Some guys are in fact too cowardly to ask girls out. It's true, it's sad, many American guys need to look at Clint Eastwood or Timothy Olyphant as examples and mimic them so they can be men, not wimps. They're the shy guys who don't even have the guts to object to something in class.
But a lot of them just don't care enough to make an effort, or they have things on their mind, they get asked out by girls often, etc. So why don't girls ask guys out to coffee instead of crying about it?
"Oh, if he actually liked me, he'd ask me out." Girls never realize guys could say the same thing.
"Oh, if he doesn't have to work for it, he won't appreciate me." We all know guys hate when girls don't stress them out.
So really... these girls you always see stressing about "why won't he ask me out" why don't they just ask the guy to coffee? What's so soul crushing about that? Every guy alive is expected to deal with rejection and be fine. If guys can live through it, it won't crush girls' souls.
(Side note: the women who are willing to initiate, bravo to you having guts and not expecting others to do something you're terrified of.)
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I've done it, but in my experience - it doesn't work out nearly as well for me. I know that sounds selfish BUT that's how it is. I have no problem asking guys to hang out...as long as I don't like them THAT much. If it's someone I like though, I've had trouble in the past with balancing trying to let them know and coming on too strong.
The first time I approached a guy, I was head over heels, pretty naive, and had no idea what I was doing. He rejected me, and I was devastated and swore I'd never put all my cards on the table like that again. Now...being passive is not nearly as "do nothing" as it sounds. Being passive means flirting in a pretty forward way while still leaving room for doubt. Read: flirting is not actually saying, "Hey I like you; wanna go out sometime?"
Being passive works for me. I get more guys paying attention to me when I am/act busy or politely disinterested. I get guys with better conversation skills approaching me. Guys come up with increasingly cool places to take me, take extra effort to engage me in more stimulating conversation, and become generally more competitive in this mentality to "win" me. It's nice to feel wanted, and I do admit it boosts my ego. With this strategy, I have changed my tastes in the guys I like. I actually do not go for the guys that fall into this "competative" state of mind. Instead, I figure out which ones don't get mad at me for not wanting to hang out all the time...for occasionally missing their phone call by accident if I was busy, etc.
There is ONE guy who is steady as a rock. He doesn't overreact either when I shower him with flattery or when I don't pay as much attention to him for a few days. A lot of guys get all big-headed and show off disgustingly when girls give them little compliments. Conversely, they'll get all passive aggressive if you don't respond to a couple of their texts. The guy I like does none of that. He always treats me the same way - politely disinterested, but secretly interested. He has asked me out before and I have asked him out, and while neither of those times worked out, because it wasn't the right time...we both respect each other for having some guts and identity.
GIRLS DO ASK GUYS OUT SOMETIMES
It's just not smart. They get hurt deeper. It's smarter for them to let the guy show his cards first and then decide whether she should tell him she likes him
"The first time I approached a guy, I was head over heels, pretty naive, and had no idea what I was doing. He rejected me, and I was devastated and swore I'd never put all my cards on the table like that again."
That describes perfectly the first two times I approached girls, lmao. Problem is, what if I and every boy/girl that gets hurt approaching takes your approach, and acts politely disinterested in dating?
so you approached a model looking guy and because he rejected you , you stop