Guys, if you had little self-confidence but developed it as you got older, how did you do it?

[OlderAndWiser]

When I was maybe 20 years old, I realized that if I didn't become more assertive in pursuing females, I would have a very lonely life. I knew I would experience some rejections, but I just decided to go forward and handle whatever happened. I got some rejections, and I learned that it wasn't the end of the world or the catastrophe I had visualized, and I got over my fear of rejection. And that allowed me to become more assertive, start dating more, and gain experience that turned into self-confidence.

Guys, if you were shy when you were younger and you overcame it, how did you do it?

[NathanDavis]

I grew up as an extremely shy kid and all the way through my early teens... so yes, I grew up with little to no confidence from the get-go, and it wasn't just about girls but everyone and many things (social situations) in general... but yes, being closer to girls was a major trigger than others, lol.

The very first thing I actually did for myself was pushing myself into sports (this around age 6 and in elementary school) because this was my way to face what I feared the most, which was being the center of attention as this would bring me a lot of anxiety and stress... when I was on the field, playing around and between many other kids and where no kid really cared about me, they were all focused at the ball, not me... was the first thing that helped me to get used to this anxiety and stress... it was the "first exposure".

The second thing that I did and I feel made a big difference was the fact that I could not really avoid girls... because many would approach me (something that just happens in the classrooms) and many things would ask me about school stuff.. so once again, I just forced myself, little by little... to actually talk and engage with girls especially, and I did my best to not focus on them, not even look directly at them... just on the books or whatever school stuff I'd be explaining to them, so this was how I got used to speaking and being close with girls and without freezing on the spot, little by little, kiddy steps, literally
These two things were the two most important things I did, as a kid and also a teen... and by the time I was around 16... most if not all of my extreme shyness had faded and gone away, my confidence in general actually developed from none of it and kept building it up since, now... talking to and approaching girls was a next, bigger step

[NathanDavis]

So, in my case... fortunately, I believe that I was lucky to develop any confidence before I even considered to approach any girls, and also fortunate about the fact that for whatever reasons, girls would usually approach me, therefore I just had to manage to handle myself with enough confidence when they did.

Being able to handle myself confidently when engaging with women was also possible due to the fact that I worked on every aspect of myself precisely to improve myself and my own life, I never pressured myself at all with the ideas that I had to "become better for women" none of that...

it took a life-time of introspection and improvement to get myself into point in which I finally felt genuine and truly confident in being myself... once I achieved that, I was just and still being myself, not pretending anything at all... which happens to be attractive for SOME women, NOT ALL women, but some... and some is, and has been just enough

I would never think or feel pressured to be liked by any and every woman out there... those who have been interested or intrigued with me, they are more than enough... and when they approached me I always felt free to by just the way I am, most of them like it, a few were not into it, let's say that... which is something natural of course, and expected as well

[NathanDavis]

And then I just realized, that it was okay and it is fine to approach someone I might be intrigued by or interested on (just like the girls did with me) and also realized that is fine and okay if some of them are not into me, because they do not have to be, no entitlement, no unrealistic expectations either...

This is also another thing that made a difference, that I worked really hard on keeping myself grounded and very aware and also of others... and seeing people as they really are, never idealizing them, never idealizing myself... never creating unrealistic expectations especially without no experience

I only got ideas of any expectations, based on my actual experience with girls as friends, and girls as girlfriends... never let anyone else or anything else to influence me on how or what dating and relationships "should go for everyone" none of that

lots of work, lots of effort... actually trying and actually CARING for the girls and the women in my life lead me to good experiences and outcomes one after the other... and greatly reduced the chances of bad experiences, and this is one very important factor

if you are not truly caring for women that is because you truly do not care for yourself... and a lot of men today make this mistake... they think of themselves as unlucky but most of the times, it is sabotage and they do not care for themselves as men, so they're not able to really care for women the way they should (the better and healthier way) and continue to live in denial, whenever I felt any of this myself I made sure to smack myself out of it, and this is the best moment to say that I also had a few great other people in my life, both men and women, who made sure to keep me grounded too and aware of whatever I was not doing well at the time, that definitely helped a lot as well

[BarryLiverstone]

In college I got to get a lot of experience talking to new people and exploring what I wanted to learn about. Remember reading about how “nice guys” would be seen as fake so I tried to do almost the opposite of what I had been doing in high school and was shocked to see how girls reacted.

[coachTanthony]

Easy by being the smartest guy in the room about many different subjects.

[OlderAndWiser]

[molonski2]

Not just girls but I was a reasonably shy teenager , two things really changed me , first was sport , I took up golf ( solitary sport at times ) , but I loved it and played everyday for around 7-8 years , became pretty dam good , this drew attention to me , from guys maybe 2 years older , and these were the " cool dudes " , and who followed them around , all the girls that were my age , this kinda changed everything , and then I started working , I was selling and I came to realise that I could talk to anyone , I even had a little " fan club " of groupie school girls ( too young I thought of them although it gave me a heep of confidence ) , girls were now coming from all angles , but really I didn't know what to do with them , or really even how to approach it , some of them literally just threw themselves at me , I would mainly just make out , but I'd never call ( just didn't still know what to say ) , my skin was getting really clear , had my groupies , felt I could talk to anyone , I'd become super confident , maybe over confident in hindsite , and I made plenty of mistakes , but really everything just flowed from there , and for the most part it just stayed , in the property world making big presentations helped , and I just could believe I could do it , but was forced too initially , and funnily enough the larger the crowd the easier.

So long winded answer , but it was super shy ( the fault of my mother by the way ) - Sport / Working / Groupies / Business , and that is the story !

[Jersey2]

I hate false bravado. A lot of what women think is confidence is BS spouted by someone who just doesn’t get it, meaning the reality of what needs to be done to achieve significant results in life. So many idiots can talk a woman’s panties off after meeting at a bar it just makes me laugh because maybe these guys have confidence… BUT they shouldn’t. A 10 year old can be confident about driving a car but it usually doesn’t end well

When 20 I wasn’t scared but I also knew that I had some profound decisions to make on career, direction in life and a spouse. Being too sure at that age is just stupid. There are a lot of things you need to learn… women say that is a given but its confidence that matters, no it isn’t, its making smart moves and holding your breath a little as it pans out. Its more about street smarts and tenacity vs big talk… I am convinced young women don't know sh! it about real confidence. And it shows in the divorce rates and who is filing those divorces… women.

I honed in on my future wife at 20 and my career at 21. I listened to my father in career but i made the final call on it, always take in advice and weigh it then make your own decisions. Once I knew I was excellent at what I did and that I made better decisions than most others, my confidence grew tremendously… even to what is called arrogance. But again, those who think that still don’t get it. There is a reason most people do mediocre or even a bit better but never reach and grab the brass ring.

[Anonymous]

Took responsibility for my mental health.


Being bipolar as l am and having looked for the right medications for the last 35 years; finally hitting on the correct ones a few years back.


Poor mental health can rob you of your ability to deal with the daily stresses that life brings. It causes you to withdraw from society, self medicate and lose out on all those good experiences that teach you self confidence. It can cloud a positive mindset needed to confidentiality raise a family without burdening them with your burden.


It hinders your ability to relate to the people around you.


Having that healthy mindset allows you to learn from your failures. Those failures that force you to give up a social life and the ability to handle rejection while learning from those mistakes that got you rejected to begin with.


You must surround yourself with people that have a positive outlook on life and steer clear of those wanting to drown you in their misery.


You must understand a woman’s mindset when it comes to attracting them. You can research those ways, but unless you are willing to learn hands on, so to speak, you will get know where. Just don’t get too hands on.

[Opinion Owner]

Opps. I spelled nowhere rong.

[Heolurt]

Mine went the opposite way, I had confidence despite knowing I was ugly and always being called ugly by almost everyone I've ever met, especially my own mother. I had confidence even when all I ever got was rejected. Then in my 20's my confidence started to take big hits a started dropping fast, I developed Social Anxiety Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder, my Selective Mutism came back, my stammer came back, I was diagnosed as on the spectrum, hugs became painful to me as well as being touched became too uncomfortable which my therapist says might be me also possibly having PTSD, eye contact is next to impossible and to top it off Manic Depressive Disorder and Body Dysmorphia (which is funny because my view of my looks never stemmed from inside but from everyone around me)

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

Confident started when I transitioned from being a nerdy geek to actually filling out and realizing that every once in a while, somebody would take a look at me and smile.

Getting my first serious girlfriend occurred a couple years later and at that point, I realized that I too had a chance at finding a long-term partner.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

* confidence started

[normalice]

My self confidence as a childhood basically be described as "negative infinnity," because I had deeply conservative parents. I gained confidence as I got older because there was nowhere to go but up from there. Plus, looking around and seeing how powerless other people were to make the same demands on my attention that my parents did kind of helped me realize they were full of it.

[lightbulb27]

A few times got bold and talked to girls. I generally paid the price either flat reject but one time got a date, but didn't know what to do to go forward.

Most improvement occurred post discovering Christ, where I became interested in other people and opened up. At one stage, I really pushed myself to be more social and engaging, reading, practicing and putting myself in difficult social situations intentionally to get out of my comfort zone.

Change... challenge... learning

[DarkWinterNights]

I wouldn’t say I’ve got a huge amount of confidence, but I got enough to get me by. You just have to stop caring about what other people think. Follow your passions, keep an open mind to learning news things, socialize and it will come naturally with time.

[Massageman]

Build on "small successes". A successful professional gardener, let's say, does NOT start on the lawn of a five-acre mansion for his/her first job. They would build on smaller successes of average-sized yards, learn how to do things more efficiently, delegate if needed. The move up to larger more complicated projects, working their way up TO that mansion contract! Each learning step increases the level of confidence.