Can he ever forgive me to hang out?

Well...I kinda hate to say it but you were being a bit selfish by assuming that you would be a complication in his life, "I couldn't be with him 2 many things were complicated in my life , I'm not selfish so I chose not to be a complication in his." You never mentioned that his life was complicated, just yours.

As far as being being good friends again, if it's possible at all, it will be very hard, plus it will never and I mean never be like it once was. Speaking as a guy, I've had really good girl friends of mine who decided to walk out of my life for one reason or another, including a friend that I had had literally since diapers, it was for the most stupid reason too. I've had girls who have tried to come back into my life as friends after walking out. Thing is, they try to be all apologetic and get our friendship back to where it was before they left, similar to you. About us guys (at least some of us anyways), we can get very attached to our friends who are girls and very close and in your case you did things to amplify those feelings on both ends. Then all of a sudden, no warning, no nothing, you cut yourself out of his life. It's like getting someone on two packs a day (cigarettes) for years and then making them quit cold turkey, it really sucks and hurts a lot. Then the same person who made you quit for your health is all of a sudden offering the person a pack of smokes again. Of course he thinks you have an agenda.

The only way to go about this is to bring the topic of why you left his life, etc. next time you two talk, whether it's via phone or face to face. After that, all you can do is hope that he will forgive you. As far as only seeing the "girl" in you goes, you forget, you left him for 3 years, your "girl" stage was the last thing that was imprinted on his mind. You have a lot to make up for it you want to get rid of that imprint, or at least put a new one in the forefront.