Are young people afraid of REALLY being in love?

Quite opposite. People our age are over eager to be in love. Even if they don't know what love is, they need and want to be in it.

You sound like a nice guy. It isn't the drugs, the jerks, or party boys Thsr attract girls. It's the confidence these guys either have or give the impression they have. A shy guy is just that, shy. You might be very confident as the case seems to be, but it isn't showing. What is showing? Your shyness. It's ok to be shy. It's just gonna take more effort for you to show your confidence than for the aforementioned.

Women, because they're pretty, smart, or even sweet, doesn't mean they know what they want. They will eventually, and some already do, but it seems to only be the extremes. They either want to be with a guy to marry soon or they want to be someone who isn't looking forward to any future.

Maybe for a girl to be with you, she feels to much pressure and not enough option. Does that make sense? Maybe they feel they can't JUST date you because you are the serious type. Serious type in that, if they go out with you, they feel as if you are gonna want them to settle down quick. As if your going to put more meaning into the relationship before they can even figure what the relationship means to them. They might feel like they don't want that kind of responsibility. And most of the time they do. They just want to feel like it's THEIR decision.

Also, we have all our lives to live by the rules. We are young. We are still able to get away with bit following the rules. At some point we can't and won't. "why start following rules now if we can put it off 'till later?", is the attitude. And I have to agree. EVERYONE is going to have to settle down, stop going to partys, work 9-5, have children and be responsible. So why not enjoy the lack of those responsibilities while we can? It's like saying, why go home early to our nice, warm, safe, comfortable homes early when we can play outside and don't have to be home for another 5 hours? You my friend, are the "the home." We all eventually have to go them. They are dependable, safe, a place where we always end up at the end of the day. But why go "home" sooner than we have to? I think that's a lot of the mentality the most people our age, and women in respect to the type of guys they go after at this age.

The good thing is, they come around. Sadly, not all of them. Some get trapped by the "party guy" because they get pregnant and feel they can't leave. Some move in together and feel they HAVE to stay with the "no goals for himself -guy" because they have no where else to go. No other apartment and don't want to move back home. It easy moving in, hard moving out.

But there are those that realize, that's not what they want for themselves. They deserve better. That's definitely not the guy to raise a family with or rely on. The jock is fat now with a beer belly with no real prospects. The druggie and partier, same. THAT'S when "home" starts sounding like a good place to be.

i guess all our answers will be quite personal..or not
i want to be in love, I want a boyfriend someday but I guess I'm also at the same time fearing any emotional bonding to anyone because I think it will damage my academic career if I get attached to anyone at the moment-so I don't know. love and relationships take investment of time and effort.

Im 19 and no I'm not afraid of being in love I was more afraid of never finding true love because I was in such bad relationships before being emotionally abused and all of that. But now that I found the guy that I'm so madly in love with an with how happy everything is it really don't make any sense to me why people would be afraid of such a great thing that makes you feel complete and happiness above all happiness you ever had before. I mean we can all fall in Lust and it looks and feels just like love but when things get rough usually one person or even both just call it quits. and for that very reason I think some people can be afraid of love because they misunderstood there real emotions, they think that's whatlove is when things get rough the person leaves but that's not true love at all. true love is being there no matter what happens, wanting to be with that person all the time, missing them even if they are gone from your side just a minute, being so close that you are practicly one because you know and love each other so deeply and honestly. If you have that you have love and with real love you have nothing to fear.

Define love? High school (and most college aged individuals) have a very skewed view of what love really is. To them it's selfish and possessive. I don't believe it to be the butterflies, or the inability to sleep at night. I believe love comes softly. It'll often hit you when you least expect it, and often in ways that aren't necessarily uber romantic.

I figured out I was falling in love with my boyfriend when I was reading a book. Just a random book about psychology. Nothing special. But then It just hit me! I realized how much I cared for him, that I was protective of his well being. How I enjoyed just being around him, learning his story, the way I felt at home in his arms, supporting one another, and how he inspires me to be a better person; my heart was just full. Seeing him get along with my father (who had never approved of any other guy) was the clencher. I put down my book and cried. Genuine tears of happiness. I'd prayed for that feeling all my life, and found it in a guy that I went to high school with... one that I had always swore was "just a friend".

Love comes softly.

The kind of love we seen in movies is commercialized, and leads to divorce and unhealthy relationships. It is fleeting, and based on lust. Real love does have passion, but it is full of understanding, patience, hope, and faith. It's not easy, but as a team you work at it together. Kids today are so worried about getting their feelings crushed, that they don't make themselves emotionally vulnerable; something necessary to finding a true and honest love.

You need to toughen up, you're being too nice to the girls so you're stuck in the friend zone. just be more assertive and selfish-do your own thing and don't try to please other people.

If you wait to have sex til marriage, that's your business but frankly the only way to lose your "nice" label is to lose your virginity! I'm not being disrespectful but kissing alone is boring. and I don't see the point of just oral sex/fingering-you might as well just sex too. start drinking to get some dutch courage! I don't know where you live but you're just a goody two shoes! Do you not want to rebel a bit? Don't do drugs but honestly drinking alcohol and having sex is normal! How long do you want to wait to have sex? Til you're 30 or something? Like what if you never meet a girl you want to marry. And you're never going to get a girlfriend unless you start kissing girls! The girl you liked wanted the party guy cos he's fun and frankly you don't sound like fun. You sound insecure. You need more confidence asap!

When I read your question, I honestly thought it was ridiculous. Young people aren't looking for love-just fun. I mean, who you meet in your late teens/20s is hardly going to be someone you'll marry most of the time so have fun. Well maybe some people are looking for love at this age but I think that's a mistake-youre too immature to even comprehend what love is. What's the rush to fall in love? Start dating and see where it goes. Start socialising more and take up hobbies where you can meet girls. Girls in their 20s will not go for the nice guy! So toughen up or just not get girls in ur 20s! Sure you'll get them in ur 30s but do you want to wait that long? Thought not. Just date girls in ur 20s and then settle down in ur 30s.

Hm... when I look at my friends (all around the age of 20), most of them don't have a relationship, and most of them never had either. Some don't want to, but others, like me, just have a hard time finding someone.

I got bullied at school from grade 5 until I graduated, and most guys just called me ugly. (I'm no super model, but I'm okay looking to cute, so I didn't know their deal. They just thought I was a swot, maybe.)
For me, it is really hard to open up 100% to someone. And even if I do, something goes wrong (like maybe I opened up too much) and this guy will not like me the way I like him. I don't blame it on them, I just have a hard time dealing with people. And I believe that nowadays lots of girls and guys around my age made similar experiences. And of course, the longer you wait and the more often you get hurt, the harder it becomes.

A second point is that some of us are just really devoted to their studies, as it is getting harder and harder to find a job. So we don't really have time to go out and meet new people. And as for me, even if I meet a great guy, he will be busy as well! (That's what makes him great - being devoted to his studies.)

I did fall in love with nice guys before - but it never worked out.
Some of them never made a move.
And sometimes I felt like I needed someone who was a bit more assertive to cover up for my insecurities, which is of course not the right way.

So yes, I want to be in love, but I don't know with whom and how.

First off..great question! and again, a genuine trend that I have noticed.
Of course, I have a simplistic way of looking at it perhaps..but I Have been in love, and I know how that sting of rejection feels. So whatever I feel will follow now :)

I think most people these days want something magical, something beautiful, something which makes them feel that their lives have something unique, that they have something strong and unique. This is why, they want to believe themselves to be in love. Love has become an "in" thing now,as it were. Love had also meant sex at a point of time, but even without getting into that right now, love is seen as a sort of exchange-you love me this much,show me,what can you do for me, can you get me into this and this concert, will you come to this party with me, and so on.
This is because we are living in a material age, and that means, material things matter alot, and so love has become a material force of attraction. Something based on utility, as Aristotle would say.

People are afraid of the rejection, if they actually open up their hearts and feel true love..they might be laughed at,so they go with the flow

You seem to be someone who really knows what love is and are waiting for the right person for you someone who will accept all that you have to give without demands and give you all her love without asking for anything in return.
YOu DO maybe scare them off-but it isn't because of who you are, it is because their psychology is different-they are scared to show who they are..

True love has become not the union of souls and well,even if we don't look Platonically(read up Plato's notion of love..its not what it has come to mean) , it is not the genuine care and regard a person can feel for another one.
Its become an acquired property to show off.

I am sorry that I have put it all in Crude terms, but it is disturbing
Hope you get what I have written
:)

i was terrified to be in love, but there was no one that ever made me consider love until I was 19. I met my current bf, and I called our relationship friends with benefits for such a long time, because I didn't want to accept that it was more. he finally got me to settle down and call myself his gf... I went kicking and screaming though.. I think I was scared of falling in love with someone that didn't love me... so I made sure he loved me until I let myself fall... and when I finally did, I fell hard, and I couldn't be happier.

I think the tough part about being ready for love is that finding somebody in the same place in life, who is as ready as you are, is difficult and rare. That can be due to all sorts of things such as age, career goals, recency of another relationship, etc. People often think they are ready, when they are really just lonely. Ultimately, I think love is often something that sneaks up on you at a time when you least expect it, aren't looking for it, perhaps do not even want it; if given proper patience, it goes in the right direction, and turns into love. However, without patience it might simply never happen because it starts to feel distressing... initially dating somebody is wonderful, yet stressful, as there are all sorts of unknowns that one has to deal with initially as you get to know the other person.

I met my boyfriend at a time when I was determined not to date, was uninterested in a relationship as I felt that I had other goals to achieve first. He was recently out of a relationship and not wanting to jump right into the next one. We met and got along very well, and started dating, but we took our time with it, it was very casual and fun; I sometimes wondered where I stood, but I decided not to pressure it and just go with the flow. I think if either of us had jumped into acting too serious about the other, the other would have gotten scared and backed off. But we just let things progress naturally, and eventually it led somewhere wonderful... and we couldn't be happier today; I am so thankful I met him and consider him an irreplaceable part of my life.

i think that there are very few young people who fall in love. I don't really think that this is due to being afraid but because to truly love someone you have to commit yourself to them fully and I don't think you can do that unless you're 100% sure of who you are as a person. being a teen and in the years beyond, you're in a constant state of change, of becoming your own person.

im 20 and had to grow up fast due to life circumstances so I think that I'm pretty sure of who I am as a person. I am personally afraid to fall in love because I'm scared of losing someone else that I would obviosuly care very deeply for and I don't think I could handle that this stage of my life.

I have the same problem with guys. I don't want to go out with someone just for the sake of having a boyfriend. I want a more serious relationship. Most people - guys and girls- either aren't ready for a serious relationship, or they rush into "love".
But not all people.

You just need to find the right person.

I'm not AFRAID of love. I think love just HAPPENS. Doesn't matter how much you have in common with the person, or how nice they are, or how well they treat you... I mean, if someone is really sweet to me, I will love them in a friendly way, and respect them, but... as far as boyfriend material, I can't force myself to fall in love.
It's like a sixth sense, a vibe, some sort of chemistry between two people.
If it happens, great. If not - nothing you can do.
I think love mostly occurs in one-sided situations. To fall in love with someone who ALSO falls in love with you is rare. Good luck, don't give up. :)

Well, my boyfriend is one of the popular guys at my school who is basically good at everything..(sports, academic, music, art etc) and doesn't do drugs. I have know him for about 8years, and I liked him for a while before I even went to his school, so its not like I am only dating him for social reasons..
But I was always scared to fall inlove because I didn't want to get hurt :( Unfortuanatly, he broke up with me which broke my heart, but then he realized how much he needed me and loved me so we got back together a couple days later (: But when your in love, sometimes you just can't help that (:
One day a girl will come along, who loves you for YOU and who you love too (: Wait for that girl, do what feels right, and don't follow the 'crowd' who only date for social reasons.

I hope everything goes well for you!
Goodluck and hope this helps! (:

"girls feel paranoid to even hang around with you"...feels like myself. I acted more active and confident and humorous and girls at least started to look at me. So...try it out...

Afraid? No, I'd mostly welcome it with open arms. Everyone has got to love someone.

I don't have to write an essay to say that being in love sucks.

Young people today have less respect for love, because the newest generation is consistently optimistic.

Ok I just had my long ass answer deleted.

Summary: I'm a shy guy too and my current relationship is my first, it started near the end of my senior year in highschool and it's almost been 1 year. Us shy guys have to initiate because if we wait around for the girls to do so then we'll lead a lonely life majority of the time.

just by the title of this one I can tell you what you just asked was a total duh if I ever saw one.
young people and love...are you kidding we have no idea what we're thinking half the time all we are doing at the beganing is just figuring out who we are,what we want in others and just having fun going with the flow really. honestly we have no idea what love is. we try to understand it. we fail repeat fail but we keep trying. honestly I think we build on ruines of our old relationships which we rebuild our selfs for a better tomorrow. basically we need expirect be for we fully comite to someone for life. which some marriages don't last in the first place we need to get the courioisty out of the way and get bored of one night stands and empty beds in the morning.

and my idea of love is : going to sleep with someone knowing they will be there in the morning and to make passionate love one day and fight the next day over the stupidest things yet still loving them at the end of it as you say sorry even know you we're right in the first place and you know it.

I've been in love from my 14 till my 18: it was as stupid as one can be at that age.
I've been in love from my 20 till eternity: it was and is heaven.
Any other question? ;-)

yes some are because it hurts and some are because they are gone through the pain and flirting is fun and no pain

I don't think its that young people are afraid of love its that they aren't ready for it yet. Most people at that age don't want that serious loving relationship because they haven't become serious with their lives yet. The problem is that people like you and me know what they want in a relationship, but can't find anyone who is at the same level as us.

I would only recommend to stop looking for it and stop trying to define it. Just live your life as you do, and if you are happy and content with yourself, let love find you...and not the other way around.

Just from me watching and talking to my friends, I think young people are divided. Some want to be in love and want nothing more. Then others just wanna party and have fun, sometimes at other peoples expenses. Sometimes it depends on the maturity level and things like that. The reason young relationships last for such a short time is because people are scared to get hurt

Sound like a "best answer" worthy? Maybe? I'm just saying :)

I think the best answer to your questions would come in the form of real world experience. It's one thing to have a crush on someone, but it's something entirely different to be in a relationship.

Google "cocky funny" for a good technique in approaching women and getting dates.

Ultimately remember one thing, what's the worst thing that can happen if you ask a girl out and she says no? Are you going to die? Will every other girl look down upon you for the rest of your life? No. It's never anywhere near as bad as you build it up in your mind to be.