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mumone1

Is he trying to hook up again or what?

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mumone1 (Age:25 to 29)     When: 5 months ago
Views: 50     Category: Behavior
I saw this guy I used to hook up with the other night. Things ended badly between us, found out he had a girlfriend while we were messing around. I tried to avoid him, but suddenly, there he was in back of me. He invited me to a show he's in. Then, he texted my friend and invited her. I feel like he invited my friend to give me more incentive to go (he hardly knows my friend, but knows we hang out a lot). I feel it is strange that he extended this invitation given how things ended between us. Is he trying to hook up again or what?

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SoundingBoard (Age:30 to 35)      When: 4 months ago
Yes, he may have calculated that you would feel more compelled to go by inviting your friend, but there are probably a few possible motivations. He may want to hook up with you again to see how much he can assert himself on you. Unless he is the master of concealment and living a double life, one might believe you didn't really know him that well when you consented to hooking up previously without having a committed relationship. In hooking up somewhat blind to other parts of his life, you set a fairly low bar for him to step over and even though you bucked him when you learned he had a girlfriend, he may still have the impression you might be eased back into messing around.

He's a guy. Guys like to feel powerful and verile. You were a discrete but available channel for those feelings so yes, obviously he would like to hook up again. I doubt he's out benevolently trying to build interest in performance art with the general public...

If you find yourself avoiding him with anxiety and he feels confident in approaching you and getting your close friend's cell number, you need to assess just how you left things. Moreover, you need to decide what you want to be. If you just enjoy being that primal channel for him or other guys without deep connection or commitment, should you really be upset with him for not being exclusive for you? Is it reasonable that you should suddenly take a moral stand? Casual sex is just that. Either celebrate the free spirit you want to be without judging others or calmly commit to becoming another kind of person, learning form your experience without spite.
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Question Asker That is really good advice. I initially looked at him as a rebound to get over my ex (had a traumatic break up after five years) but I started to like him. I regret never telling him what my needs were because I think we could have been good friends. I feel like he was starting to like me, which I think is why I feel so bad about it. If my instincts were wrong about him liking me, my instincts suck.
You're right that I shouldn't be mad about him having a girlfriend, and I wish I could tell him how I fee - 4 months ago
 

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