Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Long story short, because I am tired of feeling like a loser.
I am a 20 year old virginal male. I have never had a girlfriend nor have women ever expressed interest in me whatsoever. The one time a woman did, it ended in disaster, and I was reduced to tears. I have done a lot of soul searching lately, and the conclusion I have come to is that I am never going to be normal. There is no hope for me. No matter what I do, my prospects are never going to improve.
I started going to the gym every single night and working out like a man with a reason, yet even with a better body, women still pay me no attention. I maintain a 4.0 GPA in college so that I can acquire a good career someday with a lot of money, yet women still view me as a nerd. I even have a job with a relatively large chunk of savings in the bank, and that still does nothing for me.
No matter what I do, women are never going to like me and that is just a fact I have come to accept. I am always going to be shy, I am always going to have social anxiety, and I am never going to be able to "fit in" or be a social butterfly. Frankly, if I ever want to have sex - good, enjoyable quality sex - a prostitute is about my only hope. I know deep down that it is wrong. It goes against everything that I have ever believed in being Eastern Orthodox. It goes against the way my mother brought me up. Every fiber of my being tells me that this is wrong, and I know my guardian angel and patron St. Augustine of Hippo must be weeping on my behalf as I type this, but I simply cannot do it anymore.
I am tired of feeling so alienated for being a virgin, like I am so abnormal and misplaced, not fitting in with the world around me.
That is the whole reason why I have decided to do this. It has nothing to do with my own pleasure or desire for sex. Rather, it has to do with how much of a loser I feel like for being a virgin. The pain has gotten so bad to where I literally cannot take it anymore. I am not sure the majority of people realize just how frustrating and alienating this is, to be a virgin in the 21st century. Sex is literally everywhere. No matter where you go, it is inescapable. From television to magazines and even conversations among friends and coworkers, our entire world revolves around Sex. And thus not going along with it is extremely painful, frustrating, and alienating to say in the least.
I am tired of feeling abnormal, like I do not fit in. I am tired of feeling alienated, like there is something wrong with me, like I am a weirdo for not going along with the ways of the world. I have spent hours in prayer to my patron St. Augustine, studying his life for inspiration. I have soaked my bed with tears, reciting the Psalms. I have gone to Confession every Saturday night.
But the pain has not ceased. I have tried opening up to everyone who said that they would be there for me, but in the end they have not been true to their word. My relationship with my father is irreparable because I have never forgiven him for the way he used to treat my mother when I was growing up. I have few if any friends and they all expect for me to be the one giving them advice. Even my priest has grown tired of me and no longer bothers responding to my emails.
Perhaps worst of all, not even my mother whom I adore has been there for me, even though she said that she would.
Almost a year ago today, I completely poured out my heart to my mother, explaining to her everything that has been bothering me and how I have been feeling. I also confessed to self harming, and she promised that she would be there for me. She said that she would get me help, and that she would respond to the best of her effort to my questions. Yet almost a year has passed, and she has done absolutely nothing. In her defense, it has been a busy year. My father lost his job. We underwent a move.
There have been health complications in the family. And I have tried to remain patient, doing my best to "suck it up" and pretend to be functional when I am not. But I am at that point now where I can no longer do it. Yet I am so afraid to tell my mother because I do not want to make her feel rushed or angry, yet I feel so sad that she has not been there for me yet. I feel as if I am a lesser priority, or that she loves me less now. And it is truly killing me inside.
Every night I have to resist the urge to cry whenever I hug my mother before bed. I cannot sleep because I have that nervous feeling at the pit of my stomach. I have become an insomniac. Whenever I look in the mirror I feel ashamed, like I hate myself for being a virgin. I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I am a loser because women do not like me. I see the scars all over my thighs and I grow to hate myself even more. Yet I have to hide it and put on a happy face for work and school. I have to hold back tears whenever anyone shows me kindness. Sometimes I drive over to the local Jack in the Box and just cry in the parking lot. And I lie to my mother, telling her that nothing is wrong and that I am happy even though everything is wrong and I feel like a loser.
I am a male virgin and I do not fit in.
The only reason I have not killed myself yet is because I do not want to abandon my little sister the same way my uncle abandoned my mother back when she was a little girl and he took his own life. Unfortunately I am in this life for the long haul, even though I would much rather be dead. But I have resolved to live because I love my little sister too much. And because I want to make my mom proud.
Therefore,
I have resolved to lose my virginity to a prostitute. The plan is to keep on saving money and travel to Nevada next year after I turn 21 in February. There I will visit a brothel and do it the legal way, so that I am not supporting human trafficking or the abominable criminal enterprise known as illegal prostitution.
Now at this point, I know that a lot of you must be asking why a prostitute and not just a regular promiscuous woman. The answer is quite simple. Apart from the fact that promiscuous women are actually very selective, sleeping only with the top 10% of males - thus making prostitution my only viable option - the fact remains that I am tired of the gynocentric hypocrisy of the modern West.
I am so sick and tired of women and particularly liberal feminists justifying their own promiscuity, one-night stands, and whoredom while simultaneously condemning men like me for resorting to prostitutes, as if it were any different.
I am tired of these sexually "liberated" sluts and "open-minded" Cosmo feminist bitches engaging in every sexual abomination imaginable and promoting a culture of promiscuity that would make even Sodom and Gomorrah blush, only to then turn around and tell me that prostitution is somehow evil.
These women are nothing but total Hypocrites!
The fact remains that it is extremely easy for women to get sex. They do not have to make any effort whatsoever. Even the most unattractive and overweight women can score with an average guy who is above her league. But men are not afforded this same luxury. Sex for us is a challenge. Only the top 10% to 20% of us can actually have sex with whoever we want whenever we want. The rest of us are fighting an uphill battle just to have sex within our own league. The reason why? Because approximately 90% of all the women - certainly the sluts and promiscuous ones - are sleeping only with the top 10% to 20% of the men at the very top of the totem pole.
The vast majority of men including average fellows like myself are Shit Outta Luck. We are not afforded the luxury of being able to have casual sex whenever we want. Prostitutes are the only women who fill this void - frankly, the only women who are not as conceited, selfish, and judgmental as the vast majority of women who would never give us the time of day. And yet, these same women and particularly the "progressive" liberal feminist ones who pride themselves on their promiscuity are the same women who want to keep prostitution outlawed. Why? Because they do not want regular men like me to be able to enjoy the same luxury that every woman enjoys.
They do not believe that regular men like me deserve sex or are entitled to the same easy access to it that every woman enjoys.
The very notion of male pleasure in itself is disgusting to them because liberal feminism is an inherently misandristic and gynocentric ideology that hates men. Prostitutes fill a void for men like me, and therefore liberal feminists are opposed to it because they do not want men like me to be able to have sex. Well screw them and screw liberal feminism along with the abomination known as the Sexual Revolution which only benefited women and the top 10% of men. Screw the matriarchy along with Alfred Kinsey and Margaret Sanger whose graves I spit upon and hold in utter contempt.
I am a man and I deserve sex like everyone else!
For that matter,
Screw my religion, screw my God, and screw everyone who said that they would ever be there for me but was not. Hell, screw my own mother. I desperately tried getting help. I tried opening up and doing everything I can to get advice. All I wanted was advice, a hug, and some sympathy. But no one ever gave it to me. No one was ever there for me. I am tired of bearing the burden of feeling like a loser because I am a virgin. No longer will I deal with the alienation and pain. If people are going to judge me for it and my God is going to send me to Hell for it, then so be it. I did the best I could, but nobody was there for me. It was not my fault but their fault. Again I tried my very best. I did not fail, rather, everyone who was supposed to be there failed me.
So that is my plan, the pain of being a male virgin has grown too great that I can no longer bear it. I am tired of feeling alienated and not fitting in. I am going to have sex next year, but I am not going to have it according to the gynocentric standards of liberal feminists. I refuse to play their inherently broken and misandristic game. I am going to have sex according to my own standards, with a legal prostitute.
I am not sure what is going to happen, and again, this violates everything I have ever believed in and stand for. But I am only doing it because I am tired of feeling like a loser. No longer can I bear the pain of being a male virgin. Maybe I will have some big St. Paul on the Road to Damascus experience that will completely change my outlook on the way to Nevada next year. Maybe God will do something grant to call me back to himself like St. Mary of Egypt above, who was a prostitute. But unless that happens, I have a plan and I am not backing down from it.
Do not feel bad for me. Do not feel saddened that I have fallen this low. Instead, feel angry with yourself. YOU did this to me. YOU drove me this low. It was YOU, everyone who said that they would be there for me, my God, women, my Mother, who abandoned me. I am only dealing with my pain the best I possibly can.
And I feel no shame whatsoever.
Most Helpful Girl