Did you ever care about someone when you were drunk but when you were sober you didn't seem to care for them at all?
This girl I was dating use to only tell me she cared when she was drunk. I got tired of it and we broke up. This weekend she texts me on at night and says "I just wish we didn't fight so much, you know? "
I'm guessing she was drunk at the time because it was about 130 am on sunday morning. I texted her back saying "I know" then she said she couldn't take us fighting anymore. I told her I always got upset because she never shared her feelings. Then she never texted me again. I told her to have a good night and still received no response. The next day I was a little worried that maybe something happened to her. So I texted her to just respond if she was ok and she did later. I asked her if she wanted to talk about last night or if anything was bothering her and she told me "nothing I'm fine"
I told her I still cared for her and that she could always call me if she needed someone to talk to or someone to hangout with.
She said "thanks I really appreciate that"
I'm finally coming to the conclusion that this girl just gets over emotional when she drinks. What puzzles me is if these feelings are real and just bottled up or they aren't real feelings they are just produced by alcohol. I'm starting to thing they aren't real at all.
To me she means a lot and I want her in my life. But, I know she doesn't want to be in a relationship and I don't really want to be in a relationship with her either.
If she truly cared and had strong feelings for you then she would be able to express and talk to you without being drunk. The face that she only texts you and expresses her feeling when she is drunk shows those feelings are that strong or not at all. You need to catch her when she is sober and talk to her. Tell her how you feel and explain to her how you feel about her and her drunk txts/calls.Then simple ask her. and tell her to think about it and asnwer honestly. Tell her you want to know does she have feelings for you, is there something between the two of you. If not that's fine you will walk away and end it. but if there is you want to pursue them.
Wait for her answer and be prepared for the worst. Who knows what she mind say being sober. if she does in fact tell you that she doesn't ahve feelings for you then tell her to STOP calling you and texting you when she is drunk and saying those things.hope this helps
She sounds like she has trouble emoting while sober. She probably has a lot of issues with expressing herself and alcohol is her only means to open up. Baring this, her feelings for you are real; but you shouldn't get any more involved. Investing emotions in her is a set up for disaster; it's like getting on a boat that you already know is leaky.
There's a reason some call alcohol "Truth Serum. " People tend to say things under the influence that they wouldn't have the guts to say when sober. Her feelings may indeed be sincere, but there also seems to be another issue that makes her hold back. When she opens up to you, she may just be in need of a friend and a listening ear. She doesn't want to be judged and/or propositioned based her booze induced conversations. If her drunken confessions began to get tiring, DO distance yourself. If you choose to be in her audience, then have an objective ear and don't read too much into it. Leave it at that.
Sounds like she has serious underlying issues as well as a drinking problem hun. She could be going through some problems that you're unaware of and that's clouding her sight of her feelings for you when she's sober. Alcohol opens a lot of doors and feelings as well as eliminates inhibitions that usually hide these feelings. I'd suggest just being there for her as a friend when she needs you and she may come around and find her feelings when she's sober.
You know you are exactly right. I have come to the conclusion that I just need to be true to myself. I know what she is doing may seem cruel, but I'm not one to be unkind. The girl means something to me. I know now that she does these things when she is drunk. I could just refuse to answer or just forget her, but I will continue to be there and offer my support when she asks for it. Thanks LilMiss - 9 months ago
Answerer
Anytime hun it's a pleasure to help=-) You're kindness won't go unacknowledged. It may take some time, but she'll realize it and appreciate it one day. - 9 months ago
I have more feelings when I'm drunk than when I am sober. in the past I remember only liking this one guy when I was drunk...thats bad I know.....and recently it happened again but for a different guy...haha....so maybe her feelings aren't real....but then again they say that drunk words are sober thoughts....so I don't know what the deal is.
Well what did you think about the guy when you were sober? - 9 months ago
Answerer
I didn't like him more than a friend. - 9 months ago
Question Asker
What kinds of things did you tell him when you were drunk? - 9 months ago
Answerer
I would just be like....you're so hot....we would make out and stuff.....haha.......but if I wasn't with him and I was texting him I would tell him I miss him..one time I even said I loved him and did he love me.....alot of stuff I regret. - 9 months ago
Question Asker
But did you mean it when you said it? she was crying on the phone to me confessing her feelings.Told me she wishes she was with me at that moment. She called her mother to come pick her up cause she was so upset.see she was suppose to go out with her friends but she didn't cause she was so upset.In a way I could see that she scared herself. felt such strong emotion that in frightened her. Is that possible? Could that make her want out of a relationship cause she is so afraid to get hurt again? - 9 months ago
Answerer
She may be scared to get hurt again. As for me. I'm not sure if I meant the things I said. I was drunk. But I know I felt good telling him nice things. Whatever that means. - 9 months ago
Well with the new info you provided, things do change a bit, your intuition is probably correct, it sounded like she was telling you things you wanted to hear, to keep you around. Your right I'm sure she remembered telling you, so maybe she was playing you a bit.
When you put it that way, no there was no ultimatum given to her, sounds like she says one thing but does another, actions speak louder than words so. So you do want to be with her then? Or do you?
No, I know I can't be with her if she is the way she is. On the other hand there is a piece of me that wishes she would change herself. If that were the case than maybe I would give it a shot. I am not counting on that to happen. She was the second person I slept with so I do care about her. I don't want to hurt myself but I like her and her family and I'm not the type of person to just let it go and forget it. - 9 months ago
Question Asker
I feel she was a special part of my life even if it was only a short period of time. She may not feel the same way and I don't want to force myself onto her. So all a person can do in this situation is let them know you care and
"Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. "-The Beatles - 9 months ago
Yes, you can do that, or you can just come right out and ask her what the deal is with how she feels, but I don't think that is really gonna get you anywhere, since you really don't want a relationship with her anyways, right? So skip out on asking her about her feelings, and just be there when she needs a friend.
I myself do not talk much about my feelings, and when I do drink it does make it a lot easier to talk about my feelings, I don't know why that is, it just is.
It sounds to me from her responses she's putting up her wall, not sure why other than she does like you, but it may be hard for her to let you know how much, so she's playing the tough girl act, "I appreciate it" " I'm fine" she's not gonna sit there and beg you to be with her, you broke up with her, right? So now she's putting up the defenses, putting up that wall, feelings aren't easy for everyone to talk about, and maybe the reason she never shared them was because she's tired of opening up to just be shut out later. Also was it like an ultimatum you gave her? Share your feelings or else? I mean what is it your trying to get her to talk about? You said yourself you don't really want to be with her, woman have this thing called intuition maybe she knows deep down you really don't want to be with her, so she does not feel it necessary to divulge any kind of info with you, especially feelings. Just my thoughts, keep me updated!
Well lets say I felt like I was being played. I felt like we were two dogs. I was tied down and had to stay in the yard, but she was aloud to roam free. She would tell me she cared when she drank and the next day she would say she didn't remember saying things. Which from my intuition I could feel she was lying a bit about not remembering. I eventually got tired and told her, I could no longer be in an "exclusive" relationship if she could not give me truth, honesty and committment. - 9 months ago
Question Asker
Now is that an ultimatum or is that just me knowing what I want? Her response was "regardless of my feelings" No take care. If a person does not want to commit there is nothing wrong with saying "I do not want to be in a committed relationship at the moment" but there is something wrong with her saying "Yes" and then having commitment issues - 9 months ago
There are a few sayings that go like this. If you want to know the truth then ask the drunk individual and the simpler version, a drunk person does not lie.
So lets start with the obvious, do /you/ want to be with her or not? You say she means a lot to you and you want her in your life but in the same breath you claim not wanting a relationship with her either. So what will it be?
Sounds to me like two individuals who have put up artificial walls to protect themselves and neither wants to take a chance. You said you'd give your life for love so go for it with everything you have and if she does not want a relationship then you need to accept that sometimes what we think is right for us may not be true but you must still move forward as the one is out there.
I have been trying. I don't know what else to do. - 9 months ago
Answerer
Move on... I know it is easier said than done but you can't make other people love you. You've tried and maybe both of you paths will cross again but it does not sound like it may work out right-now. - 9 months ago
I've never felt any different about someone drunk that I did sober but I knew a girl in college who was all over me when drunk but barley said two words to me when sober.
Okay, sounds an interesting question. Alcohol does lower inhibitions and stops people from bottling things up inside of themselves. It often makes them say what they really mean and what they really feel. If she didn't usually share these feelings with you (verbally, not whether she had the feelings or not) and did when drunk, it's likely she was feeling scared for some reason to share these feelings with you. It may be shyness, or it may be a fear that something may happen to hurt her when she shares them. Alcohol will take that fear away. So, I say give her space and time to find out what she really wants from life and love.
(Age:30 to 35)
When: 9 months ago
