Recently, a relative of mine named Jack who was 90 years old died. Here's the problem: I never knew Jack. In fact, before my father told me about the upcoming funeral, I had never even heard of a "Jack" in the family.
So, my dad is telling me that because we're family we're obligated to go to the funeral. I don't like this because he doesn't feel like family to me since I had never even heard of the guy, much less knew or cared about him. To make matters worse that whole side of the family are devout Jewish, and I am not, which makes me feel more uncomfortable about going.
I ended up going just to shut my dad up, and it was strange. I had to hear all these stories about a man I had never met and pretend that I was touched by them. I did not know a single person there except for my aunt Holly because that entire side of the family is sort of distant from us. I had to play along with customs I did not know and did not feel comfortable doing.
At the end of the day I felt that I did this man a disservice by going to his funeral. I felt that simply my being there disgraced him on some level because I never knew or heard of him and he had never heard of me.
No.i don't think you did the wrong thing because I have been in the same sit. havein a family member die.but they were not close to me at all.i had only ever met them once when I was like maybe 1 year old soo I did not go because like I said I didn't know them!
I don't think I would evr go to a funeral of someone I didn't know. If the deceased was up there looking down at the mourners he would see me and think "Who the hell is that?" You cannot mourn someone you never knew. My family is a bit different to yours because they wouldn't put pressure on me to go. Don't really see why your Dad made such a big deal of it. I should put it behind you and forget about it-you didn't do him a disservice.
No. You shouldnt feel bad about not wanting to be there. You didn't know him and you didn't feel that it would be right to be there. Now, I can see where your coming from about going because your dad wanted you to go because I've been put in that situation also and it was the most uncomfortable akward thing in the world.
Personally I wouldn't want someone at my funeral if I didn't know them in some way because it would be disrespectful. A funeral is a ceremony to celebrate the descesed persons life and to remember them. Why would you drag someone to a funeral if they didn't want to be there?
I wouldn't have gone to the funeral but you did and you can't change that. Just be happy that you got to learn about "Jack". Lol I hope I helped.
I wouldn't go so far as to say you did him a disservice, because I would think attending someone's funeral (even if you didn't know them well) doesn't constitute as something wrong. But you also wouldn't have been wrong to refuse to go, it made sense that you felt uncomfortable there. I guess it just depends on your own feelings, that's all that matters. I mean, it's already done, but don't give yourself a hard time about it. You didn't have any ill intentions for going or anything.
Funerals are mainly for the family. I mean, the guy in the ground is beyond caring, right?
What you did is basically a good deed, like when you were a Boy Scout. You do it for others and not for yourself. Maybe you did it for your dad and Aunt Holly, but it was only a short time you gave and really really considerate.
Maybe it was even more considerate when you think about what an uncomfortable thing it was for you and you went there anyway!
Feel good about yourself. I think that was way cool of you!
Why intentionally put yourself in an uncomfortable position! and it definitely benefited no one except you dad! you're not wrong to feel this way, the entire point of a funeral is for loved ones to say a proper good-bye to the one that they lost, and you weren't there for that, so I understand if you felt like you disgraces him, or did him a disservice!
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(Age:25 to 29)
When: 5 months ago
asked 4 days ago
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