This is a VERY common female fantasy. Most heterosexual women tend toward the submissive side, and, this kind of fantasy is one way in which those desires are expressed.
The first -- and most important thing -- to realize, here, is that FANTASY ≠ REALITY.
Fantasies are not equipped with all of the gory, ugly, REAL things about reality.
This is just common sense, and it's hardly limited to sexual fantasies; it's also true for any other kind of fantasy, true. (If yr fantasizing about tooling around the streets in a Ferrari roadster, how would you like it if someone interjected with a comment about insurance costs?)
Women who have rape fantasies DO NOT have weird self-destructive streaks, and DO NOT want all of the actual real costs of rape -- the physical and emotional scars.
Also, there are plenty of perfectly normal men who have fantasies about raping women, too, but would NEVER rape an actual woman in real life. This conversation isn't about men, but, sure, these men exist, and there are lots and lots of them, and this can be part of a perfectly healthy sexuality and a perfectly normal life.
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In any case:
Rape fantasies, at heart, are about submission, and giving up power. They're about BEING TAKEN.
Some people describe the focus here as being "forced", but, that isn't really accurate. In these kinds of fantasies, a woman isn't really being forced to do things AGAINST her will.
Rather, her will is broken down, and molded, by the man in the fantasy. Her desire is made a part of his. He conquers her will, and annexes it into his own.
The line between fantasy and the real world, though, is TRUST.
Women with these kinds of fantasies would LOVE to give up their power to a partner, but, that requires an incredible degree of emotional intimacy.
Even in most relationships where a woman is sexually playing the bottom role (like being spanked, or tied up, or whatever), SHE is still ultimately the "dominant", because SHE is still the one who imposes the boundaries/limits on the action, and taps out if she becomes uncomfortable. As long as that's happening, she is ultimately still dominating the relationship -- she's like the conductor of an orchestra, and the guy is like one of the musicians, playing to her beat.
To actually reach the point where the man's in power -- the way she wants it -- takes INCREDIBLE trust.
(cont'd)
In my case, I've had this obsession with male power and anger since I was 9 years old, at least -- before I even knew what sex was -- and I've had these kinds of fantasies pretty much since the dawn of my sexuality. In my marriage, we've gotten to the point where I really have given up all of the sexual power. We don't have "safe words", and, honestly, by this point, I would let him do absolutely anything. Even things that would shatter my heart, or break my body, I'd let him do, because I'd trust that there was some greater plan behind whatever he was doing. But, the point is that we didn't get there overnight. We have an ABSOLUTE trust, that we've reached through 16 years together (almost 15 years married), in which he has never betrayed me or broken my trust one single time. That's how a point like that is reached. It's not some casual thing. It's also a point where we can live out a lot of my (and his) darker, deeper fantasies, because (cont'd)
again, we've built up enough trust to where I actually CAN give him ABSOLUTELY ALL of myself -- body, soul, all of me -- with no reservations. I mean, make no mistake, the fantasies themselves are about actual rape. They are about being used, and being brutalized, and being made into a tool of someone else's pleasure. But, you HAVE to understand that this DOES NOT mean we want these things to be done to us by random people. Nope. In the fantasies, they are done to us without any negative consequences at all. All of those things happen to us, and then we get up and go about our lives as normal -- because they are fantasies. We only want these things IRL insofar as the same is true. We want them, **IF** we can be secure in the idea that we won't be damaged, and we can go about our lives -- and our loves -- as normal. That can only happen in a very, very deep relationship. So... Be patient. Until then -- Fantasies are an awesome thing, and they
can bring a surprising degree of contentment to yr life... as long as you are not feeling rushed to try to make them reality. If that happens, it will happen in due time. Until then... get to know yourself. And write down some of yr better, more lurid fantasies. Preferably in yr own handwriting (= not typed). Those will make a very nice gift someday, when you meet a man who's worthy of it.
Its normal. Bed fantasies and how you want a guy out of bed are two completely different things. Obviously the rape fantasy is nothing like how rape really is like in reality (because it is often incredibly painful, physically and emotionally wise). Its all about the feeling of being dominated, by someone you want to be dominated by. I've had rape fantasies but I never ever wish to be raped in real life. I had a guy who was incredibly dominant in bed, throwing me around in bed, choking, hair pulling, rough sex etc. Its more or less kind of like an act. Rape is just not giving consent to the sex and not wanting it at all, your fantasy is just the idea of a powerful dominant guy using you how he likes, but in your consent (whether you say it or not, show it or not).
I read a study which said that almost 2 of 3 women have these fantasies sometimes & what is arousing is the feeling of having someone be so incredibly attracted to you, that they can barely control themselves. That you're THAT hot.
Note to any male lurkers that this fantasy does NOT mean that a woman wants to be raped in real life! Fantasies are fantasies. Women are in no danger in their fantasies. But they would be, in real life.
To be honest, unless you are aggressive in bed or tell a guy that you like rough sex, it will be really hard to find a guy that won't be vanilla because most guys think girls dont like it rough and are afraid to be rough.
I have had rough sex and I have experienced both sides. Some girls love it, some girls go with it and then its kinda awkward, and some girls straight up stop and then its awkward. I think most guys would rather be gentle and have the sex be good - even if its not great and rough like how you want it - than to attempt to be rough or do something kinky and have it be awkward and the sex end.
Girls have a hard time understanding that most of the time guys are wondering what you are thinking during sex. Most girls never express what they want, they just assume guys should f*** like in the movies or a porno - when in reality most guys are just wondering if he is better than the last guy and if you are enjoying it. Guys can't read minds, if you want it rough just tell him right after sex begins. Always smiles and act like you are having fun and he will definitely be more adventurous and the sex will be better.
It's normal for women. Excessively normal. The most common fantasy is being forcefully stripped naked in front of a bunch of people or fake raped.
Most guys are too vanilla, because they're enforced to be vanilla. The feminization of males in the West is pretty rampant. You don't forcefully fuck princesses, and women are held up on that kind of pedestal. The idea is that women should be respected and treated equally. That does not--I don't care what anyone says--that doesn't meld with dominating a woman in bed.
It reminds me of this, though.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!You need to enjoy sex, Tell a guy what you need to happen to you and let him decide when to make it happen. Tell him that when you beg him to stop that he must be rougher on you. Tell him that is what you need and he is to do whatever he wants with you. You should live your fantasy - at least once, but more if you find you enjoy it.
i feel you. but i can usually get a guy into it
It's a very popular fantasy among women. I like a bit of dominance, but not that much. However, you're definitely not alone.
I don't share that fantasy. It is not an extremely common fantasy but it is not unusual. I think this fantasy may come from being taught that you are a bad girl who deserves to be treated poorly. It is a way to achieve sexual gratification and pay penance for your sins at the same time.
Wouldn't throw me off if i found this out from my lover.
It's a pretty normal feeling for many girls.
Ya? Really?
@Guyguy2020 yeah really. Don't get too excited bruh. That doesn't mean you have permission to actually do it.
@CheerGirl38139 wasn't even thinking about that. Relax ladies
It is normal but any sane guy isn't going to do it for exactly the reason good ole Louis CK states. It is rape. I am also not comfortable doing anything excessive. Too many women get upset and call the police on men. funny how women don't get arrested for domestic abuse but guys get arrested often (not me since I am careful not to put myself in a position she can lie about it).
I had a woman want me to pull her hair. I did the normal amount. but she really wanted me to yank on it and chock her. I just told her no. I don't need sex that bad.
You are too sexy for those guys
but someday you'll find one up to speed
and together this & other role playing will send you & him to the moon in ecstasy
Forced sex fantasy is TOTALLY different from rape. There is still consent.
No one wants to feel the way people are when someone rapes them.
Once again, guys need to stop thinking women want to be raped.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel dominated, controlled and over powered. There is still consent.
I've already answered a similar question. From my point as a sexual liberalist and a psychologist, your preference for domination is normal. Around 60% of my partners have such fantasies, and it's because of the instinct to search for a powerful mate. It's not a bad thing, and frankly some men may be too intimidated to dominate as much as they want. Personally I will do whatever my partners wish, and in some cases this has included rough rape role play.
It's normal. It DOESN'T mean you actually want to be raped. It just means you like being submissive when it comes to sex.
I don't know if it's normal or not but I've dated girls with this fantasy to different degrees. I'd say find yourself a lover who is creative and willing to indulge this for you. Talk about it first, your likes and dislikes. Make it what you want. And guys who make love but don't fuck, shame on them.
that´s a pretty common fantasy for girls. guys might have that phantasy too but society supresses it while having the passive fantasy is fine.
a lot of girls have this type of fantasy. and yes its normal
Yeah it's pretty standard.
Come to me 😂 LOL
What the really fuk, Yea I've heard about it many times but that's fukd up OP lol
yes it is normal and trust me you are not the only one
seems common
From what I've gathered on this site its fairly common
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