Why don't girls ever ask guys out on first dates?

[Anonymous]

So yes, we all say that women are equal to men and that they can do everything that guys can, yet why is it some 90 something percent of women that I have asked think it is the guys JOB, not inclination, not nice thing to do, but a REQUIREMENT that he asks the girl out first. Sure the girl may go to quite a bit of length to get him to do the asking, but why won't a girl ask a guy out on a date first?

If you are going to give the "but girls are afraid of rejection" bs then please don't bother posting, boys get the same fear about rejection that girls do if not more because we normally have to ask. So please give me your PERSONAL reasoning as to why girls or (if you are a girl) why you don't ask guys out on first dates.

[glowgirl3]

When a girl asks a guy out she has to take a few things into account: 1. The rejection thing (I know it's just like guys) 2. Is he a traditionalist who thinks I'm being too "aggressive. " and 3. Is he going to take me seriously since he's not taking the lead? I've heard guys say that they would love, love, love for a girl to ask them out and then once you do, they look as if you want to take their balls and run with it. I think that a lot of girls (myself included) don't mind asking out guys but we have soo much more to take into account. We have to wonder about is he one of those men that thinks women need to play coy or is he a big boy that can handle a girl asking him out on a date. Case in point, I noticed this guy eying me for an entire year. A YEAR. Staring and the whole nine yards. Found out through the grapevine that he liked me so I finally did the deed and got his number through a friend and asked if it would be ok to call him. He said yes but it's been two weeks and lo and behold no call back. I don't know if he was turned off by the whole "girl asking guy" thing or what but that's why a lot of women back off from it. Let me know if you have any more questions.

[Kokujin]

how many million stories do you want of me or any guy not hooking up with a girl he called or texted. How. Many. Million.

-- you don't really have any more things to take into consideration. Girl or Guy -- the person who is doing the asking does. The very least, guys don't claim "I'm uncomfortable" then go b*tch tattle on your employer when you do so. Y'all the worst.

[Lizzie8]

Well first off I'm the type of person that has an extreme hate for that old rule book for dating with girls not allowed to ask out guys and has almost asked out a guy bc i was tried of waiting on him to man up... But there is a lot of reasons why girls dont ask out guys besides fear of rejection
1. We r looked down upon by people as desperate if we do
2. Everyone then harasses u
3. Ur looked down on by pretty much a majority of girls bc they think u could just get a guy to come to ask u out
4. Is yes I've been hurt a lot bc people like u and y'all have a thing but then they just use u. But right after ur thing with them... they end up going out with someone else has made me wary of guys in general so tired of hurting so y cause myself more pain trying to ask a guy out
5. Everyone even your guy friends tell u to wait "that your guy will come around u have to wait bc then even they call u desperate and all u want is for a boyfriend not even the guy himself even though u really like tht guy and they know tht

[livewire73]

Unfortunately, us women are at a disadvantage when it comes to asking guys out and making the first move. If we do it then the guy assumes we're very aggressive and it can sometimes be a turn off to a guy. Yes we're afraid of rejection just like a guy but be honest with yourself. As a guy you want to be able to take care of your girl and be the "superman" of the couple right? Now how would that look if we asked you out, paid for the date, made the first moves on kissing, hugging.etc. WOW! What a wonderful story to tell all your friends as they tease you for being sort of a wimp. Traditionally speaking, the guy should take initiative BUT with all due respect the girls should be better at flirting and letting guys know whether or not they are interested so it's easier for you all. I have asked guys out and been on both sides acceptance and rejection. The latter is not easy but I feel your pain dude. Much luck and respect to you.this is just one woman's opinion.

[Asker]

Actually if I had a woman who was aggressively pursuing me and doing all of those things, my friends wouldn't call me a wimp at all. They would be more envious than anything. By the way I might add that women of your esteemed experience, and more commonly referred to as Cougars are in that small percentage that actively and aggressively pursues what they want. Especially younger men.

[Warlock]

Livewire73 If you think so you're completely wrong. You can't make it too easy for a guy, in fact this is what every guys would want and would respect. If a girl is eyeing me and does nothing I say she's a f***ing wimp not worthy of my attention. If she starts talking to me with a pretext I ask her out and if she refuses she's a frigid ****. But if she actually takes the step she is worthy of all respect! Period!

[livewire73]

That's good to hear Warlock that I have earned the respect of men I've gone up to. I frankly don't believe in playing the staring game. I was told once by a guy I really liked that although he had to reject my advances he did respect me. I hope he still does and maybe he still thinks about me... who knows.

[tennishottie]

I think about this ALL THE TIME!

Think about this: In the movies, which gender is the one that asks the other out first?

I think that since guys are the more masculine one so they should make the first move. All the guys I know say guys are the bravest and other crap like that. ha So if guys are braver than girls, they should go first. I think in a relationship or nonrelationship they two should like take turns. If at first the guy makes the first move, the girl should start talking to him first the next time they see each other. But girls are more emotional. And to tell you the truth, girls think guys are completely different. Girls think girls suffer in love stuff wayyy more than guys. I don't know if I believe this or not, but that's the truth.

[Suave-Man]

Can a peasant ask a king to go to a royal function? No, because it's not the peasants place, likewise, a girl cannot ask a guy out. The leader has to do everything. A subordinate listens and the general speaks. Now I'm not saying women are lower than men, but in today's society where a man takes control of the matter, we are in charge. We ask, we set the date, we pay, we do everything. And you just sit back and say, "No, Yes, No, Yes," like you're up for hiring and you're viewing applications. Personally I don't like it, and when it comes down to it, most guys probably don't. But men are the leaders of society and we have to act accordingly and lead in courtship as well. See I wouldn't have a problem with it if I knew I was going to get a yes every time. But then there's those times where it seems everything was there (you thought anyway) and then you get let down. It's like, are you serious? After all those signs you gave me. I don't know that's really all I have to say. If you're not going to make any moves the least you could do is help me along the way and let me know what's up so I don't have to walk into a room with no floor.

[sequinfanrple]

What are you talking about? Once the date is set, then women take some control

[smartsexycool21]

Lmao......now this is funny

[johnny_hustle]

I agree man, if girls don't like us, then why give us signs? Sure, some are flirtatious but if that's the case they should let the dude know.

[DeltaBoy1983]

Well as a man you want to be taken as a strong, assertive type; not a weak or shy individual. For this reason when I guy takes the opportunity to ask first, then they appear confident in what they want. Girls not only love the fact they are desired verse being the one to force the desire, but they feel that this man can protect me in any situation. Even if you are a skinny guy, as long as you carry yourself as a big man then she will feel safe with you. If a girl was to ask a guy, it's not completely a bad thing. I just like the traditional way of asking a girl out.

[Asker]

So wouldn't that be implying that we as men want women who are weak or shy and unassertive, and of course women like to be desired, but so do we, so why can't we be desired as well?

[DeltaBoy1983]

Hmm. I see what you are saying but that's not what I meant. I guess I meant that being strong strictly in reference to a guy. That part was not suppose to be compared to a woman. Woman are strong in there on way. It is not everyday you have a 250 pound woman ask you out. But for a 110 pound girl, she might get quite a few 250 pound guys asking her out. It could be quite intimidating to say no to a man twice your size. Not every man is that nice guy, but the girl has to be confident in her no.

[Nutz76]

Generally speaking it's the man's job to approach. Doesn't mean a woman can't or shouldn't do it, but the way our culture is established and reinforced men are usually the ones that have to take the first step. It goes right back to evolutionary psychology. People may not agree with it and may wish to change it, but it's going to take a pretty hefty culture shift to make it happen. You're better off in the here and now getting over it and learning how to approach effectively.

A note to the women reading this: make yourselves approachable. Men have to overcome approach anxiety, fear of rejection, and raw nervousness to walk over and say hi. You can make our jobs a lot easier by projecting a positive vibe by smiling, looking around the room, having good posture, and not standing in a circle blocking people out from approaching.

If you've ever wondered why rarely any quality guys hit on you in bars that's because of the position, body language, and vibe you have when you're standing there. Make yourselves appear open to talking to men and more guys will do just that. Instead most women tell me all they get hit on is by the overaggressive and/or drunk douche bag players and they're tired of that. Well, that's what happens when only those guys feel comfortable approaching you! Make it a little easier and things will change for the better. Trust me!

[Anonymous]

a guy wrote:

the real reason why girls don't ask the guys out or make the first move is because girls just don't want guys at all...girls are too happy and in love with themselfs so there's no room left to love the opposite sex...us guys are just plain ugly, undesireable and or boring to girls...girls make it difficult and make guys jump through stupid hoops just to make us guys give up and leave them alone... duh...on another note not all men are confedent. some are probably like me. sad and lonely cause girls don't look at me or talk to me just because I'm ugly or whatever. why can't a cute-sweet girl just walk up to me and say "hi" and say sweet things to me like "i want to hang out with you cause I like you" and stuff like "your cute can I be your girlfriend?" and sweet stuff like that...plus... girls always reject the guy that asks...its not worth it to ask a girl out cause a guy has to be someone else and not who they normaly are...i believe that the girls are soppost to ask cause most girls don't want anyone anyways. and I hate when folks use animal mating rituals to explain reasons why the males are soppost to dominate the female... humans are completely diffrent

[tex151]

Well part of the reason is bc they grew up thinking that its the guys job to ask them out, and it should be if you ask a girl out that shows you have the confidence to ask her out, they don't want to be the ones to do everything, they hate making decisions. It is the mans job to make the decisions and they want that, they want a leader not a follower, they don't want to lead a man they want him to lead her. If your afraid of being rejected who cares man it only makes you stronger, take it as a job interview how many jobs have you wanted to have and how many did you not get, so you didn't get the job did you go home and cry about it and hate yourself well I would certainly hope not. You went back out there and went for another job. Just take the fact that its our job to ask the girl out .

[Asker]

Eh, I'm not afraid of asking girls out at all. I'm just tired of the double standard and girls constantly whine and complain that no guys will ask them out, yet when they like a guy, they say it's his job to ask them out, so they make no move.

[MissFortunette]

Face it: A shadow of the old gender roles still lingers upon society. Sometimes girls are afraid of rejection, but unlike males, society allows girls to get away with not asking out the guys. Sometimes girls still follow the old traditions and believe guys should ask them out. Sometimes guys still follow the old traditions and believe girls shouldn't ask them out, which discourages girls from making the first move. It's society, and society is a hypocrite.

Of course, this tradition is slowly decaying. There are many girls who would ask guys out now, whereas before it was unthinkable. You must live in a terribly archaic place if 90% of girls consider guys making the first move a requirement.

[openwide]

How many times have you asked a guy out?

[nessa78]

ok most girls are afraid or rejection or are afraid that the guy might not feel the same way as she dose I mean we are not afraid of telling you guys how we feel its just what you'll say back that scare's us! I dt think its right either so guys need to get the courage to ask us out we are way more sensable then guys !

[Asker]

Now see, guys have those exact same concerns when we ask girls out, but it is culturally taboo for us to have them. So why is it if the genders are equal, that women can't ask men out?

[Warlock]

And you leave all the grief fall on us Nessa, don't you? very cute! Tell you what! This attitute ain't gonna take you nowhere ma'am.

[Lizzie8]

That exactly kind of wht he ask not to say. Bc tbh thts the real typical reason people say and wht u say applies the same for guys they get scared of rejection too

[oldwiseone]

MY present Girlfriend HINTED very strongly about our first date LOL but yes I did the asking. LOL

but I knew the answer wouldn't be no. Actually I liked it that way. I did the asking with no fear of rejection.

[kdizzleforizzle91]

How exactly did she hint at it?

[Kokujin]

Why not take free dick and not have to do a thing? get your ego rubbed up too then ditch the guy later because he's too nice and you knew this from the start.

[shygirl722]

We have been taught that men are lions and that women are gazelles. You never see a gazelle pursue a lion. It is the man's role to ask. We are taught to not be aggressive or the pursuer. Taught that asking demasculinizes the man. We never want to downsize the men we are attracted.

[diegoD]

so what if a given guy that you are really attracted to is shy to ask you out, you would still go for whomever asked you out? just because they asked you out? would you at least give cues of availability? if so what cues?

[Anonymous]

cuz that's how it is .some gender roles are made to be kept.would you like us to grow a penis and screw you too?

[Asker]

Really now? So what gender roles involving women are made to be kept? The upkeep of their femininity? I think not, maybe it's the docile and humble nature...hmmm, nope. So please tell me, what roles are made to be kept for women that benefit men that aren't considered chauvanist or sexist by the large majority of women?

[Asker]

So what gender roles are women made to keep that benefit men that aren't considered chauvanist or sexist?

[Opinion Owner]

Gender roles such as when a woman has to change her name when getting married. She loses her priviledge to carry on the family name. If we could change the roles and men could have kids , that would be nice. I think all women would enjoy that. Most women are , no matter how independent or successful they are usually become submissive in marriage, they are the primary care givers most of the time, and most of hte time they do the housework in addition to working. I am sorry if I have to pr

[Opinion Owner]

Propose or ask a guy out, he is CHANGING, his name to mine.......and I will be the head of the household. Also women have limits placed on them on their sexuality, and etc. Women can't get out of taking care of their children no matter what, they are the ones who spend 24 hours a day wit them, usually the guy doesn't have to endure this. I like a MAN, and if y ou can't show your dominance and strength and ask me out, I don't have time for you......thats all I gotta say!

[johnny_hustle]

Really now, women have to change their name when getting married? No that isn't true at all. My History Professor has her maiden name, and did not take her husbands name, and if I thought my wives last name fit better to my first and middle name, than my own last name then I would change it. Women do not have to take care of their children 24 hours a day. In fact I am sure those kids sleep at least 8 of those hours. There is a difference between a man being dominant and asking out. I believe tha

[johnny_hustle]

That if a women likes a guy, then she should do either two things, make it more noticeable for the man, that she likes him, or ask him out herself. If a guy likes a girl but isn't sure if he 1 likes the girl more than a friend, and not sure if she likes him, why bother asking her out. However, that being said, if a man likes a women and wants to date her, he should ask her out regardless, but in my eyes its the same role for both sexes. Neither man or women should have a rule written in stone

[diegoD]

so you would never ask a guy out under no circumstances?

[Anonymous]

Cos we are forever hearing that men loose interest if the girl makes the first move, that's why, we can never win eh? :-)

[Asker]

I would personally be flattered if a woman asked me out, even if I did say no for whatever reason.

[Suave-Man]

Haha you know I'd be flattered too, but girls aren't that high and mighty to do all of that, so we have to do it---bummer

[johnny_hustle]

"we can never win" haha last I knew when in a relationship, the woman always has to win, and if not, the man has hell to pay. At least that's what I got from my cousins wife, and my exs. haha, and I would love it for a girl to ask me out. I might find a girl attractive but don't care to date her or not, but if she makes the move to ask me out, that's a turn on. and I for sure wouldn't turn her down. Unless I didn't like her AT ALL.

[Viperkiss]

Cos we are forever hearing that men loose interest if the girl makes the first move, that's why, we can never win eh?

You only hear that from women. I have never herd a guy say that he would loose interest. Never.

[Anonymous]

just have a sex change.then you will get ALL of the privileges of being a woman

[dakota102]

apart from the rejection, girls don't wanna come off as too forward.

[paigep929]

its just stereotypical that boys are supposed to do the asking

[MaxAsian9]

they don't want to look cheap

[Anonymous]

Because life is cruel and unfair