Ok. So, I've been with the guy for 2.5 years. He's been lying to me about a ton of things since the beginning. From what I know, nothing like cheating or anything, just stupid little lies because he doesn't want me to freak out. Now I have moved out of state. He seems to be trying to do better about the lying thing while we try to figure out what's going on with our relationship (eg. me moving, what happens next. End it? keep it?). To get to the point, I think he lied to me about what he did this past sunday, and I just don't know what to think. I know part of where and what he was doing, but there's the sunday into monday part that I think he's lying about. Like I sent him a couple texts through the night, and he didn't respond. He told me that at the casino that he goes to, there is no reception ( this is believable) but at the time he said he was at the casino, I called his phone, it rang once, he rejected it, and I tried about 20 min later and it went straight to voicemail. Again, I'm pretty sure he's not cheating, he just thinks I will freak out about everything he does. But why does he keep lying about stupid insignificant things? Does this mean he doesn't care for me, and wants to break it off? I have given him several times to do this, saying that if he doesn't want it, we can end it.but he doesnt. I could use some input because I just don't know what to think. Its hurtful to always be lied to. But maybe boys are just twisted like that? He also lies to other people about things. like work, how much he's accomplished.so I know its not just me.
I have a friend like this who started lying really badly in jr. high school. I noticed he started lying to relate to other people, and compete with their stories and also gain attention and popularity from the people who believed his stories(that's when he was younger). And it just progressed. And he would do similar things as he got older like lie about jobs he didn't have, he would say he held a higher position than he actually did. But if it sounded convincing to him, then he would say it. And hoped for other people to believe him, too. And some of his lies, almost, seemed like he believed them himself, and if you questioned what he said - he got defensive. But even when they're defensive they don't have a leg to stand on because they're lying to begin with(when you know it). And they get insulted when you question their lie, and they're actually insulting your intelligence by trying to lie and convince you of that lie in the first place. You really just got to stand your ground and let him know that it's insulting and you don't deserve it.
There are some people who are just pathological liars. One of my good friends is like this. He lies about everything, from small stuff to big stuff. He's just gotten into the habit of lying, that he's just become a habitual liar. It's very sad to be honest with you.
But the thing is, is that if you can't trust someone, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him, bottom line. It doesn't matter how much you love him, but if you can't trust him, then you are building your relationship on a rocky foundation, and it will never work. Trust is one of those things where it's 100% or it's nothing. You can't trust someone 80%. So I say it's time to give him up.
If he's anything like me, he lies to those he's close to, because he feels that he is protecting them from a devastating truth. it most likely started when he was young, and he would get in to trouble by telling the truth. (e.g. I broke that vase, I punched my brother) so he learned to lie in order to make life livable for the people around him.
it's not a good habit, but it is also one that is extremely hard to break.
2.5 years should be enough time for him to trust you to not care about the "not so great" things that he does.
sorry I don't have a solution, but I do know what he is doing.
You might just be with a guy who is a compulsive lier which is not where you want to be 5 years from now. If this guy isn't the guy you see spending the rest of your life with I would get out before you get hurt. In my previous relationship, I would lie about little things as to not upset my Girlfriend but I would never lie about what I was doing or what my plans were. I believe in a complete and trusting relationship you should be able to be open and honest about all things with the person you are dating. In my opinion when you start down a path of lies they only get bigger and more involved and then you never trust the person you are with because they have such a history of lies. Like I said if you feel you can trust him enough to know that he is not cheating then you need to discuss the lying. But if you are starting to not trust him now. I would get out before you really get hurt down the road.
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