Don't ask, don't tell?

Not really sure if this is a question or just you giving an opinion.
But here's my take anyway.

I would never say if you are cheating on me I better not find out because that is indeed an invitation or just really badly worded which could easily be taken advantage of.
Mine is more "if your going to cheat on me then I don't mean enough to you so please let me know right away so we aren't wasting anymore of each others time!"
No excuses then, if she would still go ahead and cheat on me then I hope I WILL find out to get shut of her ASAP!

Cheaters always get found out in the end, not many grandparents out there celebrating their 50th anniversary with skeletons in the closet.

Well depends on your morals, and depends on your culture. There is no real answer.

This is a very interesting idea. My ex-girlfriend must have used some kind of reverse psychology on me because I never wanted to cheat on her. Here is what she did: She told me I could have sex with other girls while we were still dating, but if we were engaged or married then it would be off the table. Of course, she knew me well enough as a person that I was unlikely to cheat on her in the first place, but that's besides the point. She psychologically freed me from the idea of monogamy while we were dating, and it was extremely gratifying. In return for this "gift," I wanted to respect her and show her I appreciated her by not cheating on her.

It might be worth noting that she had had sex with a couple guys before in past relationships, but she was my first. I think maybe she felt that if I had sex with a couple of girls while we were still dating, that I would be less likely to stray if we got married in the future, when more would be on the line since I had "gotten it out of my system." The only condition was that I wear a condom and I must tell her in detail about any sexual encounter.

When I was younger, a much older girlfriend told me, "Frankly, I find monogamy neither necessary, nor realistic." Not only did she blow up my myths about monogamy, but she also taught me something about approach: get it out, tell it straight, and they'll deal. Or not.

That's my problem with the "don't ask, don't tell" approach. While certain things in a relationship can be fudged, whether or not a partner is monogamous isn't one of them. This isn't going along to get along; this is a basic lack of candor with oneself and one's partner. If the partner was okay with nonmonogamy, why the pretense?

If the ground rules of an affair is that you remain committed to the wife and family, and you bring nothing home your wife won't enjoy--a common enough arrangement, by the way--then you SAY THAT. Not only does it end the sneaking around, but paradoxially, it can make a relationship more sound; by resetting the boundaries of the relationship, you reaffirm that you still *have* a relationship.

Sure, go ahead and do that "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. But keep in mind that eventually your guilty conscious will give in, especially if you find out this guy is actually worth keeping and perhaps marrying.

The idea of monogamy has become such a joke in today's society that many are perhaps more willing to "never want to know" rather than exactly finding out. Sad really.

I think monogamy vs polygamy is a touchy subject. A lot of other countries of the world practice polygmy. Although, the funny part is that most countries are still dominated by male presence and unfortunatly polygyny is mostly practice. This is when men can marry multiple partners but woman are restrained to one husband. These are more favorable in the countries they are practiced in such as africa which are poorer countries. This is done by means of protecting the family and securing the family.
North Americans on the other hand have taken these ideas and screwed them up.. In North America we live for ourselves and no one else. People in this country are selfish. The idea of polygamy is not thought of here for securing a family, increasing chances of survival, etc.. The idea here is that " I don't have to sacrifice my humanly urges"..
This is sick. polygamy and cheating my friends are two seperate ideas and two seperate events. To be frank, here in America, the land of freedom and dreams. Polygamy could not exsit due to selfish nature and your left with cheating.
Women don't let yourself be cheated on your worth more then that. As well men or women if you think this is ridiculous, just don't get into a relationship. Its that f***ing simple because whether you like it or not monogamy is practice, accepted, and the standard in this country.

Though I cannot condone my husband cheating, I honestly would not want to know if he did. I feel it's because I'm a coward. I don't want to deal with anger, the draining of energy trying to come to terms with him messing around behind my back. I don't want to question what we had for 10+ years and turn the microscope on myself to figure out what it was I was lacking to make him stray.
I had an ex I know who cheated on me, but he would never admit to it, even after we broke up. I remember finding out about it from someone else - the way I felt about myself before I knew he running around and the way I felt after those damning words left the mouth of the one who informed me. Confident to devastated. Loved to betrayed. I felt stupid beyond words.
Yes, it's selfish. Yes, it's lazy. Yes, I am being a coward. But I like the way my life is and I don't want to deal with all the changes that come from kicking his ass and throwing him out. I would rather live my life in blissful ignorance to have things remain the same.
My husband understands the way I feel - he disagrees. He would want to know immediately - only if to get revenge. But if you have a slip up, would you want to throw away everything that you built for one night of weakness?
If he was a serial cheater, I know it would force me to react - I'm not one to play second fiddle to a mistress. But if it was just something that happened, never to be repeated - he can keep it to himself. Take it the way you want - I'm too old and too tired to play avenging wife.
Life has taught me this - we can only deal with so much ... I don't think I'm strong enough to come to terms with the fact that my husband doesn't love me if that were the case. That might change in the future, but right now that is beyond my capacity to deal with.

there's arguments for both sides to support monogomy and to support polygamy.
i myself, a complete monogamist. I've been brought up with values that are instilled in me deep from my mom and slightly religious upbringing
but I'm not a hardcore religious fanatic, I think

it's just a movie
movies aren't a good example of what we should idealistically follow as a form of moral guide...most of the time...because they are not real. they're just movies

Nope sorry all I got from that was your bf's ex giving him permission to cheat. There is no more to it apart from her not wanting to deal with any upset from her boyfriend cheating on her. If anyone cheats on me I would defo want to know so I can dump him and make him wish he'd never met me. Cheaters are scum. I would never say that to my boyfriend and basically allow him to cheat aslong as he doesn't get caught. I mean, what kind of crap is that?!

That's follish. I want to know. Sorry but in the age of HIV/AIDS and all these other STDs, ignorance isn't bliss, it may cost you your life. If a guy doesn't love me enough to stay faithful and honor our relationship I would want to know so I can leave him.