I found out my best friend slept with my ex and even though I'm over him, it still bothers me. I guess I kind of thought that there was an unwritten law stating that it's wrong to sleep with your friends' exes. Am I overreacting? I mean I'm not upset enough to stop being friends with her, I just feel a little betrayed. All the guys in the world and she had to doink my ex?
I would ask this "Best Friend" what she considers most important in a friendship, and if she says Loyalty or anything like that; then she's full of B/S. Drill her, I would, I wouldn't really have much compassion for her, because that's what she shows towards you.
This happened to me before, these people are only worried about themselves, thats why they didn't look any further than your ex, for their own enjoyment. Then, these are the type of people usually who will say "if you need anything, I'm here for you! " which usually is more b/s. They just say it to make themselves feel better - their actions prove otherwise. She wanted this guy before you two broke up, she wasn't just attracted to him after you broke up, it's not like a switch she can turn on and off, this had been building. She didn't know how to tell you, until you found out. Then she probably said something like "It's not what you think"
3 songs come to mind, right off the bat: Tell her to listen to Pearl Jam: State of Love and Trust, Default: live a lie, and Guns and Roses: You're Crazy- Yeah, I know you like music, listen to these songs, they'll make a point.
When you put the songs together, well I get:"the state of love and trust has been busted down to pieces. When your living a lie,. And. You don't want my love, you just want satisfaction, you got to find yourself another piece of the action. " Yeah, this crap bothers on a level that you talk to your best friend about your crushes, before their your boyfriend/girlfriend, and they know that, and ignore those intimate details of a friendship, and past relationship. And she really didn't have any consideration for the way you would of accepted this, or else she would of brought it up to you before hand, and sen how you felt, but I feel you found out the hard way, like most of us do. And I would just tell her that most of what she says is empty words, because you see what she really wants.
Thank you! Yeah I still haven't talked to her about it. She hasn't called and as far as I know, she still doesn't know that I know about this. I'll check out those songs though thank you for suggesting those. I love songs that I can relate to. - 4 months ago
Answerer
This sounds like a "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" situation, with you being the one who's not suppose to know.
Then there are friends who will fight for ya(or stick up for you) but they'll also steal your S. O. , then there are friends who won't steal your S. O. , but they also won't fight/stick up for ya. Then there are friends who Will stick up for you and Won't steal your S. O. , or past S. O. , those are the kind of friends you want. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah I have better friends than her that wouldn't do that to me. I consider all my friends my best friends and the people I don't talk to much or hang out with acquaintances. I'm just glad that I don't have feelings for my ex because it would really mess me up. She is definitely on my list of untrustworthy people now. I really don't care to talk to her or have anything to do with her at this point. I could never do this to one of my friends it's horrible. - 4 months ago
Answerer
It is horrible and she never put herself in your position, no matter what she says, not until you brought it up and can see it in her. Until then, she sees it as acceptable and she probably won't bring it up. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
You're absolutely right and she probably won't but one day she'll realize that karma's a bitch sometimes lol - 4 months ago
Answerer
She will, and you know when, when Karma has built up so much that it blows over, look at her decision making, it's about herself. Karma, doesn't like that too much, lol. It strikes back. - 4 months ago
I was thinking about this. I mean if he came up to me before hand and asked if I would mind if he asked her out. I might be ok depending on how the relationship me and my ex went. I mean if he asked out my first ex of 6.5 years HELL NO! If I dated the girl for a few months and it wasn't working then that might be ok. I really wouldn't appreciate him sleeping with anyone of them without me knowing he was going to pursue them. If he was drunk at a party and hooked up with the girl I date of only a few months I might let it slide but I think I would have to look at my friend differently. On the other hand if the girl was a complete slut and cheated on me I might encourage my friend to sleep with her. who knows.
I would be pissed, mostly thinking the reason my relationship ended was because these two were cheating behind my back, and never had the courage to tell me.
Does this unwritten rule apply to her if she tells you that she loves him first? And does he factor into this rule in any way apart from the title of 'ex'? There is a point in there, but anyhoo.
Do I think it is over-reacting? No. The same rule is used by guys, unless he comes to the guy before asking his ex out first. The fact is that you have an emotional bond to this guy, and for another girl that you know to enter the fray is wrong before asking you first if you're over him. So, yeah, it'd bother me too. Just a bit. One tiny little bit. @$&%! Grr! Hmm, maybe a little more than a bit. It's common decency to okay it with you first.
If she came to me about it, I'd respect her for it and be perfectly fine with it. The fact that I found out from him and she acts like nothing happened is what irks me - 5 months ago
Answerer
Yep, that would do a little more than tick me off too. Like I said, it's just common decency. That is wrong on too many levels. Have you thought of confronting her on it? Or would that seem petty to you? I don't know what I'd do. I don't think that he was wrong in what he did, because you no longer hold sway over him, but for her to move in like that on the guy is wrong. Also, who did the approaching for this whole encounter in the first place? Does that even make a difference to you at all on this? - 5 months ago
Question Asker
I know that they were drunk and she was eating a lollipop and it started from that. She was coming on to him. I'd like to talk to her about it but I don't want to start an argument because I truly don't have any feelings for him other than friendship anymore. I guess I kind of deserve this because I took his virginity(found out after the fact of course) and ended up breaking up with him for being too clingy. He was pretty messed up over it, I felt horrible. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Ouch. Harsh on him and you too, I can imagine. Was she coming on to him because she was drunk, or because she felt something for him? It's likely that being drunk made her lose her inhibitions, so if she did feel anything for him, that may have made her act against her better judgment. That doesn't take away responsibility though. The fact you said she had a lollipop made it sound as if she was deliberate, not just drunk and uninhibited. It's still wrong. What're you going to do? - 4 months ago
Question Asker
I don't know, I'm very good at getting people to confess things to me just by being silent lol even if I don't know in advance. I'm just gonna ask her to hang out and act funny so she gets the idea that I know. I'll casually bring him up and see what she says. It does sound deliberate and if she really liked him I think she would've told me. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Likely that she would have, I suppose. Unless she was scared. That, however, is no excuse. Perhaps you can also drop the occasional comment about things you know. Make her really sweat. *evil grin* Then when she does tell you what happened you can ask her why she didn't tell you. That's really something that should have come from her, not him. Guys don't usually tell others that, unless you're talking about sexist pigs and their bragging and comments. Girls do that more often, unless I'm mistaken? - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Yes usually the only time guys talk about that is if they're bragging but he sincerely felt bad about it and disgusted because he doesn't find her attractive at all. It's funny that you should bring up sexist pigs lol ahem. I don't know why she would be scared because she knows how understanding I am. I think it's just her character because she slept with another friend's bf, well now x-bf. I just don't know what to think because I don't like to judge people and I try to be fair. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Sorry I didn't answer sooner. We had a power cut at work (ahem) and I was unable to answer then. Yeah, it's a hard situation. On one hand, you have the fact that this is your friend, and the other you have the fact that he was once your boyfriend. You're feeling betrayed, and it's totally understandable. Now you need to wonder what you feel for him, and if that's really a betrayal on your friend's part to want him. Does she still, or was it a once off? Are you okay that it happened? All that. - 4 months ago
You are in no way overreacting, what an awkward situation to be in. I'm in that awkward situation myself. I ended the relationship with my ex 3 years ago, have tried to keep a distance from him as we have the same friends. Now he is seeing one of my best friends, I have tried to be understanding, but the whole thing makes me feel weird, just weird.
You have every right to your feelings, don't forget that.
Yeah I would be pretty bothered by that. I think there is like an unwritten law that says that best friends and exes are no goes. Your not overreacting, you have every right to be slightly annoyed, after all that's your ex and best friends shouldn't be jumping into bed with your exes. Its like she's betrayed an element of trust in a way. But I'm just wondering, I know from your previous questions that you have a boyfriend, does he know about this? And does he know your annoyed? And mostly does he understand why? Im just wondering because I know a lot of guys wouldn't be able to understand why a girl would be annoyed about this. I think many would think you shouldnt care and just assume the worst. But that's just from what I understand of situations like this.
Yeah I've talked to him about it and he's shocked by her actions. He understands why I'm annoyed with it and thinks less of her than I do now lol thank you for understanding - 5 months ago
Answerer
Its really good that he understands. I know a lot of men wouldn't. As for me understanding, its ok, but I'm sure the majority of girls would. - 5 months ago
Question Asker
That's good I was worried that I was over reacting to it or being a drama queen lol - 5 months ago
Answerer
Nah your not. Your totally right to feel like that. - 5 months ago
Question Asker
Thank you, the funny part is that I found out from my ex, she hasn't mentioned it to me yet and I don't know how to bring it up to her or if I even should bother. - 5 months ago
Answerer
If you don't want to cause any arguments then I would say its best not to say anything. But if you think it would make thing better to talk about it then do. I would say just talk to her how you usually would with any other problem, after all she is your best friend. - 5 months ago
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I'm a pretty flexible girl, so really anywhere we could just hang out and have some fun would be fabulous. Ice skating or a carnival, maybe? NOT a movie on the first date, though; I need to get to know you, not sit next to you for 2 hours without speaking a word.(: I'd wear something I'd feel comfortable, pretty, and confident in; Jeans, a girly top, ballet flats, dangley earrings.
Afterwards..what will your date know about you?
Who knows?It just depends where the conversation goes.I'm pretty open, but I'm not going to spend hours and hours talking about JUST myself. (: Tell me about yourself, learn that I love to laugh and feel comfortable around everyone. Hopefully by the end of the date,you'd know my full name, and that I'm a Christian, and that I'm a loving, determined, and ambitious person. (:
