Why is it OK for men to be sexually liberated and promiscuous but not women?

lilyanony1 Yoda

I realise now that my boyfriend enjoyed the benefits of me being sexually open but didn't actually want to make something steady with me. He long decided I was just good for one thing and that didn't involve a regular family life. I wasn't any more promiscuous than anyone else my age, In fact I was rather discreet and only slept with people I dated. But the time frame with some of those were relatively close together. 6 months apart in some instances with relationships mostly last between 3 to 9 months tops.
Anyways he always tried to imply but never confirmed that he wasn't dating when we separated, that if any there was only 1 to which he thought was easy so waited for her to sleep with him then dropped her. (nice guy right)

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Most Helpful Guys

wankiam Master
+1 y
in fine with it but sadly many guys still hold on the the traditional patriachal notion that they can do what they like but women must be full of ''vitue and purity''
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On_the_other_hand Yoda
+1 y
Girls are allowed to like or dislike a guys history too.

Many girls like a guy who brings a lot of experience to the relationship.
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- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  Life experience and sex experience are two completely different things.
- On_the_other_hand
  +1 y
  Sex is part of your life. And trust me, I've asked, many girls are turned off by an inexperienced guy. SOME like a sexually experienced guy. My point remains, if you want someone with a more conservative history, then that is your choice. If you don't care if they have a higher body count then that is your choice too. He has the same prerogative... even if he has a high body count he can want a partner with a low one. I'm sorry he doesn't value you in the way you wish he would.
- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  Lifes not fair that's all, I was searching for love and ended up with liars. I was vulnerable. He thought I needed a firm hand to keep me in line. But it wasn't that my father was too jokey or gave me the OK to be frivolous he was just too preoccupied with his own life to give a damn about mine. Dad's like that usually leave, mine was there taunting me, reminding me that I never had access to him- like dangling a carrot on a stick. It's funny because he ended up emulating that too.
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- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  But I also understand what works for you may not work for me. And vice versa
- On_the_other_hand
  +1 y
  Again I"m sorry you put yourself out there and it didn't go your way. I'm a little confused. Did you and your boyfriend break up then he got with one girl and you got with more than one? How long was the break you guys took. How many lovers did you have during the break? How many did he have?
- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  I was with this guy on/off over 10 years, we had one solid year, of just us but we had issues from the beginning really starting with his drinking and accusing me of cheating because I changed my mind about not going home and meeting an old childhood friend instead. It's been one issue after the next with me mostly either trying to convince him that I'm loyal or getting fed up and ending things. I have had 3 boyfriends 1lasting a year the other two 6 months of friendship and 3-6 of romance, over this period of time. And I had two flings when we split up. The problem is out time line is blurred and complicated because although I ended things with him he would eventually start texting me and wanting to start up again but I never lied. I'd tell him I was with someone else. He has only told me about one girl he slept with and he confessed he dumped her after they had sex or so he's telling me. I loved the bones of this guy, we had pregnancy issues and stuff too along the way. I genuinely believed he was the one. Despite our ups and downs but he won't let me in. And undermines me all the time. Saying I'm promiscuous was just his way of punishing me and getting me to tow his line.
- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  He started chipping away at my confidence when we were together. And had odd moments showing up drunk banging down my door also getting quite threatening suggesting he'd attack any guy I had in the house if I did. In the later years I got sick of him for wanting us to have a threesome, I'd decline. Then he'd call me at 3am saying he was with some guy and wanted me to let them come over. Only to tell me he was lying the next day. Another time he just kept on on about it in this really bulldozing kind of way. He felt intimidating. I didn't back down and persisted on telling him no. I don't know what his issues were but for me I think he has mental health issues. Because honestly sometimes I didn't know who I was gonna get.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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Berethor Master
+1 y
Because a man is like a key and a woman is like a lock. :)
https://www.youtube.com/embed/oDaaAI6keSw
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abc3643 Master
+1 y
4 billion years of evolution have led to males being the distributors of genetic diversity while females are the architects of species because of being more selective about the males they chose to mate with.
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Jjpayne Editor
+1 y
Oddly enough I feel in some ways it's the other way around.

The women's liberation movement with wonder woman.

Given there are clearly more bad names for women that want to be sexy but I still think sexual expression is much easier for women than for men.

And there is an "f" buddy culture out there too that is becoming more and more accepted. To chose your sexual life... I think in modern times it at least feels like it's easier to do. The big thing is finding a sexual partner that agrees with that choice.
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ShortCircuit Guru
+1 y
Who says that? Every religious or sexually conservative person I've encountered has said that neither women nor men should be promiscuous. I have no idea where this mythical "double standard" that everyone likes to cling to came from.

If men get away with being promiscuous more often than women, then it's women's own fault for enabling them instead of refusing to date them like men do with promiscuous women.
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Agape93 Master
+1 y
Age old patriarchal stigma. It’s ok to be sexually liberated and don’t let anyone shame you.
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genericname85 Master
+1 y
since when is it ok for men to be promiscuous? no girl wants those guys. they call them fuckboys and players, which is pretty much the male equivalent of slut shaming...

nobody has it easy when it comes to this but women at least find someone to fuck easily, while men struggle.
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- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  I don't know if I agree. Charming, beautiful, confident people find it easy. But in the current climate the more people financially if they aren't already coupled up the less bonking goes on... The people that tend to prevail in these areas are more into kinks as that's often an escape. Not for reproduction
- genericname85
  +1 y
  XD promiscuity isn't for reproduction by default. More men are single so more men are looking for sex despite the stigma, making women the less available gender for sex, cause they are more prone to care what people think about them than men. So I'm not saying it's more acceptable for men to do this. They just do it anyway. And since more men do it, it's harder to find one of the few women that do.
- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  Fair enough. I think people that say love is overrated and crap like that are losers. They were defeated and gave up after one failed situation. I wish personally my parents prepared me for my first love. I genuinely believed that the person I met and fell in love with was for life. But I realise now I didn't fall in love with him for all the right reasons. I fell in love with his potential. I've been coaching and managing my mother's life for so long that I genuinely believed I needed someone else that needed me. But I don't want my partner to need me. I want them to want me in their lives. That's the difference. I know that now. Yes I've had a decent amount of sexual partners but considerably less than others. I mostly can say I didn't want to get involved in all that tug of war, battle of wills, towing the line or forcing someone's hand to stay an item. They feel like childish games to me. Either you stay or you go. I'm not holding a gun to their head. So that's why the numbers add up.
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- genericname85
  +1 y
  Well you learn from mistakes and just cause you have a promiscuous phase doesn't mean you gave up on love. Even if you give up on love for a bit, that doesn't make you a loser. I think that declaring others to be a loser Is inedibly conceited, judgmental and shows a lack of empathy and understanding. Everyone makes their mistakes.
- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  Far from it. I remember being friends with someone and he pursued me. Then when I started to like him back he said love was overrated. Instead of just saying that he didn't want to get into a relationship with me. Turns out when he gave up claiming love was overrated he actually fell for someone that used him for a holiday, and dumped him as soon as they returned. 😔 I have watched others routinely tell me the same thing only to use it as an excuse to treat certain women like crap. I was always told never say never. So statements like that are incredibly childish. Me saying someone is a loser is simply implying that this person has a defeatist and spoilt mentality. Sulking it didn't work out for them the first time and now closing off their heart to all possibilities of love.
- genericname85
  +1 y
  well if you get with a guy that explicitly says "love is overrated" and that "doesn't want a relationship with you", then i don't know what to tell you other than that it wasn't "his" fault that things didn't go well for you.
- genericname85
  +1 y
  like you consciously chose to get with someone who said he didn't want stuff that you wanted from the get go. there's no way he could have made it any more fair for you. you went into it expecting something else than he was clear and open about, so don't blame him.
- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  You didn't read what I wrote " I was friends with someone who pursued me, then when I started liking him back he said love is overrated. Instead of saying he didn't want a relationship with me". He had issues, it was just the thrill of the chase with me. The other guys I didn't date I was friends with them and watched them treated women like trash despite me telling them not to. So no I didn't try to change the unchangeable. Thank you. Please try to Read what is written. Because I'm not a stupid person. All I can say is there are many out there that want what they want they know you like them and they like the attention you give so even if they don't want you they will pretend for as long as you tolerate the limited access you have to them, it's natural to assume a person is cautious in the beginning about at some point that changes when that never happens or your life never develops together that is a sign this person is simply using you. Depends on how tinted those glasses are.
- genericname85
  +1 y
  well if you're not stupid, you surely understand that everyone on this planet has their issues and that it's not most guys prime life objective to fuck you up. if a guy says "love is overrated", then why do you expect them to love? i mean he clearly got fucked over by that other girl as you said. i mean isn't it reasonable to assume that he had big trust issues after being fucked over by a woman? clearly he was a victim in this situation but you rather take his victim for yourself and give him a childish loser card in exchange, which i find weird. and why are you friends with people that treat women like trash?
- genericname85
  +1 y
  victim card*
- genericname85
  +1 y
  i mean you tell me his missfortune and you still manage to have no compassion for that but at the same time expect compassion for what happens to you.
- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  You have a one track mindset and your refusal to hear and truly acknowledge what I'm saying appears to me, like you perceive this as defeat. I will end this here. Some people don't reveal who they are until they face certain situations. I was friends with this person before we started spending more time together. He started showing me a lot of affection and went out of his way to show me that he cared for me He told me that he liked me more than a friend. I told him that I liked him too but at that time I was a little overwhelmed because I wasn't sure if I wanted to date. I didn't treat him unfairly. The next morning I text him as I usually did and I said we could maybe give us a go.
- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  When I confessed to failing in love he told me that love is overrated. It struck me as incredibly surprising especially as we were getting on really well if not the best we'd ever had up until that point. When he said that I started to take a closer look at him. And he seemed odd his behaviour really strange. It ended after one afternoon he came round after work, I was setting up my laptop to watch a film, when I turned back to look at him he told me "don't look at me like that!" I told him to knock it off as I thought he was playing but he was serious, he repeated it but this time louder and more threatening. Feeling threatened I told him to get out my house. These other guys were boys I knew from my childhood I was one of the boys until 17/18 they hung out with me but wanted me to give them the inside scoop on girls. Suddenly I was being presented with scenarios where they were telling me they were gonna fall in love or at least manage their girl so they don't get hurt. I was against this and I told them not to do certain things. I then learnt that one in particular went for them just over the legal age so ensure minimal dating experience so he could manipulate her. I told him straight I really wasn't interested in being his friend if what he was doing was effectively abuse. I was supposed to meet his girlfriend that week but he cancelled and he continued to not be available.
- genericname85
  +1 y
  i am hearing what you're saying. i'm just refusing to not critically question your actions and decisions. maybe i should have been more explicit about that he i think he didn't act right either. but you can not change him. you can only change yourself. that's why i personally focus on what you did wrong and i personally think that's the better strategy in most things.
jb2622 Xper 4
+1 y
I whouldent say it's ok for men to be permisques, there is a double standard bc woman can know for sure if a child is hers same can't be said for men and men and weman bond and form relationships differently.
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AlwaysBelieving Guru
+1 y
Double standard
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COMMODOREII Master
+1 y
I would date a girl like you and if we got off I'd want to get more serious. Just don't bother guys like that. They don't know what they are a missing out on. Which is a great girl.
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LogicBomber Master
+1 y
The Breakdown of "Why is it ok for a guy to sleep around and not ok for a girl".
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- lilyanony1
  +1 y
  I must be a guy then because there's a lot written about the way men operate and I'm like that. Maybe that's why people have considered me to be gay. But I'm very much into men only. Can see when a woman is attractive but I'm not in the least bit interested in touching her. You know.
GreenGold1992 Master
+1 y
I blame society
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In_Trance Master
+1 y
it is ok. It's the stigma that surrounds it, that's all
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CubaPirate Master
+1 y
Well both are fine by me. I'm not a hypocrite
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Anonymous
+1 y
Women can be judgmental about a man's sexual history too if they want. They have every right to, just like men do. But the fact is women just tend to care about it less. But that doesn't mean men should care about it less, too. We never will, because it is programmed in our DNA to be turned off by promiscuous women. It goes to the very core of our reproductive instincts, and that is not going to change. We couldn't change it if we wanted to.
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Anonymous
+1 y
dam that's weird its almost like men and women are different or something
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