I am training for a triathlon and sometimes the men at the pool I go to hit on me and it makes me very uncomfortable. I am just there to swim, not to make small talk or get a date (ugh! ). I don't want to be rude, but it seems like there isn't anything I can say to make them leave me alone. I end up feeling annoyed and forced to swim through my workout quickly in order to avoid conversation. What do I say to make it known that I want to be left alone?
thats 1 of the chances in life you take going somewhere half naked (given a bathing suit, but still showing a lot of skin) with both sexes. either go to a single sex pool or ladies' swimming night or put up with it. you choose to go there knowing full well what will happen. don't blame it on them.
So you're pretty much saying that men can't control themselves and women have to suffer the consequences? - 4 months ago
Answerer
Its not really an answer you were looking for, but if you look at most things in life with similar situations, a lot of the time it works out the same as I said. Yes some men can control themselves, but on the other side, no, a lot of them cant. It might suck, but its life. It would b nice if it were all peaches n cream, but sad to say that's not life. What I gave is a real interpretation of how a lot of men think and possible alternatives. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
"Yes some men can control themselves, but on the other side, no, a lot of them can't. It might suck, but its life" So we just have to "put up" with men that can't control themselves? That's the same thing as saying that rape is the woman's problem because the man can't control himself. You seem to wash your hands of the the "fact" that there are some men who can't help themselves and that women have to suck it up and deal with it. That is BS. It's chauvinistic and a pure machista outlook. - 4 months ago
Answerer
comparing getting hit on at a pool to getting raped is a far cry and laughable. if i got punched in the face every time i went to the grocery store, guess what. i wouldn't go to that grocery store anymore.
whats a definition of insanity? doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result. well i gave you different alternatives, and you seem like a bright girl, I'm sure you could think of a few more by your lonesome. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
No, it is not "a far cry and laughable". You yourself said that some men can't control themselves and that women have to deal with it. That is exactly the same thing that rapists and machistas say. You're also saying that if a woman feels uncomfortable somewhere she should leave instead of defending her right to feel comfortable in that place. That is the definition of insanity. You didn't give me any "alternative", just chauvinist comments that are completely sympathetic to obnoxious men. - 4 months ago
Answerer
fact is thats how society seems to be most of the time like it or not. you can choose to do something about it or you can whine on a message board. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Wow, so if you deemed my (very reasonable) question so to be mere "whining", then why did you even feel the need to write a response? It is a shame that you believe that it's a "matter of fact" that men can't control themselves. And, yes, I am "choosing to do something about it". I'm taking advice from people who left real responses to my question. - 4 months ago
Obviously you're not saying the right thing. If you're that into your training for the a triathlon then "F**K off" should work well. If you don't want to be that blunt, then try "can't talk, I'm training". If you're going to the same pool then give it a few days and the word will get around.
If they persist, you can't really help but tell them to stop being so forward. Just be honest. You don't necessarily have to be rude right? What have you said to them so far? Have you tried just explaining to them that you're not looking for anything in particular right now? I suppose sometimes that doesn't work as I have dealt with a very persistent and forceful person recently myself. However, I really had to lay all of my cards down and tell him GAME OVER for him to truly stop bugging the heck out of me and he eventually moved onto someone else.
Just give them the cold shoulder. Do not contribute much to the conversation, but at the same time, try not to seem really rude. Let them know why you're there.
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