Boyfriend really rough in bed does he respect me?

[Anonymous]

He is great until we are having sex then he is extremely rough. I can tell he watches a lot of porn.
He literally gags me by shoving his cock down my throat even once it made my tounsils bleed and swallon.
He fingers my ass and when I say no he carries on, he also will do anal sex which i have never done despite with him and carry on if i try to move him. He will then switch to my vagina, this is how i know he watches porn because only in pornos do people do this in real life you get thrush which i have several times
he also bangs me hard from behind which i dont mind but he does this thing where he sticks his fingers in my mouth like he is fingering my mouth trying to make me chok and he will grab my mouth when he is doggying me and use it as almost a handle

its all very fifty shades of grey to me.

despite all this he is proper respectful and does everything for me so this sexual side to him is weird.

what do you think?

[redeyemindtricks]

Hm...

I mean... ok, so, 4 things for starters, then some points to think about.

1)
Most of the stuff you're describing here -- apart from the spontaneous switching from buttsex to straight sex (... more on that later) -- isn't really very extreme, and, there are LOTS of women who *like* being objectified and forcefully used in those sorts of ways.
I mean... I LOVE when my husband just grabs my hair and throat fucks me (although he does it the *right* way -- where HE's the one pumping back and forth, so I don't get whiplash in my neck ahah).
And, just about anything and everything to make it more degrading -- like the fish-hook-in-the-mouth thing you're talking about -- oh yeah. I want it.
So... there are women like me.

It's possible that yr boyfriend has had one or more girlfriends like me in his past. It's even possible that a woman has actually **broken up** with him because he WASN'T rough or degrading enough (... yes, that's a thing that happens).
... Or, even if not, it's possible that he's heard the same from his friends.

The point is, even if this is porn influenced, it might also be influenced by real life, too.
I mean -- if you have the correct age listed, I'm sure both you and yr boyfriend have sexual histories. If you were 18 and 19, then, yeah, the influence of porn might be more disproportionate... but, at yr age I doubt it's the all-consuming thing you're thinking it is.

Obviously, this comes down to COMMUNICATION.
I don't think it's a good idea to ask about this sort of stuff *too* directly. Also, if YOU are not the type who'll handle hearing about his exes/previous relationships very well, then, you might just have to try yr best to make inferences from what evidence you have (and/or try to face up to having that discussion).
... but, no matter exactly how you go about discussing it, it will help *both* of you if you can actually get this stuff out there on the table.

2)
The buttsex part is... uhm... just weird.

You said he's the only dude you've ever done that with.
So waaaaaiitttt how did it even HAPPEN, then?
Isn't that the sort of thing you have to... build up to, gradually, using bigger and bigger butt plugs to dilate the opening before the boy can actually *fuck* it?
•_______•
What am I missing here.

In any case... A lot of boys don't understand how unsanitary that whole interchange is.
You may want to sit the boy down, one of these days, and tell him exactly why it is that women always wipe from front to back ahah.
Then you

[redeyemindtricks]

could have a little discussion about all the things that porn stars have to do BEFORE they're capable of doing ass-to-mouth or ass-to-ANYWHERE else (*ALWAYS* full enemas, along with various other forms of cleansing -- basically, they get to the point where there are no more rectal germs left in the rectum at all). You should kindly let the boy know that, sorry, but you aren't going to get to the point of a full enema. If he keeps being all about the buttsex, you could always just be like, "Oh by the way... I always thought men who were into butt sex were... uhm kinda gay. Either that, or they just like the smaller hole because they have small penises." Ahahahhahahaaa that's #savage as fuck, but, it should stop THAT train on its tracks pretty damn fast. Lol. 3) To whatever extent he **IS** actually following a porn script, it's possible that he isn't even REALLY into these things at all -- and thus he's just following a script (especially if anything like what I described in point

[redeyemindtricks]

no. 1 is true). In this case -- if your rl is good enough, you could start to *discover* things, TOGETHER, that *both* of you are REALLY into. FINALLY 4) "He will do xxxx... and carry on if I try to move him" Sweetie... ... that has a name. It's called RAPE. Rape. You should kindly inform yr sweetheart of this... little piece of terminology. Because oh sweet fucking HELL to the no. Hell no. He should NOT get off on doing things that YOU don't also WANT to do. Fuuuuuuuucckk no. If you're **roleplaying** non-consent, then, that's an entirely different story. Otherwise, I would take tihs as a SERIOUS warning sign, and, something that you will HAVE to sit down and talk about, SOON. __ OK Now that we have those points on the table -- **IF** he is really just mindlessly following a porno script, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL that he's doing that. If it's artificial like that... it's going to SEEM artificial. The transitions will seem fake. The acts themselves will seem fake. (Like, he

[redeyemindtricks]

will have some residual uncertainty when he does things like shoving his fingers into yr mouth -- as opposed to doing those sorts of things naturally or as part of the vibe, in which case they'll seem seamless). EVERYTHING will seem fake. It really shouldn't be difficult to tell AT ALL if the boy is following a script, rather than doing something he is actually **into** doing. ... So, the first thing to do is get that sorted out. __ You're talking about "lack of respect" here. Let's get one thing on the table -- rough sex, in and of itself, DOES NOT signify "a lack of respect". With a woman like me, for instance, if a man WOULDN'T play hard -- and insisted on his OWN ideas of what's "acceptable" and so on -- THAT is what would constitute "lack of respect" for me. Also, more generally, you should avoid passing ANY moral/value judgments on sexual acts, as a general rule. (Sexual submission doesn't make someone submissive in the rest of their lives. Dirty talk doesn't make them

[redeyemindtricks]

foul-mouthed and disrespectful in the rest of their lives. Fantasizing about rape odesn't mean we want to be raped, or to commit rape. Etc etc.) BUT... Please do refer to point number 4, up there. The boy has actually *raped* you before, in the course of this relationship here. And THAT constitutes a fundamental lack of respect, no matter how you slice it and dice it. __ So You need to sit down and COMMUNICATE with the boy. About: • What YOUR needs and wants are... What do you fantasize about? If you REALLY open yr mind -- AND DON'T CONFUSE SEXUAL PREFERENCES WITH ANY REAL-LIFE TRAITS (for instance, rough sex is NOT "degrading") -- what do YOU want? I notice that you didn't discuss this at all here, which is weird to me. Especially weird because you're talking about what you DON'T want... which is a pretty hard discussion to have, without talking about what you DO want. • ... the sanitary aspects of anal sex (see point no. 2) And of course if you drop those bitchy little

[redeyemindtricks]

comments in there, you may get the boy to stop being about the buttsex altogether. Hahahha And MOST importantly • You should talk about... consent. With the boy. Because he should not EVER want to do anything *TO* you, that you explicitly say no to (... as opposed to doing things *WITH* you). __ Also, I'm just so insanely curious about how he could just "do" anal sex, without extensive preparation (as I noted above). How's that work? Lol... Does it work because he's just... smaller, than most boys? Because that's the ONLY way I can think of, that anal sex could just "happen". That's actually another consideration here. If he has a smaller than normal penis, he MIGHT think he needs to be even rougher than normal with you, to compensate for it. Like a penis-Napoleon-complex. If that's the case, I have NO IDEA how the hell you're going to approach that topic without making the boy want to kill himself -- but, you'll eventually have to. Good luck babe.

[bbch25]

Well damn... Hear Hear!

[redeyemindtricks]

@bbch25 <3 xx

[redeyemindtricks]

Tx for the MHLuv <3

[bbch25]

The rough sex does not equal no respect... @redeyemindtricks is an expert on that one.

But, the "he won't stop" or "he just does this" etc. Is no respect. He should respect you, your boundaries and that is by a legal definition rape if you are telling him stop and he doesn't. That's not even "rough sex" anymore.

You could be right and the problem could be his porn, but ultimately the problem is him to know the difference between reality and porn.

And just set up boundaries. If he's your boyfriend you should be able to have this conversation. You should never be having sex with someone you can't have a talk about boundaries with etc.

[redeyemindtricks]

Responded... at great length, mahah. Lmk what you think.

[MStorm]

You should sit down with him and talk about it! Just on a random time when he is not horny because he needs to know and learn that it should be enjoyable for both and that no is no! If he doesn't listen to you when you say no, i would say that he doesn't respect you!

[JuicyBrain]

I don't think he necessarily wants to show you disrespect. I think it's just how he thinks you do it. You should have a very serious talk with him and make him understand that's not how it's going to be if he ever wants sex with you again.

[AustinMan]

I think you need to talk to him, away from the sex and if that doesn't work and you don't like it rough, move on.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

[writing_essays]

Break up with him. He is raping you on a regular basis.

[Unesjomajo]

Maybe he's just into it and still respects you.

You need to talk to him about this, thats the only thing that will help.

[jar94]

I have the same issue, never knew how much porn had an impact on my sexual life.

[AndyOh]

Find another boyfriend that will make sex fun. I would be a little worried that he might get really weird and violent! Yikes!

[CapnHawk]

I think you need to find a lover and not some selfish pig in bed.

[Itsmeyay]

He might think that you are what he saw or read somewhere, about a woman that liked being used like meat, and he liked the idea so he's doing it to you, his Xes might also have liked it, so he got used to it. Or he might just not care about you, I won't recommend D jumping to conclusions, but ateast try and talk or ask, and if you feel that he doesn't care, get out, he is going to give you health problems.

[TheUltimateSucc]

You can tell if he respects you by his actions. Is he honest? Does he encourage you and lift you up? Does he treat you how he would want to be treated? Does he listen when you speak your mind? Take your feelings into considerstion? Some people just like rough sex, but that in itself doesn't mean he doesn't respect you.

[omgjassy]

Wow what a trip! Just tell him you don't like it

[MyExperience]

He has absolutely zero respect for you. All it took for me to know was when you said no he carried on.

[Mrthinpickle]

I'll show how a real gentle man fucks.

[Wolfsbane7]

Be open, if he can't compromise and meet your needs it's a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Not in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

He absolutely doesn't care about what you feel and your health at all. He's not a good person believe me.

[Anonymous]

His desire to do those things does not mean he doesn't respect you. It's just what turns him on.

His indifference to you saying no is a red flag. I wouldn't interpret it as 'him not respecting you', i'd interpret it as 'him being an asshole'.