What exactly did I do wrong, and how do I fix it?

Ok well first of all, she is mad because she thought you guys had finally gotten to a point where you were over her and suddenly she sees that you aren't over it. And not only are you not over it, but you're talking about it to your friends. I'm not saying you were wrong in asking for advice, but she certainly should never have found out about it. I don't think she has romantic feelings for you. I'm sorry.but if she did, she would be excited to find out you were talking about her to your friends, not start ignoring you. I have a friend that initiates conversations and such with her ex too. She doesn't like him anymore.but he's easy to talk to and he's ALWAYS THERE. If you want her to start wanting you a little more, you need to make yourself harder to reach. Don't be that guy she can always reach. That's when you leave "boyfriend potential" and enter "friend zone" which you have probably already entered. Try ignoring her a little bit!

Another thing worth reading is this post I found a while back on the pickuppodcast.com forums. It ties in closely with how not to come off around a woman if you want to ever have a chance with her. Be a man and don't apologize for what you want in life.

"Cute Girl says:

I like nice guys; that's not the problem. I just met you and you are telling me how much you want to date me and asking for my phone number and I am probably not ready. You just come on too strong and too fast. You come across as desperate by telling me how special and beautiful I am, you tell me you LOVE ME SOOO MUCH, that you will always treat me right, how I'm the one you have always been looking for, how good you will treat me, and all that rubbish.

I'd rather a guy try to get into my pants. If only you would just give me a little time and space, but NOOO you have to LOVE me. So I choose the good looking bad boys. You can slap their face and they just smile. At least with the bad boys, if and when I decide I'm not interested, they don't give a hoot. I'm not going to hurt them.

Like most girls, I’m a compassionate person; I don’t wish to wish to hurt anyone. But if I decide I don’t want to date you anymore, you are going to be SOOO hurt. I can see it in your face, your expression, and body language. You try to get me back, you mope and complain, you point out all the things you have given me, and tell me how badly I’m treating you, or maybe even talk about suicide.

I don't want to deal with any of that crap, let alone most of it. If you give me the slightest indication you are going to be that way, that's it; I'm not having anything to do with. If you act like that, I don’t think you are a nice guys at all, I think you are a selfish clingy bastard posing as nice guys just to get me, the girl. You don’t care about me; if you did, you would be happy for me when I wanted to go because that would be what I wanted. But, no you are selfish and want me to stay and love you even though that is not what I want.

When you want to go bowling with one of your guy friends and he tells you he has a date and can’t go, you would like for him to go but you don’t get miffed or get your feelings hurt. It's hard for me to tell you what you don't want to hear when I know you are so enthused and you will be SOOO disappointed. If you would give me the same considerations you give your guy friends and not be offended and get your feeling hurt, I might go out with you."


I strongly suggest you check out The Game by Neil Strauss, as well as Magic Bullets and The Venusian Arts Handbook. Both are great for describing what it takes to create attraction as that's what's sorely lacking in your relationship with this woman.

You lacked attraction and are squarely in the Friend Zone. Unless you can make her attracted, no amount of love or connection will give you the romantic chemistry needed to have a romantic relationship with her. Furthermore, you need to read this as it may explain her reaction:

The "Nice Guy"---and Why He's Not Nice
By Dropit

"Nice," as used in the community, is way different than "nice" as used by women.

When the community uses the term, it is a pejorative. But since to most people it's enjoys a positive connotation, I thought a little more definition would be helpful

The "nice" guy likes a girl. He starts by befriending the girl and denying any romantic interest (he figures: I'll prove I like her as a person, not just a romantic interest), secretly taking note of what she likes, and then giving the "perfect" gift along with a confession of his love.

Poor girl! She thought she had a friend, but now she finds out he was just acting the whole time. Alternatively, she is uncomfortably surprised from this lightning bolt out of a seemingly clear blue sky, and is worried about how to save the friendship without hooking up with the guy, perhaps adding to the rejection the caveat, "You're such a nice guy."

Eventually, she lets him down as easy as she knows how (remember, this is a good, kind girl here), and this guy wonders what he did wrong. He certainly didn't do anything mean; his ears perked up when he heard her complain about guys, and steadfastly worked to avoid doing those things. He figures he's being nice.

The problem is that these guys have a sort of male version of going for commitment too fast. A relationship is a 50-50 venture, but he's gone 90-10, and he's basically trying to pressure her into liking him, claiming (or at least implying) that she "owes" him for all he's done for her. He is trying to force her into liking him, she senses the trap, and she splits.

Then she meets another guy. She regards him as moderately attractive (maybe even LESS attractive than the nice guy), and she figures he'd be worth a date. So they go out, and it's clear that they're on the same page---he had an open Friday night, so, hey, he called her up. Turns out he has a rough edge or two, but nobody has to be perfect. He calls her up for a second date, and again, it's clear to both that this is just a date. She hasn't put that much effort into it, but neither has he. At least he isn't trying to lasso her with guilt.

So when our self-proclaimed "nice" guy meets this new guy and sees that he's not working as hard as the "nice" guy did, yet she's dating HIM, he thinks: "What? I worked so hard for her! I did everything I could! I even watched her favorite show so I could find something to talk about! What's wrong? Why is she dating that jerk?"

The so-called "jerk" isn't really a jerk; he simply isn't as fawning as the "nice" guy. But the labels have been assigned in his head, and so comes the saying, "Nice guys finish last."