Ok here is the weird story. I transfered to a new work place about 4 months ago. Within the first few days I noticed a fellow co-worker (from a different department) was always staring at me. I thought he was cute so I began flirting with him. This went on for a couple of weeks until I found out he just got married. The specifics of this was he was dating this girl for three months and she was about to be deported so they went down to the civil hall and married. No wedding,they don't wear wedding rings,his or her parents have never met his new wife/husband and he went to work that night.
Well I stopped flirting with him but not talking to him. Then one day he came up to me and asked me if he was single would I date him. I answered that yes if he was single I would definitely date him. Well he added me to facebook and we started this very sexual flirting e-mail back and forth. Again I felt guilty and stopped the flirting within a few days but not talking to him at work (part of this is because of the nature of the job we have to talk).
He has been telling me that he's afraid his wife will go back to her country and never come back because he works too much. They are having sexual problems and money problems and he is indicating to me he wants to split with her. He says he made a mistake but he's having a hard time explaining this to his wife. She does not want to give up. In the meantime he has been asking me some personal questions and we have been really clicking on a personal level. I have found that we have a ton in common. Well he left for two weeks to go back to see his parents. His wife did not go (which is weird in itself as wouldn't you want to meet your new in-laws) so I told him it was a good time to reflect on what he wants. Our relationship has now gotten passed the point of just friendly flirting to really wanting to date.
I have reminded him more than once that I will not date him unless he was single and he keeps telling me he's working on it. He has been very respectful and has never indicated that he wants to have sex with me while being married. In the meantime I have been dating because I was unsure on weather this is an attention thing for him. He recently changed his profile pic on facebook to both of them as a couple (which I'm not sure whether it was on the prompting of his wife as it was 2 days before he left to go back home) but yet when his wife leaves him cute little messages he erases them. No one elses.
I'm so confused. Does anyone think that this guy used me to get some attention or do you guys think he's really serious about starting something with me after he's single? He comes back in about 4 days and I'm really nervous. I wish I could just forget about him but it is very difficult. I've never clicked with anybody like this or dreamed I'd be in this situation.
BAIL I must disagree with some of the other answers listed. The man has proven that he is a lying cheat. He has shown you that he is not faithful. He has made it clear that he is not what you want in a husband.
Let's look at the evidence.
1) He was flirting with you, while being married. -sure the marriage didn't mean anything, but she was his girlfriend, and this is still a no-no.
2) He has let a workplace relationship grow -Nothing says INSECURE like a person latching on to a co-worker.
3) He married a random girl to keep her in the country. -He is stupid, he risked his financial future, and his reputation to this foreign chick that he was uncertain about. Sounds more manipulative than like a "Knight in shining armor"
4) He is still involved with his wife. -Face it, you are being used. If he really wanted to leave his wife for you, he would have. Right now he is still following her every wish and still her slave. If he needed to leave her, he would have stopped being so complacent.
I heartily agree. He's not worth your time, no matter how much you seem to 'click'. Find a dude who isn't married. I know it sucks and is tough, but definitely chunk the deuce with this fool. Doesn't sound like he's good husband material in the least. - 9 months ago
I don't think this guy is using you. Usually if married guys are looking for a fling type thing they'll say all of the things he did but they'd move in for the sex. This guy sounds pretty genuine but I wouldn't necessarily count on him breaking up. Listen, is it wrong? I don't know, but I will say this. You're heart has gotten really involved so don't put your heart into this guy only to have it fall through. Tell him that you can't keep doing this if he's still married. Should you forget about him? No. But keep your distance and see what he does. If he remains married then no harm done, you're able to move on, but if he divorces her, then by all means proceed. Don't count on him divorcing her because you don't ever want to put all of your faith into something that is uncertain especially his word. He's a guy, not God, he said, "I'm considering divorcing her. " CONSIDERING is like MAYBE and that's like 50/50. My advice? Move on, get your heart out of this and if it was meant to be, it will happen, if not, then you can move on without being heart broken. I know it's a pity and he seems like a really great guy but come on you can't plan your life around this guy, remember, you still have things to do yourself. You still have your life to live and accomplishments to obtain. He is a PART of your life, he's not your LIFE. Stand up, grab your boobs, and say,"I am a women, I'm stronger than this, this isn't like me. " You can get on with your life just fine without him, you've gotten this far right? :)
I think it's absolutely funny how girls find out a guy is taken or married and still try and pursue, or think about waiting for the guy. Are you really that desperate? Are there no other guys in the world? If you wait, you are in a lose/lose situation. Chances are, you're just a booty call for this guy. If not, do you really want a guy who will just swap girls like that? Get a clue. If he will do this to his current wife or girlfriend, he will do it to you. You're not that special that he will stop for you. GIRLS, LISTEN! If you think that your prince charming is with another girl, HE'S NOT YOUR PRINCE CHARMING!
I agree with Jarett. A guy who got married when he had serious doubts sounds like a guy who does not have his head together. I would let him go cause if you have this much trouble (and baggage) now imagine what it would be like during a relationship with him. - 9 months ago
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When: 9 months ago
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