I ended a bad relationship 9 months ago. A guy who has been my friend ever since we were 14 kept an eye out and was praying for me to "see the light" with the bad relationship. (We are both Christians) I ended the bad relationship, and my friend found out and started showing up around me more. (After high school we only saw each other in passing)
My pastor saw us talking together & looking at each other, and realized that we were interested in each other (I had an interest in James ever since we met, and he was the same way, but he never did anything about it as other guys were around me all the time and he wanted to wait for the right moment, as he told me) My pastor mentioned to the man that I was no longer dating anyone (this was several months after the breakup), and two weeks later James called me and asked me out on a date. After a month of dating, he told me he was very happy with how the relationship was going and wanted to date me exclusively, so we became an "official" couple. He would call and we'd talk for over an hour each day in-between weekly dates. We're both finishing college and work full-time, so one date a week is as good as it gets for now.
I had a funeral out-of-state to attend three weekends ago so we had no date then. Two weekends ago he stopped by my house when we'd normally date and we had a very wonderful 3 hours of just sitting on my front porch just talking. (He immediately called me and said he really enjoyed that) Last weekend my family and I took my little sister to an out-of-state college. We called each other and talked ten minutes Sat an Sun, and Monday he had to go somewhere with his brother and we talked 10 minutes. Mid-week last week the calls suddenly dropped from almost hour-long to 10 minute. I have not heard from him at all now for 3 days, except for a few txts I sent him and three replies from him. We've been dating two months.
We both believe in the man being the leader of the relationship, so I rarely call him anyway due to this. He told me he's wanted to date me for 6 years (I was always dating someone else but nothing serious), and a month into dating he told me he loved me, had for a long time, and really felt I was "the one" for him, and a few days later I told him how I felt the same (he asked me to wait until I knew for certain). A month after that, he suddenly said that "At our age (early 20s) we prob don't really know what love is yet," and I noticed the terms of endearments became less frequent from him.
What sounds up? We've never gone past one day without speaking and now it's been 3 days. I've always tried to follow his lead in the relationship and not try to take things too fast. I know he is uncomfortable sometimes in that "someone better" might show up (he's mentioned twice in passing), & he's said many times that I'm too good for him and I should never have to worry about getting married one day. I don't know what's going on. I'm scared I may lose the one great guy I've known. Help
A few things may have happened (from what I see). It sounds like he could've realized he didn't like or love you as much as he originally thought. He may be afraid of commitment. He may be really really busy. Also, something may have happened in his life and he needs time to process it.
As for what you can do, it's only been three days, and while you may have communicated constantly, you normally need to wait at least one week before wanting to take some kind of action. Everyone needs time to make sure what we're afraid of is or isn't actually happening. This three days might not be anything, so you need to wait long enough to be relatively clear of that.
If this three days of strange actions IS something, if something truly is up, you might need to be more aggressive in the relationship, something you said you wouldn't do. You might meet up with him and call him on it, tell him he's changed, and ask him why.
Or, you could just continue to be passive and wait until he makes up his mind to talk about what happened (if anything) and accept the consequences.
Whichever one is easier for you I would choose. And by easy I mean least painful.
Thx--When James started datin me, it was like he was so excited 2*finally* be with me that he didn't quite no how 2act. He called me up at 11:30pm a month n2 dating and said he loved me, alwz had, and he just couldn't hold it and anymore. He'd talk about marriage, and it'd be another 2-4 yrs. b4 he could marry ne1 due to gettin Dr. degree & savin $. Suddenly, it's like he's backed up the relationship to very beginning... he still shows the same concern and care but no more "I love u" Y a guy do this? - 4 months ago
Answerer
It's hard to say, we each have our own reasons. I think you'll just have to wait and find out. Sorry things became complicated and I hope they work out in your favor. - 4 months ago
And the only reason you haven't called him is because you always follow his lead? You can either way for his next call, or you can make the call to talk to him; when you do talk to him tell him exactly what you said here.i m used to talking to you every day and I haven't heard from you in 3 days. What's going on? And what did you mean by I'm too good for you? He has the answers to those questions, and none of us out here in cyberspace have that.
Thx--he called last night and we talked for about 20 min. Said that he's been extremely busy with work and getting things ready to start college and by the time he gets home he's exhausted. I believe that and can understand it.
But why would the terms of endearment (Baby, Darlin', Dear, etc) suddenly become non-existent on his part? Can guys get so comfortable around a lady that they open up with her about it all of a sudden, then shrink back a bit in fear of going 2fast2soon w/da relationship? - 4 months ago
OMG! this same kind of situation happend to me . and in the end my guy wasnt calling me much or whenever I called him he never answered me . you no what I did in the end ? I told him to never call me back becuase he 's probably to scared to have a realtionship and he doens tno what he wants . BUT in your case , since you guys were a couple,and now he's doing this he might think that you are too good for him and he's not ready to get married you no maybe he wants to play aroud with some easy going girls. and because he knows ur a good girl so he doesn't want to officaliy break up with you so he's just letting everything go.
I know he's not messing around cause we made commitments years ago before we ever dated anyone to stay pure for marriage. We even have a chaperon when we date (his brother). He was in a relationship briefly and she cheated on him and it really hurt him. His bro said that's what he shoulda expected since he had always been interested in me, and it was her dishonesty that really hurt him. He's alwz had me on a high pedestal and treated me such... maybe he has an inferiority issue from that??? - 4 months ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 4 months ago
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