We have been married for 3 years. I love the fact that my husband is a hard worker, but he acts like he doesn't have a family. My daughter (13) and I live like we did before I got married.
He goes to work at 6am and gets home at 6pm. His only day off is Sunday. His work is very physical and dangerous. He is a wonderful provider, and he walls me about once every hour to see how I am doing just so we can talk. He doesn't even have a relationship with my daughter.
I want to have a family, I don't want him to work himself into an early grave, and I want him to be closer to my daughter. He even goes to work when he is sick. I worry for him, but every time I talk to him, he tells me that it's his job and he has to do it. I just want my family, Someone please tell me what I can say to him to take a little bit of time off for his family.
He calls you all of the time, and he's home at 6pm. I'm not seeing how that's not enough time, when do you go to bed? I'm not a big fan of T. V. But do you spend any quality time with each other after he gets home?
Don't criticize him for wanting to work and to provide. There's a certain type of good guy that shows how much they care for you by working and providing. If you reject that, he'll feel like your rejecting him. If you try to change him, he'll resent that because I bet he was this way when you fell in love and got married. He is who he is and he wants you to WANT that, not CHANGE that.
That said, what can you do? You can tell him how you feel. Not what he should do. You feel lonely and bored on Saturdays when he works. You feel like you want him to feel healthy, and you're sorry for him when he works through sickness. You feel like your favorite times are when your whole family is together, including your daughter. You feel so appreciative of how much he does, but your happiness comes from time with him not money from him. And so on.
If he doesn't care, he doesn't care. Your stuck with a guy that doesn't care about how you feel and doesn't want to bother with your happiness or your daughter. But if he's a good guy (and he is, right? Or you wouldn't have married him) at SOME level he'll get the message that he could make you even happier, and be even more successful, if HE made different choices.
See, good guys just want to be successful and appreciated. Good guys want to change things in order to get more successful and more appreciation. If he learns that he will be a better provider if he just changes the mixture of what he's providing a little, well, good providers like to become better providers. So the trick is to get HIM to want to make an improvement. Rather than for you to "improve" him
I feel for you. I am in the same boat with my fiance. He works the 4-midnight shift so when I get home from work he is just starting work. He works 4 days on and has 2 days off and on those days off, he works a longer day at his brother-in-laws business. It drives me nuts but I know he is doing it to make sure we have a nice wedding and a good life, but my hope is that he changes his work habits when we have kids.
Anyway, my suggest is to just tell him how much you appreciate his hard worker and the fact that he provides a good life for you and your daughter, but that you would also like to be able to send some quality time with him and as a family. Good Luck!
asked 13 hours ago
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