I have a married friend who recently confided in me that his wife never hugs or kisses him anymore. He said he feels 'used and unwanted'.
I told him that he needed to tell his wife his feelings. He said "it works, for awhile, then she goes back to ignoring me. As long as I leave her alone, she doesn't nag me."
This surprised me. Not the 'nagging' part, but the fact that this man just...honestly, as 'gay' as it sounds - wants to be held. I have seen them together and she acts very cold and shut off to him.
I do know that this man works a lot, however, she doesn't. He says she is bitter that he is away on business once or twice a week.
They do have children, which is probably why she is bitter (needing help with them).
Do men crave being wanted & touched as much as women do? Are we getting it wrong in thinking that men just want one thing?
Well, men certainly do want that thing. Useless to deny that. That is, however, despite popular opinion, not all we want. Men need nurturing and love as much as women do. The difference comes into it when you think about the fact that popular opinion says that it is the norm for men to not give into their emotions, to act 'strong'. You've probably heard the statement that 'behind every great man is a great woman'. Sometimes I've heard it stated that the woman is 'even greater'. It's a true statement any way you look at it. Men need the nurturing that only women can provide, and women need the strength that men have at times forgotten. I'm no chauvinist but I do believe that a man must be able to have a leadership ability, and to have his wife inseparably involved in the decisions. It's a thing of teamwork. It's no longer a case of 'she' and 'he', but rather 'them'. Until a married couple realizes that they are a unit, united for eternity and stronger for it, they will never realize their roles. In marriage, both roles have equal significance, and until these two both step up to the plate, they will never work effectively. I hope for their sake, and even more so their kid's, that they do.
I'm no expert on marriage, but I have watched my parents all my life (on Sunday they were married for twenty nine years) as well as many other older couples. It's not hard to see that the happiest couples have worked through their issues by being there for each other and communicating their needs effectively.
It kind of sounds like the physical hugs was a sign of unspoken appreciation and now he is missing some of the things that were there in the beginning of the marriage or relationship.
I agree with The-Nash. People, in general, I believe expect respect and admiration and it sounds like your friends gets some of this from the hugging and kissing part. If he extends himself to help with the kids, she will notice and in turn feel more close to him. My husband and I don't have kids, but we have the same issues when it comes to just doing stuff around the house. If he helps with the dishes, I make sure I thank him and tell him how much it means to me when he helps. Likewise, he thanks me when I do his laundry, etc. etc. There is a book call "The 5 Love Languages" that points out to couples some things they can do for each other for a happy marriage. You may want to suggest it to them or just buy it for him. My husband and I read it, and we now practice a lot of what the book offers. I really hope this helps and tell your friend good luck! :)
asked Yesterday
Site Links
About GirlsAskGuys
GirlsAskGuys Widgets
Help Us Improve!
