What's with guys and fear of rejection?

[Anonymous]

Does fear of rejection go so far as for you not to ask a girl you like out?

Why would you 'fear' it? it's over fast and then move on

After you've been rejected does it resonate inside you and affect your self confidence?

I guess my point is: why would you care if they said no? you don't know them so why would it matter what they thought?

If I asked a guy out and he said "sorry no" I wouldn't think much on it because there are 100 reasons why he couldn't some of which may have nothing to do with me.

And there are many other guys whom say yes and ask me out...so it's not personal.

[Alexeiv]

As silly as this is going to sound, it's the percentages.

It's much harder for a guy who's never been accepted, but for guys who have gotten a " yes " her and there that feeling and that mark stands, and it makes every rejection afterward a notch against.

Look at it this way:

I ask a girl out, she says yes, things don't work out and I move on.

I ask another girl out and she says yes, things don't work out and I move on.

At this point I'm 2 for 2, 100%, then I ask a girl out and she says no, okay, so I'm still 66% on the ball, but then I get rejected to more times and now I'm 2 for 5 and at 40%.

I take a step back, a part of me wants to get accepted so I can try and find a girl I can spend the rest of my days with, but another part of me wants to go 3 for 6 and get my percentage up to a respectable level.

Every time I get rejected I feel I have to plan out better the next time, it's not so much about getting rejected per say and therefore not asking a girl I "like" out, but now it's how sure I am.

If I'm at 60% acceptance rate I'll probably shy away from a girl I'm thinking I have a 20% chance of getting a date with.

For some guys the bad times roll in when you're at around the 25% mark, at that point you not only think of your chance with a particular girl but come to terms that you're 1 for 4, that for every 4 girls you ask, 3 will say no, and maybe 2 will be really rude about it, haha.

For guys who go down to say, 10%, there is just nothing to lose and for a lot of players believe you me their success rate is probably between 15 and 20%.

It's the whole " homerun" argument, ask as many girls out as you can, as long as you get one to say yes you're golden, and this is to say if you get rejected by 20 girls it's no big deal as long as you get one.

For me I would think 20 women think I don't have this or this or that, getting more yeses as oppose to nos means I'm more suitable of a partner to begin with.

[Asker]

That's an interesting way to look at it. Thanx alot

[montanakid]

Sure, rejection is easy to take, if you don't get rejected much. For a girl, as long as you are decent looking, you can ask 100 guys out, I bet 1, maybe 2 would say no and it most likely has nothing to do with you. But for guys it's not the same.

First off, every time you get rejected it's a shot at your ego, it takes you down a notch. Sometimes it's no big deal. You see a girl in a bar, you think she's cute, you ask for her number, she says no, you move on to the next one. No biggie. (Plus a few drinks in you first helps out). But you didn't really care in the first place.

But say it's a girl you've got a crush on and you've be interested in for a while. This is when it sucks to get rejected. Cause you did care. You start to wonder why she is not interested, do you do something wrong? You start to go crazy for a bit. Do this several times in your life and it starts to take a toll on you.

As a guy you tend to have to keep casting out you line looking for bites, sometimes you lose the enegy to throw it out anymore.

[Asker]

Thankyou, great explanation, I get it now.

[Brando]

"sometimes you lose the enegy to throw it out anymore."...too true

[girloncue]

Never understood it before!

[Rahim517]

Very true. The "caring" part is what makes rejection hurt. The guys who aren't affected at all by rejection simply don't care one way or another about the girls they hit on other than what those girls can do for them.

[SOUL4REAL]

Being rejected mess with a his manhood,because that what a man does chase women. If he is rejected he feel less than a man,men are hunters,this is what they live to do! Women can reason with rejection,but a man can't,they have a one track mind. GIRLS!

[kaitlynbaby03]

i guesss there just afraid, like we are afraid of rejection as well. I mean no one likes getting rejected. if you get rejected its gunna lower your convidenvce boost & make you feel scared and un happy. just like any normal person would.

[Asker]

Thanx good answer

...but just got to say: your spelling is shocking

Our education system must truly suck

[Mesonfielde]

Agreed. xD

[Arcanus]

"Does fear of rejection go so far as for you not to ask a girl you like out?" YES

"Why would you 'fear' it? it's over fast and then move on" its not that simple, it gives a nice blow to a guy self esteem

"After you've been rejected does it resinate inside you and affect your self confidence?" YES!, and since most girls like confident guys it creates a vicious circle its not easy to get out.

"If I asked a guy out and he said "sorry no" ..." oh stop right there, most girls wouldn't even think about asking a guy out.

[Asker]

I have, 2 have said no, but I don't take it personally. Why can't a guy do that?

[gtex1991]

You can't take it personally because you don't care about the guys, if its someone you care then things will be different

[Dan2287]

I have extremely low self confidence, low self esteem, socially phobic etc. Whenever I'm surrounded by people, nothing but negativity goes through my head. Getting rejected pretty much reinforces my negative feelings and shows that they are not wrong. I feel bad about myself as it is, having someone say that to me either directly or indirectly hurts quite a bit. On top of that I have no support system so I have to deal with that crap on my own, and it usually is accompanied by increases in my depression (which I am clinically depressed)..

thats pretty much why I fear rejection - try living with that crap and see if rejection doesn't affect you..

[Asker]

You're actually pretty cute, forgive my ignorance but I would have thought unattractive guys suffer more from low self esteem and are socially withdrawn.

I'd try asking girls out, I'm sure you'd get a yes

[Dan2287]

Part of my problem is genetic, and the other part is really bad high school experiences. Not just my own experience, but what my friends went through. There are girls that look at me every now and then, but I can't help the panic attacks and depression. My social anxiety fuels my depression, and the depression fuels the anxiety which can make it difficult to cope and just kills my self esteem. When I do catch a girl looking at me, I am overcome with negativity for some reason - can't help it..

[Asker]

Hmm are you getting help with that? professionally? don't waste your life, you're missing out

[Dan2287]

I was but it didn't help so much. For now I'm just on medication and have to try and deal with it myself. I've missed out on a lot, I know that, at the same time realistically I realize ill have this forever in some way, I just need to make sure it doesn't get too out of control or who knows what will happen.

[MtnDewMan]

I know exactly how you feel you basically described me, I'm going through bad high school experiences. I'm a senior now in high school and I haven't been happy since I was a freshman. I'm so lonely and I have little friends because I'm so shy to meet new people thinking they won't like or just horrible things. when it comes to girls I have no confidence and my self esteem is very low too. I'm seeing a counseler hopefull it helps, weekends are tough for me too. weekends are the worse time of the week

[Dan2287]

Yea, weekends can be bad for me, but I've been like this so long that I'm practically used to it. Doing something with someone on a weekend doesn't happen often so when it does, I actually feel depressed and uneasy because its so out of the norm for me. I tried councelling and it helped me a little bit - but at the end of the day they were just reiterating what I was telling myself and not really make significant progress. I truly hope it works for you

[funny222]

Rejection feels like an ego trash on a guy, like he just lost a fight. He wasn't good enough. And so that sensation resembles a defeat in a sports game going back to childhood where the winners were laughing at you for the neighborhood to hear, "Ah, you suck! You ain't got what it takes! You're a sissy loser!"

Most guys don't want to risk feeling that way again, thus they avoid rejection where it seems probable to an approach of a pretty girl. And in public, where other people are watching...ouch! Rejection would hurt that much more!

[smbcomix]

I was rejected ten times. The first time I really really cared about the girl who rejected me; actually all of those times I did. I don't ask girls I don't know, I ask those I do.

Then again, because I've been rejected ten times and my confidence was never strong to begin with, I don't ask ANY girls anymore. It's depressing and I'm afraid to even look at a girl lest I become attracted to her. Unfortunately it's inevitable and there's nothing I can do about it.

I rationalize myself out of taking dives; first I tell myself that it didn't work the first few times, why should it work now? And then I evaluate myself and come up with the conclusion that she deserves better than me -- when every female friend I've got has already told me that a girl would be lucky to have me, contrary to what I believe.

My fear of rejection has paralyzed me and caused me to start rationalizing myself into believing I'm doomed to be alone for the rest of my life.

THAT is how far sh*t like this can go.

[bohunk89]

It makes a guy feel like crap when they are rejected. It does take away my confidence. In fact I am so afraid to ask girl out because I will get rejected because I am a bigger guy. Now I don't blame girls for not liking fatties, but it seems like they always say girls care more about personality, and it seems girls don't care about personality, just looks. I mean I know this nice sweet girl who I saw got beat by her boyfriend. She said she stays with him because "he's not like that all the time" and "he's really good looking, and I don't want to let him go even if it hurts". I mean I see this all the time with girls dating hot jerks. How am I suppose to compete. Girls have it so much easier. You just have to be average looking and guys will ask you out.

[Outcast]

In my experience its a vicious cycle. The more your rejected, the more you fear it. The more you fear it, the less you want to ask that fateful question. I've been single now for 3 years ... and counting and believe me it's not through lack of trying! It's got so bad now that I pretty much predict the failure before it happens. I get so nervous now it's crazy! It was only today that I confessed to this woman I've been interested in for a while to get nothing in return. Now, in all honesty, how can I take anything positive from this! Where I'm from, it's unheard of for a girl to ask out a guy which puts me right in sh*t street. I have a question for you hun. When was the last time you put your feelings on the line? Want some advice? Do a guy a favour and ask HIM out.

[gtex1991]

how would you feel if someone said, you are ugly as sin itself, then make mockery of you to her friends... of course it hurts, imagine you apply for job and don't get hired, are you telling me you won't feel something inside you

and girls would never ask guy... stop dreaming, because of fear of rejection

[Asker]

I've asked several guys. Most say yes, 2 have said no.

And the way you said it, I don't believe any1 would say it like that

[girloncue]

I have asked several guys, the last time he said yes, the 4 before that they said no. I kept going, didn't I?

[gtex1991]

Because its an options and not a requirement for you, you can choose not to, us guys have no option

[Anonymous]

I guess you're stronger than most people. As with me, I'm not that way. For example, I really like this girl and she hasn't rejected me explicitly. But then again, our relationship hasn't progressed very far. Fear of rejection makes me take my time (whether that's a good or bad thing in this situation is another matter).

[girloncue]

That's a bad thing. I've moved on to only find out said guy liked me and had just been waiting too long.

[IWillNotBow76]

Imagine if ten people came up to you and said your the ugliest person to have ever existed.

(I'm not saying you are) That is what rejection is like for us.

[depressedguy]

it hurts to get rejected ... the reason why ill never ask a girl out ever again ... I prefur the girl to ask me out

[alltheabove1212]

Obviously you've never been in a guy's shoes