Sexual Relationships
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What is your biggest pet peeve and how do you work past it in to come to an agreement in your interpersonal relationships?

For me it is when people have different (higher) expectations of me than they do themselves. This REALLY gets my goat.

Case in point: the bitch lady who got fired for embezzling. She used to argue with me about 10 minutes on my timesheet (and for the record I HAD been truthful).

Then just now, my hubs says he is upset because he felt like I “insinuated” he should have gotten lunch for the rest of the family when he got lunch for only himself at Chipotle. I did not really insinuate. I told him he knows what we all order from there. And HE has been angry with ME in the past for going out to each at a restaurant with a friend and not asking him if he wanted me to bring anything back. Then the NEXT time when I did ask, he complained that it wad cold when I brought it back.

To say I am supremely annoyed right now is an understatement. How do you resolve these types of discussions/differences of opinion with your SO?
2 5

Most Helpful Guys

  • Tbh I've tried to keep in the habit of cooling off and reasoning it out with myself why it's not a big deal that they're doing whatever and even if they always did that it'd be okay. That usually helps. Then I go ask her to stop, which also helps.

    Unless ofc it is a big deal. But most pet peeves aren't really.

    • It’s kinda blown into more than a pet peeve tbh

    • Well hopefully you guys can get it sorted one way or other, tension annoyed sucks in a relationship but I've never solved a real problem all at once. Good luck to you

    • Good advice. Thank you.

    • Show All

  • My feeling about this is. Just like you could have asked him if he wanted you to bring back something, him knowing that you were going out to eat with a friend could have asked you if you could bring something back. There is no right or wrong here just a breakdown in communication. If you want to even call it that.

    • He didn’t tell me he was going.

    • But did he tell you that he wanted something?

    • No. He expected me to offer. But did not extend the same courtesy to me.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Ugh. Yeah your husband's pulling a double standard there for sure.
    I don't know how you fix that. I'm feeling like he needs to not get lunch picked up for him next time, honestly. What's good for the goose. (I mean, not indefinitely, but he's really got it coming to him at least one time.)

    I can think of lots of pet peeves. It's hard to pick just one, or find one that stands out so much from the others. Living with someone for twenty years will certainly test your patience. (I'm not saying it only goes one way.)
    I don't think this necessarily falls into being a pet peeve, but it's the thing that frustrates me the most, because it happens every single day.
    He doesn't hear me, or doesn't want to listen, or is focused on something else but I don't know it, or thinks he's not that interested so is tuned out, or is distracted by other voices or noises from somewhere... all sorts of reasons, so I have to repeat evveryyyyyyyything I say. It's fucking annoying as fuck. I've tried everyyythingggggg, every technique to adapt and try and fix it. (And yes, he and I have talked about it dozens and dozens and dozens of times.) I speak less, shorten the sentences, speak in bullet points, don't bother telling him half the stuff I at first want to say, and then grit my teeth when he asks me "What?" or makes a comment which is identical to one of the things I just said, ten seconds ago (one of 6 sentences total, not a lot), or asks me a question I already just said (and I'm not talking memory issues, like it was weeks/months/years ago. It was 30 seconds ago.) If he's bored, or busy, or stoned, or distracted (all are extremely common and likely)... the reason doesn't matter that much because the end result is that I have to repeat just about everything, unless he's sitting across from me, with all his attention on what I'm saying, like in a restaurant. Otherwise, at home, fuhgedaboudit. I don't need any advice. He knows. He's told me explicitly why and sometimes he apologizes, sometimes he doesn't. It's just the way he is. But it sucks for me. And I know I ain't the only woman who deals with this.
    I wrote an article last year, in part, about this.
    The Pink Guide to Speaking Blue

  • Very loud noises.
    For some weird reason doesn't apply to concerts.

  • I hate whistling. It just causes an instant flash of white hot anger.

    • OMG! Same! It makes me cringe like nails on a chalkboard. The worst is the car because you can’t go anywhere!

    • Yeah it drives me instantly up a wall

  • I get annoyed when my partner wants me to do something for them and then they want to tell me how to do it. I tell her she can either do it her way or have me do it but not both and I'll give her a few minutes to make up her mind, and I stop doing whatever it is.

    • That is valid.

  • People mainly.

    judgmental people.

    where they see a girl with Tattoos and instantly make a judgement that is negative.

  • I don't tend to ask people about their personal problems because I've learned that tends to be a bad idea.
    If you feel like telling me, I'm open, but don't assume I'm an asshole just because I don't ask. I do want to know and help, but I like fostering comfortability more.

    On a separate note. If I'm living with someone and they leave the toilet seat up or don't clean up after themselves in the washroom I'm going to be breaking things.
    And don't move my fucking toothbrush and razor. Everything has a place and every place has it's proper thing, even if it's a fuckin' mess.

    And in terms of dating, ladies, if it ever gets to the point where a man reveals he's a virgin don't say "I don't mind" or "that's okay". 'Cause then all you can think about in your head when you talk to her is "I'm not enough, as usual". Men get insecure too. We need reassurance too. Say something reassuring. And also leaving someone over that is even less cool.

    • What reassuring thing would you like to hear? My first reaction if sometime in the future I ever heard that for some reason I think would be to say I have only been with one man so we can figure it out together.

  • Well I never had a pet peeve before where do you get them at the animal shelter or at the pet peeve store isn't that kind of kinky. Well I guess the best way to go about it is just ask your spouse is it okay if you get a pet peeve so what kind of food do they eat in any way

    • 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 cool. Thanks.

  • When people keep asking you something you just answered like 5 mins ago, and it doesn't seem like they even forgot.

    As for you I would be petty and go buy food for everyone but him 😂

    • 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 That would be petty. But might make me feel better.

    • Escalation rarely leads to happiness.

  • I usually feel like all of my grievances get ignored in my interpersonal relationships?

    • As do I. I’m not budging on this one. I want to ask him WHICH IS IT? Are we expected to get each other food or not when we go out?

    • It shouldn't be expected. But it should be considered and a courtesy phone ca) could be made.

    • Agreed. Or even just get what we always order. He knows what we like.

  • I'm sorry you have argued right now, but I'm sure you'll make up soon enough!
    In my case, I detest when people just beat around the bush instead of speaking out directly.

    • I dislike that as well tbh.

  • self accountability. i hate hearing stories where the person is never in the wrong and can never admit their part in a situation. also people who think the people that are on the opposite side of their opinions are “crazy “ and don’t try to at least understand how they get to their opinions. the way i over come this is by being understanding that everyone is not raised the same and i calmly and empathetically guide them to realize their own hypocrisy so it never feels as if i’m attacking them but that they found it on their own. it’s a hard and sometimes tiring path but i rather leave people better then i came and open to the same for me, because i may have my own biases that i haven’t hashed out yet lol.

  • i don't ask them if they can't do it like i want it done. i do it myself

  • People chewing in my ear near me snacking away. I hate that also repetitive noises drive me crazy

  • Talking over mw or just being rude.

  • I guess you can discuss it and see if you can come to an agreement to be consistent when these situations arise. Either don’t worry about bringing food home or remember to ask, and stick with it. There should not be more of a burden on you than him. It is the inconsistency and unbalanced expectations that are troublesome.

    • If someone had a problem with consistency and balanced expectations, it raises questions about why that is the case.

    • He claims I did this to him before. But I don’t think I did. He couldn’t think of when. And I know he did it to me because I remember it specifically. I maintain he should have eaten his lunch there if he only wanted to buy for himself instead of bringing it home and eating it in front of us.

    • What is more important than who did what in the past is now that it has become a point of tension, it would be good to decide what the expectation will be going forward.

    • Show All

  • My biggest pet peeve is people who don't listen to advice when they should, then try to make their problem my problem. Also, girls who are lazy in relationships, I hate that. Put some effort in please.

  • My big pet peeve these days is cell phones. People text and drive while blowing through stop lights, they stand in front of you in the store and carry on a conversation that the whole store can hear, when having a conversation with somebody, they continually check their e-mail and I see groups of kids walking down the street and nobody is talking because they all have their noses buried in their phones.
    I think if I was in a relationship with somebody that thought that her phone was more interesting than I was I would get up and leave and say that I hope the two of you will be happy.

  • Mine would be communication. I tell my other everything I do and go. This includes the time frame I will be home. They tell me they are going to one place, well that should only take an hour and they end up being gone for like 6 and going to multiple places and hashing out with friends. If I even tried that at all, I would be in the dog house

  • Pet peeve number 1

    Dishonesty. I won't have that kind of thing in my life.

    2. Waiting til the last minute to tell me something.. God I hate that.


    3. Wasting my time. Time is the only finite resource we as humans have, one wasted minute is one minute you will never have back.. I'm OK to waste my own time, but that's my choice, if someone else wates my time it pisses me off.

    I have a few others but I can't think of them.

  • Unwillingness to hear both sides of an argument.

  • Show More (16)

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