The Pink Guide to Speaking Blue

Model Christopher Mason
Model Christopher Mason

Okay so I just read a question and was typing a reply, and it was getting longer and longer, and then I thought you know, this is really more of a myTake situation. Character limits be damned! Ha ha. Which is ironic, because what I'm going to talk about is how to speak male, which is, in essence, how not to talk too much... ladies. I'm lookin' at you. And yes, I'm luring you in with the absolutely delicious professional model Christopher Mason. I'm giving you dessert before dinner.

So. You're frustrated. Your man/men don't seem to be listening. (Not on GAG, but irl.) You feel ignored, like he doesn't care. Maybe so. But maybe, there a whole host of other reasons why he's not hearing you - and I mean not hearing, not not listening.

First of all, ladies, my sympathies. I suffer this ailment in my home too. Yes, it is infuriating. It makes you go absolutely bonkers sometimes. Like sometimes you roll your eyes, and you think it's barely noticeable, but yes he sees it, and no he doesn't like it. But you think you're being very self-controlled, cause what you really feel like doing is blowing the roof off the damn place (ala Pacino: "I'll take a flamethrower to this place!") It's common. Very common. Like, a classic oldie that will never not be around and in the playlist rotation.

However, the reason/cause, and answer/solution, is not really as simple as it may initially appear. It isn't just just one thing going on. We both need to adapt here, to make an effort, but I'm going to be honest, most of the adaptation is going to fall on you. Don't be stubborn about this. This is biology. You can't fight brain physiology.

So Here Are the Reasons It's Happening (1, or all, or any combination of these):

1. You're talking too much. Too often throughout the day. The individual sessions are too long. You're not pausing. You're using too many words, when fewer would suffice. He's overwhelmed. Too many superfluous, extraneous details. Too much minutia. He can't take it all in. You're wearing him out with words. This is actually your issue, not his. And all of us pinks do it. Males use 7,000 wpd on average. We use 20,000. See that math? Judging by my writing, I'm probably way over the 20,000 myself. Or rather, I used to be. Now I put those words into my writing, and I'm pretty quiet verbally. But let's stick to the point here.

2. Think and talk more like a man. Abbreviate everything. Think bullet points. Think topic sentences. Think headers. Think the punchline at the beginning, and then you can work backwards. You can bold/emphasize some words, and italicize others. It makes it less monotone. Help him out with key points. Don't make him guess. Also, if you must, treat it like a waltz - slow, quick quick, slow, quick quick. Not all one monotone, or snail's pace, or lightning fast speed. Put some negative space in between paragraphs. Pause and take a breath. Wait for some confirmations here and there, but don't demand them.

3. He's doing something else. You think he's not, but he is. Does he have anything at all in his hand? It's 'doing' something. Watching TV? Even just sports? His mind is otherwise engaged. Good luck. Most can't absorb more than one verbal input at a time. You might have two HDMI ports on your TV or game system, but he doesn't. He's got one. Eating and listening, they can manage no problem. Anything else, not so much. Think of him as Terminator with the red eyes. Where's he looking? That's his focus. Yes, of course he can listen and not look at you. He can stare out the window or ahead, but if he's looking at anything else (his phone, the computer, a book... anything), that is his focus. And you are interrupting him. Doesn't matter whether you deem his activity important or not. He was doing it. Yesss, if he "really loved" you, he would stop and redirect his focus towards you. But what are you actually saying? Are you being reasonable, is it informational, or is it honestly not very important?

4. He's legit busy. And this time, it's important. If he's really doing something important, like he's working (on location, or at home remotely), or his mother is on the phone talking his ear off, whatever... don't even try to talk to him. Wait. Ask him to get back to you when he has a minute/or a few/or an hour/or the whole evening to spend with you uninterrupted. And allow him to do so. Don't ping him again, asking if he's available yet. Initially this might feel very frustrating, but you set this up properly, and you've given him space and he respects you for that and will, in the end, potentially be actually more communicative, not less. And if he's out with his friends, also, give him some space. He needs that, he deserves that. And remember that just because we have phones doesn't mean we should be tethered to them at all times. Think The Matrix - 'There is no spoon.'

5. You're telling him about a subject he has zero interest in. Just because he asked you, "How was your day?", do not tell him about your day for 30 min, or a fight you had with a coworker, or a phonecall with your friend, or what you saw as a new outfit or hairstyle you saw on Instagram that you might want to try. None of those types of things will hold a guy's attention for more than a few min. You're asking too much. If you give him visuals to look at, he'll appreciate that more. But remember - humans can remember up to 7 numbers at a time, and 3 choices of anything is optimum. Anything beyond that, we go into information overload. But visuals, he likes those. If you can say it with a picture instead, do that.

6. You're tone and timbre is throwing him off. This one is controversial. And I am reluctant to say it. But he thinks you're "too emotional." He prides himself on his great logic capabilities. He thinks his way is better, yours is inferior, and he's probably never going to concede on this. You've got yourself a Thinker and you're a Feeler. In theory, both of you can complement one another and you can be compassionate and he can reason and rationalize his way through your life's problems... together. But in this moment, when there's nothing really big at stake, he doesn't like how worked up you are, your tone of voice, your focus on feelings, you're gesturing with your hands too much... whatever. So all I can say about this is, try and tone it down. Lower your register, chop off the highs and the lows from the frequency, remain physically calm, and pretend he's an animal in the forest. Don't spook him. He's very sensitive to the dreaded "emotions", so try and not let him fall back on this as a cop-out for why he's not listening.

7. He's in a bad mood or his brain is tired at this moment. Cut him some slack. Put a pin in what you want to say, and try again later.

8. He's a grump who's tuning [you] out. He gets in this 'mood' often. This could be a general personality trait. Have a chat with him about this, ask him what's up. Final outcome: TBD.

9. Your worst fear - He doesn't like/love you all that much, and since he has the ability to tune you out, he does. Men can more easily compartmentalize, and he's utilizing that. Uh oh. Might want to fire up the dating apps and keep an eye out. This one's not fixable.

10. He's happy with silence. He'd like more of it. He loves you. He enjoys hanging out with you in the same room. But he really likes not talking with you. It's not awkward silence to him. It's peaceful. Very, very peaceful.

Sorry, I can't tell you which one of these it is, and like a Magic 8 Ball, it could be any number of them, at any time. But mostly, it's a good bet, that he does not want you to be mad at him for not hearing him. He doesn't want to fight. He wants to hear you. He just doesn't always want to listen to you. It's not all his fault. You're not speaking his language. You need to speak blue. At least a little. Meet him halfway. He'd really appreciate it. And when he is listening, he will give you his full attention and you can feel good knowing that yes, he does really care about you.

Hes praying he hears everything youre about to say.
He's praying he hears everything you're about to say.
The Pink Guide to Speaking Blue
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Most Helpful Guys

  • JSmuve
    As I was reading this, I was thinking to myself, "it's like she wrote this just about me!" This would be required reading for any woman that had the unfortunate desire to be my spouse. I feel so seen.
    Is this still revelant?
    • AmandaYVR

      Wow, that is so great to hear! I am happy.

  • akshay1998
    I hope I could just give this as a handouts to the dates 😅
    Is this still revelant?
    • AmandaYVR

      That would be hilarious. I would love to be a fly on the wall to see that 😉 I've seen on dating reality shows, some people pull out a list. You should see the look on the other person's face. They're both worried and really really curious what's on it.

    • Yeah this would look hilarious 😂 but at least the girl don't have to wait for understanding this because that literally can take years

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • MrOracle
    While guys vary in how much each of these things is important to them or how much of each they do, these are ALL true for most men much of the time. I think the first few are more applicable more often than the latter points, but at some point, they'll all come into play.

    Men likewise struggle to talk to (and listen to) women in the way that they want to be talked to and listened to. Men and women have VERY different perspectives and priorities and thought processes, and we both tend to project our own on to our SOs, and that doesn't work. We each need to work on adjusting how we interact with the other. And that's not because one or the other is wrong, just that we're different, and because we're different, we have to make an effort to communicate in a way that works for both people.

    I'd like to specifically address point 2:

    Something women in my life (this includes past girlfriends, female friends, female coworkers, etc.) love to do that drives me insane is to not GET TO THE POINT. It especially drives me crazy when they text me this way, but also when we're talking face-to-face.

    I run my own business, and I wear virtually all the "hats": salesperson, system designer, installer, troubleshooter, parts ordering, tech support, vehicle maintenance, accounting, etc. I'm BUSY. And when I'm out working, I rarely have "free time" - either I'm talking to a customer who expects my full attention (and they're often wealthy, busy people who *I* have trouble getting a few minutes of their time when I need it), or I'm pulling cables, or I'm on a ladder with tools, or I've got my head inside a cabinet trying to reach cables, etc. This means interruptions are not trivial, and it's EXTRA important that they are concise and to the point.

    So, what do I often get?

    <ringtone ding!>

    "You busy?"
    <ringtone ding!>

    "I have some things to tell you."
    <ringtone ding!>

    "Hopefully you have a moment."
    <ringtone ding!>

    "It's not super important but I thought you should know."
    <ringtone ding!>

    [pause - no typing]

    <me, stopping what I'm doing, assuming multiple messages means something urgent requiring my attention; climbing down or crawling out to get to the phone>

    Me: "I'm here. What's up?"

    [pause for 2-3 minutes for her to pay attention to the phone]

    Her (my office manager): "I moved Mr. Johnson to Thursday as he wanted to r/s, and nothing was on the schedule."
    Her (girlfriend): "I was thinking about getting a pizza so we could watch our TV show together tonight."

    <Me: seething at being pulled away from work for 10+ minutes for something I absolutely did NOT need to know about urgently, for thinking there was a REAL issue that needed addressing, and for taking 7 texts to tell me ONE thing.>

    Me: Ok. Busy. Back to work.
    I get that you have something to say, but do your absolute best to say it in the FIRST sentence, not the 9th. And if it's something that doesn't need my urgent attention - something you can easily mention to me later when we're together face-to-face without any negative impact, then WAIT and say it then.

    This kind of thing is especially bad when I've been waiting 45 minutes to get 5 minutes of the customer's time, and the second I divert my attention, they walk away and I can't get them again for an hour. Then I'm literally standing around doing nothing, unable to proceed, until they have time for me. And then she wonders why I'm late getting home! ARGH!!!
    • AmandaYVR

      Well one of us is smiling reading this and it's probably not you. Sympathies. Yep, good example.
      Even writing and reading that takes more time than it should, given the lack of importance. I wonder if she has a hard time being decisive or making autonomous decisions. (Does she work for you?)

      I know there are tonnes of people who text frequently throughout the day to stay in contact. I don't. Maybe a tad here and there, but really only for questions like about food for dinner, that's about it. Honestlly, if you do that all day then wth do you have to talk about when you are together in the evening again? Same on vacation. I can easily go a couple of days without. Again, for the same reason. No one needs a blow by blow of someone's day. It is in reflection that the more important things will be remembered, and are therefore worth talking about. I think about this all the time, or many times before, that the frequency (and mode) with which we communicate hugely informs HOW we communicate.

    • MrOracle

      Those were hypothetical examples, both from girls who worked for me and girls I've been in relationships with, but it's the same idea. Being at home or being at an office job is VERY different than working out in the field, and a lot of girls really can't grasp that concept easily. I've actually taken some for a ride-along and after spending a day trying to follow me around, they are much more likely to get it.

      But, more generally, they need to GET TO THE POINT. I don't need to be buttered up or beaten around the bush - and it's frustrating as hell to know she has a question or favor or bad news to deliver, but have to spend 10 minutes trying to get the actual issue out of her. I'm a grown-ass man - just SAY IT, and I'll deal with it... LOL.

  • pervertedjester
    Put me down as a strong supporter of Clause 10. My mind is mostly tuned to the old TV static station...ssssssshhhhhhhhh.... iiiiiiiiitttttt... I wish I had something profound to think about. I imagine if some person randomly looked into a woman's mind you'd see a barrage of thoughts too complex to unravel. The mysteries of a Woman's mind is comparable to the mysteries of the Universe. Yet my complex thoughts are a mix of what I heard on the radio, something funny that pertains to it and not running some idiot driver off the road, until I get to work which brings me back to static.

    When I was younger and women asked me "What are you thinking?" I usually panicked saying something that got me in trouble. Thankfully I've learned over the years that when a grown-ish man says Boobies it's a great way to deflect the question. I think it's because there's no vocal tone that doesn't automatically turn a man into a 10yr old boy faster than saying Boobies. For the most part it comes off as cute and women don't really understand the static thing, at least when I explain it.
    • AmandaYVR

      This was good/funny.
      Also makes me think of the old internet dial-up days. Was frustrating, but we definitely did have more time to just ponder things back then... while we were waiting for things.

    • It's from an old MyTake I wrote to be entertaining. But thanks.

  • Lynx122
    Wow you really understand men quite well it must have taken a lot of time and paying attention to figure this all out, well done :)

    Girls you should definitely save this somewhere cause it's more accurate than most things you'll find about this topic.
    • AmandaYVR

      I really appreciate that. Thank you so much.
      Yes, I've been an observer all my life and I have come to discover that I am extremely analytical.

    • Lynx122

      Yeah I can tell :)

  • MannMitAntworten
    1. Dear me... How I appreciate the woman who gets to the point. Gives the bottom line. Uses words in thrift. My ex was gifted with this ability. Miss that. My mother on the other hand is one who will go into every detail just to say their sewer line is backup.

    3 & 4. Nothing sinks in when we are otherwise preoccupied. We may even agree with things and have zero recollection of doing so if we are busy or preoccupied or whatever. What’s nutty is that men are equally guilty of doing this to one another. You aren’t alone on this one Ladies.

    5. This is where the “uh huh” and “ah” and other sound effects received their birth. It doesn’t mean we don’t love you but it is our way of not just saying, “That’s nice Dear” which is dismissive. Our way of keeping the peace and loving you - yeah? Oh? Hmm... et cetera et cetera ad nauseam. Regardless, women tune us out too. You are just better at being subtle about it.

    Love is a nutty thing, but if you figure out one another’s rhythms you actually end up finding yourself endeared to these quirks and mannerisms. Sometimes humoring your significant other is what we do out of love. Uh huh is just another form of, “I love you Babe.”

    Good my take.
  • lnva87
    So while doing some espionage to understand what i don't understand that you dont understand that we don't understand 😆
    This is interesting and we too can get use of this to try to meet somewhere in middle.

    Here's some comments from blue side. And as you used same number multiple times I will refer those as 4.1 or 4.2 so on.

    1. I do partly agree. At least split it manageable chunks for us Blues and give us time to process. Sometimes we run a bit (or a lot) slow.

    2. That is true partly. If we are focused in something give us time to stop or to adjust our focus to handle multiple things. Yes we can do it , we just need to prepare.

    3. For Blue team we should try to give tips how to get our attention when we are being idiots doing what we are doing when Pink team member needs our attention.
    And for Pinks if you get tips , even if it might feel bit harsh to you, we do react things differently.

    4.2. We are interested on things that are for us completely irrelevant to us personally if you find it interesting. But start with things you really need our reply and then you can venture in things we care only because we care about you.

    8. Yes we often are happy in silence.
    And if you try get answer of like what to watch in TV and Blue answer is "what ever" or "I don't care". It doesn't mean that you Pink would somehow be not interesting or anything like that. Its just that you Pink member is so important that even our holy grail TV just became irrelevant to us as you are there.
    • AmandaYVR

      I like what you said. You're really being kind and constructive.

      Oops, I did mess up the numbers. I am an Editor now so they allow edits for up to 48 hrs so I corrected them. (And I just happened to end up at 10 now.) But I can still follow what you're saying, as will others I think.

    • _inkRat

      I would actually like to add one more point to you or even to whole take.
      We men sometimes think of nothing at all, and all information just fly over our heads, it honestly might be one of those moments

    • AmandaYVR

      @_inkRat Yeah. I've heard that one before. I don't understand it, tbh. It makes for great comedy on TV and such, but we really don't get how you can be thinking nothing, zilch.

    • Show All
  • ShadezMcgee
    Once again your insight is phenomenal. I could feel myself nodding yo almost everything you said. It really is a shame that women haven't commented much on this post because it is very insightful about men and communication.

    You hit the head on plenty of the points.
    • AmandaYVR

      Thank you, Shadez! ❤

      Yep, it is frustrating, for you and me both.

  • pinkcactus484
    Just a couple of points.

    Firstly, these are very broad generalisations. There are men who are more "pink" and women who are more "blue" when it comes to this. It's not true for everyone.

    Secondly, if these are true in a given situation, why should the girl necessarily meet the guy halfway? Surely this should go both ways with both people seeking to understand each other?
    • AmandaYVR

      "There are men who are more "pink" and women who are more "blue" when it comes to this. It's not true for everyone."
      Does that really need to be said?

      What you are missing is that the vast majority of males have these types of issues communicating with females. And they get a lot of flack for it. But your obstinate attitude implying that it comes down to mere preference is not going to help.

      "why should the girl necessarily meet the guy halfway?"
      I foresee you having problems in the future. Good luck with your relationships.

  • pajamasam
    Some one do one on women now. This was super insightful and I saw myself doing a lot of these in the past. Opened my eyes on my own communication styles. For real someone do one on girls. Pretty please.
  • SydneySentinel
    This is great! Somehow I always get the guy who talks superflously--- and I often can't get a word in edgewise.
    The tips you give remind me of how I have to speak to my dad. He doesn't want/need to hear the emotions, just about whatever it is that actually happened. Bullet points are the best way to go with this one.
  • Chill_Meta
    Lol but how many/will you apply it to life.

    I can't recall how many times I have asked my single female friends "no guy around huh?", because 10 seconds into a phone call i was hit with a tsunami of words lol.

    I've had to say "take a break, way too many words"

    I don't mean anything bad by it but it is something i noticed especially since i don't talk much
    • AmandaYVR

      Ha. Well that is a little blunt, but it certainly gets the point across. Everyone needs to hear that sometimes, to be reminded.

    • Im the blunt one among my friends they know it as well. They would all say that's my courteous way of saying slow down lol

    these are all indeed very good illustrations of real stuff that happens In relationships between people.

    However, I will be a broken record here lol 😛 I don’t think this is clearly make vs female behavior. Many And Any of these scenarios Can exist between any combination of gender.. And honestly jeez lol some of these behaviors are just being entitled lazy self satisfied disrespectful undesirable partner. Whichever gender. (again I’m not saying you are coming up with bad examples they are very real. I just think The way stuff gets handled and blamed on gender, is often just someone using gender as an excuse to be a d*ck. Make or female)

    If someone is tuning you out they know they are doing it. If there is an identifiable problem causing them some inability to interact or communicate with you and they are a retinal person who respects and values the Other human being in the room with them, an ethical practical and logical approach~ Whatever your gender ~ will discuss To the problem and search for a solution. Whether at that moment or if not possible at another time.

    I see “ I’m a problem solver, not a communicator , so I’ll ignore you if I’m annoyed ” often. Lol its comical.

    Problem solvers solve problems not throw tantrums. Problem solving within a unit requires communication within that unit. Even within congress. The highest form of problem solving. Bills can not be passed without communication between political parties. Communication is not something you can avoid if you are problem solving and often gender is used as an excrescence to avoid being Proactive.

    im interested to see people’s reaction to the illustrations. I’m very sure so much~ if not all of this~ will be familiar to most people as it’s so ubiquitous.. Either Bc they relate or don’t relate, witnesses been involved recipient or actor. Good Take!! 💗💗
    • and you just proved @AmandaYVR with your incessant nagging and yapping away. did you really think any guy would actually read the long winded novel you just typed I barely got through the first two lines before stopping because I just didn't give a shit

    • I read it.😊

    • @ShadowofRegret here's some tissue paper you got some brown on your nose

    • Show All
  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    the point about voice tonality is spot on-- for me at least. Some people are just wired to be extra sensitive to critical or harsh voice tones. We can't hear the contents of what you're saying, because the harshness of your voice drowns it all out, and we just get the fight or flight response of "I'm being verbally attacked, do I fight or flee?"
  • SexyPetite
    You mentioned some very good points in you post. However in #9. The last sentence says." This one is not fixable".
    I would like to say. That if you think your ever going to fix him. You should know that you have lost the fight before you ever got it started. Fix him = change him. Why did you start going out with him in the first place? Did you really think all those days that you spent watching him studying him flirting with him was so you could fix him. He was good enough for you to want to go out with him then any of the other guys. So after you start going out with him do you want to change him. As much as you think he is the perfect man when you first spot him. Accept him as he is. He will over time prove his love for you as best he can. If he buys you a dozen Rose's for Valentines day. Show him love and Happiness when you see him next. Don't say as he's walking in the door what are the Rose's for you know they just die in a week. They were a waste of money. You know I've told you this befor. All that does is scream at him. I think your an A$$. You did that for yourself not me. When in reality he just spent a hundred dollars on you. Money that could of bought himself 10 6/packs of beer. He chose to spend his money on you for something he thought would show you he thinks you are a Beautiful lady.. You mentioned earlier that they don't speak or understand pink and that we speak to much for them to understand. So hoy can you get mad at him for doing something that is thoughtful and meaningful. You do that something just once and you won't have to worry about that happening ever again. You should know that you will most likely never ever receive a gift from him again. Getting screamed at by the one he loves is not what he wants to hear. We talk so much that we fail to listen. Not just for the words he says but for the visual queues he's giving such as the confusion in his eyes saying he has not a clue in the world as to what you are saying AT him instead of talking with him.
    I believe I have a pretty good onsite into the Male mind as I was raised by my dad. It was just the two of us. Since I was 3 years old. I can tell within a few seconds of my dad getting home at the end of the day if he's had a good or bad day I don't have to ask him. I can see it in his body language. I see many girls bitch about their guys. They break up time and again. Then I see ladies who have been married for 50 years. I ask them how they do it. They smile and say usually with added hand gestures. Slow to anger, slow to speak, and always ready to Love.
    • AmandaYVR

      You just wrote a wall of text without any breaths, paragraphs returns, or focus, thus illustrating my point.

      I didn't say anything about "fixing" him. Everything I wrote was in regards to trying to adapt somewhat to the way that the majority of men think, not trying to change them. So it appears as though what you're actually bothered by is the implication or suggestion that girls might have to adapt some of their behaviour.

      You're drawing a lot of conclusions from your 18 years of life experience with your dad. I don't know what the flowers has to do with the topic and change is a part of life, you don't just get together with people and never adapt. But I'm not going to get into it more with you. It's just not worth my time.

  • hellionthesagereborn
    I would also add that he may tune you out or get angry at you if your complaining about something multiple times. When you provide a complain to a man, he will try to find a solution for it, its how we operate. Women on the other hand are looking for a sympathetic ear, so if you have had the same issue crop up again and again, going to him to talk about it is going to infuriate him because he has already given you everything he can give i. e. he told you possible solutions to the problem, bringing it up again, is not going to make things better so sometimes your just going to have to drop it.
    • AmandaYVR

      Good point. Very common, I imagine.

    • Something that drives my friend insane in fact. His girlfriend complains to him, he provides multiple different solutions to the problem and presumes its now dealt with. Then the next day she has the same complaint. It can be a bit maddening (since again, women look for sympathy because women are social and men look for the solution because we are more thing oriented and at least under these circumstances those directly conflict).

    • There's a good strategy men can use for this (from the book "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps"):

      When she comes to you to complain about some personal issue of hers, you can simply ask her "do you want me to help solve the problem or do you want me to just listen?", that way it puts the onus on her to decide what she requires from you to feel heard in that scenario.

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  • broken_heart_at_48
    That's on point and who wrote this a man or a woman and are you married? Shit never mind I am already married we could move to Utah. Hell that's the real answer cause then you two could talk to each other
    • AmandaYVR

      Lolol. Thanks. I'm a woman and I wrote it. Yep, married, 20 years.
      Started dating a little at 16, but mostly throughout my 20s, then married a few weeks before turning 29, and now with the same guy for 20 years.
      My husband hasn't read it, nor have we talked about what I wrote. He's not really interested. But he certainly gets credit for going through the mud with me. These things took me years to figure out about men.

    • Yeah I fell in love with my wife the very second I laid eyes on her she hung in there with me through a lot of crazy times we had an amazing marriage for the first 23 years give or take we're still married but kinda separated right now we've been together close to 30 years she broke my heart but now she's deathly sick and I would give anything except my daughter for her to get better I truly wish I could take her pain she doesn't deserve this

    • AmandaYVR

      Wow what a story. Relationships are complicated, aren’t they? It is an ntense thing, this thing we call simply ‘life.’ So much joy, so much heartache. The human experience. How can you even wrap your head around it.

  • sagevalentineee
    I think this is pretty important for us girls to think about. When my boyfriend gives me the logical response that i absolutely did not want I have a tendency to overthink it, when the reality is, he really just wants to be helpful and for me to be happy.
  • NineBreaker
    I've read everything you wrote here. I'm anywhere between "I completely agree 100%" to "Honestly, I don't know, but sounds logical." Don't really disagree with any of it.

    I would like to add a specific point, related to a broader one.
    Specifically, men tend to be action-oriented. Some guys won't tell you how much they love you, but will try to express it in a lot of other ways; mainly, by doing things that make your life easier or more enjoyable. Some men are workaholics particularly for that reason.

    In a broader sense, it's important to remember that your man is not a woman. Don't judge him by the same standard you use to judge other women on how they communicate. I don't know who said this, but I love this quote: "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
  • TienShenhan
    This is great. It also reminds me of an article from the 30's or 40's that hilariously pisses feminists off, with content like "remember, when your husband gets off work, he doesn't want to hear about your day. He wants to relax at the table, read his paper, and enjoy a warm meal. His day was tough too." Paraphrasing there, but it was good stuff
    • AmandaYVR

      Oh god. Well let's not go too far here.
      I saw a meme about that once. It was funny, but I couldn't find it. Not to mention, the advertising of the day. Things have sure changed.
      The whole martini slippers things sort of makes me want to wretch. Although I do make a gin and tonic for my husband often. And offer random xxxx jobs here and there. So I don't know, in all fairness maybe I'm a bit of a modern day one. Ew. No, I'd rather say "You rub my fur, I'll rub yours" (a play on the old euphemism, but this one I posted in my 'Cat From Outer Space' q about that.
      I want the girls to know that I am not in favour of in any way being subservient to a man (or anyone - no power hierarchies at all in my view), but perhaps I could call it a bit of catering to the brain. Each other's brains. We can't make each other into the same, so let's work with what we have, sort of thing.

    • Absolutely. And for the record, after a long hard day at work, I DO want to hear about your day and what stresses you out, because it's my job to make your life better too and you can't do that without listening

    • AmandaYVR

      That is so nice 👍

  • gmares85
    You are 💯 % on the spot
    your essay is a masterpiece
    We man are different than you ladies, so please apply the advice giving by a woman
    • AmandaYVR

      I read this and then drifted off into a peaceful sleep. So kind of you, thank you, gmares.
      I totally agree. I wish both genders would stop thinking that different is inferior. Different is just different.

  • Snakeyes7
    This is probably just me or my previous experience with girls but I have a much harder time getting a read on how they are feeling than other guys. If I can’t get a good idea on how they are feeling, for some reason, my mind defaults to them being pissed off.

    Maybe that’s why I never feel like telling jokes around them because I always assume they aren’t in the mood and would regret it.
    • AmandaYVR

      I remember seeing a story once a couple of years ago or so, where a girl made up an 'exit survey' type thing, which she messaged to each guy she had dated or was in a relationship with. She had all these detailed questions, asking what they thought of her, in various ways. Talk about a real scientist or poller, eh? Of course some of the guys (well probably most of them) were very weirded out, but boy did she get some good intel on how she was coming across. Brave girl. She sounds a bit nuts, but I respect her for having the guts to learn about herself in this way.

    • Snakeyes7

      I hear that is a good strategy to get tinder matches that haven’t responded in a week or so to talk to you but it still doesn’t work when I tried it years ago and on the rare times it does they don’t give anything useful like they were busy or something.

      I’m not really sure what that has anything to do with my original response though.

    • AmandaYVR

      Are you saying that Tinder has a survey option to give to the other person? Wow.

      I wrote that because I don't know what else there is to say about your issue with not being able to get a read on girls and defaulting to the negative. Honestly. I thought about it. And you're not asking for my advice, are you? Many people on gag just like to talk, or vent, and aren't necessarily looking for a response it seems. But if you want to talk about it, we certainly can, either here or through pm.

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  • ColoradoKid
    I have read this and one thing came up in my head. If everyone says what they are feeling and tell the truth. We would all communicate better and we would probably get along better. I can communicate perfectly well with both sexes. I don't make up or use made up words like bae? Wtf. Why can't you call them your boyfriend? If you can get rid of all the nonsense words life would be better for everyone.
  • Flower7
    Your MyTake was very well-written. But reading it depressed me a bit. It reminded me that trying to get along with guys can be frustrating. Things like this are why I've kinda given up on dating. It's a lot of work trying to figure them out.
    • What is there to figure out lol? She wrote all of that to simply say "keep it simple and get to the point" all while being considerate of what he's currently engaging in.

    • Flower7

      @LVbrando85 We'd have to figure out whether they feel like talking, whether they're in the right mood for it, what type of language to use to get them to pay attention, whether we're using the right tone of voice, etc. That seems like a lot!

    • Most guys are practical and reasonable. So simply ask "hey, you have a sec? I want your opinion on something." And most will say yes if they aren't busy and tell you to hold on, if they are. The tone of voice isn't important as long as you dont have a history of being argumentative or come across that way. It should be smooth. I have a sister like that, and everything seems confrontational and she gets upset because thats how she talks lol. But yelling is still yelling.

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  • Lize420
    Ofcourse what has been written tou have to take with a grain of salt not every guy is like tjat and not everyone woman is like that.

    I feel like I'm more on the blue side and not on the pink

    Maybe that's why I can't communicate with females 🤔
    • AmandaYVR

      Correct, not every. I speak in majorities.

      Yes, it does make it hard to be fully accepted by females if you are not on their same playing field/level. (Just ask the men.)

  • BonjourSammi
    I see what you did there with that pretty guy, you are good at this lol. Anyways thanks a lot for this handy list. I'll keep it in mind moving onward with my future relationship (s).
  • AppleBlueberry
    I'm a guy and I think I have portions of a girls brain because I like talking and listening. I wouldn't mind hearing her little details and the arguments she had with a coworker. So not all guys are this way, I guess I'm the minority.
    • AmandaYVR

      That's good. You'll have a big advantage with relationships then.

  • msc545
    Nicely done. In general, women inject too much noise into the signal, and trying to separate signal from noise is exhausting.
    • AmandaYVR

      I love this analogy and phrasing. 👌

  • Unit1
    I'm a man. money is my language.
    but most importantly for me when pinks want to speak to me is to NOT YELL LIKE IT'S A SPORTS GAME YOU SIRENS! My ears are sensitive and I'm not going to risk any hearing losses (I'll leave that to my old aged self instead). Also nagging won't solve any problems, that is being nagged about.

    wanna change something into better? Do something about it. Words are only as useful as coordination and planning.
    • Unit1

      I'm not hard to understand - money is my language. So is logic. No beating around the bush.

  • mrArcher
    I mean all I can say is that I wish more women were aware of this. Thank you, sis.
    • AmandaYVR

      My pleasure. Happy to try and help you all be understood a little better.

  • Adam1978
    Valid points except the focus one it's valid on both genders. Especially 10, why is it so hard to just be there without talking, just enjoy whatever is going on.
  • MrWolf
    Ten more reasons for breakups.

    You are not speaking his language? Yo no speak Ape so you dum dum.

    You don't need to speak blue or whatever I've just read.

    Good for the effort i appreciate but no thank you.

    You don't meet us halfway, cuz we always halfway we stay there is our safe zone.

    Even when we listening in reality we don't listen. We away from there on autopilot. We in happy land away from yet another wrong thought being formed in the wrong word we gona say.

    You cannot, don't put us all under same paragraph.

    Sure most are alike but we have few special cookies. So nope nope don't

    How about talk her language yo we say that and we done for in zero seconds.

    And yo all saying this is right them lies woman read trough them.
    You all blueish peeps here thought the same thing i wrote. Honesty 0%
  • admles
    This is an amazing take!

    Like, I feel like you went into my brain and got all this information and wrote it out!
  • Jaysonava
    I think that you don't have to 'abbreviate' anything. Or structure your sentences any which way.

    But if a woman is talking innocuous self obsessed nonsense about her inner thought processes, and negative reactions to everything, all day every day with no interest in resolving anything, then she is just going to annoy BOTH genders.

    Men and women.

    But the difference is that she will have an easier time finding a clique of female friends who just whine and complain and talk about their disgust at everything all the time. This might make her think it is normal.

    And some men will put up with it if they think it will lead to sex.
  • it2ly
    These are assumptions bruh, Im a girl and I do all of these things.-.
    • AmandaYVR

      These are not assumptions they are generalizations. If you do all these things then you should get along with them well and not run into this stumbling block as many girls do.

  • lightbulb27
    I nice section for a book!

    I've actually had this issue with males as well... some people talk too much:) Some people I have to ask for "quiet time".

    Women specifically seem to process verbally and so there is that "dumping". If dumping doesn't occur, then I wonder what is up. There is good dumping where it is considerate of him, like you've described. I've seen terrible dumping where "she" cannot manage her emotions, builds all day into a tornado (often caused by poor communications on the phone, but emotional junk) and then unleashes on him when he comes through the door. e. g. some people lack ability to manage emotions and filter and that is painful to see...

    But I have to ask... if the woman does the above as described, is is satisfying to her processing or is it just stuffing all that "stuff" into another corner where it comes out in a bad way later? Or should this be flipped to say the guy sometimes really digs to hear all her gritty details?
    • AmandaYVR

      Yes, there are exceptions, and no, it would not be possible to write anything, any article or whatever of any length, without sometimes over-generalizing. But I think that goes without saying. Not all men and all women fall into one category, but I believe it's fine to focus on the majority. Perhaps it's why I am interested in statistics and polls and whatnot. (Provided one really take time to analyze them, and doesn't gloss over at face value.) Unspoken motivations are also very interesting to me.

      Yes I agree with you about the dumping.

      So I think you are basically saying/suggesting that if a girl did do all these adaptations that I listed above, she would be bitter. One of my points is that there is no point blaming people for things which they have no control over. And there are brain differences, not just personality and societal/cultural differences, that shape us all. Ex: I believe very strongly that men have a more difficult time taking into two or more verbal inputs at one time. (Of course no one's great at this, but really, I think it's harder for men.) Then you add women's verboseness, which can get really excessive, and the emotion vs. logic aspect, and more indecisiveness when thinking about how to deal with complex emotional situations, taking in all the nuances of life and peoples' feelings... my god, it's a lot to deal with, these inherent differences.

    • AmandaYVR

      So do I think the girls may be reading this and thinking, "Well why do I have to adapt?" Well sorry, but you do. The men do too, but they are learning from this as well. There is too much finger-pointing and blame. Because no one has a monopoly on righteousness. And because relationships don't survive unless we all change (which many people have fought me on here, that general concept of changing for another.) But I think these changes would be for the betterment of society. I'm giving a playbook to the girls (on this one aspect, anyway.) I'm trying to help bridge the gap. Whether they want to read it and apply it is up to them. (And I can always tell what they are not interested in, by the number of male:female comment ratio, question upvotes, and poll votes.)

    • I think they will take it out on him if they don't get a release, it's all "need" and has to go somewhere.
      I think we just have to understand and learn to accept the other. The change is then not taking personally what is happening and learning to work with it. Our brains process differently... not just male and female, but we are all wired... same thing with political differences... can't get people to come to common ground.
      It's ok that she has needs to talk and I've learned how to handle that better and give time and as well.. redirect the negative energy into positive. It's ok to have "boundaries" and needs and give and take.

      Makes me wonder whether "like kinds" are better or opposites? Like kinds can be less tension and drab, but opposities create more frustration over time. Maybe it's really about learning to love ourselves and others and not about the satisfaction? It's not easy... try loving someone of opposing political party...

  • Richard-Tilburg
    I did not reed it out, too long... I use short text. Sometimes it takes a minute to get the text short.
  • SenseiSeptred
    I have been saying this mantra for a while that I know women could use the most, and that mantra is "master your emotions, master your life."
  • Stonernights
    So are you trying to say that men are actually just... humans too?
  • zagor
    Yeah, #5 is def true. I've had girls ramble on and half an hour later I'm vaguely aware they're still going on and I have no idea what they said.
  • JayParris
    There's an art to conversation which seems to be lost. Its more like a dance than a dissertation.
  • OfDeath
    Lol. A little bit patronizing but there is some truth here.
  • wellhack
    Me personally I'd disagree with
    Number 6 as knowing it's almost like you're giving no accountability to men men should be able to meet halfway with their partner
    And as of number 5 if you're holding yourself back it's not good for the long run you're basically saying to mask you're emotions which would lead to bigger problems. Yes if he seems upset in anyway it's better to focus on whats going on with him
    I smirked when I saw bullet points and yea silence feels amazing while he's holding you just enjoying the moment
  • RegularJoe1973
    Read: Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps. Real eye opener
  • Cryptic-Game
    Yes. We need more masculine men and men who aren't so moody too.
  • Akshayjosh
    I don't have time to read this.. sorry
    • AmandaYVR

      You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
      But it is a bit strange to make a comment saying you're not going to read or comment. Imagine how the girls feel, at the idea of putting effort into something like this with guys like you basically saying, nope, not goona bother. This is part of the reason why there are so many single lonely people out there, wondering why they can't make relationships with the opposite sex work. There has to be effort on both sides.

    You got some of it down. 😎
  • igormayer
  • Silence00
    Not necessary, pink is enough.
  • hillshillsbombz
    Stop asking the unexpected answer
  • Ralphsylvantheisen
    Hay sweetie a how are u doing