Why do I always try to destroy the relationship?

My guess is that you don't want to do this but, you find yourself doing it anyway. If that is the case, there are several factors contributing to the behaviors, all of which need to be addressed simultaneously.

First of all, where are all the negative thoughts, accusations and destructive behaviors coming from? You are probably convinced it is something natural you do. The fact is, if you watch children, they behave in the opposite way and have to be trained otherwise, so it is not natural for you. In fact, if you consider it, you probably feel like, when the time comes, there is a list of things that come to mind, unbidden, that is like a checklist of all the stuff that is wrong with the other person, your self, and the relationship. Until that moment, you have trouble finding anything wrong but, suddenly, you have this list that is comprehensive and brings focus and clarity to the situation. The source of all this is the accuser of the brethren. His desire is to kill the person God made you to be, steal everything God wants to provide you with and destroy all that you were put on this earth to accomplish.

Second, there is a reason the enemy of your soul has such intimate authority in your life. Something happened in your past that put you in a position where you were probably confused, and hurting. He came along and promised to help you make sense of the situation, and probably even promised to protect you from feeling that bad in the future. This event, or series of events, is the foundation on which he stands, and wreaks havoc in your life. Some people call this a doorway, point of attachment, or whatever, but it is the point at which you made an agreement with the enemy of your soul.

Third, in the event(s) above, you were wounded. You may, or may not have experienced physical pain, but the wound is real, nonetheless. If you think about the phrases "stabbed in the back" or "cut right to the heart" you can see we have the terminology for what we experience emotionally and spiritually, but we ignore the wounds, since we can't "see" them. These wounds fester and grow more rancid, until they are properly cared for. Since we don't have a zipper in our chest to allow us to go in and fix the emotional wounds, like a doctor, we need to take these wounds to The Physician, who knows what memories, wounds, issues and attachments need to be dealt with, in what order.

Fourth, our culture has served the enemy with the teaching that grief is not manly, womanly, or whatever. The fact is, grieving is the process of expelling emotional, spiritual, and even mental, pain from our bodies, souls and spirits. Grieving pushes the pain out, allowing room for the truth to enter. While it is pushing the pain out, it also irrigates the wounds so Christ can clean them out, removing the infectious debris, so He can suture the wound and it can start healing. Unless we deal with the wounds, we will always react to their pain, in unhealthy ways

Actually recently I've met someone who tried doing that with me and them, and I believe they and I managed to put it together, at least for her I don't know if it's the same or similar for you, but for her it is/was that she was afraid to love and be loved and was terrified of people getting too close to her and hurt her. The only thing I was and am able to do to fight against that is tell her and show her how much I care and that hurting her is the last thing I could ever want. Hope this answer helps.

It sounds like simple insecurity. You're worried that something will happen to make the relationship end, and since you feel like you don't have control over it, you decide to be the factor that ends it. If you try to 'go with the flow,' you may not be inclined to worry so much.

Hold everything! Your normal. Everyone goes through this. That is part of the relationship
bridge. Not always fun, true, but then again, remember the other pary is going thru the same
thing.

When we are first born, we are considered babes in the wilderness, naive. This is because
we are void of negative entitys as such. We love, trust, depend on, rely on, etc. Then as we
grow we learn such as, hurt, sadness, mistrust, etc. Now yet again, we need to develop
relationships with others like are selves. Yep, there's the mistrust.

We do little things with others to develop this trust.(we don't want mistrust). We like the
positive forces in life. Ug-Oh, here it is again. We are growing and find we crave even
more of a relationship. Now we learn to do this by practice. Practice is just that. Practice.
Practice does not spell easy, cake on a plate, pudding in a bowl, etc. Practice, is repeating
fundamentals that are necessary to accomplish your goal.

Now that you know all this, relax. Yeah right! You can actually. Now practice slowing down
the relationship, just a little. You don't have to rush. As you begin to feel more comfortable,
it will be more secondhand nature you will not destroy what you accomplished.

It always sounds like crap and easier said then done. Or, that's it? Remember its about
YOU &__________________.

good luck!