps get into a relationship to save money by moving in together... but the issue is if you can't afford where you live now you certain aren't saving money when you move into a place you can only afford together. Sht hits the fan and you break up and can't afford your lifestyle.
Why do you keep picking toxic people? Not being a smart ass it’s a real question…
It’s become obvious to me women don’t wanna date the right guys because your not picking the right guys.
That's because we've expanded the conditions under which something can be labeled "toxic" so far that basically any form of argument or less-than-positive interaction can be classified as "toxic" under a certain lens.
Because they are more toxic. It's because instead of finding God, they keep on finding their own ego instead.
They aren't. Awareness of toxic behaviors is just much more prevalent than in the past. Toxic relationships used to be considered normal once, so actually it was much worse in the past.
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I’d want to be with someone who is crazy about me as much as I am about them"
This is the actual toxic relationship
I know what you mean I've seen couples being engaged but the guy was flirting/sexting and even asking the girls he thought were attractive to meet in a hotel
Those are the miserable ones who will never be happy. They don't build something with their partner.
Usually romantic relationships are fake. Their like that for appeal but in reality their terrible for each other
social media. Everyone is looking at screens and do not really get to know each other.
Because typical modern relationships are not and cannot be functional. They go against natural value propositions.
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