I met a guy online from another country over 5 months ago. We really connected, flirted, even had phone sex several times. He would tell me he missed me, would end every text with XX's (kisses), etc. Well, he came to visit me for 2 weeks recently and it was a complete 180. We still got along great, talking and laughing for hours. But he treated me like a buddy and didn't touch me at all! I finally confronted him about how he was acting and he said that he liked me and was attracted to me, but that he didn't know about taking things to the next level because he lives so far away. He said if he lived closer, he would definitely want to be with me. He said he wanted to "see where things go". But, I felt like this was something we needed to figure out while we were together in person. He did kiss me once, but that was it physically. Then, he talked about coming back to see me in a few months so that we could take a trip for my birthday. Plus, he asked me how soon I could visit him.
I'm getting definite mixed signals! So is he interested or was he just giving me excuses? And if they were excuses, why is he already planning to visit again? In my experience, if a guy wants you, he isn't going to care about "complications". Since he's been home, he's back to calling and texting me all the time, just like before.
i believe he does like you...but maybe he doesn't want to rush into things so quickly, 5 months isn't a long time and since you live in different countries it would be difficult for a real relationship to work. If you really like this guy just give him time
I've been in the same boat--meeting an awesome guy online, talking constantly, some phone sex, even. And, yeah, it is indeed a tricky place to be! I sympathize very much, but... I also think that this guy has an extremely valid point. I know that I'm a bit of a romantic and an idealist, and I would hope that my fellow would just pack his bags and move closer, but it simply isn't as easy as that. Your guy is in another country! It is quite a risk to foster a relationship that is already very, very complicated to begin with. I think that he really is interested in you--or else, why would he bother mentioning coming to see you again? At the same time, you can't blame him for not wanting to complicate the fledgling relationship with an outpouring of physical affection or sex. He wants to be more sure about the long-term prospects for the relationship before committing to a long-distance relationship. LDRs are a lot of work, and to be frank, they often don't work out--and it's frustrating in retrospect thinking, "Darn, I should've known this distance was just too much and it wouldn't work out!"
In short, I think you should believe that he's telling you the truth. What can you do? What if you go visit him this next time? Paying him a visit yourself will show him that you're still interested and would be willing to put forth equal effort in beginning a more serious relationship. On the other hand, you could also decide that ultimately, you'd rather pursue other options and not be tethered to someone so far away, or that you'd rather not get your hopes up with this guy, and it wind up not working out. It just depends how much risk you are willing to take, how much faith you have in the relationship, how pragmatic or romantic you are, etc. That may not be very helpful, but it's a place to start. Consider that you've only met up in real life one instance. Weigh both the good and bad consequences of beginning a long-distance relationship or not.
I get the inclination, too, to think that, "Well, if he's torn up about all the complications between us, he obviously doesn't like me THAT much, for then he would just overlook them for me!" Relax, though. He's Just Not That Into You has ruined our minds. He seems to be smart, logical, and considerate (besides every other awesome attribute you might give him :) ). Be glad for that!
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