Why are men only extremely nice to women they’d sleep with?

[Anonymous]

[CaptainOverthink]

In my offline experience, men are nice to most if not all women, until they give them a reason not to be.

Though, extremely.. yeah, being overly nice is usually a sign of some type of want.
I'm not sure if this is the case here (and even if it is, it's nowhere near all men, though many still) but..
There is a type of behavior or a mindset that men can find themselves in which is toxic, though evolutionary understandable (because it has worked), which is;
When a man begins to 'hunt' a woman in a sense where she becomes central to his goals. And generally, there are a quite a few ways this mindset can develop through the years..
- For insecure guys:
He pedistalized her and she is instantly perfect in his mind. He gets tunnelvision and she is always first in his mind. He can be a confident guy in all other instances but with her, he is awstruck and socially infantile. In this case, or in this stage, this does not generally work out well for him.
If he is understood from the womans side and she happens to be the gentle type then he'll have time to adjust or be met halfway but these are his only chances.
Other times he is labled awkward or creepy and chances are he will face harsh rumors and bad treatment for his ways. Which in worst case may traumatize him and trap him in this state when encountering women of interest (or women in general), as he will associate affection (or fear of affection) with persecution.

- For confident guys:
He is enough socially exeperienced or layedback enough to 'go with the flow' despite his wants which are strong but does not overwhelm him.
She is central to him when she is around and he may bend his personality or overrepresent kindness, but those thoughts 'takes a backseat' in his day-to-day life or are otherwise compartmentalized.
This can workout well for him in a sense where it gets him results, like sex. But when he loses interest or finds another he stops trying and his real personality starts showing, then it will begins all over again with another. He keeps going because he is rewarded by it and he feels relatively more competent.
If he enters a relationship during his 'hunt' it has a strong possability of failure because if he has adjusted his personality during his focused phase, then not only has he been disingenuos but his geniune parts may not be at all compatible with hers.
In a best-case scenario he is either principled enough or knows that honesty is foundational and of the outmost importance, and risk of conflicting opinions are okay. Which means that he won't bend his personality to fit her expectations (or rather, his ideas of her expectations). He will be open with his thoughts and mostly okay with the outcome if she is unable to reach an 'agree to disagree'-state.

[patois]

Guys are typically nice to people that are nice to them. Women that want to sleep with guys are typically nice to guys so those guys are typically nice in return... It's called reciprocity. Both the man and women reciprocate the kindness because they are both interested and both helping each other. If some woman doesn't want to sleep with some guy they're like you, making up bullshit in their head, causing drama, lying about shit, and in general doing things that don't earn respect. If you're acting like men are a treat all the time, then men are going to reciprocate and treat you like a threat.

[Ms_Facesitter]

That's not the case. Don't let my user confuse you, I don't sleep around 😂

You don't have to sleep with them for them to be nice, you don't have to be physically attractive to them for them to be nice. I'm pretty tall, and I've been rejected because of my height before. Those people were still very nice to me and still are.

All I do is be nice to them, open and respectful. If they feel respected and welcome or accepted. They are going to be nice to you.

You did add "extremely" so let's address this. Why are men extremely nice to women they'd sleep with. Because they're flirting, interested in dating you, see you as a potential partner, maybe even for life. They want to look at their best to win you over and if you are into them, you also put in effort to win him over. Flirting is natural.

But I think extremely nice people are people you should avoid. Because I see "extremely nice" as people that you can walk over. Simping! People who are too nice for their own good, either smothering you with it, having no spine or personality of their own to say No to anything, selflessness that can be used against them and scar them later down the line.

[DishLady]

Not ONLY, however... you catch more flies with honey, right? Right. So it makes sense that a guy would be nice to the woman he's trying to get in good with... and perhaps also with her parents/friends (depending on the age of the two people we're discussing).

[JacobJordan]

There was a time when men were nice to all women. Women destroyed that and have ruined relationships and marriage and nuclear family. So why would men continue to care about being nice, polite and respectful to women who spend all day and night disrespecting men. What you see today is the result of women not men. Men respect women enough to accept her choice regardless of how stupid. Women told us to leave them alone, said all men were abusers, rapists, pigs, dogs, shit, not needed, could all die, etc etc etc. You got what you wanted you don't need a man you don't have them. Why so unhappy? You told us to leave we left. Why so unhappy? Women destroyed what was for what they thought could be only to realize they never were going to get it because while women change with the time of day men do not.

[Anonymous]

For the obvious reason. However, because I've worked customer service jobs across the country, and of course have been a customer myself... I've noticed 1 GLARING difference. If a guy isn't physically attracted to a girl... she'll still get basic customer service. She won't get flirted with, or extra chit chat... but she won't get "Pfft🙄🙄!" Ignored with an eye roll, hip thrown out, snotty response, etc. If a female doesn't find the guy attractive... in customer. service, the guy customer WILL get that. 8 out of 10 times. He's not even worthy of basic customer service... From Miss Hot Stuff 10 Rating The World Wants Her... at her $9/hr Dollar General position. Absolutely delusional.🥴

[CrabCakes11]

…said nobody who has been outside and spoken to women ever

[Opinion Owner]

Those college years of learning how to be "open minded, tolerant and accepting" are paying off, I see.😎Keep up the good work.🤝

[CrabCakes11]

Look at the age on my profile then ask yourself if I’ve been through years of college

[Opinion Owner]

And therein lies the difference. The assumption that everyone puts their real info on these random sites. In my case, that's most CERTAINLY a false assumption. If I had kids (which I don't), and had them the year I got out of the service... they'd be roughly a decade your senior. I started traveling the continent on my own... roughly 16 years before you were even born. So, get back to me on your global experience in about...🤔35 years. Have a nice evening.

[CrabCakes11]

lol whatever you say gramps

[Finchie40]

Probably because he is attracted to her and wants her to like him back the same way , Most guys’ are territorial over a girl he gives his heart to , he will commit to her the same way he wants her to commit to him , he will protect her and treat her like Gold if she likes him back the same way , he will make it clear to her, that she is the only girl he wants by his side and makes her his priority , he will distance himself from other girls’ out of respect for his relationship with her

[dustybiker2]

Most are nice to anyone who offers them attention and respect.

[Hammywillsalot]

For me at least I see a lot of truth here. My “love language” is words of affirmation, for this very reason. But it can be s trap if we shut out needed criticisms to grow or mature.

Excellent point!

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t you be nice to someone you’re into?

But then, because of the kind of skepticism that you have on full display right now, and the typical resulting actions, where women often disrespect men who like and are nice to them, men often come to realize that this is not the way to attract a partner. 🤷‍♂️

[DrPepper12]

If they were raised appropriately they would know better and they would treat the person who can't do anything for them as well as the CEO of the company. If that is your feeling, and I'm not discounting it, I'm sorry that you met these people. Speaking for myself, I would actually rather be friends with women and I would definitely rather work under a woman than a man. No need to sleep with anybody! Just friendship.

[Vesuvius87]

Being nice to women they would sleep with isn't a nice person after all. A genuinely nice person would be kind to even unattractive people out of character, without expecting anything in return.

[Siri137]

You've answered your own question here.

I know, that's a very cynical position to hold, but it is in many cases unfortunately true.

[Serkee]

Why do you feel the need to insult all men when you don't get enough attention? If a guy asked the same thing about women he'd be laughed at and called an incel.

[Mr_twoface]

Not only, but nicer. Cause they want to continue to sleep with them.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Oh Mr two face lol 😂😆 😈

[laraWM]

There are women they don't want to sleep with? 😂😂

[TommyMountainFigure]

:)) Good gawd, don't you encourage her

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes over half

[KrisKris81]

The answer is in the question. This isn't just a men thing. As a general rule of thumb, if anyone is being over-the-top kind to you, they probably have an ulterior motive.

[VV3ZZY123]

Well that's how you can tell what they are really like. Watch how they treat the elderly, children and animals. If they are mean to them, break communication and never look back.

[Unit1]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsZMbs5PC64

.,.,

[Bricealan]

Not a true state, at least not for me. I try to always be extremely nice to everyone!

[236color]

Didn't the question answer itself when you wrote it out?

[ProbablyClueless]

Because the women we'd sleep with have sex appeal to make their more annoying behaviors charming, while other women are just normal people.

[sawno]

Not only, but more likely to be nice due to survival instinct.

[RebelinSteel]

I tend not to spank girls I’m not sleeping with..

[handsomelad70]

Oh, boy...

[saroj786]

That isn't the case for all. Just like you girls asking for something isn't same for all.
Extremely nice lol. We are nice to everybody and for it to be ugraded, there must be someone who touches the soul not only the dick.