How do I confess feelings for my guy friend and stop him friend zoning me completely when I won't see him for the next 3 months?

[egirl94]

My friend and I have developed a mutual attraction which neither of us has directly discussed. However, I think I've accidentally been giving him a lot of mixed signals (due to anxiety/fear of rejection). I've only known him for 4 months and initially only socialized with him in group settings. He then went away for 6 weeks, reached out via text and we got closer emotionally by having lots of deep conversations & told me I was one of the few that he fully trusts. I realized he liked me, after re-evaluating I realized that I felt the same and developed very strong feelings for him.

When he came back we went for dinner that lasted 4+ hours and realized that we are super compatible to the point where we want the same things and all the big picture stuff lines up. We spoke about our dating history and what we want from our next relationship. He gave me plenty of opportunities to confess my feelings (even talking about its worth risking a friendship for love) but nerves got the better of me. I ended up accidentally saying that I wanted to be friends with a partner first and know I was compatible before jumping into something that wasn't going to work. Which came across as me friend-zoning him. He still asked to see me again the next day. The second catch-up although i could tell his behavior had changed to trying to be more friendly but liked when i flirted or touched him and hugged me a few times.

I think this has scared him into not wanting to admit it or act on it as he has his own fear of rejection, me being "out of his league" (I don't think this), and not wanting to lose me as his friend. The timing isn't right for us to start anything as we now won't be able to see each other for the next 3 months due to different travel commitments. I am moving to his hometown in 6 months & am scared of ruining any chance of something happening in the future, especially if he meets someone before then. All communication has to be done via phone. How do I address this with him?

[DaveJord]

You have to tell him your feelings before he goes, let him go and take the three weeks away to consider it all... and then tell him to look you up when comes back if he is interested in persueing it.

While he is gone you need to give him space and leave him alone, while you take that time to really explore your feelings. When he gets back then you have to wait and see if he reaches out to you. If he doesn't then you know your answer and you need to just move on. If he does, then you work together to grow the relationship.

What you can't do is not tell him, and if you do tell him and he says anything other than yes, he wants to do that with you, then you need to stop seeing him or hanging out or talking with him as just a friend. Once you make your feelings known, he has to want to do that with you, or you need to end the friendship. Because trust me, going forward your feelings will only grow into frustration because you are not getting what you want from the relationship, while he on the other hand would be.

If he is fine with you not continuing with the "Freind Zone" then you have to be fine with it as well. Maybe over time he will miss the friendship and want to come back and explore more with you. And if he does not do that then he's just not interested, and you have to accept that and move on with it without him in your live. Which honestly is the best thing for you to do at that point, even though it sounds terrible to you in this moment. Long term you will do better for yourself without it.

[virtue2332]

If you are into him let him know. There is nothing wrong with saying how you feel. People play way too many games overthinking things. I've learned that the what ifs and I wonder what could have been are more frustrating. When I was in the military going away and not being around someone was common and it wasn't as easy to communicate as it is now. I met and had relationships with some special people for whatever amt of time it lasted was worth more and helped me grow into the person I was when I met my wife. You have to live in the moment for as long as it works and know when to move on and always be true to yourself and how you feel. The only way you can ruin any chance in the future is by not being genuine and failing to communicate your feelings and expectations. If it doesn't work out it was never meant to be.

[Guy13]

Call and talk. Facetime.

[egirl94]

he doesn't like calling or videocalls (with anyone in his life) as he is very introverted and finds it awkward. My only real option is text but that seems so impersonal and am concerned with how that could be perceived. Also not sure how to initiate it either. I don't want to emotionally dump all my feelings on him either

[boggboss]

Just tell him pretty much what u said here that u do like him like that but was anxious and said the wrong thing yes text is not the best but if that's your only option better u do it then don't and he moves on

[Anonymous]

Just be truthful and tell him you have romantic feelings for him.

[egirl94]

any advice on how to do that via text? I just don't want to emotionally burden him with my feelings

[Opinion Owner]

Just say the same thing.

[Twalli]

Just ask if he wants to try romance with you in 6 months when you can be together physically.

[Danny_dan92]

You’re friends