A relative of mine who I was very close with and who I cared for recently passed away and I am very confused with the reaction of a guy friend of mine. he would always ask about this relative and we talked a lot about the situation but when I told him she passed away he sent me what I thought was a very insensitive and weird email. Instead of asking how my family was doing he asked me if I remember his birthday and he sent me a picture of his new boat. He went on to tell me how great his holiday was and not once asked me how I was doing. I've always suspected that he may have Asperger;s or some form of social awkwardness, but he volunteer's with families who have lost family members so I am perplexed with this behaviour. Your thoughts?
If you think he may have aspergers then you have answered your own question. They have deficits in communication and empathy. My sister is aspergers. My son is autistic. My advice would be to tell him up front that your grieving and upset and then he will be prompted and reminded of what you are going through. Although he may seem disinterested, my experience is that its a major lack of communication skills that portray that. The volunteer work with grieving people he does I imagine would be monitored and probably scripted. Its tough with people with these types of problems. But it doesn't mean they have no feelings. They just lack the ability to communicate them... I'm sorry for your loss..Take care
Thank you. It's funny because others have made similar comments and many have said he seems so "self absorbed" or he "just doesn't get things." I often find that he takes things literally and in order for him to understand a situation he has to use his own experience to relate so he comes off as very insensitive. I want to tell him that his comments vere a bbit odd but I am worried that it would just upset him more if he does have Asperger's. Your thoughts? - 3 months ago
Answerer
My thoughts Its a pervasive disorder...That means it who he IS... not who you or anyone wants him to be.....And reality is..He doesn't get things. he will take everything literally. And in his case you gotta tell him. He won't get upset because his lack of empathy is poor. Look 4 more info.You sound like an intelligent gal. These people need what they call "social stories" 2 help them relate. Google it. Its either black or white and they need to be shown the in between. - 3 months ago
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