Ok, I was seeing this woman on a somewhat regular basis. She was pretty and nice and there isn't anything really bad that I can say about her. We broke up though because of a couple of things that she did. She had sort of a deep voice for a woman and I thought her voice was kind of sexy at first. It was sexy all the way up to the first night that we had sex. The two things that she did that caused me to break up with her are:
1) She talked dirty and she was really bad at it and it creeped me out a little bit.
2) She made a noise when she had an orgasm that sounded exactly like an old man going number two.
At first I thought that it was probably a one time thing that she did, but it wasn't. It turns out both of those things were pretty standard for her.
I couldn't bring myself to tell her the reasons I had for breaking up with her, so I basically tried to make her think I wasn't that great of a person and that she deserved better. That didn't work so I just stopped taking her calls and avoided her until she gave up. I feel really bad about it, and I know I could have handled it better but I'm just really glad we broke up. So my question is, Is what I did wrong?
Update: Thanks for your answers and sorry about the warning I was going to add more details but then reconsidered.
11 months ago
Theres someone for everyone . . she'll find someone that adors the things you hated . . now it would be wrong to drag the relationship on , causing her to become more attached & then let her down . . its ok bud . . ya done the right thing
Thats ok... people break up with other people for some many reasons. I once broke up with this guy because every time we would have sex and he would be on top of me, his stomach would flap off of mine and it actually hurt my stomach afterwards. So it's ok that you did that, I mean you were just dating her, its not like you were in a long term relationship with her.
Hey that's bad on you! my bf broke cos of my dressing habits as he found them too old fashioned and later realized he still loved me and confessed to me the real reason for dumping.
I changed and today my friends admire my dressing sense. So you should always be clear from your side and try to sort things out.
To be absolutely honest... I wouldn't except that of someone of your age range.
Seems like some picky detail that a teenage boy would pick at.
But oh well, I'm not one to judge!
Yeah I think what you did was kind of wrong. I mean.... avoiding her? You probably should have told her straight up that you two "weren't meant to be" or "had no real connection" (although these are lies... probably would've kept her self-esteem intact =])
It doesn't matter now anyway as she's given up, and you said so yourself you're happy you've split up. You just really need to get over this little guilt trip you're going through and understand what's done is done. Full stop.
Just try to forgive yourself and move on!
(Also, I don't think telling her would've helped and you're right not having the heart to tell her, as that would cause her problems in the future getting intimate. The wrong thing you did though was just simply ignoring her because now she's gonna be thinking that there's something wrong with her, and she won't have a clue what this is! Depending on the type of person this woman is, she could stay strong or tumble into nothingness... let's hope she's a mentally strong person eh?)
Yeah, I know it seems immature of me but, to be fair I did actually break up with her. Apparently I'm not the best liar though, so she didn't buy my reasoning. When she kept calling after that I didn't know what else to do and so I just avoided her. - 11 months ago
Yes, but isn't a smoke screen dump reason a subtle way of saying "There's something else, let it be, please leave it alone"? To me it is and is okay. Where there's smoke, there's fire, but it's like a white lie - sometimes immaturity is maturity. - 11 months ago
Answerer
But is there ever really a nice way to be dumped? - 11 months ago
It's not wrong but you could have gone about it in a different way. Maybe it would have been good for you to be straight up with her. You could have deflected the topic by asking her what is something that she doesn't like about you. Be like " I know you can't like everything about me". Eventually she'll ask you the same question.And tell her the truth maybe she won't do it anymore. MAYBE SHE DOES IT BECAUSE SHE THINKS U LIKE IT! Everybody has different things that they like and tell her that ur not into that, that ur more into "innocent girls" not that weird raunchy talk. U could have still broken up with her, but saved her next relationship by telling the truth! (Kill 2 birds with one stone) After all, you did say she is a pretty and nice person, that was obviously the only deal breaker and SHE DESERVED TO KNOW THAT!
How do you even bring that up? I mean, I can't really convey to you how disturbing it was. There is a difference between talking dirty and things you just should not say. She said them and more. If it makes you feel better her new bf doesn't seem to mind. - 11 months ago
Answerer
See it's like I said people like different things, you did not, the new bf does. and you should have told her ur not into that, she does sound kind of nasty though since she's already shaking up with another dude - 11 months ago
This is a where telling the truth is probably worse than telling a lie. It's one of those things that could really give someone a complex. I think if I did something that a guy found weird that had to do with intimate details I'd prefer not knowing. I don't typically advocate lying, but I think it's better for her to think you're a jerk instead of being made to feel self conscious over something she doesn't really have control over.
Yeah, it's a superficial reason, but sometimes there are things you just can't get past...! I think you took the higher road by choosing not to criticize her and cause her embarassment.
Thanks, that's what I was thinking. I really do like her as a person but I just couldn't get over that, and I would rather she thought I was a jerk than bring something like that up where it could hurt her future relationships. Oh, and she's doing ok now. - 11 months ago
I think you did the right thing. As self-conscious as people are about things that aren't even a problem, I find it hard to believe that she isn't already worried about these things. She needs to find someone who doesn't mind. It won't be easy, but I don't think you could have helped her much in that regard. It's not like you could have known about these things ahead of time. Maybe the first problem could have been corrected. The second one is funny, sorry but it made me laugh. And it sounds like there were more problems based on your update. What can you do? Sometimes you have to go away forever.
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When: 11 months ago
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