Have you ever seen a couple that has been together for 52 years, and they act like two teens in puppy love?
I met a couple like that the other day. I must have been staring a bit too long because the woman asked me whether I had a question. Dumbfounded I just asked, “How do you two do it?”
I sat with Ellen and Josh for a good three hours gathering all the information I could that made their relationship so wonderful. This encounter must have been karma because I had been asked to do an article on relationships about a month before. I spent about three months in total working on the article.
I had collected a pile of books, articles, magazines, and a massive bookmark folder on my computer covering the topic. The original was rejected because it was not PC enough. So, I expanded it with information I was not able to include because of space limits.
However, talking to Josh and Ellen changed the direction I would head.
I want what they have. I want to be the man that my woman desires to be with every second of every day. I want to desire her twice as much. I want us to love each other as long as there are stars in the skies above, and longer. I want us to melt when we are together.
The question is how does this happen? It can’t just be happenstance. It can’t just be that some people are lucky, and some are relegated to a life of semi-happiness. What I learned is that it is totally possible, and that a lot of bad advice is out there.
This is mainly written for what the man can do. It comes from the point of view of giving the woman what she wants and desires. I do deal with the topic of sex in the context that it is a celebration of two peoples deep feeling for each other. This is also in the context that the man respects the woman in every way possible way.
As a man we hear the answer “I want a good man” continually. We also hear “good men are hard to find.” What is a good man? If we look online at dating web sites we see the basic description given that includes honest, intelligent, a sense of humor, respectful, and confident. If that were all there was to it, good men are in abundance. However, in the grand scheme that description is the grain of sand that tops the very summit of Mt. Everest.
To make this work you, the man, have to do three things.
First, you must understand that there are halves that must be present. I’ll explain those below. Both halves enhance each other making them more powerful. The result is that the woman gets what she desires and needs. In return, the man gets what he desires and needs.
Next you have to be 100% honest, and communicate. With honesty you cannot hold back, you cannot sugar coat, you reveal everything. Yes, there are risks to doing this. But, without risk there is no reward. This doesn’t mean you just throw an entire department store of feelings and thoughts at her all at once. Be smart, and honestly reveal at the appropriate time. Honestly answer questions.
Finally, you communicate everything to your woman. Again, don’t smother her.
Recently, a woman and I started exploring a relationship together. We have been talking for several months off and on about various topics. She has demonstrated all the traits I look for in a partner. Honestly she is the only one I found to have every trait I desire. She is a rare unicorn of a woman. When she expressed interest, I didn’t hesitate to respond. The rule we agreed upon is 100% honesty between us. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable, even embarrassing for us to reveal certain things. But, the feeling of knowing each of you has that level of trust is beyond words. She is truly my unicorn.
Through learning what I am sharing here, I hope, I want, to give her everything she desires mentally, emotionally, and physically. She is the only person I think about, the only one I desire to be with.
What Women Want.
When I am speaking of women, I’m speaking of most women. Each woman is unique so everything may not fit exactly as described. Every woman has her own life experiences that will shape and define her. However, the information I collected was written in the context of most women, so it stands to reason that most women will agree. I am not including anything specific to the woman I am currently building a relationship with. As I mentioned, every woman is different.
Most women desire to be able to surrender to the man chooses. This doesn’t mean become a doormat. It simply means she wants to feel like a woman around him. Most women desire the traditional role when it comes to relationships. When she can surrender herself completely to you, it enhances the connection that she is able to feel. I’ll get into this a little more further down. I want to be clear on the definition of surrender. It does not mean she becomes an object, giving up her power, or totally submitting to authority over her. It means she is willing giving all of herself to you.
Now, this has nothing to do with manipulation. If you are at all familiar with me, you will know that I loath manipulators. If the woman feels objectified in any way, she will not feel comfortable, and she will not be able to surrender. Surrendering has everything to do with the level of trust she has for you.
Men need to stop thinking in getting the woman. It is not about getting what you want. Getting what you want is a byproduct of completely fulfilling what she needs. You connect with her emotional soul, her romantic heart, innate sensuality, and she will willingly give you what you need.
Over the past several months I uncovered the first part of what women desire. This is the first of the two parts.
1) To feel special
2) To feel a deep emotional connection
3) To feel like a woman
4) To have passionate sex
Each of these desires does not truly work without the other three. If you take a close look and try to eliminate one of the four, the other three don’t work.
I didn’t just come up with these four desires. It just took me a while to decipher what was being said in the research papers, articles, and books I was reading. Then finding the link between each of these desires. It is up to you as the man to deliver on each of these desires.
She wants to feel appreciated and unique. She wants her man to treat her unlike any other woman in the woman in the world while supporting dreams and endeavors.
Feeling like a woman means her man makes her feel beautiful, feminine, and sexy. She desires to feel all the things that simply come with being a woman.
She desires to know her man in ways no one else does. She wants to be able to share herself with her man in ways that she cannot do with others. Do not be scared to show her that you are vulnerable. How can you have an emotional connection if you have zero vulnerabilities?
She desires to be enticed, teased, and satisfied. She wants her man to seduce her. You can say it is mental foreplay. Be subtle, be obvious with an air of sensuality. Don’t try to go from zero to light speed at the last second. Constantly seduce and passionate sex will happen that simply allows her let go. She wants to experience new things, try stuff in new ways, try new things with him. This can include new roles and fantasies.
When you as the man can do this for your woman she is able to feel affirmed, desired, and alive. When she feels these emotions the two of you can melt mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Most men can only deliver on a few of these desires. To deliver, on all four is to be the man that women dream about. You have to be about her in every way. Women from all over the place continuously state that they will give you what you want in return, if you deliver.
In my three hours plus long conversation with Josh and Ellen, they confirmed what I am speaking of. Josh lives for Ellen and is not selfish in giving himself to her. Ellen in return gives Josh what he desires because she wants to please him in every way possible.
The foundation is undeniable trust through 100% honest communication.
Be The Man She Desires
If you really want to get a glimpse into the mind of women and what they want, it isn’t hard. Go read the top romance novels written by women. Read a porn story written by women for women. These are vastly different from stuff made for men. Or, go on a three-month journey going through hundreds research articles.
Aside from the four desires, there are four key traits women desire. Nearly every romance novel will have a male hero, or a male object of desire, for the female counter part. If you need further proof that women desire these traits, consider that romance novels are a $1.08 billion dollar industry in the United States. In Britain, the physical books alone that were sold in 2016 were worth £178.09m.
Again, I’m going to harp on this honesty and communication thing. Without that, you can do whatever you want, and the woman isn’t going to be able to willingly give herself to you the way she wants.
Now, there are aspects of my life that I cannot talk about. These are job related and sharing that information could have negative impacts that directly threaten my lively hood. However, I’m just honest in stating that I can’t share that particular part of my life at that point in time. I’m not trying to hide anything, I honestly cannot talk about certain things given my profession.
As the man she desires you have to be responsive to her. You must be responsible for your woman in every way. When she surrenders, you are accountable for her mentally, emotionally, and physically. Playing mind games can wreak havoc on her for years. Physically abusing her in a sexual manner she is not comfortable with is not only illegal, but mentally and emotionally damaging. DO NOT manipulate or play mind games.
She wants you to be exciting, but not reckless. A little spontaneity can keep things exciting in more ways than one.
She wants a man who is considerate, but isn’t boring. Hold the door open for her, help her when she doing house chores. Nonetheless give her space, and don’t smother her.
She desires you to be intelligent, but not bland. Have a range of topics you can talk about. Be able to solve problems as they come up. Be willing to learn and look for answers when you need to.
Be a man’s man, but be interesting. The macho type men who work out, play sports, and hunt tends to become uninteresting. Do not allow the lifestyle to become all consuming. She will find you one dimensional.
Be dominate, but not demanding. Take the lead and have a plan for some things. Remain flexible though. She is an independent, intelligent, driven woman all day. When she comes home to you, she wants to simply surrender to your lead. Again, this doesn’t mean being told what she will and will not do.
For women, it’s difficult to find a man who has these all these traits. Then, when you include the four desires most women seek, and you see why women say “It’s hard to find a good man.”
When each part is present within you, each thing more powerful to her. She can allow herself be the woman you desire, and give herself to you completely. But, this can only happen if you, as the man, can give her what she desires.
You need to be sensitive, yet still be strong; dominant, yet caring; sweet, but able to lead. It seems like a total contradiction as to what she wants. I’m about to give you guys the secret.
Everything Is Held In A Certain Context With Women
During the day and during the week, she wants to be seen as responsible. She wants to be in control of her life and destiny. She wants others to see her as proper, educated, and a professional woman with a career.
At night, in private, with her man whom she trusts she wants to be a little naughty. She wants to be able to express herself to him. She wants to be able to shed responsibility around the man she has an intimate connection with.
When you can understand this dichotomy of context, things start to make sense. For some men, everything they thought they knew changes.
Josh mentioned that the first year he was married to Ellen he didn’t understand the context thing. He said that he was treating her in private the way he did when they were in public. Things were okay, but not exciting. Ellen did say she was beginning to think she made a mistake. Then, Ellen said everything changed when Josh read a romance novel she was reading. It opened up a line of communication when he asked her what she got out of novels. Ellen was ruthlessly honest at that point, and Josh paid attention.
Ever since then Josh treats her like a proper woman in public with subtle romance flirtation. In private they are two different people who can satisfy each other. Ellen made it perfectly clear that Josh is not selfish. He works to satisfy her in every category and knows what she likes. He pays attention, and responds accordingly to her reactions. Be that in public, or the bedroom. This allows her to be the woman he wants, and is able to satisfy his needs because she wants to.
Here is the key take away. Men - don’t be selfish. Live for your woman. Don’t get what you want, and then leave her hanging waiting to get what she wants. Many men make this mistake, and it is a huge turnoff for women. Eventually, the woman will just give up on even trying. When she finally breaks things off, the guy is standing there asking what happened. Well, you were selfish emotionally, mentally, or physically. Worse yet, you were selfish in all three areas.
When you are not selfish, she can lose herself in you. Something starts to happen, it becomes something neither of you can explain. However, both of you know it is exactly where you are supposed to be.
Support your woman. They are intelligent people and do not need you to solve their problems. Listen to them, and let them work through their emotions. They can figure out the rest. If they want a solution, they will ask.
Accept your woman. No judgements. Just admire and respect who she is. Allow her to be the woman in the relationship.
To summarize everything, here is the take away areas.
1) Most women want a man who makes her feel good about her herself.
2) Most women want to be respected. Simultaneously they want to feel desired, sexy, and ready to be taken.
3) Most women want to feel as if they are being heard. They want to know that you accept them and hear what they DO have to say. Again, unconditional trust, acceptance, and respect.
4) Most women want to be women. They want to be treated like women, and the man to be a man. She needs for you to recognize the context. She is responsible and independent in public, while also craving sex and being able to surrender in private.
5) Take the lead. Be the gentleman by opening the door, planning a date, planning the romantic vacations. You can equally share the day to day responsibilities of shopping, home and car buying, how to raise the kids. But, let her be the woman in the other aspects of the relationship. She can only feel like the woman, when you are the man.
Hope this helps someone out there. I know doing all the research has helped me. Not only to become a better person, but become “that man” to the unique and rare unicorn of woman I choose. I don’t just want to be the man she wants. I want to be the man she truly desires in every sense of the meaning.
I wish I could include all of the information I have, but limits have me cutting a lot. If people like this one, I’ll do a follow up piece.