Do you really think men want sex more than women?

[Anonymous]

I'm sure everyone agrees, women want and enjoy sex as well. A lot sometimes, I do anyway. And even so it was never unbearable or anything, I wouldn't have been sad, aggressive or frustrated just because I'm not getting laid. I wasn't tempted to hook up, let alone pay a hooker or even rape. It never felt painful physically or emotionally. So it's very hard for me to relate when guys say they feel all of those things. And historically they have done all of those things. Is it just that guys are more whiny about this? Maybe because it's expected they complain about not getting sex whereas when a woman says it, it's kinda a surprise. But then again, why is it expected from men and not women in the firist place? Do you guys all think that men want and need sex way more t han women? So not getting it is harder on them? As I said it's hard for me to relate and it's not something you would bring up over lunch at work, so most of what I know, I know from movies and TV shows. So really just looking for some insight here

[thetundrawolf]

I sat here and loaded pages for a half hour just so I could respond to this question. (I didn't want to use my phone and I was eating out)

I try and avoid masturbation, because my mind, and soul tend to want porn in front of me, and my thoughts can get really wild, searching for something "exciting". It helps to feed an unhealthy addiction.

When I get horny, it is not a spur of the moment thing that goes away if I ignore it. No, it loads up, and pressure increases, every day. The very best I can get is comfortably numb to the pressure and feeling I have deep inside of my body, I can literally feel the built-up, we'll call them "juices", moving around inside, wanting to, pardon the expression... "Come out".

There is literally nothing I can do, except, as I said, masturbate, or hope for the unlikely wet dream to bring me relief. It is not painful physically, although it can actually get painful, yes, it was this last time, it is painful to resist the images and videos I have seen in my head. VERY painful.

Every day I do not release myself, it builds, and builds. The fantasies, the thoughts about sex consume me. Past sexual experiences, things I'd like to do, especially pornography, if I've fallen and viewed any. It ends up distracting me so badly my work can suffer. My personal relationships because my imagination is always preoccupied.

I am a writer, and if I write when this pressure is built up, my characters will be more vibrant, and there will be a tinge of sex when I write. When I draw, my characters can tend to look sexier, and more detailed.

Alcohol amplifies it ten times, and I'll usually watch some porn and masturbate if I've been drinking, but sometimes I can control it.

I have endured this for the last 20 years.

I can say with fair certainty, that if God did not bless (Curse) us with these desires, us men would likely have little to nothing to do with women, especially today. i am sorry to say that, but it's true. You are emotional, nonsensical, illogical, you must be right when you are absolutely wrong, you drain our financial resources on things that make no impact, you are wanton with our hearts. It is very hard to live with you, even if it means we... may... find sexual satisfaction with you.

So for all the women who hate how horny us guys are, be thankful we are this way, or you may not stand a chance of ever finding a man.

[BeautifulMind59]

Pardon me, but how does marriage fit into the picture here? I mean if it's just sex you want and release from the build-up of the "pressure", doesn't masturbation or one night stands or paying for sex or this new thing "friends with benefits" work for you?

[Matt1994]

You sir have been brainwashed by your religion. Dude wtf if you wanna have a wank just have a wank. Why conform to a bullshit belief if all it does is make you miserable. You're an animal, more specifically a male one; the 'juices' are telling you that you need to reproduce so that our species doesn't die out. That's all there is to it.

[Punkin45]

Agreed. Having been a Christian for 40 years, I can say that I experienced similiar constant guilt. I didn't marry until I was 26 and I masturbated a lot. Our sex life was very poor (duh, we were virgins) and I masturbated due to that as well. A lot of times it was when I was asleep or just waking up. I felt like the devil was mocking me every time. I felt like the most disgusting sinner. When I finally realized how batshit crazy it all was and left the church for good about... oh... maybe a year ago now, it was like finally being human. Sex drives are totally natural. It's what you put on it in your own mind that makes it so impressive. Now if I want masturbate I do, & experiment with ways to make it the most enjoyable and satisfying. I fantasize about fictional men because then I don't have to feel weird about a movie star with a wife and kids. The point is: a good, loving God wouldn't torment his children. He gave us a way to relieve it.

[Punkin45]

"Oppressive" not "impressive"

[thetundrawolf]

@BeautifulMind59 Marriage is the way God set up to mirror His relationship with us. It also prevents broken hearts, and is supposed to seal a man and woman together forever. Rather than a man going around and sleeping with whichever woman will have him. It fulfills a deeper desire, a longing most of us have for intimacy and monogamous companionship. For me, because I got into porn at an early age, when I masturbate I tend to look at porn. It also makes me feel ten times as lonely afterwards, because I am simulating sex with a woman, yet there is no woman. It may be physically healthy, but mentally and spiritually it is very unhealthy, in my opinion. friends with benefits and ONS are to me a waste of time, because there is never a life commitment.

[thetundrawolf]

@Matt1994 Matt, I was more miserable when I was having one night stands, and a chronic masturbator. I am still miserable, but very much less so, now that I practice restraint. Life is hard, there is no way around that. I am just taking another difficult path.

[thetundrawolf]

@Punkin45 If your sex life was poor, why wouldn't you work to make it better? Do you not talk to your husband? Marriage is supposed to be a pledging of ones life, and heart to another person forever... Why aren't you working this out? Surely your husband can make sacrifices to help you to enjoy sex more. You shouldn't fantasize about fictional men, because then your husband will always fall short, as you are reinforcing false ideals with sexual practices. I am just telling you. It won't be good long term. God is a loving god but He is also perfect, He cannot stand sin, and yes, He puts His followers through hell so they can get closer to Him. The modern Western church today is full of lies and deceit, preaching a harmless "Buddy-Christ" philosophy and a God who never hurts anyone- when the truth is that God sends most people to Hell. It's in the Bible... Sex drives are natural, but they can become perverted.

[thetundrawolf]

@Punkin45 I was molested/abused/etc when I was very young for many years and it took a terrible toll on me. Wires were crossed, sex drives were blown past what is healthy. Saying it is natural (If I were to say my desires are healthy) is a lie... My heart and spirit are twisted, I want things that are not healthy for me, and yes, it is miserable, and yes, a loving God is telling me to die to myself and what I want. I struggle with what is in the Bible. It irritates me that I have to endure what I have to endure, but I know I must endure it. I know God is perfecting me, even though the path is hard. Don't think that when I read that most people are going to Hell I am fine with that. This whole thing is hard, but I have to do what God commands.

[Punkin45]

I did try, believe me, but he was insistent that it was my fault. I even went and bought a book of positions to try, which he said was disgusting.

[Punkin45]

Oh, and I'm divorced now so that's what I was referring to with the fantasizing.

[Punkin45]

I'm really, really sorry about your past abuse.

[thetundrawolf]

@Punkin45 It sounds like he was caught up in his predispositions, i am sorry to hear that you two are no longer together. I believe that the sexuality God has given us is pretty naughty, and that the modern church has mostly corrupted that behind a wall of guilt and shame. I don't have many good things to say about the modern church

[Matt1994]

All I can say is I'm glad I'm not a Christian.

[Punkin45]

@Matt1994 Yes... be glad. Very glad.

[thetundrawolf]

@Matt1994 Why, because you have no laws to follow? It is painful, but one comes to the realization after living in life, that Gods laws are hard, but necessary, because God made us he knows best.

[thetundrawolf]

@Punkin45 Do not be so quick to dismiss Christ. Especially do not do so on the example of a prudish husband who probably is as close to God as you are (or were). Just because you are disenfranchised does not make anything in the Bible any less true. Consider looking at it from a honest perspective, Christians are messed up, the church is messed up, and the Bible says exactly that. In the end times there will be a great falling away... For just those reasons. Don't be someone who is going to suffer for eternity just because you've had a bad experience with "Christian" people. I am sorry your husband was a dick. But don't throw Christ out because of it.

[Punkin45]

Oh my... save me from pompous preachers... That last comment you made pretty much sums up all the reasons Jesus and I have parted company. #facepalm

[Punkin45]

1. Assuming I made the decision quickly 2. Assuming it is based on an emotional reaction to someone else's behavior 3. Using fear of hell to encourage obedience 4. Dismissing any other spiritual view as invalid 5. Assuming I'm being dishonest 6. Assuming it has to do with sex 7. Assuming I question my husband's faith 8. Assuming I feel disenfranchised

[Punkin45]

To be clear - sexual issues in my marriage were just one small symptom of a systemic disease

[thetundrawolf]

@Punkin45 I watched this video again today. It made me re prioritize my views. I encourage you to watch it to the end. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBwsGDCGQFE

[ThisDudeHere]

The reason guys are on average far more frustrated with the sex and dating world is because, unlike you, they don't have as much options. You could go out right now and be almost guaranteed to find a guy to sleep with for today. Sure, perhaps not a guy YOU would like... but a guy none the less. I, on the other hand, stand no chance to be as successful as you.

Guys whine more because it's harder to get laid. Simple. So let them (us) whine. It's only fair.

[Asker]

but why is it harder for you to get? The obvious answer would be, because you want it more

[ThisDudeHere]

Yes. That is the obvious answer. And the other half of the answer is because women are more reserved and have higher standards. Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming them. I'm just saying it as it is.

[Punkin45]

"You could go out right now and be almost guaranteed to find a guy to sleep with for today." This is a bullshit myth.

[ThisDudeHere]

@Punkin45 if you drop you standards super low to the point that you would sleep someone really fugly, it's not a myth. If course you wouldn't find men whom YOU are attracted to. But you would find men none the less. The fact that you wouldn't want to sleep with them is irrelevant here.

[Punkin45]

But the same goes for men. You can always find some desperate girl to sleep with. My point about OkCupid is that the social interaction of meeting someone in person is part of becoming attracted to them. Also, if you have ever created a fake profile as a woman and looked at men's photos, you would realize how little effort the majority of men put into their profiles. It is stunningly appalling. I was texting with a guy from a dating site once and he was saying how he didn't think he was that good looking. So I took screenshots of guys and sent them to him. He was floored.

[Punkin45]

And to be perfectly honest... I really could not find someone to sleep with if I tried. I know cuz I've tried. I am just too overweight and blunt. My personality is not sexy. I am aware of this. Trying to be sexy is totally fake and guys sense it. I am what I am.

[ThisDudeHere]

@Punkin45 "You can always find some desperate girl to sleep with." -No. We can't. There barely are any desperate women and the few that are there, wouldn't sleep with just anyone the same way a desperate man would. I'm sure that if you lowered your standards to really low levels, you'd find someone. I couldn't.

[Punkin45]

Hmmm... I can't say for sure because I'm not a man but maybe you're right.

[takumii]

I disagree Bruh, you go out with $50 in your hand and you can come home empty handed and empty balled.

[ThisDudeHere]

@takumii but that's the thing. I'd have to waste money. A woman in my place wouldn't have.

[takumii]

Yes, its harder but guys have options too And honestly $50 isn't much. Not worth and excusable enough for whining

[ThisDudeHere]

@takumii it's the principle that matters. Yes 50 isn't much but 50 is still more than a woman would have to give. Which is 0 (momey)

[Transigence]

It's harder to get because women know men want it more and make men jump through hoops, compete with other men, and essentially "pay" her, one way or another, to do it. Normally the price is your entire life. It's a standing expectation that the price of sex is a life-long commitment to her, to not have sex with anyone else, to forward all of your success to her for the rest of your life, and to die for her if necessairy. For ONE LAY (All the rest are at her option). That's a really high price to pay for sex. And women aren't obligated to anything. A woman can just switch boyfriends overnight. But guys would never set a price like that to have a little romp in the sack. It's free (and should be free) and both partners win. The difference in the demand for sex between men and women (and how women use this difference) is ultimately responsible for MOST if not LITERALLY ALL of the problems in the world.

[Transigence]

It's harder to get because we can't just go up to a girl and say, "Hey, I think you're really pretty. Would you like to come over to my place lay with me?" No woman ever, ever, ever says "yes" to this. So you tell me! Why the fuck is it so hard to get laid?

[ThisDudeHere]

@Transigence you're asking me or OP?

[Transigence]

OP. I clicked reply to Asker, but the opinion and comment system sucks.

[ThisDudeHere]

@Transigence ok.

[kaylaS91]

Guys are probably more 'whiny' about it for a few reasons. Largely because society still shames women into staying quiet about wanting/enjoying sex for anyone's benefit other than their man's.

Also because I think the desire for sex comes from a mostly different place for men/women. For men, it's more of a biological kind of thing. To 'spread their seed' and shit. They pump up more sperm around the clock, hence do need somewhat of a release from an anatomical viewpoint.

Women also have a very real biological need for it, but for many I think it comes more from an emotional area. I get horny af and pink balls are a very real thing, I'll get moody and a bit snappy if I haven't had sex for a while. But ultimately, sex is an emotional kind of thing. Helps me feel closer and more at ease with my boyfriend.

[saltwater84]

No this is the biggest tale ever
Woman got more sex drive Than m'en.
We almost never shut down , not even during pregnancy or depressed.
If mâle has money or work related issues, you lost your drive.
But this is taboo we are not allowed to speak about it.
Also as you get older although you still want sex your performance are lesS good and because of that you also feel like shit, and have lesS drive

[Transigence]

No, women maybe have more sexual CAPACITY than men, but not DRIVE. Yes, you can go all night. But you are the ones selling it and we are the ones buying it for whatever price you name. If women's sex drive was HALF of what men's sex drive was, women wouldn't be able to name such exorbitant prices, and would actually approach men every now and then.

[ClariceOwen23]

Not really. I think guys are just more open about it. None of the guys I've been with could keep up with me.

[abzence]

Sex has never been a top priority for me in life so I can't identify with those things.

Media makes a man into a mindless sex animal. Remember that it's always the loudest that are heard. And you don't hear the men who DON'T cat call women for example, which is the majority of men, etc.

It's also easier to endure a lack of something if you know the supply is within an easy reach. If women needed to jump through all the hoops men had to in order to get sex I think the level of desperation would also increase in some women.

[BeautifulMind59]

Just out of curiosity, what is your top priority in life?

[Sixgun77]

@BeautifulMind59 I'm already living half of my dream. All I need now to be happy is to find the right lady to share my life (and I think my life is a lot of fun) with.

[BeautifulMind59]

@Sixgun77 Good for you! Which is why I meant to specifically ask what your dreams are, if you don't mind sharing. Or you can private message me if you like. It just sounded like an interesting reply, and I wanted to know more about your interests and goals and dreams and passions and motivations, and other similar notions that you "identify" with.

[Sixgun77]

@BeautifulMind59 believe it or not, since I got out of the army in 01, I've wanted to live on a sailboat. Instant vacation every weekend, fun adventure, all that jazz. I work 4 evenings a week so I can take 3 day trips weekend I want. I'd like to leave Maryland for the gulf coast eventually. Life is fun, but feels wasted when I'm alone. Now I just need to find someone who wants in on the stuff my friends and I get up to. Having someone to share it all with is the other half of the dream. Even if she doesn't want to get married and get a boat big enough for both of us to live on she should be the type of person who enjoys sailing, camping on the beach, and plowing through puddles full throttle with no roof on the jeep.

[abzence]

@BeautifulMind59 The understanding and expansion of self, to make a long story short.

[Isaif370]

Actually, the answer varies within each individual concerning the quote that no 2 people are exactly the same. The "fear (as you said it)" of men not having sex can be answered by the physical aspects of the human genes. The masculine testosterone has a balance between the males sexual need and wants, and the feeling of desiring intimacy.

The estrogen in a female works as equivalent to the male testosterone being responsible for the females sexual needs and wants and the desire of intimacy.

Now, to answer your question: it depends how the psychology of that specific person works. Some people prefer to just have sex and not as serious relationship, just as well as people having a desire to be more committed to a relationship in which sex is more intimate because of the emotions engaged in the intercourse.

[nachosaresexy]

I think men and women both want sex, their sex drives just don't work exactly the same way. It's complicated and obviously varies by individual too. But some guys are more sexual than some girls and then some girls are more sexual than some guys. My best friend was dating a girl and they were having relationship problems and she eventually explained to me his sex drive was way too low for her and it made her feel unattractive. It was kind of an awkward convo but it was also interesting because up till then I never imagined a guy being LESS sexual than his girlfriend.

[RachelBrigs]

I think both sexes want it similar amounts, but express it and prioritize it differently.

[JuicyBrain]

Do you really think women's personality is affected by their periods? I mean, I don't get pissed at stupid stuff or cry when I see an ad on TV once a month. Is it real or is it just girls who are being whiny and unreasonably emotional?

Our bodies are different and don't exactly work in the same way. I can understand that it's hard to imagine for you just as it is hard for me to understand what you go through during your periods. That does not mean we should deny the influence our biology has over us...

[NJ_Casanova]

Guys definitely have a higher sex drive and think about it probably 3-4x as often.

"Maybe because it's expected they complain about not getting sex whereas when a woman says it, it's kinda a surprise."... Guys get shut down 50% more often than a girl. Any girl that is not getting any is...
A. waiting for a guy to ask them
B. Have very high standards... wants a 10 when she's a 6

[Punkin45]

Bullshit! What about the 50% of the female population who are "unfuckable" for one reason or another?

[NJ_Casanova]

@Punkin45 It's definitely NOT 50%, I know of plenty of obese 4's that have multiple kids from different guys. If a girl is easy/horny/under 50/average looks, she could get laid "today" if she wanted. I know a lot of guys that will screw any girl that would let them never 300lbs ones.

[alphadoggystyle]

its way easier for women to get sex than men, way less effort needed. So its not that men are more whiny than women, in fact women are more whiny than men in pretty much every subject. But like some study indicated, its roughly 20% of the guys getting the attention of 80% of the girls, while the rest of us has to work really hard to get someone on our own level.

[AceOtana1]

I think men do generally have stronger sex drives, and greater will to satisfy it. Which is probably why guys are always looking for it and women can always get it.

Mind you as a guy I've never been desperate for sex. I've gone a whole year now without sex and it doesn't feel unbearable. If anything I can easily live with it.
My imagination and desires have turned me on but many times women have actually turned me off.

[Mesonfielde]

That's the common belief, but that's just yet another gender stereotype.

[26ukdude]

I would say so yes, throughout history and in every different culture, the behavious has always been the same, I agree that society does have "some" part to play, but through the ages and across every corner of the globe, it's been men going to women for prostitution and going to greater lengths to get sex.
I think its down to biology, men need to orgasm to procreate, women dont.

[Bandit74]

I think on average men have higher sex drives and put more value on it than women do. Although I dont think its as big of a gap as people suggest. I think women just have higher criteria for what kind of guys REALLY turn them on.

I think men are more easily turned on by average women than women are by average men. Based only on looks women dont find that many men to be attractive. A man can look at a slightly above average girl 6/10 and think " yeah Id fuck her". However for a women to want to fuck a guy just based on his appearance, the bar is waaay higher.

blog.okcupid.com/.../

This take does a pretty good job of explaining it...
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8397-do-women-only-find-20-of-men-attractive

I also think men tend to base more of their ego/ self worth on their ability to attract women, maybe its because of society, maybe other reasons, but either way it is often seen as part of the identity of being a man. So if you can't attract women you're a failure as a man or less of a man.

"I wouldn't have been sad, aggressive or frustrated just because I'm not getting laid"
I think often times the men who are the most frustrated and lash out the most are that way because they -cant- get laid. However with women its rarely that they can't get laid, its just you are choosing not to. Even if you as a woman choose not to have sex, you know you could and you know you have guys who find you sexually desirable. Think of all the rate me questions and how often guys give average girls really higher rating. However when guys post rate me they dont get the same kind of inflated ratings from the girls. Girls get more validation/confirmation of their sexual desirability. Men typically dont get that.

[Punkin45]

I really don't know where this idea that all women are sexually desirable comes from. It's absolutely not true.

[Bandit74]

@Punkin45 I never said all women are sexually desirable.

[Punkin45]

You said it's rare that a woman can't get laid. That's not true at all.

[Bandit74]

@Punkin45 I think its true. Any girl who is average or better can find guys willing to have sex with her. They either aren't trying or they have their standards set too high.

[Punkin45]

Well then I guess I'm just below average then.

[Punkin45]

You're OK Cupid research is really biased. You're talking about people on a dating website, who of course judge by appearances first because that's how those things work. That doesn't relate at all to the rest of the population of people who aren't young, attractive, and looking to hook up online. Meeting people in person is completely different. It's just common sense.

[Bandit74]

@Punkin45 The point is that on OK Cupid the men rated womens appearances higher than women rated mens appearances.

[Punkin45]

I see your point. However, I also can vouch for the fact that fewer guys put a good effort into dating site photos than girls do.

[Bandit74]

@Punkin45 Perhaps but would it make that much of a difference? The way guys rated girls seemed to follow a bell curve, the numbers of girls rated above average were nearly equal to the girls rated below average. Girls rated the majority of guys as being below average :/

[Punkin45]

Well, that's what I was trying to say about real life vs dating sites. Men are more visually stimulated than women are. We need the personal interaction of a conversation, body language, voice, etc. more than just a cold photo.

[Bandit74]

@Punkin45 I don''t disagree with that but I dont see how that contradicts anything I've said :/ The point I was making was that when looks are the only factor being considered, the number of women that men consider fuckable is greater than the number of men that women consider fuckable.

[Punkin45]

Agreed with that point

[Bandit74]

@Punkin45 So the only part you disagree with is that its rare that a woman can't get laid?

[Punkin45]

Yes, that was what I was disagreeing with

[Bandit74]

@Punkin45 Ok, well I still stand by that. Especially for casual sex men aren't that picky.

[Punkin45]

So maybe there's hope for me yet. I figure ONS is all I'm good for at this point. It's been a year since my last one.

[Matt1994]

Guys generally want sex more that women because as animals it's their role as a male to impregnate as many females as possible. That's just what we're hard-wired to do evolutionary speaking. We seem 'whiny' about it because men have a sort of 'urge' to put our dick in everything. Women have the ability to decide whether or not to have sex which is completely surreal to men.
So yes of course men want sex more than women everyone knows that.

[pervertedjester]

Movies, T. V., Print and even friends and families have all conditioned us for. To admit to being jerks, before we can walk, by only thinking about one thing.

[the_rake]

the evidence is that men are more active in pursuing it.

women need to be wined, dined and courted. after that they MIGHT consider sex. usually it's because the guy is constantly persisting, that EVENTUALLY they manage to break through the woman's guard.

[Transigence]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1912975-is-pussy-power-real-or-is-just-a-social-construction

Read my answer here. Essentially the same question.

[tyber1]

Pump a bunch of testosterone into your system and find out for yourself if we're just bitching.

[dudeman]

men are a lot more honry than women.

[Tarvold]

Not really.

If anything I think women like good sex a little more than men like good sex.

It's just that in general, guys suck in bed, so women aren't getting good sex.

[Punkin45]

This man deserves a major award. To be fair, however, most women suck worse in bed but the guy can still usually get off. He pretty much just needs a receptacle.

[Tarvold]

@Punkin45 Lol.. Thanks... and yeah... pretty much.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Punkin45 @tarvold Y'all makin me #sadface, w/ this Nicholas Sparks-esque bullshit. But, wait. I had some dude tell me "Fuck you!" the other day. Does that mean he really just mean it as a mild reprimand? LOL

[genericname85]

Dude there is no point in denying that men on average do want more sex. I mean just think of the days during period, where girls don't want to have sex. Guys don't have that. Also testosterone is one of the hormones determining your sex drive. Girls have less of that.

Sure there will be girls with a drive comparable with that ofen but not on average.

[QuestionMan]

It's a combination of biology and circumstance.
Biologically men want it more because of testosterone. At the same time men get it less often because we have to approach while women just wait. Although women may not be approached by suitable candidates, the fact remains if they wanted sex they could get it. Men on the other hand have to seek out the women that are willing to have sex with them.

This is where the myth "sex is something women let men do to them" comes from.