Why do girls not ask guys out?

Question

OpenClose · Accepted Answer

I don't respect a woman who expects to be "asked out" instead of just asking herself.

Never hold a standard for others that you don't hold for yourself. Simple as that.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason is deeper than "because I can do literally f*ckall and love still shows up".

Like, by taking a passive role, you can basically just sit back and blame everything on him if things go south.

Like think about how breakups go. There is usually some sort of "Well HE asked ME out. I was just going about my life but HE was the one who started a relationship and then it turned into fighting. Like, how can he think anyone but himself is to blame?"

But yeah, the "expect to be asked out" attitude feels less like a fear and more like a superiority complex. He has to take all the risk. She gets to condescendingly say "I was gracious enough to say yes." And then proceed to expect him to foot the bill for "gracing him with her presence" or "putting up with a stranger".

And then excuses like "I tried once and was rejected", and "guys don't like it". Like, that's cool. I tried once and was assaulted, and was raised on girls complaining about guys flirting with them. And I'm supposed to magically ignore all that.

I know none of this is technically how it actually goes. But that's very much what it feels like.

TheorionMage · Accepted Answer

The prevalent culture has NOT 'socialized' females to accept the SAME 'rejection'
it teaches them to dish out.
Feminists taut that they WANT 'equality' until they ACTUALLY get it!

The non-verbal cues of pre-teen and adolescent POTENTIAL fecundity underpins 'youth, beauty. and glamoury'. (Navarokof's 'Lolita')

IN THE IMMDIATE PRESENT, no one gives a shit that you earned TWO Ph. D. s or can speak 3 languages fluently!
The ONE critical language you NEED speak, society hypocritically denigrates as:
"tis the work of the Devil!" ... BECAUSE it undeniably affirms that FUNDAMENTALLY
we ARE biologically DRIVEN to be 'horny little primates' .
Nature, ... as with ALL lifeforms, mercilessly CULLS the unsuccessful progeny of each generation!

Evolution's ONLY over-riding concern is... that THE SPECIES survives to the NEXT generation;
it doesn't give a shit if YOU IN PARTICULAR, ... do!

Survival is apriori 'proof' of who's CIRCUMSTANCIALLY 'fittest' ~ Cruel & dark, but 'true'. : (

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

They do, but much less frequently. Most girls need more info than 'he's cute' and 'why not' to decide to ask someone out.

They want to know other things like what he does, who he hangs out with, does he drink/smoke, is he funny etc, is the kind of guy who would take me seriously.

I know 95% of men are decent human beings, but that doesn't mean that a 'regular guy' might just do the bare minimum to stay in a sexual relationship put in front of him.

Girls don't want a bare minimum kind of guy, and it's harder to tell if you're the one fronting the investment.

Usually if a girl asks out a guy it's because she's either a) super confident in herself and knows her worth (and how to immediately cut off a low effort guy before putting out b) she has taken her time to research some basic things about him and is OK taking a calculated risk

Lowiu · Accepted Answer

So its a cultural thing traditionally the first step is something the man does in a relationship and like thats a comfortable thing for us as making the first step is scary and realy makes you nervous its easier to just wait for him
But its not that women never ask guys out it just happens a lot less often and mostly if its very important for her

Anonymous · Answer

There is a legit concern that the guy might take that as an immediate offer for sex. I was guilty of making that mistake once or twice when I was much younger. But I can see why that’s an issue for women. But if they can clearly communicate they want to date first than that should resolve that issue.

But the much uglier truth is that women are too cowardly and frightened of being embarrassed or rejected. This is an old school dynamic that favors them because they don’t have to put in the risk and effort unlike most men (when all else equal).

Ladies most men actually do NOT enjoy approaching women. We do it because we have to. Over time we develop thick skin to rejection. Mature men can handle being rejected but being disrespected is another issue.

I just wish more women can respect the position men are in when it comes to this. If they did respect what the guy has to go through they would stop doing the following: labeling (polite) yet unattractive guys “creepy”, ghosting/flaking on guys and last but least realizing that the ace in hole in one “friéndzoning” is actually extremely insulting. Just politely but directly tell him you appreciate him approaching you but the truth is your not interested. Seems harsh but most guys will respect you.

If the man had the courage to respectfully approach you then you have absolutely zero right to be rude to him no matter how he looks, his social status, etc. Respect him for having courage.

HighValue · Answer

They actually should because if a guy doesn't ask her out and waits for her to do it first, he is less likely to cheat since he didn't even have the nerve to ask out someone he liked in the first place. If he won't make a move on someone he liked, he is less likely to make a move on a random person too.

I think one of the main reasons women don't ask guys out as often is because they expect the guy to pay, and then they can't use the excuse/lie, (I would pay, but whoever asks the other person out should pay) then they avoid asking people out. That is pretty common.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

You're not attracting or pursuing the right women. I know their coin system is a racket; but you need only get on the site UDates for three minutes, and there will be thirsty women in your area jumping your profile like they want to jump your bones.

I went on there two days ago to check it out, because I saw an ad. And almost regretted it. Any site where that many women are that over-the-moon interested in me out of the blue, is probably full of bots, and shouldn't be trusted. Met my current crush there though, so it's not all bad.

VanillaSalt · Answer

Lol. Women don’t want equality that’s why. They want better lives much like men but their willing to get “equality” and privilege at the same time.

There’s more women these days willing to ask a man out but that’s far from ordinary. If you wanna get a wife while only being a good man and a good provider you’ll have to wait until ladies are broken in by the world and are ready to submit to you. Sounds shitty but in every relationship there’s the leader and the follower. It’s not always gender based but again the exception does not change the standard. If you think your relationships 50/50 takes a closer look… when something falls apart who takes charge? If it’s a flat tire or a danger to the family it tends to be the man, if it’s a time issue in the day to day it’s usually the women…

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

They do ask guys out.

this has been the case since I was at school and even with my current girlfriend she asked me out.

Girls will ask guys out.

Also for lesbian relationships, it’s sort of needed that the girl does the asking lol.

I personally think culture and country play a big part, you can’t have the Guys are Men and do everything, then expect girls to do the asking, whereas in a more equal society, they are happy to ask.

LauraFalls83 · Answer

Some do, but society has been built upon the idea that men fight between themselves to reproduce with women. Civilization has brought a sophisticated touch to this: brute force and reproductive assets have been swapped with financial power and looks, respectively.
Rich men and beautiful women are on the top of the reproductive pyramid and always find a partner (different story is whether they find love or not).

Nowadays, and only in the western world, financially independent women can finally feel entitled to ask out (i. e. hunt) men too. However, this stills feels weird for many men (and also women). Like swapping roles, you see? Changes take time to settle (if they ever do)

laurieluvsit · Answer

Sometimes we do ... It's just not every guy :)

Jasmine-Darkfire · Answer

I've seen a lot of girls ask guys out, I've done it myself. In fact, I just did it today.  I imagine it is the same reason guys do not ask us out, they are nervous or scared, just like I was today.

CuriousJC · Answer

My best guess on why girls don't ask the guys out because they don't really have the nerve of Steel to make the first move on a guy she likes or the fact that she might get rejected. She prefers the guy to make the move on her and ask her out. The moment she tries to approach a guy she likes or knows, her face will go instantly bright red from blushing and shyness will kick in like a emotional fear factor instead of her just being herself.

Anonymous · Answer

Consider this point: Why should they?
1) they don't want to pay for the date since they asked us out.
they want us to pay instead.
2) they got lots of fuckboys asking them out on the regular and all they have to do is say yes or no.

most girls don't have the guts to do the asking. They are completely reliant on us doing everything. imagine this extend of passiveness, that they let things happen to them whatever will happen instead of taking charge and making things happen themselves like we do.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I have asked guys out before, the problem is sometimes they think that is an offer for sex. If I do, I have to make it clear that is not the goal. Also sometimes guys even when they say yes are not into it, but the same could be said of girls that say yes to guys.

We don't ask all guys out though, need to be interested in them and suspect they are at least interested in us.

Apulu_3 · Answer

Most girls have that shy and fearful conclusion when it comes to propose someone. They are either very shy or are extremely scared of the embarrassment after rejection. But yeah not all girls are like that. It's just that majority of them are like this.

lrina · Answer

traditionally, women were supposed to be very modest and aloof, and not show any interest in a guy until much later. i guess that's still kind of true nowadays, however occasionally guys do get asked out first but usually only if they're either extremely hot or rich.

Sasha_Gee · Answer

Because I totally want to miss my chance with that person I love 🥺 No... If I am interested and you're on my radar, I will hunt you down unless you reject my advances 😅

Slartybartfast · Answer

In a word PRIVILEGE.

Approaching sucks ,. I can't think of anything in my life I have forced myself to do that was less pleasant than simultaneously being the sex obligated to risk approaching and being the sex most vulnerable to character assassination by the other for approaching.

If eating broken glass was the recommended way to get a date , the ER would be full of men bleeding internally.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

A lot of people have answered already, so it's kind of obvious women do ask guys out.  They might just not ask you out, since you're asking this particular question.

Anonymous · Answer

I haven't directly asked a man out but I do shoot my shot by initiating flirty conversation and getting a guy interested enough to ask me out himself.

I feel like it works for me because it still allows the man to take the lead. All while I stay graceful, engaged, and openly reassuring so he won't fear rejection.

scott04sa22 · Answer

The last time a girl asked me out it backfired then she went back to her kids biological father. The father of her kids then she started dating him. Plus my grandparents wouldn’t accepted her and her two kids also times were very different back then before obama.

Twalli · Answer

Society says guys should. Although historically girls were actually the first ones who expressed interest. The girl would drop a handkerchief or something else on purpose and the guy would pick it up to hand to her. Then they would get to talking all the while the guy thinking he iniated it, when the girl did.

Priv9696 · Answer

People still living in the 50s. Old fashion bullshit. I hate how we have to let the guy chase us and can’t be our clingy selves

lilyanony1 · Answer

Because guys don't really seem to like it. It changes the way a lot of guys view a woman. In fact their may actually be some that go as far as being afraid.

TheAfrikan · Answer

Most of the girls do think that it is a guys personal job to ask them out. But some girls are too openand brave to ask them guys out once they have strong feelings for him.
But even when they do that, it might make them feel a bit inferior, yet in actuality love is received both ends and they should not be afraid in asking us out. Am out @maverick54

wankiam · Answer

they sometimes do... i mean social conditioning plays the biggest part i suppose but i just literally had my crush message me to see if i wanna meet her for a drink

Anonymous · Answer

Because women generally only want the best guy. And if she has any sense at all she knows that the top guy has 50 other options. So odds are he's going to say no or she's going to have to settle for being 1 of 50 lol.
Women know that eventually some guy is going to make a move on her. And at that point it just comes down to 1. How picky she is 2. How long she's willing to wait on a guy she'll accept 3. How desperate she is at that particular point.

tiajoka · Answer

Uh, we do. But if a woman is they type that doesn’t, she is dropping big hints. Why don’t men ask women out? Maybe it’s the same reason.

Kaamraj · Answer

In the animal kingdom the male is always the sexual competitor, competing for sexual attention against other males for the approval of the females.

YollyM · Answer

Because most guys are not used to being desired for lack of a less strong word. Basically most guys think that girls who approach them are "easy girls" , which is seldom the case.

MCheetah · Answer

Laziness, shallowness, and in some cases, fear/cowardice. Why take the risk when you never have to?

PrettyPriya · Answer

They do. I asked my current SO out.

brezzybaby · Answer

If I want to go out with a guy I'm going to ask him if he doesn't ask me

Valso · Answer

Oh, they do but they only ask the men who are rich enough. If you don't have at least a Nardo in your garage and at least $100,000 monthly salary, you're not a human being and don't deserve to be even looked at by them.

Amoebaaa · Answer

I've tried it, girls. You ain't loosin' anything. Just try it, show some courage.

Gingerguy33 · Answer

I don’t blame women for not doing it because of the pressure that your under when you do ask someone out and they usually don’t have to do it because lots of the time the guy will have already asked her out if he likes her

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Most of my boyfriend I asked them out. I usually make the first move. I've been rejected a few times. You brush your shoulders off and keep it pushen

martyfrazier80 · Answer

Why would a woman want to take the man role and ask a man out! Usually women who ask men out get laid and played so let them do their job and chase.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

They do for the men they fancy. If you are not on their radar or you don't do it for them, you are a "meh" and they will not pursue.

Anonymous · Answer

I did that and got rejected.  So now I am convinced if someone really wants me they will ask me

Somegirl678 · Answer

to not seem desperate lol, who wants to look desparate and needy

sheikalana · Answer

I'm a modern woman with pretty traditional values however, for the first time I was the one who initiated conversation with my current partner.

valentina4eva · Answer

if a guy was interested he would ask me out🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

exitseven · Answer

I have been asled out by girls a couple of times but most of the time it was me that had to do the asking. That is just the way it is.

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

Personally, i dont like the idea of chasing a guy. Not my thing at all.

DesiUwU · Answer

Personally, I don’t do it because i usually have no interest in taking a relationship further unless the guy who I hang out with wants to.

Nazorella · Answer

Sometimes im asking guys it’s 2022 please change your angles..

ChattyGuy43 · Answer

I think it's easier and less embarrassing if the guy asks the girl out rather than the girl ask the guy out.

Medhat-M · Answer

Girls approach me all the time... Even when I don't look very friendly... You just have to be handsome, that'll do it

Iron_Man · Answer

They have fear in their hearts from the past generations of letting a man do everything for them including asking them out. Too much pride for them to take the initiative

Avicenna · Answer

Some do, but most think it's the guy's job to do it

Chthou95 · Answer

Because women are more scared of rejection than men are. Women talk about how guys can't handle it but trust if women experienced the same amount of rejection a guy goes through, a lot of them would need to be on Oprah to talk about it

Dargil · Answer

Cultural tradition. Besides... Women have something men want. Not the other way.

Anonymous · Answer

Because most men are gay. Odds aren’t in our favor.

Anonymous · Answer

I only did that twice, when I knew the other person wasn't going to say no. Rejection is a scary possibility.

BondVillain · Answer

They don't like looking desperate to their peers and fear rejection.

jahaims · Answer

My wife asked me out. That is how we started to date.

Nagahime · Answer

I mean, I'm gonna get rejected anyway, so why even bother?

cookiecrusher · Answer

I get approached almost daily. Work on yourself buddy, be busy have a fun active life and others will want to join you on your journey.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys tend to not like it when we do, because they usually prefer and insist on being the ones to ask out.

Jolzie75 · Answer

Girls are allowed to ask guys out just as much as guys are allowed to ask a girl out.

Tonita91996 · Answer

Because guys usually don't like the girl if she has to be the one to do the asking.

Babygirl_S · Answer

Fear of rejection stops us. We are more emotional than guys.

Why do girls not ask guys out?

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Why don't girls ask guys out?

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Why don't girls ask guys out?

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