Why don't girls ask guys out?

Question

I see so many questions/hear so many girls lament about how they want a guy to ask them out, "why doesn't he ask me out", "does he notice me" and girls get so upset about this, even my teenage sister.

Some guys are in fact too cowardly to ask girls out. It's true, it's sad, many American guys need to look at Clint Eastwood or Timothy Olyphant as examples and mimic them so they can be men, not wimps. They're the shy guys who don't even have the guts to object to something in class.

But a lot of them just don't care enough to make an effort, or they have things on their mind, they get asked out by girls often, etc. So why don't girls ask guys out to coffee instead of crying about it?

"Oh, if he actually liked me, he'd ask me out." Girls never realize guys could say the same thing.

"Oh, if he doesn't have to work for it, he won't appreciate me." We all know guys hate when girls don't stress them out.

So really... these girls you always see stressing about "why won't he ask me out" why don't they just ask the guy to coffee? What's so soul crushing about that? Every guy alive is expected to deal with rejection and be fine. If guys can live through it, it won't crush girls' souls.

(Side note: the women who are willing to initiate, bravo to you having guts and not expecting others to do something you're terrified of.)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I've done it, but in my experience - it doesn't work out nearly as well for me. I know that sounds selfish BUT that's how it is. I have no problem asking guys to hang out...as long as I don't like them THAT much. If it's someone I like though, I've had trouble in the past with balancing trying to let them know and coming on too strong.

The first time I approached a guy, I was head over heels, pretty naive, and had no idea what I was doing. He rejected me, and I was devastated and swore I'd never put all my cards on the table like that again. Now...being passive is not nearly as "do nothing" as it sounds. Being passive means flirting in a pretty forward way while still leaving room for doubt. Read: flirting is not actually saying, "Hey I like you; wanna go out sometime?"

Being passive works for me. I get more guys paying attention to me when I am/act busy or politely disinterested. I get guys with better conversation skills approaching me. Guys come up with increasingly cool places to take me, take extra effort to engage me in more stimulating conversation, and become generally more competitive in this mentality to "win" me. It's nice to feel wanted, and I do admit it boosts my ego. With this strategy, I have changed my tastes in the guys I like. I actually do not go for the guys that fall into this "competative" state of mind. Instead, I figure out which ones don't get mad at me for not wanting to hang out all the time...for occasionally missing their phone call by accident if I was busy, etc.

There is ONE guy who is steady as a rock. He doesn't overreact either when I shower him with flattery or when I don't pay as much attention to him for a few days. A lot of guys get all big-headed and show off disgustingly when girls give them little compliments. Conversely, they'll get all passive aggressive if you don't respond to a couple of their texts. The guy I like does none of that. He always treats me the same way - politely disinterested, but secretly interested. He has asked me out before and I have asked him out, and while neither of those times worked out, because it wasn't the right time...we both respect each other for having some guts and identity.

GIRLS DO ASK GUYS OUT SOMETIMES

It's just not smart. They get hurt deeper. It's smarter for them to let the guy show his cards first and then decide whether she should tell him she likes him

Princesspinkxx · Accepted Answer

I once gave a guy my number, but he turned out to be an a**hole. Usually when I like someone I look at them a couple times and smile and I tease them. I have no problem approaching guys. I think it's like a two way street, if you smile and show interest then he will smile back if he's interested and then from there you kinda test whether or not he likes you by teasing him and see what his reaction is like. But I don't know , my friends tell me not to approach guys cause it will make me look easy. I think it's all about society, girls fear being accused as easy if they approach a guy first. But I think what girls need to realize is that it's how you dress, act or present yourself to the public that makes you a slut. Not how you approach a guy. Also it depends on what kind of guy you approach, obviously if you approach a good looking player then the results are going to be bad. If you approach a gentlemen or someone you have known for a long time then it will be different. Women also over think a lot so that kinda comes into play ( fear of rejection, Etc). But mainly I think it's cause they don't wanna make themselves look easy

DandelionGirl · Accepted Answer

I've been rejected 3 times so.. that's why I don't ask guys out anymore. And this recent guy I just CANNOT seem to get over is driving me insane! I just wish he felt the same about me as I did him, I've had this insane crush on him for the past 4 years :-/ I see him on and off throughout the year and fall in love with him, he was a customer of mine too :-( .. and if I ask him out, I know he'll say no. He's too good looking to go out with someone as bitchy and pathetic as me.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The truth is women often hold men up to a higher standard than themselves. Like when tall women are too afraid to ask out a guy. Even though we all know girls prefer tall guys, we are still expected to have the courage to face rejection repeatedly by asking out women that we know are unlikely to be interested in us, or else we are intimidated, insecure, etc. I don't think it is biological, but rather our culture that allows this to continue.

It is sexist to believe that it isn't as hard on a man to approach a girl, as it is for the girl to approach the guy. Men feel the pain of rejection just a much as a woman does. Unless you want to make the argument that women are more emotional, which is considered sexist against women. We really need to hurry up and move past this gender role crap in dating already.

Either ask them out, or don't. Men and women need to stop whining that their true love isn't falling into their laps, with no work on their part.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You have no idea how fearful and incredibly insecure even the hottest women are.

Spydi145 · Answer

I think it's because we are bigger cowards than you think.

In almost every book, film, series,articles and other thing I stumbled across, the same thing is said: "If a guy really likes you, he's show it." "... He'll ask you out" "He'll make a move" blah blah blah...

I sincerely wish there was at least one source who would tell me how to make a move instead of waiting.

In my experience, guys do make a first move, but by that time, I just regret not having the guts to make one first. As the typical type of girl, I have no idea how to make a move on a guy (And yes I did ask that question on this website and guess what, nobody know).

I think girls SHOULD make the first move but then again, there are a lot of guys out there who would feel emasculated if we did. ( it's like opening a door for a girl, if a guy does it, it's chivalry, if a girls does it for a guy she might as well crush his balls herself.) ... Pretty graphic there... Sorry.

Truth is, I think women everywhere are either too "conventional", coward or simply clueless on how to do it. You can't bring flowers to the guy, you can't send him a little pink memo with a heart on it and will you go out with me yes or no... What can you do. A lot of thing surely, but so far the girls who keep this secret are doing a marvelous job, seriously, I think that is what area 51 is all about

Thermia · Answer

I asked out most of the guys I dated, but they always took advantage of me, so I went back to the traditional strategy, and now I'm in a great relationship. Relationships can probably form just as well if the woman asks the guy out, but in my experience, none of them worked out.

Youryeodongsaeng · Answer

To me, I don't ask guys out because I'm lowkey scared of them to begin with. My father died when I was 3 and now I have a hotheaded stepdad that doesn't wants to deal with those kind of shit. If my father was still living now, I wouldn't be so scared of guys now.

So, the real answer is, some girls just want to be girly girl and just think that, "Guys are gentlemen. They should always ask a girl that they like out." etc, stuff like that.

I'll ask a guy out but it depends on the guy.

Mermaid36 · Answer

I just asked a guy out (sort of) because I didn't think he would, but I was definitely advised not to by a few people. They said that it would make the guy uneasy, it would be too aggressive, guys like the chase, etc. So we are definitely given bad advice on this topic.

XxMIDNIGHTxX · Answer

ok I had asked a guy out and he just said "No I have plans dumba-- and girls shouldn't ask guys out go away b----" soooo

Anonymous · Answer

It's a crap shoot. I don't mind making some effort but I need to see that he's interested. Also as a girl once you show some interest the guy will start chasing you if he was shy and you took a bit of initiative

Hanzo · Answer

Because if they did and heard the word no and we're getting a taste of what men get put through there would be no women left.

Hamburgers · Answer

Women don't have courage. At least as much as a man.

Anonymous · Answer

Well I get asked out by girls. You must be ugly. kidding. I never get asked out by girls.

Anonymous · Answer

Because as much as they like to preach about equality and destroying privilege they'll murder you before they'd give up their privilege of being able to get into a relationship without having to try.

Tripzz · Answer

Depends on the girl, there isn't any one reason. I was asked out the other day, had a good time.

Anonymous · Answer

Its because people these days are brought up to be taught that guys do the approaching and courting and all of that. And then the woman submits in marriage. We are still a traditional society.

Anonymous · Answer

Obviously because men desire women more than women desire men.

Anonymous · Answer

Cuz when we do, we get ignored, yelled at, rejected and then the whole “I’m getting married to someone else” get shoved in our face. How bout that.

CarRacer301 · Answer

I've always wanted to know why? I've been wondering about that why girls why?

Anonymous · Answer

it's because society's expectations of girls being the submissive and males being dominant/forward.

Anonymous · Answer

i never get asked by a girl  , and I always get rejected because I'm ugly , so now I'm a wimp ?

moviedude714 · Answer

probably conditioned that way by their moms

kangaru · Answer

Both genders are afraid of rejection

CubaPirate · Answer

Because they don't need to?

Why don't girls ask guys out?

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