Sexual Relationships
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Virginity: Why though?

I am a virgin, and all my life I've been avoiding wearing tampons, taking ovules, putting anything inside of me, in order to protect "my virginity". My family gives too much importance to virginity and they made me think that I had to wait until marriage to pop my cherry. Why though? So my husband can be proud of me? so my husband can respect me as a woman? so my husband doesn't feel disappointed? so he believes he's the one and the last for me? so he thinks I truly love him for letting him pop my cherry?

I don't know what goes through these people's minds, but I know I strongly disagree with their view.

Why men can't have the same celebration we do when we say we are virgins? Why are they looked down? Why do people trust female virgins more? Why do people make fun of male virgins? Virginity is nothing but a way to show your innocence. Men and women can be innocent, why can't people accept that?

Virginity: Why though?

The amount of girls who have told me they wanna wait till they get married is big, also... many of these girls are afraid of masturbating. Why though? Why do society makes us believe that masturbation is wrong? Why can't we explore our bodies? I mean, it's my body, I can touch it if I want, is it a sin? Why though? I've been told I can masturbate as long as I don't pop my cherry. Why though? I can pop whatever the hell I want. It's my body. I've been told my chances of getting married depends on how pure I am. Because men marry the good girls.

Virginity: Why though?

At this very moment, I couldn't give less fucks about what men wanna marry. My goal in life isn't having a family and cooking for my husband everyday, but many girls dream about this and they see it as their life goal. Why though?
Yeah sure, we all want different things, but I just think it's sad people don't want to go any further.

So, now that I have my goals clear, what am I waiting for? A parade? Nah, that won't happen if I wait for marriage or if I pop my cherry by myself. What's the freaking prize of waiting, can someone explain this to me?

And to don't make this any longer... Girls and guys, virginity is just a word, letting it take an important part of your life is your decision because society shouldn't give a damn about what do you do or you stop doing. Do what makes you happy and remember life is way too short to wait.

Virginity: Why though?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Virginity is not a moral value, as it is considered in patriarchal times, it is rather the self-protection of male Ego and recompense for the protection of his woman's life by him. Unlike female brain, the male brain is more competitive, it does not want to share anything with anybody and requires every desirable thing at first hand, in that case, his woman's heart and body completely untouched. Male Ego requires that the sensation of the first touch, kiss or any sexual act, which vividly and forever remains in the female brain as the first sexual experience, should belong only to him but nobody else. Unlike male brain, the female brain is not so competitive and does not exclude previous sexual experience of her partner so strongly, even, in some cases, prefers it. That is why, in contrast to wide-spread view, the highly respected virginity is not a moral value, it is rather male egoism and no modernity can destroy it, can only reduce it, because male brain is the male brain every time and everywhere. It would not like to share his woman's body and memory with anybody, even if it has already been in past. On the other hand, as any woman would like to be protected by the opposite strong sex -- despite of the fact that feminism has strongly masked this need as if woman are not the weak sex and can protect themselves without any help of the opposite sex, because that most feminists, if not any, lead lonely life and share only their bitter experience, -- any man would like to protect his woman, of course, if he holds a true male brain. This protection also has its roots in male egoism and stands as the clear proof of his conscious or unconscious domination over the weak sex. And it requires virginity in pre-sexual relations within marriage as recompense for his protection of her life. As patriarchal as it sounds.

    • One thing is very important for the ego of some men: virgins *can not compare*, a boon for unsecure men. ;-)

    • @jacquesvol virgins expect more. SO it is harder to pelase them

    • @mishsheaven Virgins don't know what to expect but heard it will 'hurt terribly'.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nice take. I wholly agree.

    'So, now that I have my goals clear, what am I waiting for? A parade? Nah, that won't happen if I wait for marriage or if I pop my cherry by myself. What's the freaking prize of waiting, can someone explain this to me?'

    Ironically enough, the prize of waiting is giving the guy who I'll assume is your husband or someone who the girl has already discussed settling down with almost unlimited access to her body and sex. Putting the bulk of her value between her legs, with her lady parts being the main motivation to settle down with her once you can look past the idea that most men aren't the ones getting romanced/wooed, anyway.

    • @kaylaS91 Here's a Take I wrote on male virgins: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a26404-the-stigma-on-male-virginity

    • @ManOnFire yeah, never said boys don't get any bad flack for it either.

    • @kaylaS91 I didn't say you didn't think that, I was just sharing the other perspective.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Loved this take. The only thing I have to add is that virginity doesn't necessarily mean innocence. One CAN have no actual sexual experience, but know some things on what to do, what sex entails and the different types of sex that can be had. 'cos virgins can still watch porn, study/read up on sexuality or be naturally kinky.

  • Well, I'm happy I read the whole thing because I thought this would be about not shaming on male virgins. . .
    But no. 😑
    It's about not letting virginity taking over your life and just going out there and doing what you want.
    Let me make this clear, I have absolutely NO problem with people making their own decisions and not letting others direct their choices. Infact, I respect that. However, I myself think that love and waiting to get married to loose your virginity is just as important too, because sex should never be a deal breaker. Granted, I've worn a tampon before (lol didn't want to, but did just to try) and I've masturbated (didn't pop my cherry yet 😅 Haha) But I've never been penetrated in before which to me is really important because at least this leads to babies or stds (not always). Yeah, I'm probably just paranoid of having sex in all honesty, but that doesn't make me less of a person does it? I had a ex boyfriend who said he was a virgin too and I didn't judge him or call him a pussy (trust me he was a retard for other reasons 😅 Haha) instead I tried to welcome him as much as I could without exceeding my own personal limits. All in all, if you'reva virgin and feeling bad for it: DON'T. Yoy have much more to look forward in life anyway and dreams to fulfill! 😁😁

  • Mexicans put a big thing on virginity? o. O; Not in Texas they don't. >.> Even if they're strictly Catholic, that just means they only have sex without condoms, because they're big on propagating. "Be fruitful and multiply". Or is that just your parents?

    As for why. It's because human instinct dictates that women use their egg per 9 months effectively. That means finding the right male for it. Women who have a lot of sex are perceived to be hurting the human species by being careless with their eggs. Since they only have one per 9 months, it must be used cautiously.

    At the same time, men have infinite sperm. So they're being most productive to humanity when they're using as much of that sperm as possible. If they're virgins, it shows that they lack qualities that women like. So they're seen as inept or weak or awkward or have other bad qualities.

    You might say "But rawrz, we have 7 billion humans. Don't you think we have enough now, maybe even too many?" True. But human instincts don't realize that. Human instincts are 20,000+ years old. And back then, human population growth was very important.

    But yeah. Virginity is just a word. It is a stupid concept. Today.

  • Well first of all your family is teaching you lies and incorrect science! NO ONE SHOULD EVER "POP YOUR CHERRY" pain during sex shouldn't be expected, because then men think it is fine to be rough and inconsiderate because "it's supposed to hurt her anyway" it isn't supposed to hurt! All it takes is a little foreplay and trust so that the woman is relaxed and sex shouldn't hurt even the first time it's such a basic thing to avoid causing someone pain during sex I hate this "popping cherry" myth! Your hymen is a part of your body for life! If it rips or tears which ideally it shouldn't! It will heal and it only takes 48 hours to heal because it's so thin and elastic. It's not a seal on a bottle of juice! It's an open ring of skin (unless you have a rare mutation where it needs to be surgically fixed.) I don't get how people can believe this myth is there any skin on the human body that just magically disappears when you rip it or cut it? NO! SKIN HEALS your hymen doesn't magically disintegrate into thin air, it is part of your body and your body heals it if it is injured, even your hymen!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA

  • It is all your decision. However remember to think if you will be proud of your self in 30 years if you do it.

  • Many girls say that, about not wanting a family, until they get older and then suddenly they very much do at which point they will lie about what they have done (about being promiscuis) in order to sucker a guy into accepting her or getting angry when a man decideds he doesn't want a promiscuis woman. Their are many negative consequences to promiscuity from depression anxiety and self esteem issues to higher rates of divorce ( 1% probability of divorce with one partner, 16% with two) higher rates of cheating (for those who score in the upper half of the sociosexually unrestricted (casual attitude towards sex/promiscuis) scale its about 50% probability of cheating and a 50% probability of divorce) as well as much higher levels of marital/relationship disatisfaction. Just because sex is fun and pleasurable doesn't mean that reckless indulgence is good. Its like junk food, sure its enjoyable but if you indulge in it it has sever risks to your health. Sex is the same way. So while you have every right to do as you wish so to do men have the right to not want to be involved with you if you do. Now you may not care now but that doesn't mean you won't start caring later. So that is something to consider its something that if you go down that particular path you are commited to and the only way to change it is the off handed chance of finding a guy who doesn't care or out right lying to him (which is a terrible way to start a relationship and quite honestly a really scummy thing to do). So that is something to consider. As I said you have every right to live your life as you see fit, it is after all your life, but that is a far cry different then not having consequences and one of those is how people will percieve you and interact with you. Lots of guys like a promiscuis woman for sex, not very many will be able to have a serious relationship with her so again what is being gained by your decision and what is being lost must be taken into account. What you feel now may not be what you feel later. Sex is by no means evil or bad or shameful but it is something that should be done responsibly, no different then alcohol or anything else for that matter.

    • I totally understand that I can change my mind later in life, but I'm 100% sure that I would never lie to my partner about my sexual life to get something from them. I just have to say that the chances for me to get married and have kids are very low.

    • So if you change your mind and most guy don't wants to be with you because of your past will you be willing to acknowledge that it was your choice and therefore your the only one to blame not them? I think this is the major issue is that women blame men for not being allowed to be promiscuis (men have never restricted womens sexuality, women have) then they blame men for not accepting them for being promiscuis (even though those very women are attempting to take away their right to bodily autonomy, the very thing they cite as the reason why they can be promiscuis) and then lie about it to these men, telling them they "changed" their priorities as they got older and decided they wanted to settle down (instead of the more likely situation of them getting older and being promiscious no longer being a viable option for them) this is I think the reason for most issues men have, after all a woman who gives up sex easily is actually beneficial for guys looking for easy sex so

    • they are not going to care if a woman is promiscuis or not and in fact preffer it. On the other hand its the men who are looking for relationships that do care very much whether or not a woman is promiscuis (for the reasons I listed prior) and the fact that it devalues him (she gives it away for free or nearly free to others but for the guy she "loves" she makes him jump throug hoops and pay for it showing less respect for him then a near stranger) This essentially makes the man looking for a relationship feel like he is being used as a tool (which he is) for the womans benefit ie she doesn't actually care about him, she cares about his resources. So basicly as long as you are upfront about it do not lie take/acknoweldge responsibility for the possible fallout for your choices and understand the consquences (in ours society we like to not mention the negatives of promiscuisty)

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  • if you are questioning being a virgin, then my view is that restricting yourself is pointless. if ur remaining a virgin to please someone else [such as ur parents], then ur not being a virgin out of will. ur doing it out of fear. as do a lot of young women.

    ur right in that the situation is WAY exaggerated, like who gives a shit if ur a virgin? get over it. but i think it it's important to also consider that many women, and men in fact, are remaining this way by CHOICE, and it may have nothing to do with religion or having no opportunities.

    when it comes from you, you should be proud in that you are living in a way that people find somewhat strange. when it comes from fear, then you know that your drive for sex is greater than remaining a virgin, and guess what? that's okay too.

  • I believe that virginity is a matter of sexual innocence and not having your hymen intact. There are girls who frequently have oral and anal sex but they still have their hymen and there are also girls who are sexually innocent but their hymen ruptured from some sports injury, using tampons, or they were born without a hymen.

    Some people value sexual innocence in a girl because they believe that an innocent girl will be satisfied with whatever sex she gets from her husband, because she has nothing to compare. This means that the husband is insecure and it also suggests that he wants to "possess" a woman.

    My personal belief is that women and men should be held to the same standards. There are male sluts and female players. While I do not want a woman who has had 100 sexual partners, I don't expect my partner to be a virgin. At my age, almost all women I meet have been married, but I expect that they have had sexual partners outside of their marriages. The important quality I look for is that my partner treat sex as a special part of a relationship, something that is reserved for committed, monogamous relationships.

  • Thumbs up. Blame outdated traditional mindsets and religion. Waiting until marriage is a bit silly. Sexual incompatibility is a real thing that can ruin a relationship. People can do what they want, but expecting everyone else to follow suit is absurd.

    It's good you brought up the virgin shaming that happens to guys. People, women especially, love to bring up the double standard. It's the same thing, just in reverse for guys.

    People need to get over themselves and stop worrying about what others do with their sex organs. People dismiss way too many others because a guy isn't 'studly' enough to get laid all the time or a girl isn't 'pure and innocent' enough for them because she had the audacity to enjoy one of nature's most pleasurable activities. It's all a bunch of bullshit.

  • I agree

    • too much slut shaming for women and too much virgin shaming for men

    • You are right. Virgins guys are shamed

  • This has to be a mexican thing. Like 97% of American have lost before marriage. Me I say do what you want.

  • Are you really an virgin? I would never would had guessed, an girl with very sexual personality like yourself, who also like to pose in bikinis, well if you really virgin then more power for you, being both sexual and pure is the best of both worlds, as far as I'm concerned. You want to know why virginity has much value? it's because first hand is much better then used goods in most cases, and yes girl who can keep her innocence and resist her lust is usually can be much more trusted for not cheating then a slut that has many dicks on her. Being the first in the last it's the most true monogamy there is, but even being "only" the first is still much better then being the being number hundred, being the first is much more special. Masturbation is okey as long as it's only an outside masturbation, to not ruin the hymen. The prize of waiting is getting an better guy, unless you would waste it on someone unworthy, many good guys prefer an good girl and not an easy girl, those who looking for sluts, are usually looking for an one night stand, but then again, most sluts didn't deserve much more then that. Being a virgin is the best proof that the girl is not an slut, virgin is not just a word, it's an big part of girl's decisions and personality. Those who don't want to wait and want to be an sluts can do it, but it's has an price, they can't "eat the cake and have it too", many guys don't want an slut for serious relationship and rightfully so, it's an natural instant for males, to avoid being tricked into rising offspring who might be not theirs, that why many males didn't want nothing serious with slutty females, and it's the same in many species, in most non-monogamous species the females are rising their offspring totally alone.

    tvtropes.org/.../MamasBabyPapasMaybe

    tvtropes.org/.../NatureAdoresAVirgin

    • Nice way to see it. I've never been penetrated, but I've had oral sex. Received and gave. Some people would say that it doesn't make me a virgin anymore, but for me virginity ends when you're penetrated. I do not share your same view, but I understand your point and yeah, I agree with some of it. I've never considered myself "pure", I started masturbating at 11 I think, or 12, I've always had a super pervy mind because my parents always talked about rape and those things to protect me, at the age of 2 I knew what rape was (of course I didn't understand completely). Of course I was more innocent back then than what I am now, but even though my hymen is there, I can't consider myself pure or innocent. I agree when you say that guys would prefer to be the first instead of the 100. Thing is... I'm not planning to base my life on guys' needs. Thanks a lot for sharing your opinion, and thanks for sharing those links :)

    • then you are not a virgin

    • @WhatTheHellAmy well that explains everything, you not consider yourself pure because you are not truly innocent and you right to not consider yourself so, but full virgin girls are truly innocent, you are an technical virgin, and if you have gaven and received oral sex then there is not much point for you to not having penetration with the same guy, and yes there is not much point about talking about how virgin your are as well, because you are not fully virgin in this case. Masturbation don't change your status, sexual acts with guys can change your status. You are not planning to base your life on guys' needs? it's your call, but like I said there is an consequences for not being an good girl. Glad to hear that you liked my links, and here is more link for you, this one is even more fitting for your personal life. :)

      tvtropes.org/.../TechnicalVirgin

  • I seriously do not care if anyone knows I'm a virgin. I'll tell whoever asks, and yes, I have really told people who have asked.
    For some reason a lot of people assume I'm not a virgin. I guess it's just because I'm an 18 year old, so chances are I would've lost my virginity by now.

    Anyway, I want to lose my virginity because I'm really fucking curious (no pun intended) on what it's like, and I wanna know. I WOULD prefer to lose it to another virgin, and I DO prefer that we'd be dating, but that's just how I am, I can't help that.

  • I think the placing of a female virgin on a pedestal goes back to the archaic tradition of maintaining the purity of the bloodlines. In the extreme examples of princesses having to be virgins on their wedding night to ensure her first born (the heir) is offspring of her husband.
    There are lots of other things involved in a old fashioned sense - A estimation of a girl's morals or personality judging by how sexually active she was before, a way of keeping women dependant on men and families also reducing women to the role of a breeding animal.
    In all honesty the romantic notion of a woman keeping herself till marriage is way down the list of society's notions why this should happen.
    Of course what makes it unfair is the double standard for men in regard to the same situation.
    You are right in an ideal world it would be a totally person for each gender to either be sexually active with partner (s) before marriage or stay a virgin till marriage.
    I have noticed a growing trend that is somewhere in the middle especially among girls who wish to remain a virgin not necessarily till marriage but until they meet someone very special. That strikes me as by far the most sensible approach. I would encourage both genders along that route.

  • "Why do people make fun of male virgins? "

    Until the time comes when men stop chasing women the way they do, and women become less selective with whom the sleep with, male virginity will continue on being looked at as a mark of shame. It's harder for guys to get laid and it is just anatomically harder for women to climax from intercourse so every time a guy actually does get in to bed with an eoman (and also satisfies her), it is seen as an achievement while for the woman it was just a choice.

  • I can't fathom what concern your masturbation or sex habits are to your parents (obviously, provided they aren't willfully harmful). I'm actually a bit surprised. Maybe a bit flippant, but some people really need to get a life and focus on themselves!

    You know what you can get away within your own culture and family unit. Personally, I'd flout this bullshit about being 'pure'. It's all socially derived, unnatural and potentially even reprobate.

    If one puts too much emphasis on virginity, there's a danger that A. the husband has already had his fill before marriage anyway B. the relationship is flawed on other grounds. He may be a 'good Christian', but moral character and a good relationship extends far beyond saying the right things publicly and following a few outdated rules.

    • To me is having sex with girls " I have emotionally invested for", soon after I have sex enough with girls in a relationship, I would feel sex is nothing more than a toy we all use. Thus I won't be emotionally invested with relationship. Because you never if that person is the special someone. So I'm just going by from what I see. You can have sex, just don't get emotionally involved to a girls relationship.

  • Your issue seems to be less with the idea of virginity but more with it not being your choice, which is understandable. However the importance of virginity serves a function especially, and maybe primarily, for men.

    A virgin, in theory and largely in practice, is less likely to have an STD given that she has not had sexual encounters. Not to mention that a virgin is highly unlikely to bear someone else's child because she had not taken part in sexual congress before she was married. This was extremely important in the past when there was no technology to determine if a woman was faithful or not, this is a trust issue along with men not wanting to raise another man's child.

    As territorial creatures, males, do not like their women around other men for concern he could potentially impregnate her and he would potentially raise the other man's child. Men who were not territorial were substantially less likely to pass on their genetic line. Likewise females do not like their men around other females for fear she would have to share his resources with another and her offspring. Evolution is a fickle beast.

    Exploring a person's body for its own sake is a misnomer. You could use a term like defile and it would offer a different point of view. The point is that whether it's a good idea or not is subjective. And the conclusion modern culture puts forth is misleading.

    To be it more delicately the amount a woman has slept around prior to settling down falls on a spectrum. And to think more sexual encounters can have no consequences, mentally and physically, is to delude oneself. It was and will probably always be full of risks, externally and internally.

  • I sort of agree. I don't really think virginity is that big a deal. A lot of females do see it as a positive thing, and guys who think so too are made to feel that they need to lose it. I think everybody has to decide for themselves what they want/need to do.

    I also wrote a Take on guys struggling with virginity: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a26404-the-stigma-on-male-virginity

  • Couldn't agree more with you, what a fucked mentality the whole virgin culture has...

    • To me is having sex with girls " I have emotionally invested for", soon after I have sex enough with girls in a relationship, I would feel sex is nothing more than a toy we all use. Thus I won't be emotionally invested with relationship. Because you never if that person is the special someone.

  • You can be a virgin and LESS than innocent. Seriously. Virginity does not equal purity or innocence. This is false.

    • what about chastity?

    • @mishsheaven what about it? Refraining from sexual intercourse does not makes someone better than others imho.

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