Lets say you(31) were five years older than a guy(26 and you had children and the guy didn't. However, you liked the guy. Would you prevent the fact that he didn't have children and that he was younger than you prevent you from dating him and seeing If the relationship could work regardless of the kids and the age difference? Would you be afraid that he would want children of his own one day and leave you or would you be afraid that he might want someone his own age?
The thing about children are, is that when you are married, your partners needs come before yours, when they have kids then the kids come first then spouse then you. Age only matters when you are under age. some of the best marriages I have seen where ten years apart. The important part is if the kids will be loved. Will the kids come first for you too, like you were their real parent. and will you still meet your spouses needs. that's what you need to look at for this relationship. if its a yes, then you need to prove, and assure your partner that it will work.
I don't have kids or anything, but being the product of divorced and remarried parents, you do pick up on a few things.
A 31 year old single mom has less margin for error. She is long on responsibilities and short on time. Security is probably her main focus, and normally she'd think of older, more established guys for that. It makes sense that she'd hesitate about spending her limited time and energy on a younger guy. But the younger guy might have a chance if he seemed really stable and loving and loyal (and if he got along well with her kids, and seemed capable of loving them, too. ) If you think you qualify on all those points, maybe it's worth trying to convince this girl to give you a chance. But if you have doubts, it's probably best for her (and for you) to move on. That's my two cents. Good luck!
I agree with you, but that shouldn't be the case. A woman whose main focus is security in a relationship tells me that she's afraid of the relationship ending badly and that's negative thinking. Imo, a women's main focus shouldn't be security because to me that's more of a long term thing than a short term thing. Sure, when you first meet a guy, it may look(at the beginning) like she will have security, but people change overtime. - 7 months ago
Answerer
A single woman with no kids in her 20's should be a less concerned about security and more focused on having fun, taking some risks, and finding her ideal mate at some point. But a 31 year old single mom is an entirely different story. She NEEDS to focus on security, for herself and her child/children. She doesn't have the luxury of taking (more) risks and going out with lots of cool, interesting guys. That's just reality. Try to see it from her perspective. And good luck, again! - 7 months ago
If he likes you too, I'd go for it. There's no point in wondering what could have been. One day he might want children, but if he really loves you he'd stay around rather than leave you. Plus, you already have kids and he might eventually think of them as his own. That is, if everything works out. Which I hope it does:) Hope this helped.
It's all hypothetical (especially since I don't have kids) but I wouldn't think so. It's stereotypically the guy who seems to take issue with single moms, so if I were in that situation I would definitely be cautious and vigilant for those types of cues. But it still wouldn't preclude me from dating a guy who was either younger or without kids of his own. Once you get to a certain point, it's less about numbers and more about compatibility anyway.
So what you are saying is that you would at least give it a try and take it slow. You see, I was talking to this girl and she likes me but doesn't even want to give me a try cause of age and the fact that I don't want to have children. She is coming from a divorce in which her husband abused her verbally and physically so I guess she has trouble trusting guys now, so I guess in her second relationship, she wants security as a main focus, so she wants to select the guy who she feels will not leave - 7 months ago
Answerer
Yes I suppose that's what I'm saying. I tend to approach everything with a level of caution, but I still approach it if you get me.
If she's fresh out of an abusive relationship, she's going to be incredibly scarred. And she's not going to be keen on taking chances, unfortunately. Abuse can cloud your judgment and views on the world like nothing else. All I can suggest is that you be her friend as much as possible, until she realizes that you're worth taking a chance on. - 7 months ago
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