Why are guys so scared of rejection?

[Anonymous]

[blueonblack22]

Well it depends on the guy. But it’s usually because of the following:

Guy was humiliated in the past for trying. Especially if this happened publicly it can leave a long lasting negative impression.

• Guy had a bad experience dealing with an overly jealous boyfriend (when he no idea she was taken).
• Guy is paranoid about looking creepy. This is a growing factor in recent years.
• Guy approached but screwed it all up because he was nervous. Maybe he tried to be funny/confident but it came out wrong and he inadvertently looked creepy. Or he was too passive in his approach and the girl didn’t get the hint.
• Guy had parents that didn’t teach him the right way to interact with women and to always second guess himself. This is especially tough if he is the only child or the oldest
• Guy has confidence issues because he thinks the girl is out of his league. Sometimes she is but ironically a lot of women are impressed when an average man shows above average confidence.

Ladies always be gentle to a guy if he respectfully approaches you and you are not interested. More often then not he:

• Has no idea if you are taken or not
• Has no idea what mood you are in.
• Above all has no idea if you like him or not.

If you are not interested the best way to handle it is to say something like the following:

“Hey so so. You seem like a cool guy and just to let you know I respect you for approaching me. I have to be honest though I am just not interested. You didn’t do anything wrong but I just want to let you know where I stand.”

9 out of 10 times guys will react positively to that. They might be disappointed but showing you respect the courage it took them goes deeper than you will ever realize. Men crave respect. They also know where they stand with you.

Now I know there are a minority of guys who just can’t take no for an answer. When that happens you are welcome to get as bitchy as you want to him. But some women assume every guy they are not interested is like that and have a “shoot first and ask questions later” approach to dealing with them. Don’t do that.

[msc545]

Great answer thanks.

[blueonblack22]

@msc545 it’s amazing just how many women are so clueless about this. They think guys “enjoy” sticking their necks out. Maybe the trashy ones do but most don’t.

[msc545]

I have found many of them to just be casually brutal.

[blueonblack22]

@msc545 and our culture encourages this. It’s just amazing how many of them act all perplexed why men don’t approach as much as they used to.

[Goahead76]

Not scared, just not interested. Risk vs. reward. Why take a risk for little to no reward? For guys there just isn't that much of an incentive anymore.

So to explain this I have to do a top down approach for this to make sense, meaning starting with marriage and then working down toward relationships and flirting.

So at a certain age as a guy you will meet enough other men who have been run through the ringer. As in divorce, the court system, lost their kids, financially wrecked. At a certain point it dawns on you after you've met more than a few, this isn't as rare as I might have thought.

I knew a guy who had just been through it, completely blind sided by a divorce. He lived on a street with seven other houses and he realized that three other men on his street had been through the same thing, 4 out of 7 on his street. He went and talked to the other men and they told him the same thing, absolutely didn't see it coming, now they were essentially just paychecks. The statistics on divorce show 80% are initiated by women, 90% if they're college educated. Would you sign up for something if you knew there was an 80% chance it'd fail/your partner would bail?

So this trickles down into relationships and dating as well in many other ways, but essentially a lot of men are waking up to the idea there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel. Does this stop most of us, no. 😄 But it does slow many of us down and certainly the idea of going through a lot of rejection is beyond pointless. 🙂

I don't mean to be overly harsh, or paint too dark a picture but maybe this give gives a glimpse into male psychology.

[msc545]

The light at the end of the is an incoming train.

[msc545]

Tunnel.

[Goahead76]

😄😄 🤣 I think so in many cases.

[mandyfire98]

Nobody likes rejection. It hurts all of our pride and pur feelings. It's a very natural feeling for anyone of both genders.

But for those who use the excuse "if I ask a girl out then I'll go to jail and my life eill be ruined." No guy has ever gone to jail, ever or had his life ruined by just asking "hey can I take you to dinner or can I have your number"

This doesn't happen. Can a woman be annoyed or angry? Sure but that's where it ends. The guys that claim women will just automatically ruin their lives over one question are being ridiculous and they know it. They don't personally know any guy close to them that has ever had their entire life ruined just for saying "can I get your number"

I still have guys ask me for my number a lot. Every woman I know still gets asked out. Not a single one, and I know a lot of women, has ever had anyone arrested or ruined anyone's life for just asking for a number.

It comes down to I can't sexually assault or sexually harass women so therefore I alwo can't even ask for her number either.

If you can't tell the difference between those situations then it's scary really.

That narrative of if you ask any woman out, she'll attack you really only comes from terminally online men, incredibly introverted men because there are still men everywhere out there who aren't introverted who are still asking women out all the time with no issues at all. They just don't mind hearing no and it doesn't rattle them to their core. They hear no thank you and they move on. I can promise you they aren't in jail though or their entire life is ruined 😂

[DishLady]

NO one likes rejection. It's not necessarily being "scared" of rejection, but... who wants to feel that or go through it, honestly? So sometimes a protective "shell" (humor, self-deprecation, etc.) serve as a buffer to lessen the impact or risk of rejection.

[lightbulb27]

Place too much value and esteem onnthe woman. Puts too much into an unknownvv by when they feel drawn

[coachTanthony]

Men from the past took it on the chin when they got rejected... men of today get PTSD when a girl says NO lol

[JacobJordan]

Allow me to provide a some history. I married 20 years ago. I asked several women out was rejected a few times handful of first days generally not much past that. No big deal they were polite sweet etc. Met the woman I married went on a first second 4th 19th wedding kids. 20 years later here we are. I have seen regularly how women behave especially modern western women. If I was to find myself single today. I am dying alone. Not a chance in literal hell I would even consider dating a modern western woman. It has nothing to do with rejection either. It has everything to do with how women behave. Or don't behave more accurately. I would sooner die alone than even entertain the notion of putting up with the bullshit women coming at men with. Most modern western women have fucked, lied, cheated, abused, etc their way into permanent singledom. To put it another way to explain just how bad modern western women have become. If I had to pick between someone shooting me, and a modern western woman. I would pick being shot. Now for those women that feel offended congratulations you realized that this is about you. For those women that did not feel offended congratulations you are the type of women men want.

[Goahead76]

Something you and I actually agree on. 😄

[JacobJordan]

@Goahead76 not the first time I have heard that. People seem surprised when they find themselves agreeing with me on something.

[Anonymous]

I am... apathetic about asking most women out... because history has shown that a lot become VERY mean VERY quickly (yes, even the self identified "good "Christian" girls"). I'm not really keen on being publicly humiliated yet again.

I'm not thrilled with hearing why yet another woman would never want to be seen with a loser like me, and all those details of WHY I'm such a loser... I'm not keen on getting laughed at again, or her screaming or snarling at me for daring to ask her out (let alone trying to flirt (innocently), or even just give a compliment)).

It's not exactly my idea of fun. But I wouldn't call that being scared of it. Semantics, I guess.

I just see a lot more risks these days - more than it'd be usually worth it to ask. I'd ask, if it didn't seem like I'd get ripped apart just for asking her out to coffee. It's hell. I'll do it, but it's like ripping a bandaid off a hairy arm. I'd almost rather to that than slowly peeling off the bandaid, trying to slowly separate it from my hair and hopefully it wouldn't hurt as much by going slow...

Maybe that's being scared. I suppose there is some level of fear... but to others, that's just being sensible.

Anyway, that's my take on it.

[Anonymous]

Why are women more scared of rejection?

The REALITY is guys are not scared of rejection. OK, maybe young guys are. But that's because they put too much of a premium on a woman value of him. But in general guys are not scared of rejection. Women are NOTORIOUS for playing games... er I mean FLIRTING. I forget your gender calls it flirting. There is nothing wrong with flirting when it's done with genuine interest. But therein lies the problem. The majority of the time your gender does NOT have genuine interest, or any interest at all for that matter. So a majority of the time your gender flirts for other reasons. Sometimes you do it for attention. Sometimes you do it for sport. Sometimes you just do it out of boredom. Sometimes you do it just for practice (like a cat sharpening it's claws). Any guy with experience with women knows this.

I know you're already disagreeing with this. Because your gender sees nothing wrong with this. You think this treatment of men is fair game. It doesn't compute to you that men dislike it. Cause it doesn't compute to you that guys can be hurt. Only when you have a emotional connection to a guy does that even register as a factor. Why? Because at that point it's really not about his feelings but yours. In short. Learn some empathy and you'll understand the answer to this question you ask.

[LuckyJ888]

For my experience I hate rejection and the feeling of embarrassment take it from a guy who never could get girls (not 1GF) to constantly be rejected doesn’t make approaching easier actually way harder I don’t have a confidence issue but with approaching females my self esteem is low most women give me blank stare little responses flat out the driest energy ever then some would give you a soft rejection but still a rejection I believe on finding something you can improve on with every success but if you get zero to a smidge of success you can’t learn any game to get better some women would flirt give you the signs the reject you so that plays a huge part in it not knowing if your interested plays a factor not knowing how you feel at the moment not knowing if you even want to be approached I personally think females should approach more y'all would have way more success then guys again take it from a guy who has approached females I thought liked me to girls I knew for a fact was gonna turn me down

[Finchie40]

Because rejection can be embarrassing , if the person really likes someone and they finally get the courage to ask some one out , that they are really interested in and then they get denied , it’s like getting kicked in the ass for trying, especially if the person is rude about it and denies them in a rude way. The thing is we don’t walk around with signs flashing over our heads , letting other people know what our relationship status is or what we are interested in. So it’s a chance we all take when it comes to asking someone out.

[TonyV]

Rejection sucks that's why, the learning curve sucks too. Sure one day we'll all look back at our early dating attempt and either laugh or cringe cause we now know more, but at the time of the rejection? At the rejection you had done everything you knew at the time, thought you looked good, thought you were dressed right, thought you had interesting topics, thought you had waited for the right time and thought you had the right person who felt the same... then you get told all your efforts were wasted or not good enough and you failed.

Sure some girls were real sweet about it, encourage you to keep trying, those nice girls make rejection seem not so bad, but some girls are just bitchs about too, and if a dating newly was hit with "eh fuck no" that stings.

[Overandunder89]

Wherever you find debilitating insecurity, you will invariably find rejection sauntering along just ahead. Rejection breeds feelings of inadequacy and this often gives way to depression, low self-esteem, and seemingly countless other forms of personal distress. You will find few people who are eager to travel this road. This is one of the prevailing reasons why women are usually not so inclined to approach men before the latter makes his move in spite of the prevailing cop-out that women simply prefer for men to take the lead because it is an attractive quality.

[Effably]

Never nice to hear you're not good enough.

But really. Try to walk up to a guy you like and tell him you like him.
Then have him look you over and say "You? No."

We do not have some magical ability to handle social interactions as men. It is just as scary for us as for you.

[At3mis24]

This is my worst nightmare!

[Catguy92]

#Metoo,

it's one thing to get rejected, it's another thing to get rejected harshly.

Potential legal consequences of metoo are the last straw. It's one thing to be rejected by someone you likely won't see again.

Not to mention but women these days seem to be constantly instilled naturally with hatred towards us seeing us as oppressors at worst or complicit at best.

If they are friends or acquaintances then it's even worse because there is a chance things will be weird or that someone will think "Oh so you were just pretending to be a friend" it's weird.

So dating apps are really my way to go :) There is the expectation that people will be there.

[Anonymous]

It's not rejection. It's just we don't give a fk anymore tbh. A lot of us don't. Fkboys wanna get their dicks wet, but the rest of us just don't give a shit. I don't get this crap from women when I go to Mexico... but in the U. S., a guy can only be told to man up, work the dirty jobs, sacrifice to protect women and kids, donate to others, take responsibility... while the opposite gender HAMMERS THEM HOURLY with what a useless piece of shit he is that only cares about 1 thing, isn't a real man, whacks off in his mom's basement, is scared of commitment, scared of rejection, scared of women... while portraying herself as a world class cooking, karate kicking, take no shit, all problem solving, super balanced, highly educated knowledge it all... a guy can only experience this for so long... before he just doesn't give a fk anymore. The good news for you all is... fkboys care. You've got them. The stable future baby daddies of America. 😎

[Serkee]

It's not the "no" that I'm scared of, I can take that no problem. It's being looked at like I'm a creep, laughed at, or pitied. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by having to reject me either, I know nobody likes rejecting people.

[EmyyWolf]

Everyone is scared of rejection.
Im a woman and I’m terrified of rejection. wtf?

doesn't mean I still won’t go on & jump on it and shoot my shot and flirt.. terrified, trembling and everything..

I have less fear of bungee-jumping compared to rejection.

[electromagnetic]

I don’t think it’s just guys. It’s everyone. I myself am scared of rejection. Doesn’t even have to be on a personal level. Applying for a job and going through all these extra interviews only to find out you didn’t get the job. Thinking you’ve made a new friend at a party only to realize they’re talking shit about you behind your back.. rejection hurts everyone. Not just men.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if everyone you approached basically told you to bugger off, sometimes not with good manners, or if it isn't the person you approached but one of the people with them? That is what men have come to expect every time they approach a woman, and if you don't believe me the next time you are out of an evening just sit and watch how your fellow women react to a man who approaches them. In the past when women rejected a man's approach it was done politely, but today it seems that the want to reject men's approaches with as much venom as possible.

[msc545]

Yes. Women say terrible things to men. Bad enough that if another man said them there would be a fight.

[msc545]

Asking a woman out these days is like playing Russian roulette with a mostly loaded gun.

[William4447]

Begging the question.

Assumption: the guy is scared of rejection.

Reality: it's much more nuanced. Maybe he just doesn't like when a girl is rude, or wants to ask girls he has a better shot with. Pragmatism. Maybe he just doesn't like that girl.

Guys are scared of rejection for the same reason girls are, they want love, but there told not to be scared and be confident or that being entitled for a girl is bad even when not entitled and there's stupid edgy drama without nuance so guys hold there fear back nowadays and just talk about it among there male friends

[Kaneki05]

Probably cause Girls are way more likely to friendzone a guy than a guy is to a girl.
Guys are simple if she's attractive and nice we would date her.
Yet girls are more elusive with having some feelings maybe for someone else or been anxious about ruining a friendship whatever else.

[LordMadara]

bcoz women dont know how to use words properly they just 🤷 . . . reject without even thinking the words through

imagine now a seasonec loud mouth who somehow gets approached by an admirer 🤷

rejection should be done right not in a way that diminishes a mans ego

why do you think most women barely make the 1st move you dummy? 🤷

rejection is painful emotionally , and women can't do it in a respectful manner

[Whitewulf]

Because it makes you feel like you’re not good enough that all the other men are better. Especially when you get rejected and then see her with a guy an hour later.
but tbh I’ve been stripped of all my self confidence anyways so I just don’t try or care I gave up