Sexual Relationships
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Ladies, This Is Why You Can't Keep A Man

Ladies, This Is Why You Can't Keep A Man

When I first starting dating Michael I wasn't in love with him, but I felt obligation to him. He had done so much for me and I found him physically appealing and he was desirable to Many women. So I gave him the only thing I assumed I could offer him-sex. All the while I didn't realizing I didn't owe him a DAMN THING. I was so young and immature that I was stuck in this fantasy of a perfect relationship and I didn't even care if the love wasn't real. I knew that he was cheating on me with other women so even more so I thought that giving him sex would save everything. I mean I thought if he wouldn't be in love with me he would not be saying that I never was a good lover. Because I wanted to please him to the point that I could be better than any other woman he slept with and thus, not worth losing.

A while ago I realized that having sex with him wasn't an obligation. Just because he was my boyfriend didn't mean he deserved my body. And yeah, I enjoyed sex just as much as he did. But using as a tool to keep him around wasn't worth it, so I just stopped having sex with him. I even let it be known that I would not have sex with him anymore unless he changed. He eventually stopped pretending to love me because I wouldn't have sex with the the him, and I wouldn't have sex with him because he didn't love me. We still managed to remain in a relationship, both foolishly believing the other would be what they wanted. I wanted him to he my lover, he wanted me to be his ho. And none would budge. All of his attempts to seduce me we're met with a serious confession that it wouldn't happen, probably ever again. I knew he could no longer continue to use me if I didn't allow it. but I believed that by showing him that I respected myself he would magically change. Thats just not true. No man is going to magically respect you just because you tell him to. Nobody in the world is that easy to control. The only reason to change your ways isn't to prove to someone else that your worth respecting, but because you ACTUALLY RESPECT YOURSELF.

The real reason sex won't keep a man isn't because your sex isn't good enough. You could have the best vagina on the planet. But when it all boils down to it, if all he is getting from you is sex and he seems satisfied with that, then honey that's all he ever wanted from you. He wasn't seeking a relationship, nor did he have any intentions of being with you and that won't change. It just doesn't change no matter how much you wish it would. You see, if a man wants to stay he will make an effort to NOT FUCK UP. No man who doesn't want to lose you is going to openly give you reasons to leave. And if your so easy to get back together with that you can just have sex with him after everything bad thing he has done, then honey he won't change. Your giving him everything he wants, and if it doesn't seem like much then that's because it isn't. Sex is not enough in a relationship, anyone can tell you that. so if he is settling for just sex from you, he doesn't want anything more. And by you not giving him any ultimatum (be with me or never be with me again) he assumes that you don't want anything more either. You can say you want to be in a relationship and get married or for him to stop cheating, but in the end you are BOTH making the concious decision to be together. If he isn't physically MAKING you have sex with him then you are fully responsible for your decision to let him stick around.

And YES, if a man is only using you for sex then he is SIMPLY STICKING AROUND. He doesn't have the intention of staying for good. He is sticking around while everything is good FOR NOW. And that won't keep a man for the simple fact that he doesn't want to be kept. Ladies, stop kidding yourselves. The only reason you can't keep a man isn't because your not good enough, it's because the men you choose never wanted anything else you had to offer but your body. (Or your money but that isn't the topic of this post).

You as an individual aren't perfect, but a man who wants a woman would want you if you respect yourself and have standards. Never underestimate that standards are important. They do matter. But the thing is, they only matter to men worth being with. Ladies, stop chasing players and realize that a man who wants you does not just stay because YOU want him to. He stays because HE does. If your man makes you feel like you could lose him at any moment, then you better believe you can. Ditch him now and go find a real man.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with this 100%! Unfortunately I have made these mistakes in the past. What really resonated with me in your myTake was when you said "... if a man wants to stay he will make an effort to NOT FUCK UP. No man who doesn't want to lose you is going to openly give you reasons to leave. "

    This is really good advice to follow. I think it also applies to both men and women. It's the same if a man is in a relationship. If the woman he is with is not making time for him, not being good to him and treating him like an option, then it's time to leave.

    If someone is ever treating another person as if they are only in it for a limited time, then obviously they have other ideas and it's not worth it to stick around.

    I've been in so many relationships where I make most of the effort. The guy tells me he's going to see me, then doesn't show up, only to make excuses. Or he criticizes me and wants me to change for him. People who truly love you are going to see you as enough.

    • "No man who doesn't want to lose you is going to openly give you reasons to leave." That sounds impossible. Men are not perfect, there's always going to be ways to mess up. We are not gods.

    • @Calex Men are really no different than womenno in the aspect of how they try to keep. and protect important things. I spent so much time trying to keep my man happy that I compromised my own happiness plenty of times. Obviously I am not perfect as I am only human, but my goal was to not lose him and so I sacrificed a lot. In a way that is a great quality if only I had dedicated that much energy to a man who was actually worth it then the relationship would have worked I believe.

    • You think men and women aren't that different? Don't listen to Feminists. Men and women are actually extremely different. Don't kid yourself by saying "men and women aren't that different".

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is the most contradictory Take I must've read. You don't love him, but you still date him and use sex to keep him around? Bro, do you SEE this stuff, knowing what's wrong and still letting it happen is just as stupid as it gets.
    s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...d4477a8e3a.jpg
    And no, not every man is Michael. Stop with #Generalisation101 already.

    • I wouldn't say it's contradicting, not the Take, her behavior with Michael was, but this Take is more about a learning experience. She was like 90% of young girls, stupid, who thought that putting him before her, she would get what she wanted. She learned she was wrong and she's just explaining that to people so that they don't make the same mistake (girls are still gonna make that mistake cause "he's different" -_-).

    • @AleDeEurope I don't think women are as forgiving as cheaters no matter how stupid they are.

    • *on cheaters

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 20

  • It's true. It's rough to hear but true. I can admit that I have fallen for guys who only wanted me for my body and the worst part is I was okay with being used. I never thought I would change them into loving or respecting me but instead I always thought I would be okay with them treating me like that because just having them around was enough for me. I realize now how that's sad and wrong. I truly believe you can't properly love someone until you love yourself and the only way you can really start loving yourself you love yourself not for a guy but for you.

  • I'm just curious, you said you out of obligation you started dating him. Your post is one sided, how during this time did you treat Michael in non sexual ways? I haven't seen anywhere in your writing where you were so good to him non sexually, this would help the reader understand what really happened and why a man won't make a commitment to a woman.

    • I didn't go into the details outside of sex because I thought you could assume it was a bad relationship. He was a cheater, and I was the dumb girl who wouldn't believe anything bad about him until I saw for myself, and still I took him back. I was constantly on edge that he would leave. No Michael wasn't evil, he wasn't a demon who was trying to murder me. He was just a guy with a bad attitude. I'm notbperfect, but I will say that I'm just like many girls who deserve better than what I was excepting. And guys too, only it annoys me that so many guys are getting offended and trying to attack my character because of how I described a situation that I can only know from a woman's perspective. I'm not a man and don't know how men handle different things it I do encourage anyone to use any advice that applies to them. Michael was selfish. And I don't even say it out of bitterness its just fact hat Michael never considered my feelings or he wouldn't have treated me how he did. I was naive

    • *access poo ting to excepting

    • *accepting lol sorry

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  • I could never be in a serious/long term relationship without loving the person and sex would just be the icing on the cake. I feel like I didn't do enough for him in the relationship since he insisted upon doing everything. I only hope I can give my all and make my next partner happy to be with me.

  • Well, there are some women that aren't worth it, so it's not always the men they choose, but being shitty themselves.
    Also, just because she thinks she can lose him, doesn't mean it's going to happen, meaning that there are many women who get paranoid thinking the guy is gonna leave when he's not.

    Overall, good message, good take, just wanted to point out those two things cause many women will take this as "you're never the problem, it's always the guy" and that will affect them a lot in the dating life.

    • This is very applicable to men and if you can iluse my advice to better your own relationship then please do. But the point is not to say "women don't be paranoid about your man leaving you." The point is that a man will stay only if he wants to and nothing can change his kind but his own will to do so. Please go back and reread instead of jumping to defense because you aren't undertsnading properly the entire point of the message

    • I gave you props for your Take, I think you're the one who should go back and read what I wrote.

    • I didn't mean to come off harsh if I did I apologize I was trying not to be misunderstood. I do appreciate all feedback I am just a big debator is all lol

  • This is passive-aggressive. It's basically saying women are at fault for keeping guys like this around, but that ultimately the guys are crap for only wanting the sex.

    • Your mostly right. I'm saying women at fault when they know that a man is doing them wrong but fail to make a move to leave. Or if it applies to a man then it is his fault for not leaving a bad women if he knows that the women is treating him to as than he deserves.

    • I don't feel its all women's fault to keep guys like this. I feel its THE woman's fault to keep a guy like this AND the guy that only want sex are crap. I mean the guy is crap for wanting sex and the girl is crap for even feeding into his desire.

  • We put the cart before the horse and then the rider in front of the cart. We lead with sex and hope for immediate stardust and fireworks. What we get is poorly formed relationships that we correctly fear can disintegrate as easily as they began with the fear and suspicion that holds or her head will be as easily turned as with us.
    Build a relationship. Attraction>curiosity>common interests>friendship>fondness>intimacy>love. Shortcut this at our peril.

    • Yes that was the entire point of my post

  • Meh, I can't keep someone I've never had.

  • You just said he did "so much for you" and then all you did was give him sex. You literally used your own sexual power over him, which is what so many women do to keep their man doing things for them. And then when you thought he wasn't doing enough or that he was supposedly using you, then you ditched him.

    Wow. No wonder you can't keep a man. You use him and then reward him like a fucking dog, and then when you don't get everything you want from him, you drop him like a rock and move on. Contradictory, much? You used sex as a tool of power over someone. Hopefully someday you will recognize that.

    • some women use their sex power to keep their man from leaving, loosing interest. I've witnessed.

  • damn everyone here posting is anonymous, why

  • Relationships aren't worth the time and effort. At least speaking for me. I enjoy being single. Much more freedom. Men also like to keep their options open. It's more logical to keep options open

  • Ahaha lol just don't date a cheater or a player... And you will be able to keep a man... Lol

    • Exactly that is the point of everything I said

  • Bake your man a batch of good brownies once a week and you'll have him for life. That's the number 1 key to men ladies; chocolate brownies.

    • Lol I don't like brownies. I do like cookies though we can male some together

  • I really don't understand how people get themselves in these situations. I swear everyone I knew when I was 10 had more maturity and common sense.

  • thanks

  • So how many times did you have sex with whoever the guy was?

    • A lot. Over fifty times.

  • You shouldn't use a guy to be a provider and giving him just tastes of sex now and again. If you really like someone, then you'd be doing naughty stuff with them often. Sex is enjoyable for both parties is it not?

    It's stuff like this that drives guys crazy. When boyfriends who actually give a damn about a girl are strung along, whilst said girls have sex for the sake of sex (trading sex for just sex) with so called lovers - the boys who don't give a damn about her or listen to her or text her a lot etc.

    Women say they want one thing, yet really want and do another. This take explains it well: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a26543-every-women-is-slutty-unveil-the-inner-dirty-girl-within

  • Because women expect so much and provide so little

  • Me and my girfriend have a good gig going. Basically what we do is this really cool thing were we have sex. But wait, here's the catch: we dont use it as a tool to control one another. *shock, horror* we make love pretty much whenever we both want to. No games. No manipulation. I know crazy. What a weird world we live in...

    • Yeah its nice that everything you and your girlfriend do is so perfect and you don't make mistakes or anything. But this was my learning experience and I make mistakes and I'm pretty sure you do to, you just want to give yourself some kind of props for not experiencing what I experienced apparently.

    • The only mistake you made was deliberately denying your boyfriend sex for no good reason other than to play silly games.

    • I wasntbplauing silly games. Would you have sex with someone who you were beginning to hate and resent?

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  • what does "only use for sex even mean". i'm sick of women wanting everything from men. if he doesn't give his soul you say he only uses you for sex. that happens in the literal sense very very rarely.

  • the problem is that your saying sex isn't going to keep him there. Than shit cause all those men who cheat cause they claim sex was lacking werernt worth it. Lets tell these thouands of women to move on.

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