Please read the entire post. I know its long but I really need help =(.
It started off like this.
Before I met her, I had no interest in meeting her. She looked like a drug addict (I'm extremely anti drug addict, having a pothead mother who destroyed our family with her pot addiction), wasn't attractive at all, and didn't seem to interesting of a person.
So she said Hi, and tried to start a few conversations with me. I just kind of gave her yes/no one word answers, nothing rude, I just wanted to come across as a boring person so she would stop trying to talk to me.
Then I thought I'd find out for sure if she was a drug addict, just to make sure, so I asked if her boyfriend was a pot head, to indirectly ask if she did pot (a little deceiving I know).
She said he was, and he was the reason she started doing drugs in the first place, and she was apparently quite new to the entire drug scene. That and she was about to dump her boyfriend because he's getting too involved in drugs.
The very first thing that came to mind with me was how help get her out of the drug scene ASAP.
Trying not to seem bossy, I slowly gradually tried to influence her away from drugs.
From being a girl I have no interest in, by this point she's quite a bit more interesting. She's had a few bad experiences she couldn't really control, her parents were divorced just like mine ( I could relate to how that felt), her dad lives more than a 4 hour flight away, she now lives with her mom. She also has depression. My mom also had depression in addition to being a pothead , and I've also had intermittent depression myself.
Suddenly we have a lot more in common than I at first thought. Life goes on, it seems like she's slowly pulling away. She's been sober for like 3 weeks at this point and she seemed to be getting out of it.
Then it happened.
All the sudden, she started ignoring me, like giving me automated answers like no/yes good/bad like I gave to her when I met her at first, when I was trying to get her to stop talking to me. I asked her what was wrong, she says nothing. I asked her why she's acting strange she says she's not. She starts getting more hostile, saying things like "Im fine, leave me alone!"
At this point she won't even speak to me, and when ever I catch her eye she gives me dirty looks. She started hanging out with that bad crowd again, even more than before.
I have beef with some of her friends, I've made it clear to her I don't like them.
I was a little forceful when telling her my opinion on drug addicts.(Her new friends)
I also asked her out at one point (I was starting to like her) and she turned me down. She could still think I like her and she's trying to make me not like her . (I don't like her anymore, with a little help from self hypnosis)
What the hell should I do. I have no idea for sure why she's acting the way she is, only hunches.
What should I do? I really don't want to abandon her but she won't even talk to me now to try to solve the problem
As your intentions are good, I'll attribute this situation to your lack of life experience (you're young, so that's perfectly normal and ok).
I see that you're trying to "save" this girl, and the problem seems to be that she doesn't want to be saved. The way you're going around this whole thing, you're trying to force her into doing something she's not ready to or doesn't want to do. Furthermore, you can't tell someone (especially as it's not your girlfriend) what she can/can't do and who she can/can't hang out with. I would certainly not let someone I barely know act like that towards me. Not now, not ever. And I guess if you think about it, neither would you.
Having experienced the same things (divorced parents, drug abuse, depression) does not mean that you have that much in common either. It has to go deeper than that.
I, personally, see nothing wrong with smoking cannabis every once in a while, and I would not label people who smoke now and then as "drug addicts". You can be in control of yourself and still smoke weed (the same way people can share a bottle of wine without being winos). Of course, cannabis use can get out of control, but most people who smoked weed in their youth do not end up with long-time addiction. I was a pothead for a year or so (when I was 18-19), but when I found out what to do in life, I found out that I had better things to do. Now I smoke a couple of times a year when I'm visiting my friends at home.
To end this, I would also like to say that she's probably just going through a phase in life, and she has to go through this on her own. Of course, you can give her friendly pieces of advice, but that's it. You can't telling her forcefully that you don't like her friends. You can mention it, and if she doesn't care, she doesn't care. Easy as that.
If you want to get back in touch with her, then treat the situation differently. Chill out, let some time pass and invite her out and do something fun if the situation gets better. She probably thinks of you as a pain in the a** right now, but that'll change with time. And you have to accept her for who she is, even though you believe she's got problems. And remember that you can't do her work for her. She has to play along as well. How? That's up to you to find out, but hopefully you've learned how not to.
asked Yesterday
Site Links
About GirlsAskGuys
GirlsAskGuys Widgets
Help Us Improve!
