How do you get over jealousy and self pity?

This reminds me in some way of the movie "The Hurricane: The Story of Ruben Carter". He was arrested and imprisoned on false charges. He was also a man of the military and European Boxing sensation. He could of been champ if he was never imprisoned. It's a good movie, maybe rent it... Stars Denzel Washington... Anyways...

It's like you are the one who has been wronged and now you can't move on... maybe feeling imprisoned? I was in a very similar situation and I had to get back to basics. What makes you- you? As for myself... I started dating after I had my heart broken and it only led to me thinking about my ex when I was out dating. And, it wasn't fair to the other people who I was dating.

That's when I started to get back to the hobbies that I had forgotten about: drawing, the guitar, cooking, the beach, working out and the gym. And through this I realized that from living with another person that I had been doing things that pleased my ex... and not me. And, soon I was becoming happy, again, after I realized that the problem was that I was doing things to please other people. I wasn't doing the things that made me who I am. Just like Ruben Carter in the movie... In the military, he was there to please other people and boxing became what made Ruben... Ruben. Then it was taken away from him by the police when they wrongfully accused Ruben of a crime he didn't commit. And , it wasn't until he developed his reading and writing skills that he was able to persevere through his imprisonment.

So now I see you wrote that you've been with him for seven years... There has to be some things that make you happy that you have forgotten about. Try taking some time to do different things and develop some new hobbies. "Self-Explorative Busy Work," lol, I guess we can call it.

He said "physically I am stuck within the 4 walls, but in my mind, I live in these books, anywhere I want to. They (the police) can't touch me there, they can't reach me in these books. And my writing, my writing take my voice outside of these four walls, and you can't arrest a voice. And these responses to my writing... Thats how I know I'm being heard."

It also sounds like you have just been through one of the toughest situations a person can experience besides a near- death trauma. And you made it through - that's the most important part. Your still here, so, it didn't kill you... let it be your driving force in persevering. And know that YOU deserve better. And fight for it, with your words, actions and purposes.

Also, think about your achievements in life and what you are proud of... even when you were little. Take that emotion let that be your confidence builder, I'm sure you've accomplished goals before, now it's time to set some new ones that are do-able... Use that emotion and start accomplishing... and if you ever think of your ex... just know that your better than that. You're going to be better than that. And it's HIS LOSS. She's heavier anyways, you said!

I went went through and am still going through the same thing. I asked myself some of the same questions that you are. I also love my ex but I am not in love with him either. One thing that I realized was it may seem like he is happier now but eventually things come to a head and you had to have some reasons to get divorced in the first place. In the beginning of all new relationships they always seem so great and so in love but it all changes and he is still the same person that he was when he was married to you. Do not put it on yourself that there is something wrong with you...not pretty enough, not able to do enough, no one is perfect and the challenge is with him...start over with you and realized that you are good enough and maybe no one will be enough for him...just watch and see he will be at the same place with the new one than he was with you except now he is someone else's problem.

Keep your chin up..........it gets better but it does take time!