Ladies, This Is Why You Can't Keep A Man

Anonymous

Ladies, This Is Why You Can't Keep A Man

When I first starting dating Michael I wasn't in love with him, but I felt obligation to him. He had done so much for me and I found him physically appealing and he was desirable to Many women. So I gave him the only thing I assumed I could offer him-sex. All the while I didn't realizing I didn't owe him a DAMN THING. I was so young and immature that I was stuck in this fantasy of a perfect relationship and I didn't even care if the love wasn't real. I knew that he was cheating on me with other women so even more so I thought that giving him sex would save everything. I mean I thought if he wouldn't be in love with me he would not be saying that I never was a good lover. Because I wanted to please him to the point that I could be better than any other woman he slept with and thus, not worth losing.

A while ago I realized that having sex with him wasn't an obligation. Just because he was my boyfriend didn't mean he deserved my body. And yeah, I enjoyed sex just as much as he did. But using as a tool to keep him around wasn't worth it, so I just stopped having sex with him. I even let it be known that I would not have sex with him anymore unless he changed. He eventually stopped pretending to love me because I wouldn't have sex with the the him, and I wouldn't have sex with him because he didn't love me. We still managed to remain in a relationship, both foolishly believing the other would be what they wanted. I wanted him to he my lover, he wanted me to be his ho. And none would budge. All of his attempts to seduce me we're met with a serious confession that it wouldn't happen, probably ever again. I knew he could no longer continue to use me if I didn't allow it. but I believed that by showing him that I respected myself he would magically change. Thats just not true. No man is going to magically respect you just because you tell him to. Nobody in the world is that easy to control. The only reason to change your ways isn't to prove to someone else that your worth respecting, but because you ACTUALLY RESPECT YOURSELF.

The real reason sex won't keep a man isn't because your sex isn't good enough. You could have the best vagina on the planet. But when it all boils down to it, if all he is getting from you is sex and he seems satisfied with that, then honey that's all he ever wanted from you. He wasn't seeking a relationship, nor did he have any intentions of being with you and that won't change. It just doesn't change no matter how much you wish it would. You see, if a man wants to stay he will make an effort to NOT FUCK UP. No man who doesn't want to lose you is going to openly give you reasons to leave. And if your so easy to get back together with that you can just have sex with him after everything bad thing he has done, then honey he won't change. Your giving him everything he wants, and if it doesn't seem like much then that's because it isn't. Sex is not enough in a relationship, anyone can tell you that. so if he is settling for just sex from you, he doesn't want anything more. And by you not giving him any ultimatum (be with me or never be with me again) he assumes that you don't want anything more either. You can say you want to be in a relationship and get married or for him to stop cheating, but in the end you are BOTH making the concious decision to be together. If he isn't physically MAKING you have sex with him then you are fully responsible for your decision to let him stick around.

And YES, if a man is only using you for sex then he is SIMPLY STICKING AROUND. He doesn't have the intention of staying for good. He is sticking around while everything is good FOR NOW. And that won't keep a man for the simple fact that he doesn't want to be kept. Ladies, stop kidding yourselves. The only reason you can't keep a man isn't because your not good enough, it's because the men you choose never wanted anything else you had to offer but your body. (Or your money but that isn't the topic of this post).

You as an individual aren't perfect, but a man who wants a woman would want you if you respect yourself and have standards. Never underestimate that standards are important. They do matter. But the thing is, they only matter to men worth being with. Ladies, stop chasing players and realize that a man who wants you does not just stay because YOU want him to. He stays because HE does. If your man makes you feel like you could lose him at any moment, then you better believe you can. Ditch him now and go find a real man.

Ladies, This Is Why You Can't Keep A Man
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    I agree with this 100%! Unfortunately I have made these mistakes in the past. What really resonated with me in your myTake was when you said "... if a man wants to stay he will make an effort to NOT FUCK UP. No man who doesn't want to lose you is going to openly give you reasons to leave. "

    This is really good advice to follow. I think it also applies to both men and women. It's the same if a man is in a relationship. If the woman he is with is not making time for him, not being good to him and treating him like an option, then it's time to leave.

    If someone is ever treating another person as if they are only in it for a limited time, then obviously they have other ideas and it's not worth it to stick around.

    I've been in so many relationships where I make most of the effort. The guy tells me he's going to see me, then doesn't show up, only to make excuses. Or he criticizes me and wants me to change for him. People who truly love you are going to see you as enough.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Calex

      "No man who doesn't want to lose you is going to openly give you reasons to leave."

      That sounds impossible. Men are not perfect, there's always going to be ways to mess up. We are not gods.

    • Anonymous

      @Calex Men are really no different than womenno in the aspect of how they try to keep. and protect important things. I spent so much time trying to keep my man happy that I compromised my own happiness plenty of times. Obviously I am not perfect as I am only human, but my goal was to not lose him and so I sacrificed a lot. In a way that is a great quality if only I had dedicated that much energy to a man who was actually worth it then the relationship would have worked I believe.

    • You think men and women aren't that different? Don't listen to Feminists. Men and women are actually extremely different. Don't kid yourself by saying "men and women aren't that different".

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • Chief16
    This is the most contradictory Take I must've read. You don't love him, but you still date him and use sex to keep him around? Bro, do you SEE this stuff, knowing what's wrong and still letting it happen is just as stupid as it gets.
    s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...d4477a8e3a.jpg
    And no, not every man is Michael. Stop with #Generalisation101 already.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I wouldn't say it's contradicting, not the Take, her behavior with Michael was, but this Take is more about a learning experience.
      She was like 90% of young girls, stupid, who thought that putting him before her, she would get what she wanted. She learned she was wrong and she's just explaining that to people so that they don't make the same mistake (girls are still gonna make that mistake cause "he's different" -_-).

    • Chief16

      @AleDeEurope I don't think women are as forgiving as cheaters no matter how stupid they are.

    • Chief16

      *on cheaters

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Dargil
    We put the cart before the horse and then the rider in front of the cart. We lead with sex and hope for immediate stardust and fireworks. What we get is poorly formed relationships that we correctly fear can disintegrate as easily as they began with the fear and suspicion that holds or her head will be as easily turned as with us.
    Build a relationship. Attraction>curiosity>common interests>friendship>fondness>intimacy>love. Shortcut this at our peril.
    • Anonymous

      Yes that was the entire point of my post

  • raio81597
    I'm just curious, you said you out of obligation you started dating him. Your post is one sided, how during this time did you treat Michael in non sexual ways? I haven't seen anywhere in your writing where you were so good to him non sexually, this would help the reader understand what really happened and why a man won't make a commitment to a woman.
    • Anonymous

      I didn't go into the details outside of sex because I thought you could assume it was a bad relationship. He was a cheater, and I was the dumb girl who wouldn't believe anything bad about him until I saw for myself, and still I took him back. I was constantly on edge that he would leave. No Michael wasn't evil, he wasn't a demon who was trying to murder me. He was just a guy with a bad attitude. I'm notbperfect, but I will say that I'm just like many girls who deserve better than what I was excepting. And guys too, only it annoys me that so many guys are getting offended and trying to attack my character because of how I described a situation that I can only know from a woman's perspective. I'm not a man and don't know how men handle different things it I do encourage anyone to use any advice that applies to them. Michael was selfish. And I don't even say it out of bitterness its just fact hat Michael never considered my feelings or he wouldn't have treated me how he did. I was naive

    • Anonymous

      *access poo ting to excepting

    • Anonymous

      *accepting lol sorry

    • Show All
  • ManOnFire
    This is passive-aggressive. It's basically saying women are at fault for keeping guys like this around, but that ultimately the guys are crap for only wanting the sex.
    • Anonymous

      Your mostly right. I'm saying women at fault when they know that a man is doing them wrong but fail to make a move to leave. Or if it applies to a man then it is his fault for not leaving a bad women if he knows that the women is treating him to as than he deserves.

    • mantou

      I don't feel its all women's fault to keep guys like this. I feel its THE woman's fault to keep a guy like this AND the guy that only want sex are crap. I mean the guy is crap for wanting sex and the girl is crap for even feeding into his desire.

  • Lioness
    I could never be in a serious/long term relationship without loving the person and sex would just be the icing on the cake. I feel like I didn't do enough for him in the relationship since he insisted upon doing everything. I only hope I can give my all and make my next partner happy to be with me.
  • singlebee
    Ahaha lol just don't date a cheater or a player... And you will be able to keep a man... Lol
    • Anonymous

      Exactly that is the point of everything I said

  • ThatGirl19
    It's true. It's rough to hear but true. I can admit that I have fallen for guys who only wanted me for my body and the worst part is I was okay with being used. I never thought I would change them into loving or respecting me but instead I always thought I would be okay with them treating me like that because just having them around was enough for me. I realize now how that's sad and wrong. I truly believe you can't properly love someone until you love yourself and the only way you can really start loving yourself you love yourself not for a guy but for you.
  • fueledbythc
    Relationships aren't worth the time and effort. At least speaking for me. I enjoy being single. Much more freedom. Men also like to keep their options open. It's more logical to keep options open
  • AleDeEurope
    Well, there are some women that aren't worth it, so it's not always the men they choose, but being shitty themselves.
    Also, just because she thinks she can lose him, doesn't mean it's going to happen, meaning that there are many women who get paranoid thinking the guy is gonna leave when he's not.

    Overall, good message, good take, just wanted to point out those two things cause many women will take this as "you're never the problem, it's always the guy" and that will affect them a lot in the dating life.
    • Anonymous

      This is very applicable to men and if you can iluse my advice to better your own relationship then please do. But the point is not to say "women don't be paranoid about your man leaving you." The point is that a man will stay only if he wants to and nothing can change his kind but his own will to do so. Please go back and reread instead of jumping to defense because you aren't undertsnading properly the entire point of the message

    • I gave you props for your Take, I think you're the one who should go back and read what I wrote.

    • Anonymous

      I didn't mean to come off harsh if I did I apologize I was trying not to be misunderstood. I do appreciate all feedback I am just a big debator is all lol

  • Bake your man a batch of good brownies once a week and you'll have him for life. That's the number 1 key to men ladies; chocolate brownies.
    • Anonymous

      Lol I don't like brownies. I do like cookies though we can male some together

  • Steelcore1085
    You just said he did "so much for you" and then all you did was give him sex. You literally used your own sexual power over him, which is what so many women do to keep their man doing things for them. And then when you thought he wasn't doing enough or that he was supposedly using you, then you ditched him.

    Wow. No wonder you can't keep a man. You use him and then reward him like a fucking dog, and then when you don't get everything you want from him, you drop him like a rock and move on. Contradictory, much? You used sex as a tool of power over someone. Hopefully someday you will recognize that.
    • Nene_1

      some women use their sex power to keep their man from leaving, loosing interest. I've witnessed.

  • Panay
    I really don't understand how people get themselves in these situations. I swear everyone I knew when I was 10 had more maturity and common sense.
  • Grace_Rdz
    Meh, I can't keep someone I've never had.
  • Artist10
    damn everyone here posting is anonymous, why
  • browny-sy
    thanks
  • Anonymous
    So how many times did you have sex with whoever the guy was?
    • Anonymous

      A lot. Over fifty times.

  • Anonymous
    You shouldn't use a guy to be a provider and giving him just tastes of sex now and again. If you really like someone, then you'd be doing naughty stuff with them often. Sex is enjoyable for both parties is it not?

    It's stuff like this that drives guys crazy. When boyfriends who actually give a damn about a girl are strung along, whilst said girls have sex for the sake of sex (trading sex for just sex) with so called lovers - the boys who don't give a damn about her or listen to her or text her a lot etc.

    Women say they want one thing, yet really want and do another. This take explains it well: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a26543-every-women-is-slutty-unveil-the-inner-dirty-girl-within
  • Anonymous
    Because women expect so much and provide so little
  • Anonymous
    Me and my girfriend have a good gig going. Basically what we do is this really cool thing were we have sex. But wait, here's the catch: we dont use it as a tool to control one another. *shock, horror* we make love pretty much whenever we both want to. No games. No manipulation. I know crazy. What a weird world we live in...
    • Anonymous

      Yeah its nice that everything you and your girlfriend do is so perfect and you don't make mistakes or anything. But this was my learning experience and I make mistakes and I'm pretty sure you do to, you just want to give yourself some kind of props for not experiencing what I experienced apparently.

    • Anonymous

      The only mistake you made was deliberately denying your boyfriend sex for no good reason other than to play silly games.

    • Anonymous

      I wasntbplauing silly games. Would you have sex with someone who you were beginning to hate and resent?

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    what does "only use for sex even mean". i'm sick of women wanting everything from men. if he doesn't give his soul you say he only uses you for sex. that happens in the literal sense very very rarely.
  • Anonymous
    the problem is that your saying sex isn't going to keep him there. Than shit cause all those men who cheat cause they claim sex was lacking werernt worth it. Lets tell these thouands of women to move on.
  • Anonymous
    Women need to stop using their sexuality as a tool. Sex was supposed to be an expression of love between two people who love each other. Now women try to use it to attract, manipulate and reward guys into sticking around and being what she wants.
    Your tale of woe is the result. If women were to make sure the relationship is strong before sex is involved none of this would happen. You sleep with the guy who does love you, treat you well and wants more. Not with a guy who you want these things with, but don't yet have, in hopes it will convince him to stick around. It won't.
    • Satisfyd

      Agreed most women learn to use sex to get what they want. Although men are also the fools for giving them that power.

    • Anonymous

      @Satisfyd I'm not saying sex is a tool please open your mind and stop reading into what I say. I clearly said that you should NOT use sex as a tool to keep a man because it won't work. If you have to do so then the relationship isn't worth it. And don't be fooledx sex is enjoyable physically but for many women after the orgasm is pass we feel used and foolish and played when we realize that the man we just slept with is still lying, cheating, or trying not to commit. So that is why I clearly said not to have sex withaa man unless he proves to you that he isn't he man for you by commuting to you, being honest and open and not openly giving you reasons to leave him. This is applicable to men as well I just didn't say so

    • Poppykate

      Can we get a amen! Lol so very true!

  • Anonymous
    You got it half right but you are still stuck on the idea of having power over the other person, you have just changed it from sexual to relationship power.

    I would say it's more like people commit because they have decided for themselves that is the sort of person they are, the kind who doesn't cheat or lie. Well that's the sort of person you want anyway, most people probably refrain from lying and cheating out of fear of exposure or fear of losing some perceived advantage.

    What I'm saying is it doesn't matter what you are like, it's what he's like. Respecting yourself won't make any difference, what you need to learn to do is spot the frauds (which is most of them).

    That brings us to the second problem, having found a rare honest man what do you bring to the table that is equally rare and valuable in a woman?
    • Anonymous

      To Anonymous, you make valid poinylt. Women have to bring something equally valuable to the table. I don't have much to offer in my opinion. I'm independent, and learning. Now is a great time to devote more time to myself though, to find out who I am and what I have to offer to the world and myself. So I'm giving relationships a break for a while. Another thing, though, is you mention I believe that I have power over another. But i don't. I THOUGHT that having sex or being pretty and good in bed along with some other menial qualities could give me a bigger advantage than any woman he was cheating on me with, but deep down I knew Michael couldn't be controlled by sex. People have free will and nothing can force them to do things they dont want to do. Besides love, nothing will make a person do anything for you. So no, I didn't say that sex or anything else could give you power I refuted that idea throughout the entire post, only by the example that trying to do so didn't work for me.

    • Anonymous

      But you still think love will give you power over another person. It won't, you can define love as that which does give you power over another but if that's the case then love doesn't last.

      The only thing which gives a person integrity is their own deep desire to have integrity. they do it for themselves, not another person.

    • Anonymous

      Love gives you power in the sense that people will sacrifice a lot on the behalf of those they love. I would die for the people I love. But having the power of having another sacrifice for you is not the same as control. Because like I said people have free will and NOTHING can control them. Excuse me ifbi failed to put it correctly in the 1000 word limit but that's what i meant. Integrity on the other hand is just as you say, done for yourself. And I now have integrity by refusing to have sex with my now ex boyfriend Michael, because I choose to make a decision for myself and to respect myself. I'm not going to keep explaining that Im not holding sex against him, I'm holding onto it because he doesn't deserve it. He won't EVER get it again so there is no point in saying I'm holding it for some kind of power. I made it clear that he wasn't going to have sex with me if he didn't respect me. That goes for any other man. Taats why I said it wasn't an obligation

  • Anonymous
    Players are good at disguising themselves with many masks... its not always quick to spot them.
  • Anonymous
    Of course, if you behave this way with someone who does love you, it will also crush their love and make them want to leave you.

    Sex cannot make a relationship on its own, but lack of it destroys one.
    • Anonymous

      Obviously I'm not encouraging holding sex against someone in a relationship or holding onto it as a bitter consolation prize for not getting the love of someone. I'm saying people should ONLY have sex with someone they truly love and who loves them back or else it will become a case like mine,. lack of love.

    • Poppykate

      Wow, I can't believe that she had to go through all that, to realise that you should only have sex with someone you truly love! didn't you watch Disney growing up?

  • Anonymous
    Reading your take you have learned some things but some other issues you have don't seem to be apparent to you. You think having sex with him is a service you're doing for him. That he needs to be worthy of sex (when you're in a relationship with a decent man what's to say you're any more worthy of sex than he is?) That's completely narcissistic. No guy wants to be with a girl who thinks she's better than him. Sex should be a mutual satisfaction. No one is doing it just for the other. It's a shared experience. So even if you do find a guy who is faithful if you keep going about it as if he needs to earn the sex and it's a privilege for him it's just going to end again just for different reasons. I certainly would never stand to be with a girl that thinks it's a privilege for me to have sex with her. Just as you have respect for yourself so do a lot of men. You still got a ways to go in developing your character.
    • Anonymous

      No not at all. I learned that what ibwas doing was using sex as a means to keep him because I subconsciously knew that's what he wanted from me. It had gotten to the pointbwherr though I physically enjoyed the sex, mentally I hated it. It crushed me that that was all I could do to hold ontonsomeone I had fallen in love with and I began to resent him for it. The whole purpose of this post is to encourage girls (and boys too if theybcan find itbapplicable to their own circumstance) to leave a guy alone if this is the case with her and him. So by having sex with him I was hurting my own self worth, and it wasn't worth it

    • Anonymous

      Or actually, no unexplained that all wrong. Let me break it down simply. The lesson that in learned was that I didn't have an obligation to sleep with a man I was no longer in love with or who was treating me wrong. I would rather not share an intimate experience like sex with him again once I realized that he wasn't interested in anything BUT sex from me. It got to that point where I had to say "I value MYSELF. This relationship is already falling apart and it's irreparable. Its time to stop having sex, enduring his lies and everything that is with this miserable relationship."
      The title of this post is Ladies, this is why you can't keep a man. And I go on to explain as well as i can that women can't keep a man because he isn't the right man. You can't keep a man who does not want to be kept, not with sex or anything else. He will never truly devote to you without the primary ingredient in a relationship, which is love.

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