Will he change for good and for me?

probably not he's been who he is for so long
i don't think he will change

Sorry but he won't change. If he really wanted to, he wouldn't be in and out of jail. While in jail he has a lot of freetime, he's going to bs you and say that he loves you, you mean the world to him and try to forgive him. Reality once he gets out he'll soon forget all that grief and go back to his old ways, leaving you out in the cold

The reality of the situation is that he HAS to change for himself first. If he can't care for himself, it will be very difficult for him to care for you. Maybe some time by himself will help him to put the whole situation into perspective. If he is going to mature... only time will decide!

The way I undserstand gang life is you never leave it. Very few gangs let their members leave or leave penalty free. They almost always have a beat-in or a beat-out ritual beating. Some gangs though have a culture that never leaves the individual. Believe it or not it's a form of honor as weird as that sounds. Make no mistake people... men live by their honor. Sometimes that's all a man has that keeps him going.

What can you do for him? Pray. Encourage him to leave. By that I mean he needs to move away and not return. Go someplace where he is not known and start totally over. New friends. New live completely.

It's like trying to quit using drugs... but still running with the drug users you were running with while you were using drugs. It will never work until he is away from the life style completely.

At least that's how I see it.

Hon. He is in a lifestyle that comes ahead of you. Make no mistake about it... his gang status will be part of YOUR life forever more if you stay with him. And you might as well get used to visitation day and carrying his babys up to see him.

He's not going to change that for you or anybody else. You MIGHT think he would have changed it to stay OUT of jail but he didn't did he? And from what you say he had a chance at some point.

You need a hard bite of reality girl. You AIN'T that good a woman to make a guy change like that and quit thinking you are. He's NOT that strong a man (boy really... he's just a boy) to make that kind of change for you. At least the percentages say he is not cause fewer than 1 in a thousand do.

Take off the rose colored glasses and get over your Bad Boy infatuation. That or start living the reality that ALL the grief you are going to suffer around this looser is your OWN doing because you just HAD to have the excitement of a bad boy.

That's your choice and you BETTER be grown up enough to accept those consequences because they are coming your way whether you want them or not.

No guy will change for you by your actions. It has to come from him and within. You cannot change a guy.

It depends on if he really honostly loves you, I really loved my girlfriend and I changed a lot for her. I was a bad boy too in a way, I would fight, smoke green, etc. after we have been together for a while she asked me to change those certain things in my life and for I stopped all that and now I'm in college for her but in the end if he really loves you then he will change.

There was a time when I would do anything for a girl that looks as sweet as you but I'm older now and taken. He's criminal and probably always will be, sweety. He's never going to change.

Nope.

Plus your problem is the same problem Rhianna had with Chris... you've romanticized this idea of "LOVE" but you've neglected the one person who counts the most. You.

Would you want your beautiful little sister waiting for her "bad boy" boyfriend to get out of prison? No, you'd tell her to start respecting herself more, and to raise her god damn standards.

Why aren't you doing the same for yourself?

Learn that YOU MATTER, and that there are a million other men worth getting to know, when you open your eyes to the world.

I wish you luck, because you deserve better.

~ Robby

my advice... run run fast as you can

my sister was in your situation. she waited for him. she's now married to an abusive druggie. if you stop to think with your head you'll realize that someone like that is not husband or father material and you will leave. end of story.

Will he change? Possibly.

What's important to me, however, is if he's changing _now_. Is he doing things differently today than he was doing things last month? Is he setting goals and working towards them?

Anyone can _say_ that they'll change ... that's easy. But if he changes his behavior is the true test.

Good luck!

He will say anything when he is lonely in prison Girl!. Tell him to change first really change and you'll be ale to tell if its something you want to invest YOUR life in.

You know what? Most people have already told you what they think. This guy is bad news. You are trying to get people to say that he will change. He won't. People have told you this and there is nothing more to say. Either you leave him and have a chance at a good life, or you stay with him, continue to make excuses for him, continue to try convincing yourself that he is not that bad, and end up miserable. It is your choice. No one can tell you anything more.

You need to get as far away from this relationship as possible. He will never change for you he has to change for himself. I do believe he loves you and you love him but unless HE wants to give up that life style he will never change and there is nothing you can say or do to convince him. He has to want a better life for himself. DO NOT become his babys mama! You will end up raising the child on your own because unless he changes his life for himself he will always be in and out of jail or worse DEAD. You deserve way more in life than that. If you walk away now and he does clean up his act then you could give it another chance but until then it is best for you to get out now. I would tell him that you don't want that kind of life and that if he truly wants to change that his actions will speak louder than his words and when he has his life turned around you can then consider the possibility of a committed relationship with him. If he truly love you and wants to change he will understand your point of view. This doesn't mean that you can't still support him in making these changes you just need to take a step back from the situation until you know things will be different. Good Luck!

I know a guy who was in a gang.He stopped only when he went to jail and realised how many people he was hurting.He is now studying to be a lawyer so it kinda gives you an idea of how much he changed.But he changed when he was"done" . He was done with all the f*uck he had to go through, he was done with everything he was doing that was wrong. He didn't change because someone told him to.He changed for himself because he knew he had to, not because he wanted to please everyone.There's a difference between saying and doing.Even if your boyfriend loves you with all of his heart,it doesn't mean he will necessarilly change ,thats something you have to see and look at for yourself.You have to see that change and not just take his word for it.

He can't change for anyone but himself. Otherwise, it's not genuine and he'll eventually resent the person that he did it for. Support him, and (hopefully) he should want the change bad enough... for himself. But the man is incarcerated, and for a good reason. That should be a sign. It should be an AUTOMATIC deal breaker. I can't believe you'd do that to yourself. I don't care what they say about "family" and protecting each other, the entire purpose is malicious and it tears apart communities. I hope you get your head on straight and find out a solution... and fast.

they will change a little and there is always the chance if he loves you as much as you say. My Ex was like that not with the jail thing with other stuff sadly he didn't change though but mostly because I was tryin to change him... basically if he loves you that much and he knows what he's doin is hurting you he will change for you just hang in there

its wrong to change anyone you should be with him for who is is not tryin to change him because he will never really be that person you want him to be xx

You obviously care a lot about this guy and I'm sorry that you are in such a tough situation.

I think you should be careful. Even though this guy loves you and wants to be a good person for you, he doesn't seem to be able to follow through. If I were you, I would pay more attention to what this guy DOES than what he says. The tattoo is a sweet gesture, but it is just a gesture. What this guy should be doing to prove he is worthy of you, is getting a job, leaving the gang, and getting friends who are good guys--the kind that you would want to be around your kids when you have them.

If your boyfriend is still in a gang, then he isn't going to change. As long as he is in the gang, he is going to be pressured to do bad things by the other people in the gang.

Also, you said that he has been in prison before. He had an opportunity to change last time he was sent to prison. In my opinion, he might love you, but he loves his bad-boy lifestyle more, because he keeps getting into trouble and he stays in the gang rather than improving himself for you.

So, my advice is, move on. He would not be in the gang and he would not be in jail for a second time if he wanted to change. I can tell you that I know women who have chosen to stay with guys like your boyfriend, and they have had hard, painful lives so far. Ask yourself what will happen to you if you do go ahead and have kids with this guy and he is sent back to jail. What will you do when your kids want to join the gang like their dad? How will you enjoy your relationship when you are constantly worrying about your guy getting into trouble? What if he starts treating you badly like a lot of gang guys? Good luck.

Honestly he's NOT going to change. You can't change anyone. You can only change yourself. You deserve so much better. You even said yourself he is badboy. The longer you spend with him, the less chance you have of meeting any decent guy and he WILL drag you down with him. Why would you want to date someone in a gang? What if he got you involved in crime and/or violence and you got caught? Would you want to end in jail or have that on your permanent record. Please don't have his child-he can't even take care of his own life let alone look after and provide for a child.

If I were you, I would break up with him asap and get on with your life. You're not the one in jail, he is so let him serve his time and do whatever the hell he wants after that. Just not with you.