I have a friend who I have had for half my life (13 years). She has always been kind of an annoying person... hard to be around for long periods of time. Now we live in different cities about 6 hrs. away from each other. She often comes to town for visits and stays with me.
The last time she was here, she was a total embarrassment when I introduced her to my new boyfriend and one of his single guy friends. It made me remember exactly how it used to feel when we were younger and I spent long periods of time with her. She spent the entire night on the phone waiting to hear back from her "other" friends, she continuously ordered the most expensive drinks just because someone else was paying, and anytime the conversation was changed to a topic other than herself, she made it about her somehow... my boyfriend and his friend left at 11 p.m. because they were so annoyed with her narcissism.
The next day was New Year's Eve and I couldn't hardly stand her for another second. I had already made plans to stay at my boyfriend's and she kept trying to hint to me that she wanted me to go out with her instead. She knows how long it has been since I have met someone I really like, but it seems like she couldn't care less. I never gave in to her non-too-subtle hints, but I ended up feeling guilty all night.
How does a person deal with someone who has no regard for anyone other than themselves? I feel sorry for her because she has no clue, but I feel like she is sort of "toxic." Any advice?
First of all, you need to ask yourself what is her virtue. Being self centered is not a choice but they just didn't have enough views about themselves. If you are sincere about helping your friend, do not lower your esteem. But you need to be sure you have the virtues to guide her through. We need a few elements here to make her see the shortcomings. Love, peace, patience, show kindness and goodness by example, gentleness and lots of self control. Being self centered, they actually have lots of fear in them, unknowingly. They always felt they have not enough inside but will always tell people that they are contented, forgiving, not selfish, and like to challenge others views. There are potentially some methods which you may like to try. Be honest and firm. Do a mirror reflection of who she is but don't tell her you are doing that to show her. She may feel you are doing that to spite her. Another way is to avoid her for the time being. Since they like to do what and when they feel like, we can't control them but we can control ourselves. You can refrain yourself from calling or going out with her for the time being. However, when she calls for invitation, reject gently but do not give any specific reason why you are doing so. Curiosity kills the cat. Eventually, when she has nobody to turn to, she will turn to you again. That is when you give her the warmest love and ask her why people are avoiding her. Make her spell out the problem herself. If she doesn't seem to bother about it too much, the ultimate solution is to leave it to her to resolve it by herself. Being self centered, they live in their own world, and that's why they always want to stand out and be the center of attraction. In them, the 'I' is bigger than the world.
Sometimes you have to break up with your friends too. Sounds like you guys have really grown apart...
I know of one girl in particular in my life that I had to cut out. We weren't contributing equally to the friendship. It wasn't an "I hate you because you're a bitch" breakup... basically I just stopped returning her calls and responding to her messages with short answers. If she wanted to hang out I was busy. We still talk on occasion, but we aren't close like we used to be. I know for me to have stayed friends with her I would have been used and well... probably gotten arrested trying to strangle the stupid out of her.
I have no need for toxic people in my life and neither do you!
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Describe your ideal first date; Where do you go? What do you wear? How does the date end?
My ideal for a first date would be hanging out at the mall with a group of people just so that I could get to know him with people around before I do with just him and I. I like it ending with a hug and maybe a kiss. It depends on if I am really into him or not! I would wear something really cute or sexy.
Afterwards..what will your date know about you?
He would know almost anything that he wants to know.
(Age:36 to 45)
When: 6 months ago
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