How do you deal with emotionally detached men?

I'm not sure you can. I've heard it say that God never sends us a challenge beyond our capacity to handle, but I don't think that's true. There's a great line in "Million Dollar Baby" where Morgan intones that "sometimes the cut is too deep, too close to the bone, and no matter how hard you work at it, you can't stop the bleeding."

In your age bracket we aren't talking about a young kid's heightened emotions (not to discount those) but something deeper. Love is like faith and sometimes it is faith. When that belief is lost it is sometimes lost for good.

My opinion is that you shouldn't coddle him or work around it. If he isn't so deep into his shell that he'll never make it out then consistent emotional commitment from you, and perceived demand on him, is the way to show him it's okay. We men do have to be careful about being too emotional with women because it can end up sinking the relationship. But the wise man figures that there wasn't much there anyway and moves on to the next possibility. If he can't move on then you have to let him go. Otherwise you'll only end up compromising yourself and slowly drowning in his pain.

There is a balance in relationships. Occasionally there are times for space. But if you have to check your words, feelings, and dreams then it isn't the place for you. Whatever happened to him in the past you didn't do it.

Counseling may help. But maybe not. In the end we remember that love brings us joy but it also brings us all our pain.

Wow! girl you nailed it on the head for me too. I am having the exact same problem. The guy I love. we have been seeing each other every once in a while for a little over a year and a half, he has been hurt really badly from this woman he says is the only one he will ever be in love with, and as your situation, this one is very emotionally unavailable.
In dealing with him, I have learned that you must give him his space when he needs it and be as understanding as possible. Be there for him as a friend and let him know you understand what he is feeling. By showing him a friend instead of another pushy girl looking for a relationship, he may show and tell you first all the things you have been feeling.
THE PROBLEM HE IS HAVING IS TRUST ISSUES. Trust issues that were put there from the past by "that woman", and unfortunatley the only thing we can do is help to get the trust back to him he is lacking.
Once that happens, I believe you too can accomplish his love.

btw, I am getting to better places now by doing what I have just mentioned. Give it a shot!:)