My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we've always had problems communicating when we fight. He says everything he wants to and reacts however he wants to but if I were to say what I was really thinking he would probably dump me. I know, I've tried, then had to rapidly backtrack to make up for it. He overreacts and yells at me about the littlest things (like slightly bugging him about riding home with me to get my running shoes so I could run WITH HIM!). What do I do? How do I deal with him?
wow...it sounds like you you are not confident in yourself at all and that is very dangerous. it must really hurt to bottle in how you really feel and not tell him because of the fear of getting dumped. you need to tell him how you really feel and if he is the kind of jackass who dumps people because they spoke from the heart, then find another guy seriously. I mean you will never be happy if you keep bottling up ur emotions and not expressing your self. you can't be in that kind of relationship forever so you better stand up for yourself now.
If he is outward with his feelings you need to be outward with yours, and don't backtrack and apologize for your feelings. If he overreacts to the littlest things, he needs a reality check, it isn't acceptable to yell at you for expressing your feelings. But honestly, he won't change unless he wants to. I would contemplate finding a new boyfriend.
What communication do you want to continue infight.?
If it is related to your moves then you must increase your reflexes first or practice same moves thousand times each other. Surely you may get connected to your styles
Also Tell the boy to control anger if he can't then he may be really a 'jerk'.
I supopse so. He did have calculus homework to do (wasn't due until Thursday, this was Monday) and needed to go home and focus. But I also know him. He would have gone home and sat down to watch TV for a while, made some food, hung out with his friends, and then (just like I predicted) when I came over later he did his homework. I'll admit I was nagging him about coming with me, but I will say that whenever he asks me to come with him somewhere, I always do, no matter what I'm doing. - 6 months ago
I'm sure I am being a jerk, in a different way. I get quiet and don't say anything because I have a problem thinking clearly when I feel attacked or cornered. Most of the time when we argue my brain shuts down and I have to take a breather and write down everything I want to say to him so I can keep my thoughts in line when I go to say it. I think the way I'm a jerk is that I get so upset at him that I cry and tell him he's right and when I've calmed down I re-open the argument. - 6 months ago
I don't know about that. You have to admit that some people just lose control during an argument or get aggrivated for stupid reasons..It sounds like that is what he is doing! She needs to start telling him that she doesn't appreciate him yelling at her and talking to her like that. She should also make him start calling before he comes over and get back in charge of her own life, That's what I did with my guy who is just like that and now he is more respectful!!! - 6 months ago
Thats entire bull, if he's able to dish it he better be able to take it too. If he can't he's probably just insecure with himself and the relationship. Don't let this man walk all over you. Show him that he can't just push you around, if he threatens to breakup well break up because he's just toying with you. You don't use breaking up as a threat to someone you care about.
You shouldn't have to be walking on eggshells around him. He shouldn't be yelling at you. Screaming is not necessary at all. When he yells at you you need to let him know he needs to lower his voice and not talk to you like that. If you don't yell around him and are timid, what's he doing bullying you? You have a right to express your feelings too and if he can't get that then maybe he's not the best for a relationship.
He talks down to me like I'm a child and while sometimes I think I probably deserved it, I still think he should talk to me like I'm an adult. I'm his girlfriend, I should be his equal. But when he starts yelling and ranting I just clam up and quietly tell him I didn't deserve that reaction and that he shouldn't yell and talk down to me. That just makes him madder because in that moment he wants to fight. - 6 months ago
Answerer
Nobody deserves that. You are right you are his girlfriend, therefore his equal. You are not a child so why let him talk to you like that? I don't see how you are being a jerk like 25or624 said. If anything you sound kinda passive, I don't know if I would be able to just sit there while my man yells at me. - 6 months ago
OMG, I know the feeling. I have been with mine 3 years and I am still waiting for the communication to get better. Can I ask you a question, does he make you feel like you are a complete pain in the a*s when it comes to stopping and getting your shoes? I feel that way if I ask mine for anything. I started saying what I thought and felt, I got tired of feeling like he had the upper hand and he was the one to call all of the shots. I feel bad for you, its tough because you are not really being yourself by holding in your thoughts. I guess the more time goes on, the less I worry about losing someone who shows little interest in how I think or feel. I think the same will happen for you too. We have broken up a few times (he has left) and he always comes back saying that I was right and he is sorry for being so inconsiderate. Believe me, I am getting so tired of feeling like its his way or the highway, I'm ready to take the highway myself and get my old self back. It sucks to live a life when you walk on pins and needles, even if it is only once in a while. He needs to take interest in how you feel too, if he doesnt, then he is NOT worth it.
I completely agree. I used to try to be so careful about what I said and how I reacted around him, I used to have to hold myself back. Now I'm just used to it. It comes naturally to vent about it later when I'm by myself.
"We have broken up a few times (he has left) and he always comes back saying that I was right and he is sorry for being so inconsiderate."
So, I totally relate to that. He's broken up with me once and there have been several times when he needed "space" to "think". - 6 months ago
Answerer
Just be you, tell him how you feel and don't wait till later.If you hold too much in you"ll explode and then you seem like the complete jerk! I was talking more to my friends about our problems than him and then he got mad at me for that. We try to find different ways to express our feelings and the bottom line is, you have to express them to him when your feeling what your feeling and do it in a calm way. But speak your peace for your inner well being and peace of mind. You deserve it too! - 6 months ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 6 months ago
When: 6 months ago
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