Okay, there is this guy who I have known since high school that I came back into contact with a couple months ago.
We were friends back then and also slept together a few times, but for the most part were both dating other people so we never were together as boyfriend/girlfriend. He was always a sweetheart and we have some fond memories of each other. We are both married now.
The past couple of months we have been emailing back and forth a lot and went out for coffee once. We hugged, but nothing else. However, it was becoming apparent that we both were starting to have some strong feelings for one another that we shouldn't be having. We discussed it a couple times and both admitted to liking one another more than we should but that we would not act on those feelings. The other day we were messaging and he told me that he really really liked me, possibly more than I liked him and that my emails were giving him butterflies in his stomach.
I told him that I felt the same way but that I knew I shouldn't because we could never be more than friends and he said "I hear you". After that I quickly changed the subject and ever since then he has acted differently toward me. He finally stopped returning my emails altogether. Do you think my comment hurt him? I am hurting because I know I will miss his friendship and I am sorry that I allowed myself to feel more than friendly towards him.
I don't like to see a friendship that goes way back be destroyed like this and end with him just ignoring me. I am happily married though and can't afford to ruin that. I am feeling so torn up inside. I have tried to email him about it but he doesn't respond. I know that we both probably need some space to get over our feelings but I wish he would be up front with me and not just leave me hanging.
It is killing me. It is so hard for me not to contact him. What would you do? Would you just go on with life and forget the friendship all together, even though it hurts or would you wait a while and try to contact him again after he has had some time? Do you think we can ever be friends again and not have it be something more than that? Do you think I hurt him and that is why he is acting this way or is he just being mean?
I think you should let him fall back out of your life, just like he came back into it. You are married, and you love your husband, the feelings you have for your friend threaten your marriage. It's good that he isn't contacting you any more. That is a typical guy way of handling a situation like this. If he can't have you, then he's going to try and forget. We can go "cold turkey" easier than women can, sorry it's bothering you.
Only now he has contacted me again. I told him I was done and wished him a nice life. He agreed and said "take care". Then he emails me back and says he wants us to play nice because he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. What now? - 7 months ago
Answerer
Well in the end it's up to you what you really want. To stay with your husband or have this FWB on the side and keep it from your husband. Do you have kids with your husband? I'd say definitely stay away from him if that's the case. - 7 months ago
Answerer
He's keeping in touch because he thinks it can lead to a friends with benefits situation most likely. If you aren't interested in that be very blunt with him. You should let your husband know what is going on before the old guy gets too crazy. - 7 months ago
You need to just forget about him. I am a firm believer that men and women cannot truly be friends because usually one person wants more than that. It's just not a good idea. Also if your marriage is as good as you say it is then why are you so hung up on this 'friend'? There is such a thing as emotionally cheating on someone and I hate to say it but that is what you were doing with this guy.
I understand how you are feeling. Been there and done that. It really isn't worth re-hashing an old relationship. It's torture on all parties directly or indirectly involved. Just try and let him go his way. Go cold turkey. No you can't be 'friends' still.
No. It isn't possible to be friends right now. You have to let him go as a friend. If the feelings came back after all those years then he is feeling more than a friendship. Sometimes its best if you leave things as they are. You both are married and he probably would have pursued more. This is his way of telling you that it has to end. I would not contact him anymore.
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(Age:30 to 35)
When: 7 months ago
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