Girls, why do you own sex toys if you already have a boyfriend/husband to please you at anytime?

[GreenGold1992]

Everyday it seems I realize that I know less and less about woman than I previously thought. Recently from a very awkward phone conversation with my Mom that she just had to confess that she and even my late religious grandmother once owned vibrators. That was way too much TMI that I could've gone the rest of my life without ever knowing, it wasn't even that related to what we were talking about that day, I was just asking her a specific question about sexuality in females at different ages.

Anyway, they were both married with a husband around for most of the time (though my Dad was regularly on the road as a truck driver and my grandpa was a janitor at a local Ford dealership). It's obvious that I know less about the female body/mind than I thought, but I can't stop thinking about it. Is it not enough that you have a regular male sex partner such as husband or boyfriend around most of the time to keep you sexually satisfied? Is it a biological or mental thing? Do most, if not all, women own a a vibrator or dildo hidden at home for when they're alone? Is it too much to wait til they get back?

I have no idea how my Dad or grandpa felt about it (or if they ever even knew at all), but if it was me, I imagine I'd feel disappointed and discouraged that I wasn't good enough to keep her satisfied without gadgets, that she doesn't need me to sexually please her every time she's aroused.

I don't mean to offend anyone of my ignorance, but I'm genuinely confused and could use a female's perspective about this (I'd rather be dead than ask a relative or friend for an answer). So please let's be mature and civil, any reasonable educational answer will do.

[AmandaYVR]

Green,

I'm sorry your mother told you that. What ever made her do that? Sex talk to that detail is usually best left unsaid between parents and their children, even adults. Information can be positive to share sometimes, but when it comes simply to pleasure, most family members do not want to hear about it. I've known people to make exceptions and it really causes problems. Anyway.

There have been polls on here and I've done one myself, and the results are consistent. A woman/partner having sex toys are not something to be upset or intimidated about.
Ladies, should men feel threatened by vibrators? They're extremely common, and probably have been for decades. I think you need to try and reframe it in your head. Right now, you believe that it indicates that the person is not being satisfied by their partner. But it's really more about having some sense of self. A bit of alone time is important for all people. Even if you are together for a long time, or live in a small home with very little space, and for all sorts of other reasons... being together all the time (quarantine is another ex.), can take a troll on people, if they never have any time to still sometimes be their own person, or have time to process their own thoughts. You can still be very close and connected emotionally to a partner, yet not want to give up everything you are to them. And part of that is your thoughts, your fantasies, your imagination.

Every person has to reconcile these thoughts in their own way. And there can be guilt attached to that, sure. But having a thought, or feeling briefly inspired, or temporarily interested in someone or something you see... these are some of the reasons people masturbate. It's very rare for a person to never do this. And having a tool/toy to do that (and one could maybe also look at porn/video/images as another tool) is part of it.

A girl using a vibrator is not different than a guy using his hand. It's just different mechanics.
I won't get into how over-using tools that vibrate can sometimes cause desensitivity - that can happen - but for the most part, it just saves one's wrist getting tired, or amps up the experience. That's really all it is.

If a person (either sex) tends to go to their bag of tricks/tools, regularly, while also avoiding their partner... well then there could be an issue. It's probably of a psychological nature, and that could/should be explored. But having these accessories in a drawer doesn't necessarily mean that that is the case.
And a lot of guys do like using them on their woman during sex. They enjoy adding that other element. Or having her use them, but watching her. It's a bit voyeuristic also, which is another added benefit. Then the guy can imagine her, being alone, and feel like he's not left out.

So does that explain it enough?

[GreenGold1992]

I think so, what you're saying is that it's different for every woman, that they all use those toys for different reasons, and that it's not always meant to hurt their man's feelings?

[AmandaYVR]

I didn't say any of those things. But they are all not untrue.

[GreenGold1992]

Sorry, it's a lot to process.

[AmandaYVR]

It's ok, I understand why. But I can't summarize my own writing. My writing is a summary already. Just read it through again, slowly, when you are up for it.

[GreenGold1992]

I'm sorry, I tried reading it over again, but I still don't understand what you mean. Think you could skim it simpler?

[AmandaYVR]

That's difficult, Green. I usually now prefer answering mostly the more complicated questions/topics. I'm not really your girl if you want basic analysis. You think that sex toys are bad, and are a sign of being unsatisfied. I'm telling you that's simply not the case. Almost no one who is sexually active believes that in today's world. The presence, and use, of sex toys may have absolutely nothing to do with the relationship people are in. Think of it as a hobby. Except it's one most people have in common. Everyone needs alone time. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts. And at least a certain amount of privacy. These are basic human needs. All creatures become physiologically stressed if they never have any quiet time to themselves. Sometimes sex, or sexuality, is a part of that. Females get orgasms mostly/most easily through vibration. Thus, vibrators, showerheads, hands, whatever, are the modes of choice for them. Guys like visuals (usually porn) and their hand. The way people masturbate doesn't matter. Just assume that most people are. So vibrator, or not vibrator, is irrelevant. You do not own your partner, and they do not own you. I think it would be healthy for you to try and open your mind to what I have written above, and try to understand that a certain amount of freedom/separateness, even if only for a half hour or whatever, here and there, is vital to peoples' happiness. Sometimes a person just wants to get off without having to factor in another person. They want to close their eyes, and fantasize about whatever they want, and not feel guilty about it. This is not just about differing preferences for frequency of sex. It's about a sense of autonomy. 'I am my own person [at least for these few minutes.'

[GreenGold1992]

Now I get it, it makes more sense now. I wasn't aware of the vibration inducing orgasms, I thought penetration would be enough, but I'm wrong again. Everything else suddenly sounds right, about it being different for everyone. Thanks so much for helping to understand better!

[AmandaYVR]

Yay, we got through to the other side. I'm happy. I know a lot of people don't want to, or can't read a lot, but I/one never knows what particular piece of information or idea will resonate with someone. Brevity is not my forte. (Meaning, being brief is not my strength, nor do I philosophically believe it works best, much of the time.) Anyway, you're welcome.

[GreenGold1992]

I bet you'd be good at writing articles this way.

[menina]

I don't own sex toys and I'm single. I understand why it seems confusing to you and why you would feel disappointed.
Maybe they use it not only when their husbands/boyfriends are not around but also when their SO doesn't want to have sex.
Or perhaps they're not satisfied.

[GreenGold1992]

Hmm, I hadn't thought of their SO not being in the mood as a possible reason/scenario. But if they're not satisfied, would that be a problem for their relationship?

[menina]

Yes, it would. But they might stay in the relationship for some reason.

[GreenGold1992]

Kinda sounds like a dysfunctional relationship.

[menina]

I agree. I know people who are in dysfunctional relationships.

[GreenGold1992]

That's sad, everyone deserves better than that.

[menina]

That's true. But they don't want to break up.

[GreenGold1992]

I pity them

[menina]

Me too.

[GreenGold1992]

Well here's hoping neither of us fall into that kind of relationship.

[menina]

Yes, hopefully we won't. 🙏🏾

[menina]

Thanks for the MHO. :)

[GreenGold1992]

Thanks for the insight

[menina]

You're welcome. :)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Maybe some don't have tho.. and the ones that do, maybe it's for the times he ain't around when you need him or he ain't in the mood or he finish first 🤷🏼‍♀️

[GreenGold1992]

Those are likely scenarios, but I wonder how that guy feels about it? Would it make him feel like he's not good enough to keep her satisfied every time?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well then make sure she satisfied every time and then no need for toys.. Although you do know some people play with "toys" together.. What your mom's didn't teach you to share your toys 🤣🤣

[Secret6620]

I've never owned a sex toy or used one... Thanks for the invite!!! I'm not opposed but my hand works just fine... My imagination even better...

[GreenGold1992]

Well if you were married or just had a boyfriend, would they be all you need to satisfy you or would you still get a sex toy to pleasure yourself if they weren't around at the time?

[Secret6620]

I would use my hands if I wasn't being satisfied...

[GreenGold1992]

Wouldn't that just be masturbation?

[Secret6620]

It's also Masturbation if you use a toy... It's you pleasuring self... Equals masturbation...

[GreenGold1992]

But don't the toys add more stimulation than regular masturbation? God I feel so dumb asking

[Secret6620]

I wouldn't know I haven't used one...

[GreenGold1992]

Sounds like neither of us know the difference lol

[Elliegirl]

The husband isn’t always home. And it’s fun to let him use toys on me sometimes too.

[GreenGold1992]

Well as long as it's based on mutual agreement, then I guess nobody gets hurt, right?

[Elliegirl]

Right