Living Life While Coping with Penis Envy

Living Life While Coping with Penis Envy

There is no point in educating you, you'll only get as smart as a girl can get

These words have resonated since my mom told me my grandparents told her when she was little and cried and begged to go to school. They adamantly refused, so she never was educated formally. She's self taught.

I will admit, I have penis envy!

It was much worse when I was younger, but it still lingers as an adult. What is Penis Envy? Well, it's that Freudian thought that girls are jealous of a penis. It is more convenient: urination, orgasm, masturbation, etc. But my penis envy goes beyond just jealous of a penis, I wanted to be born a boy. And no, I am not trans; I do not "feel" like a boy trapped in a girl's body, I just wanted to be born a boy since I could remember.

Living Life While Coping with Penis Envy

Males in the Family

Anyone who knows anything about Latino, and especially Mexican, communities, is aware that men are often the "prized" gender. Machismo means that boys are celebrated and cared for, while girls are often just seen as support roles.

This was very evident on how my grandparents treated my mom. They did not want her educated, and since they were in Mexico, her education wasn't mandatory. So they sent off her brothers to school, but vehemently denied my mom. Her parents would get angry when she sneaked their books to learn - they believed it would be wasted on her since she was a female, she should focus all that energy into becoming a good wife.

Now, I understand why my mom favors her sons. I don't condone it, but I get it. It's a long standing tradition that the support goes to men. My mom has clear favorite children, and yes, they are my brothers, though she insists that they're not. My dad also has favorites.

When I was 10, I remember my 5 year old brother throwing a frozen soda can right at my eye simply because he was "bored". It hurt like hell, I had a bruise and I cried. I yelled at him and I smacked him, and my parents got mad at me.

I also remember when I had rushed home from work and having to use the bathroom. For some reason, my family just loves to wait until the last minute to use the bathroom - all my brothers got up. So I told them I would go since 1. I was the one paying the rent, 2. I just came from work, they were lounging around watching tv all day, and 3. my bladder was in pain. But my mom came and told me to let them all go first. Why? Because they're boys, and she said it's more harmful for men to hold urine than women. (I looked it up, no, it's harmful for both).

Another time is when I came home from work and school, expecting a nice meal (since I bought the groceries and had little free time). Nope. My mom gave all the food to my older brother, who was an unemployed drug user and basically mooching off me. I asked why she didn't save me any, and she said because he was hungry.

She would also tell me to serve them. I'd come home late from school and/or work, just lay down on my bed and wind down. While they spent the whole day smoking pot, yet she would yell at me to serve them.I'd argued with her. I told her I was exhausted from work and they literally did nothing that day, and it was unfair. And she responded with "life isn't fair, a woman is never truly done working. Now go serve your brothers."

And no, it isn't just my immediate family. I always HATED family parties. I never understood why a 10 year old "guest" (along female relatives regardless of age), was expected to serve my grown brothers, uncles, male cousins etc. I would always respond with "unless their legs are broken or they're paralyzed, they can get their own plate/drink like me". All my aunts were mortified "You'll never find a husband that way. Men want a woman who serves them." And I'd always retort with some shit like, "Well, I guess I don't want to be married then." Or "I don't wan to be with a man who expects me to serve him all the time." And my parents would wonder why I always hated going to family parties.

"Trapeando and Lavando trastes" means mopping and washing dishes.
Males in Society

Many of y'all are probably thinking "well, girls have it so much better in society!" Not really, or not all the time. I will concede that women do have certain privileges like automatic parental status, more likely to be granted custody, divorce etc. But, I don't have kids, I'm not married and I don't plan on getting divorced when I get married. I've never been "hypergamous", as all the men I've been in relationships with, I've made more money.

Anyhow, I do have the disadvantages of being a female in society though. This isn't a "woe is me", but let's not pretend that women's lives are glamorous in the world because of aforementioned privileges. I've been victim to child abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, negligence, domestic violence, stalking, harassment, etc. None of these were because of gender solely, but it did contribute. I am a short, relatively slim woman. I'm only 4'11, about 125lbs. (~150cm, ~56kg). I am not difficult to overpower. I've had men grope me in public. I've had men follow me. I've had coworkers sexually harass me, and no, it's not as easy to get fired someone over this (contrary to popular belief).

I have asked men and women, and I see that men are not as not likely to be sexually harassed as women are. And for now, stats support this. Yes, I know that men probably are not reporting their harassment, but many women aren't either. So I can only conclude off the data we have now. I do think everyone should report it immediately, but I understand if they don't.

Men and women are not always 100% equal in society, and we're not treated the same. I can accept this, I don't know why some men get so upset when they can't accept that some issues just affect us more. Although I ask men out and pay for dates, men are more likely to feel it's true pressures because that's just how society is for now. These are male issues I'll likely never be able to fully understand or be affected by. Yes, men get sexually assaulted, men get raped, men get sexually harassed, but for now, the stats show that it's more affecting women.

Just recently, I was having a jog and some guy kept following and trying to talk to me. The youngest I've been hit on, by grown men, is 12. Many men don't get unwanted attention on a yearly basis, and not as young as kids. So please, accept that you can't fully understand an issue that you don't have to face as much or as often. You don't have to be personally affected by an issue to sympathize with its victims.

Men have made lewd comments to me since I was a preteen. No, I wasn't an early bloomer, I'm still an A cup. People have always said I look young. Also, I don't dress "slutty". A common thing I also hear from men is "maybe you shouldn't dress like a slut and men won't treat you like a slut." I was a tomboy for most of my life, I wear purposely baggy clothing. I'm a small in shirts, and small/medium in pants. But I often wear large or even XL shirts and large pants. I've even had jobs complain and tell me to dress in proper sizing. I don't like to show off my figure. I will admit that there is less sexual harassment when you wear baggy clothes, but then you have the physical harassment threats because I live in Chicago and they mistake you for gangs.

I either face sexual harassment by dressing like a girl, or physical harassment threats by dressing in baggy clothes being mistaken as boy in a gang apparently. Every color combination with black, blue, red, and white is gang combination in Chicago, and what's ok in one block, is the rivals in the next block. So unless you want to dress in like all orange, (all black and all white are also other gangs), then you risk being mistaken for a gang member. And it's really hard to avoid those streets because gangs are fucking everywhere. I didn't have the money to move out of those hoods nor a car, so this was my life for a few years.

You don't have to be personally affected by an issue to sympathize with its victims.

Living Life While Coping with Penis Envy

Unironically, #NotAllMen

Please don't think I equate every man to being the disgusting pervs on the streets, or violent assholes. I've met much more decent or good men than disgusting ones, more interactions with men have been positive and I'm grateful for that. I just want y'all to be aware that I've had many more negative interactions with men, than with women. This doesn't mean women are angels, there are vile women out there. Please don't get defensive and think that these select few men represent all or even most men, I made this assumption before, and it only led to worse interactions with men.

Feminist for the Wrong Reasons

So, from what you read so far, (kudos for getting this far,) you must think I hate men. And you would've been right, a few years ago. I did hate men, a lot. Although not all men were subjecting me or my family to abuse, many were that I grew to fear them. I hated men, I didn't trust them. From my dad nearly killing my mom in front of us, to my coworker stalking me, to the sexual abuse relatives put my siblings and I as children, men were the ones behind it and I felt that even friends and family couldn't be trusted. And I found a movement that unintentionally embraced that. Feminism.

I was a feminist for a while, don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing most of what they do, I just personally don't think it's necessary in the West.

I was a feminist for the wrong reasons, because many of them also hated men. Not all, but enough that I was able to feel safe expressing my twisted ideas. I thought, however, that feminism would embrace femininity, but it didn't. I was excited to find a place where I could be empowered as female, because I had been made felt powerless for so long, I yearned for it. But they empowered women through making us more like men. It was disappointing.

Femininity isn't embraced. If you consume enough media, you know what I mean. Yes, there are "women" heroes, but they are basically men with vaginas. They often make them violent, stoic, etc. and they're reduced to men with vaginas and boobs. They're written with manly characteristics but lazily as labeled "females" in attempt to appease us. (If anyone knows any media where the heroine embraces feminine characteristics like nurturing, let me know.)

Another tactic they use is weakening the male characters. Characters like Marge and Homer Simpson- she is obviously smart and attractive, while he's fat, lazy and dumb. They pit the "best" of women with the "worse" of men, and try to pass that as empowerment. It isn't a fair comparison/fight many times when they're using the best of women vs the worst of men, It's not empowerment, it's patronizing. I don't want to be "uplifted" by bringing men down. I feel that many social issues are treated this way. It's not empowering Latinos or POC by bringing white people down, it's not empowering poor people by bringing rich people down, and it certainly isn't empowering women by bringing men down. We can and should embrace the masculine as well as the feminine.

This isn't to say, however, that women should only be reduced to nurturing, caring, homemaking attributes. As I mentioned before, don't reduce me to a housewife, I don't mind helping with chores, but I am capable of doing more than housework. I'm not saying that stay at home moms is easy work or isn't respectable, but I'm saying that isn't for me, at least not long term. I know many of y'all are gonna say, "well, it's only the left who doesn't value femininity!" But that isn't true. How many people use the "go back to the kitchen" or "make me a sandwich" as a derogatory insult to bash women? I can tell you this, it's mostly right leaning folks who say this. Using housework as an insult against women doesn't seem like it is valued.

It isn't a fair comparison/fight many times when they're using the best of women vs the worst of men, It's not empowerment, it's patronizing.

Dealing Now

I still have residual fear sometimes that manifests itself even when I'm with my sweet, amazing, caring boyfriend. I still flinch every time he raises his hand, he'll never hit me and I know that, but I do it without noticing and it makes him feel bad. And I try to stop it, but it's a reflex at this point. He knows my past, he knows that I love and trust him and it's just a reflex that will hopefully go away.

I want to overcome this seemingly innate inferiority that has been instilled in me for a long time. It's hard to even admit because many people will say "sexism doesn't exist!" And I've even asked on here, what value do women have? It seems like society was built by men while we were on the sidelines. And I know that many people will say don't be so hung up on "identity politics" or whatever, but it isn't as easy I thought it'd be. I don't want my future daughters to feel inferior in society and life as I've had. I don't want my future sons to feel that way either. I don't know where to look for answers, this take was more of a vent session to let y'all know how I feel and have always felt. Why do I want to be something I hated for so long? I don't know, I guess I'd like to see how it is on the other side.

This is probably why I studied and work so hard. Because I want to show, at least to my family and community, that women aren't just passive support roles.

You'll only get as smart as a girl can get

They say that as if it's a bad thing.Men and Women are not the same, but still Equal
Men and Women are not the same, but still Equal

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  • "Men and Women are not the same but still equal"... kinda like "both sides of the same coin"...
    wow... well... i guess parents always raise their kids sorta the same way they were raised sans a few changes. And its not just mexicans... in Africa, males are also the prized gender because they pass on the family name meanwhile the women adopt another. For example, my older sister is married... she doesn't carry our family name anymore, she carries his. So the concept is "why invest in a person who is only gonna be taken away"... as much as that makes sense... a name doesn't mean squat... doesn't mean you have to neglect someone. if anyone knows about how women are dissociated... its me. But the funny part is that even illiterate women are sometime smarter than literate men and some try to learn anyway. Illiterate men, just tend to stay that way. Women are a powerful force... sadly.. in relationships... they are still dumber than rocks...
    I knew about penis envy when i was a kid... but apparently in USA, having a penis makes you disposable... breasteses lol... and vagina are the important things now...

    Good Take 'Chita.

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    • Hmmm. I've never really thought of it that way. I do remember my family talking about how they really wanted their sons to have kids, more than their daughters. I guess it makes sense. With the son, the family name carries on, so I guess it makes sense that traditionally, they would prioritize the resources and care to them. Also, back in the day, men could probably perform more laborious work, and were more likely to work. Still, we aren't in those times anymore lol
      Yes, my mom definitely surprises me with how much she's learned without any formal education whatsoever. It kinda depresses me to think how far she could've gone if she was given a fair chance.

      Lol it takes a lot of trial and error in relationships :P

      I guess American cultures do seem to value women more now. I feel like it's more of an overcompensation though. Latino and many other ethnic (like African as you said) still are team boys lol

      Thank you :)

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    • im just going with what he said lol. he was referencing my use of breasteses

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What Guys Said 59

  • Sexism will always exist in some people, just like racism always will in some people. That's sad, but true.

    Fortunately, in western society at least, we've come a long, long way. Do we still have a ways to go? Yes, in some places, but much of it is due to older folks who just can't handle changing - and as they die off, they're replaced by younger people who have grown up in a world where women have equality, and it's just "normal". That's great!

    Of course, there are still some cultures where things haven't advanced nearly as far. Sadly, Feminism is largely uninterested in those cultures - they're only concerned with the US/Canada and Europe.

    I think the vast majority here on GaG fully believe that women have a lot more value than just being a housewife (though that's a valuable vocation, and I'm fine with women who want to be a great mother/housewife BY CHOICE). It's the cultures that haven't evolved in the last 100 years that are the problem.

    Change isn't easy, and most humans seem to have a limited capacity for change, which means it takes multiple generations to make really big changes. And it's hard for those who have to live through those changes.

    I'm a Gen Xer - a child of Baby Boomer parents who saw massive amounts of change in their lifetime, but, who, like most Baby Boomer parents, didn't incorporate those changes into how they raised their kids. I grew up with my parents teaching me the same things that they were taught in the 50s and 60s, and with the same expectations: marry young, have kids, get a job, etc.

    But starting with my generation, women were certainly no longer on-board for that plan - and often the women were being taught that they had every right to expect and have a career, but that they could still be moms and raise a family. Women felt a tremendous pressure to do both, and that's incredibly difficult to do. Men, on the other hand, were taught that men should have all the same responsibilities as they've always had in all aspects of relationships (take the lead, be the primary if not sole provider, etc.) but to no longer expect support at home - because the woman was busy with her own career or with raising the kids, with little if anything for him. And men were now expected to accept the very real risk of divorce, which meant a massive and ongoing financial penalty, even if he effectively lost access to his kids.

    Young folks of this generation seem to be a lot more realistic and reasonable all the way around.

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  • Thank you for sharing. I knew that in Mexican culture, there's still a lot of sexism going on, in regard to how women are treated. But, to hear it from the source itself, that's been enlightening. Really, thank you for sharing. You're smart, and with that attitude, you'll definitely achieve the objective of showing your family that women can be people of action and take the world by storm: women are already doing that, now to show your family.

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    • I agree with this post. The explanation of how men and women are viewed in Mexican culture really helped me understand a situation with a friend. He sounds a lot like the brothers with smoking pot and missing work yet thinking he's so much better than everyone. And I always wondered why his mom never relaxed like everyone else

  • Very long but interesting writing. Sounds like you have an awful family. Sorry if that's insulting. I just can't imagine a family in which some members are treated in such an unfair way.
    Thanks to the internet you can learn anything you want for free and in your own home. As long as you have the resources of course. I'm a single man who lives alone. I have to work, shop, cook, clean, etc. by myself. There are times when I wish I could have a maid or a feminine girl to help me out with gender roles without any risks. But that's not possible these days. Feminism is hatred towards men. I am all for giving women the opportunity to make their own choices in life and have everyone treated with respect. But feminist society has been bashing men to the point in which we mean nothing. Throw a man into the streets and every woman cheers for you. That's the way it is in America and some other feminist countries. And I hate it. I'm a men's rights activist because of it. I demand equal treatment for all. But nobody listens to us.
    If you still feel threatened by men no matter how you dress, where you are or even when around a caring boyfriend, I suggest martial arts. Not only will it get rid of that fear but it will also improve your health in many ways. I'm a martial artist and don't mind strolling through dangerous neighborhoods at night. I still see people as a threat because of trust issues but I can defend myself. And you will too. Be more passionate and intimate with your boyfriend to increase your level of trust. Have him cuddle you and put his arm over you when you sleep throughout the night.

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  • Pretty much everything that happened to you happened to me with my sister and mother. My mother favored my sister and thought i was nothing but trouble. My sister is 5 years older than me and i had to do whatever she said or she kicked me slapped me. My mother told me I must have done something to deserve it. My sister would come in my room and grab me by my shirt and pulled me around like i was a dog. She sexually abused me to.

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  • read the whole thing. i don't usually read feminist stuff anymore but i saw it was by buchita so i was like "yeah ill read it"

    It was interesting. More reasonable than any other feminist article I read esp the part about how the media tries to empower women. Ellie from the last of us came to mind lol

    by the way I miss ur sailor moon profile pic

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    • I'm not really a feminist though, but thank you :)
      I appreciate it

      Lol I miss it too. I like to change my pics, I'll probably change it again soon.

  • Im gonna be honest, I stopped reading after the 3rd or 4th paragraph.

    You should not be envious of having a dick. You have no idea what it's like to have one. You know how hard it is to find a bra? Well imagine looking for one that goes around your crotch. It moves on its own and gets sweaty. It's not all fun and games.

    Men do not have it easier in life, in fact, they have it harder. In several areas at least.

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    • You should've kept reading before making those comments, I've addressed your points in the take.

    • After reading I think the problem isn't society your family.

      And no, you didn't address any of the points I mentioned.

  • Girl's learn just as much, if not more, than boys!! Anybody that says otherwise don't know their hole from an ass in the ground!!
    Males may be prized, but WHERE do they come from? FEMALES!!!
    Sounds more to me like you have culture envy! If you were born in America, Canada, England or quite a few other countries, you wouldn't be treated that way just because you don't have a dick. Mexico sounds like a VERY sexist place to live!! Any culture that'd treat their girls/women like they are nothing more than baby factories is NOT a good place to live!! it's also counter-productive to their very existence!! There are middle eastern countries where a new-born baby girl is killed JUST because she wasn't born with a dick!! So, I guess it's perfectly fine for them to kill everyone that can MAKE more men?
    As for the physical end of having a dick, it's not all that wonderful. I can teach you how to pee standing up! As far as masturbation, you're good for one shot, maybe two and you're done for a good while! Convenience: try sitting on your balks once in a while or having to worry about doing so in certain situations. Also, try finding a girlfriend!! Guys go through a LOT just to get a girl to LIKE them!! All a girl has to do for guys to like them is walk into an area where guys are! Trust me, except for your cultural shit, you got the better end of the deal!!

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    • I was born in the US. But my family came from Mexico, and brought their culture with them.

  • Some time why don't you disguise yourself as a man and live as a male for just a little while. All you really have to do is imagine put yourself in a man's place. Apply everything you see and hear female to being a male yourself and i'm taking about the special privileges that apply to females that don't apply to males. It's easy to overlook what a man loses in a divorce for example, if you are a female because a female is on the receiving end. But can you imagine what it's like to lose your children? That's a form of serious torment I guarantee it. And that what you've described about the Hispanic culture may apply to some Hispanics, I'm sure it doesn't apply to all and it certainly didn't apply to this white guy either. To describe my life to you I would describe it as pure hell extreme torment because that's exactly what it's been. I've never thought about anything like vagina envy because I have always been busy cherishing craving and admiring females wanting them in my life. Growing up I didn't have a little sister and rarely ever got to see girls except when I was in school and didn't get to associate with them when I saw them either and that was all the way from start to finishing school. i had two brief failed relationships starting when I was 19 ending when I was 20 and with exception of when I took care of children and a few friends that cease to exist anymore I've spent about 95 percent of my life alone to myself. During my life as a male I have been held hostage 4 times and was kidnapped 3 out of those 4 times. I have been threatened, poisoned, shot at, beat up, and tormented during my life time. i have had many close calls with death and suicidal too. And as a male from birth expected to be a provider I have had all the windows and doors to do so slam in my face either obsoleted or taken away. I therefor had no opportunity to have a wife or my own children due to that. Then there came the blame, because I am a male I have been blamed and put down for everything under the sun. As a man witnessing from this side I can tell you outright, it has been extremely frightening, oppressing and tormenting and then pile on extreme loneliness on top of all of that. My life has been a horrific picture show played out in real life, nothing you would envy, nothing you would ever dare want to live. And then to learn I've been hated on top of it all. If I were to die and heaven wasn't a option, I wouldn't have to leave where i am now.

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  • A nice take.
    I like you as you are, but it's interesting you told us about this :D
    We all have our little things, you know!

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  • I very much appreciate the young woman you have become, Buchita.

    When I was being raised, doing domestic things that were traditionally the role of women was just expected of me, no excuses. I was taught to clean house, do laundry (that some kids entering college *still* don't know this one befuddles me!), clear and set the table, do dishes, and cook without giving it a second thought. My mother was a business person, owning her own restaurant, so I had to.

    As a teacher, I expect nothing less from my girl students and they haven't disappointed me (though I am on the fence about differing personalities instilling different predilections in career choices, as some people seem to think that different career choices in men and women are absolutely positively the result of society... I used to be one of them).

    I had hoped to model the behavior I wanted for my sons and daughters, but alas I have no children. I try to model it with my students.

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    • That's awesome. My brothers for a long time had my mother do their laundry. While my sisters and I were taught since like I was 10. It always drove me insane how we were supposed to do all this housework since like 9 while they lounged around playing video games and/or getting high. My oldest brother now EXPECTS his gfs to care for him to that extent and it's no wonder he's still single and a raging sexist. I told my mom that she babied him so much that she's gonna have to care for him into old age since no woman can tolerate that.
      But is it biological their choices? Why is that in less "developed" countries like India, there is more gender parity? I read that women actually make up more of the IT workforce than men.

      Awww. You would've made a great parent. As I'm sure you're a great teacher. :)

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    • "Why is that in less "developed" countries like India, there is more gender parity?"
      Jordan Peterson and Christina Hoff Sommers have offered their points of view on this. They have noted that in the most developed countries, where women have the greatest choices and freedoms, to the shock of many who conducted these studies, men and women opt for *more* traditional career choices because they can (more economic freedom to do so). Their opinions on this are interesting, even if they might be wrong (and let me stress, THEY MIGHT BE WRONG... or perhaps they aren't... I don't know).

      Any rate, I have often noted that some of my finest math and science students have been girls. Some of my most innovative Legocad mission to Mars (yes, my students have flown virtual missions to Mars! I even designed my own Mars yard!) have been directed by girls. Jordan Peterson has pointed out that the age group that I teach show fewer personality differences between the sexes. It's post pubescence where...

    • ... the personalities start to change (something Jordan Peterson points out... and for some reason he's received flak for that).

      You might think it's strange I'm going on and on about something which I've admitted not knowing. Whether or not there are innate differences in personalities and interests doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that SO MANY PEOPLE PRETEND TO KNOW WITH ONE GAJILLION PERCENT CERTAINTY when they clearly don't.

  • Sounds like just Mexican gender culture sucks. You should never feel disappointed to be a woman, just move to a better country and let real men show you how much women are appreciated and prized.

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  • What a great take! You're so smart, insightful and analytic. I think all those things you experienced made you a stronger and a more deliberate person you are, I just wish that reflex you have when your boyfriend lifts his hand would disappear, I think you can work on that and maybe even take a session or two at a therapist, maybe you could even go somewhere in the boxing studio and spar with guys once a week and I am sure your reflex would disappear and you would feel much more relaxed. I am sorry for everything you have experienced that is bad, this world for some can be a really bad place, but I am glad you recognized that going to another extreme and hate men and all those things you mentioned about feminism and all. Wish you all the best really because you are so smart and cool!!
    This was a great my Take imo!

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    • Thank you, I appreciate all your feedback. I guess I can try sparring. I've been wanting to take self defense classes.
      I don;t wanna paint feminism as a horrible thing. I just know that the feminists I interacted with only reinforced my hatred of men, but didn't provide much solace for being a woman.

      Thank you again :)

    • You are most welcome! I think anything from sparring to training martial arts of any kind, as long as you do it with men, should take down that reflex, not that you can't do it with women as well. Have a nice day/evening :)

  • I'm not Hispanic, but Mediterranean cultures have similar "nuances". My mother's side of the family is Italian. When I first moved out years ago into my first apartment, I told my mom in a passing conversation that I was doing laundry. She asked, "You got a washer and dryer?" So I said, "No, I had to purchase an access money card to the laundry room." My mom flipped out, saying, "You're going to wash your clothes where strangers wash their clothes? What's wrong with you? No, you bring them here." So I sort of get what you're saying. It's similar, but different.

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    • Mothers do love to care for their kids. And I hope I didn't paint her in this horrible light because she does help and care for me and my sisters too. But there is definitely a difference on how the men are treated and women. Definitely we are raised to believe that men need more support though.

    • Horrible light? No not at all. I was just sharing my sort-of similar experience. 👍

      Man need support? Yep that's us! 😂 Pampering? No way. I agree with you... that's over the top. I just want to scratch myself in public and not be judged. LOL

  • Fyi you are way more likely to get assaulted in general as a man. 85% are male on male. Yes there are advantages and disadvantages on both sides, and yes sexual assault does happen to women way more. But a guy shouldn’t walk alone anymore than a woman, and no we don’t feel safe...

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  • Wtf is makes no sense whatsoever. The bird penis envy and what you said is it oxymoron statement you either or envious of a penis that is better than yours or you want to have a penis and like pussy but if you like penis and want to have one then it's not penis envy

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  • Hello thank you for sharing such a interesting and well written MyTake
    i appreciate you sharing your information and sorry what life caused
    for you i do believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and i hope
    many Blessings come your way! Best Wishes in all you do :):)

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  • TLDR. Now you're just making up shit to be concerned about. Just be the very best YOU that YOU can be.
    And even if they put a penis on you, you still would not be a man. There's more to it than just the dick.

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  • I agree, men and women AREN'T equal in society. I wouldn't say that women are MORE oppressed or that men are MORE oppressed, but that we are "oppressed" in different areas. I also don't really like saying that because it's a collectivist mindset, and it's not like every single female or every single male has the same experience.

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  • What's even worse? I'm Asian, I have one but it barely is a "one" HAHAHA

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  • From what I can see there aren't many men or women who have half the value you do. You're an amazing, tough, self aware, capable woman.

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  • Here is the opposite. My father has a favorite and it's my sister, the more privileged one.

    At first I was envious. Not any more.

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  • Have always had respect for you, but now so much more respect. To me it is just not understandable how people can treat their own children this way. As I read this I found myself hating your parents. I raised a boy and a girl. Each had things they were best at. But I loved them equally and treated them equally. I can just not begin to understand how anyone can act as your parents did (and do).

    You did a great job of explaining your life, feelings, and why you now feel the ways you do. Excellent take.

    So very sorry this happened to you.

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  • If you were more of a housewife type you would find better men to date, ie ones that would take you out instead of ones you had to take out. So yeah your mom is right about that.

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  • You poor thing where are from and your poor mom? It's not ease growing up especially with that shit! Xoxo

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  • I hope your victim badge serves you well. I know it is a very coveted trophy these days. Now make me a sammich!!!

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    • watch it... what she says is real. girls have that shit when younger... then they find out they have 'ginas and what it can do.

  • Muy buen escrito. Tenés razón, hay demasiado machismo en Latino América, y México nunca fue la excepción. Creo que eso no se va ha acabar mientras se haga poco o nada para ir a la raíz del problema.

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  • Great writing :D. Loved the take.

    As you might have figured for yourself, each gender has its own set of benefits. I get the idea that women generally connect much better with people than men do on a social scale. Women talk more about their lives and that helps you cope with problems and overcome them. That alone can bring forth some psychological benefits that men rarely see.

    One of the reasons I think the male suicide rate is so high is because of this. A heap of psychological problems that accumulate with a certain extent of social neglect can do terrible things to the mind.

    To be fair, and as I think you partly mentioned, being a woman in 2018 is better than any other year up till now, embrace it :)

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  • Sadly main stream religions are up front of the problem, Catholic or protestant push tis ideal of men are the best and women are to serve them. Far away from what the bible says women are a compliment they interact with each other to make a whole. But I like how you said a lot of women are trying to like men for the sake of equality , but women are better than that , sad when they are pushed down that road.
    All my life I have wanted to be female , all my family are female, me being the youngest with 3 sisters , I feel at home around women it grates with me how men seem to think women owe men something as if they are king of the hill. ...

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  • Wait a minute. You say you’re from Chicago but your profile says Antarctica. Are you ashamed of your Antarctic ethnicity?

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  • Sounds like your circumstances were pushing you towards feminism. But it's no picnic being a man. You may feel its easier but we just have different problems to worry about.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I dont have penis envy and im very happy being a woman and I confess that I enjoy the many many benefits that comes with being a lady.
    The whole serving guests at a family gathering is actually very normal as most women/mothers are the ones who organise these things but not uncommon to see fathers or sons helping out in other ways.
    The whole thing were your brothers sit around the house while you work and pay rent and then come home and look after them may just be part of your culture because my father and mother would have kicked them out by now. My father and mother told us growing up that to live under their roof we had to either be in education or working and paying rent.
    I always did have household chores that my brothers didn't have to do such as laundry, cleaning, cooking etc but it was a lot easier than some of the chores my brother's had to do which were usually outside and dirty, like I never had to shovel snow, clean the gutters, take out the trash or do any heavy lifting.
    As for the Michelle Obama saying mother's should stop banging their sons I think it's we daughters who are the ones that are babies, I mean I think guys have a much tougher lot than we women do. Higher rates of homicide, higher rates of homelessness then there's their harsher treatment by the law compared to women. they often lose their kids and homes in divorce and if they lose their job and miss a child support or alimony payment they get jail. They often face domestic abuse and have nowhere to turn as nobody believes them or just laughs at them, so many women believe they have the right to assault a man without consequences. Its the same when a drunk man gets taken advantage of sexually by a woman, rape charges are never followed up. So instead of baying men I think we mother's and soceity should take better care of our men as they can be very fragile.

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  • Wow!
    That took a lot of work to put together Ms BB, great job!

    I'm proud of you :)

    For some reason the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.

    Maybe if you were born a boy, you would be writing a myTake about how you wish you had been born a girl... you think? ... lol

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  • I can really empathize with you on the whole childhood thing, even though I didn't grow up with a sexist family, some things just hit too close to home. Nonetheless, I still hold the same views as you do and I too was brought into feminism thinking it was all sunshine and rainbows, but I educated myself before it was too late and had gotten myself out of it. There really isn't anything of value here but just wanted to say, I know how that feels.

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  • thanks for this is feel the same way in my family my brother is treated like some god and I am told to cook and clean that I am weak and men should get to do what they please to me I don't think it is ok at all I just don't get why people don't understand that we are all human it doesn't matter your gender we are equal and should be treated and treat others that way

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  • You take is very insightful. Thank you for sharing this.

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  • Great take. I guess I've also had penis envy all my life due to the treatment of women in my extended family.
    At family parties, my paternal grandfather would always take pics with his whole family (grandkids included) and then separately, pics of him and his sons only.
    Once I noticed that, it was easy to spot everything else that was going wrong in this family. His daughters weren't regularly physically abused, "just" ignored for most of their lives.
    As a kid, I didn't see that, because he always loved to see us and gave us girls gifts and his attention. I only felt that some of my younger aunts seemed to hate me. It's probably because they'd thought or were taught he just didn't like girls, which is why he ignored them, but then seeing how much he cared about me and my sis, they realised it was a lie and it must have hurt.. a lot.

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  • I agree and really like this take!!!
    Thank you for sharing your story it was very well written and interesting.
    *thumbs up*

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  • This would not be a problem if we had "beat up the boys day".

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  • Good take. .

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  • Man you got some issues

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  • Interesting

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  • I agree, it is wrong when parents make such a difference between their kids. Moms are not doing their sons a favour by
    Babying them..

    Personally I love being a woman and I don’t feel any less worth by that and by parents love me unconditionally and they have given me a lot of freedom, lots of support, they believe in me. I love being a woman and don’t envy men at all. I have two kids, a boy and a girl and I love them equally, I believe in them equally and I want to raise them with the same values, helping each other, helping out at home no matter if you are boy or girl and not teaching my son that the girls will serve him, that is so not cool! And I am African so I know what you are talking about.

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  • I don't think this has to do with penis envy. Penis envy is literally envy of the penis. This take is your encyclopedia of grievances against the world, and your hypothesis that your gender is the reason.

    Life deals everybody shit. When life hands you shit, try not to make shit sauce of it. Just clean it up, and put it behind you.

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